Title:- Becoming human
Rating:- M
Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara
Warning:- Izaya, blood, violence and yaoi
Summary:- Shizuo didn't want to be a monster anymore, he didn't want his ridiculous strength, he just wanted to be a normal human. Izuo.
Monster
Shizuo
He knew what he was. A monster. Someone who couldn't control his temper. He hated himself for it. Every time, he used violence, every time he hurt someone because he couldn't control himself. He was used to people calling him a monster, used to people running from him scared. He hated it. Why couldn't he just be normal? Why did he have this 'adrenaline strength' as Shinra called it.
He knew when it had started. He had been a kid and his little brother, had tried to eat his pudding. He didn't remember lifting the fridge above his head, but he did remember the extreme pain that shot through him as his bones broke and the guilt of trying to kill his little brother over a pudding, once he had calmed down.
Kasuka forgave him and kept watch over him,with his usual expressionless face. But Shizuo had a short temper and as he continuously used his strength and ended up in hospital again and again, he got stronger. He was able to lift heavier things, without the pain or anything breaking. But that wasn't what he wanted. He didn't want his strength. He didn't want to be violent.
It wasn't just Kasuka he felt guilty about, there was the nice lady in the shop. The one who always smiled and spoke to him. The one that treated him like a normal kid. He had only tried to help her, he knew he could stop the burglars and she would smile at him again. Instead he nearly brought the whole shop down. He could see the woman inside laying down. He had hurt her. He had tried to use his strength to help and he had hurt her.
Eventually he made friends with Tom. Tom wasn't scared of him, so Shizuo was happy he finally had a friend. It was Tom's idea that he dye his hair blond. It would mark him as a delinquent, so no one would piss him off, unless they had a death wish. It worked fine and for a short while Shizuo was okay, not having to use his strength.
That worked up until high school, when Shinra had introduced him to Izaya. Shizuo had agreed reluctantly, he hoped it wouldn't be another person that was scared of him. He waited with Shinra until, he was surrounded by teens. Shizuo lost his temper, throwing each one across the field. When he finally calmed down and realized what he had done, he heard clapping. Shizuo turned to the new teen sitting on the bleachers near Shinra.
The teen in front of him wasn't scared. He looked cocky and confident sitting there clapping. Shizuo took in his black hair and red eyes, immediately he felt an ache in his chest. Shizuo cursed himself inwardly. He felt affection towards him. He already liked him and he didn't know his name. The black haired teen was shorter than him and a lot thinner. Shizuo dreaded getting anywhere near him, he could see the teen in hospital, he didn't want to hurt anyone else.
Shizuo looked the teen over, feeling the raven haired one do the same. "This is Orihara Izaya from my middle school." Izaya. That was the name of his new crush. He listened as Shinra said Izaya was a horrible person. "You're so mean, Shinra." Izaya turned away from him, so he didn't see the light blush across Shizuo's face. This was bad. If he got anywhere near Shizuo, he would get hurt. "I don't like him." Better to end things quickly. "Huh?"Both teens turned back to him. "Oh? That's too bad. I think I could have some fun with you." Damn Shizuo, get your head out of the gutter. "Shut up." Was he blushing? "Don't say that, Shizu-chan." Shizuo snapped aiming a punch at Izaya's head. Another thing to feel guilty about.
To his surprise Izaya dodged, leaving him to smash the bench instead. As he turned, Izaya was there . Shizuo winced backing away and looked down at his torn shirt, there was a line of blood across his chest. He looked up at Izaya, who was smirking at him and pointing a knife at him. Shizuo felt his anger overflow and the next moment he was chasing after Izaya. Izaya was his equal, someone he could hurt, but Izaya could hurt him as well.
Shizuo never admitted his feelings for the other teen. Instead he pretended he hated Izaya, since the raven hated him. He knew it was Izaya who was sending the gangs after him, forcing him to use the violence he hated. But he was still happy when he saw the teen, he just made sure he never showed it. Even after they had graduated, Izaya still came to Ikebukuro to mess with him and Shizuo still chased him.
"Shizu-chan." Shizuo hated that name. It was a girls name, a pet name. One that made Shizuo think Izaya actually cared about him. But the smirk on his face said otherwise. Izaya hated him and was only here to destroy his life. Shizuo let his anger take control ripping the signpost from the ground. "Ah the monster's mad." Izaya giggled at him. Shizuo realized it was Izaya's comments that hurt the most. Kasuka never said anything about his strength, he just watched. Tom accepted it, though sometimes he went too far, throwing tom's clients across streets. But it was always Izaya's words that cut him, much deeper than the raven's knife.
He chased after Izaya throwing anything he could grab. This was usually signposts and vending machines. Izaya dodged them all and Shizuo was glad. He didn't want to hurt Izaya. He didn't want to hurt anyone. "It's been fun Shizu-chan." Izaya disappeared from his sight, their chase was over for today. Izaya would be back tomorrow and again Shizuo would lose control of his temper.
Shizuo made his way back to where he had left Tom. He didn't want to see the damage he had caused. Signposts lay across the ground. He picked on up, trying to straighten it out. But he used too much strength and the post snapped in his hands. He left them alone and didn't try to fix the vending machines. He hated his strength.
He remembered Shinra had kept asking for blood samples or if he could dissect the blond. Shizuo had said no every time. He hated needles. But if it got rid of his strength. If it made him normal? Shizuo pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it as he made his way, back to his employer. He didn't want to be a monster anymore.
Next:- Missing.