The Matrix of Random ness

by FLASH-MAXUS

this is my first Fan Fiction and if you think its weird i dont care i just made it for fun. sorry for any spelling errors or grammarical errors, i did do most of the story at work

THE MATIRX
by Max Lanthier nov/09/04

Note: the characters have many different names so if you lose track of whose talking or forget who's who. That's your fault!

Chapter 1: The introduction to random destruction and scorched colons

/ Neo's pad of late night cyber love, MATRIX STANDARD TIME 2:00pm, Wednesday, MARCHTRIX the 7/2004.

Computer: WAKE UP NEO

the One: ZZZzzZZZzzz

Computer (Pissed off): NEO!!!! WAKE UP YOU DAM LAZY DIPSHIT IT'S TIME FOR WORK!! GEZZZ its 2:01pm on a Wednesday most people are up by now BUT NOOOO YOUR Special YOU'RE THE ONE... Sorry I flared out like that...it's just so hard watching falling code in DOS Screen 3 with only 151 colors all day and I'm tired. Also mad cause Morpheus wouldn't give me a raise and up grade the ship out of Windows 95 to Linux. I say its better and the squids wont detect it BUT stubborn BALD, AGGORGATE, Cock su...and he's right behind me. OH CRAP!

Mr. Clean aka Morphus aka White chocolate : Just tell him to get his cyber punk face to the house in which we do that stuff with those pills BEFORE 3pm or else he's DELTELED YOU HEAR ME NEO!! GONE!! PAST RECYCLE BIN GONE Mr.CL..i mean Morpheus out

Computer: what an I LOVE U VIRUS such a pain

THA Numereo ONO: wha wha i m up what I..I.I.miss

Computer: I'd copy and paste it for you but I'm to tired so just be at "The house in which we do that stuff with those pills BEFORE 3pm "

The one: no problem I'll just fly there runs towards the open window

Computer: NEO NO YOU HAVENT UPLOADED THE I CAN FLY/SUPERMAN. file you cant..

The flattened one: in the air flapping arms loony tunes like I
FORGOT THE CAPEEEEeeee!!! hits the ground...SHHUUMMACCK dam install wizard it didn't work like it said..

/ the house in which we do that stuff with those pills, MATRIX
STANDARD TIME 3:00:01pm, Wednesday, MARCHTRIX the 7/2004.
neo enters the room and sees Morpheus in a chair
Mr. Clean: NEO GOOD TO SEE YOU! meekly audile stupid kid he's a millisecond late if I was Donald trump I'd use those words he says to people he hates..

The One: You're FIRED!!

Mr. Clean: Wait how'd you know that I was going to say that?

Int Num1: I'm the one remember plus everyone says that now it's like DOG! everyone says it so I instantly knew

Buda: whatever just sit down

Int Numero1 (sits down): comfortable chairs where they from?

White chocolate: where not here to talk about how much money I saved on furniture by switching to Leon's. Let's get down to business or whatever people like us do in situations like this

ONEMAN: so why I'm I here? What's my purpose? What's my middle name? What's is what your going to say to me and does it matter. O wait its AlphieMcCloud. And why are you wearing dark Oakley sunglass in a dimly lit room when it's clearly cloudy and foggy outside ?

Cue Ball: SHUT UP KID THATS NOT WHY YOUR HEAR just liste..

Tha ONe: ok

CueBall: SHUT UP!! Now in stead of explaining a lot of bull shit
about how I found you which was made easier by MONSTER.CA; DO THE MONSTER! And your purpose YADDA YADDA YADDA here's your options

(Pulls out a Platinum case)
It's nice isn't it? I'm going to give it to my wife for our anniversary since I've been neglecting her ever since going on the search for the ONE and defending Pieon from the machines..

ONEDERBoy: your straying from the plot, get back on track

MorPHEWus: o sorry.. wait I don't have a wife(throws the case out the window and pulls out a rusty copper box and opens it) In hear you see 3 pills all different colors blue, red and opal and you must choose one since you cant leave..

ONEDERMan: I can leave watch me (gets out of the chair)

MorZeus: PEER PRESURE! PEER PRESURE! EVREYONES TAKENING THEM WHY DON'T YOU? YOU DONT WANT TO BE UNCOOL DO YOU??

LE one: DAM YOUR COMPLEX MIND GAMES!!!!!!

LES one: besides the 3rd pill is seashell by the seashore white not opal take off those useless sunglasses and check you dummy

MorMan: I can't they were glued on to my head by Tankerous after I got drunk and passed out on the couch at the Mayor of Pieons party 3 days ago.. Man that guy can do one fast Keg Stand

TES UNO: again with the plot strayage.. Your making this longer then it should be

Morphezo: ok then in my left hand you see a Red pill; this one pill will show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. It will blow your mind and open it as well. You will see a world of wizards and mushrooms and so on. The Blue is just a normal sleeping pill. If your dumb enough to take it, it will simply knock you out and you'll be dragged out to the alley way dressed up like a teletubby the...

Interrupting One: what is this a frat house hazing cult thing or some high school boys bathroom stall?

Morphelin: ok then just take the seashell by the seashore white pill and you'll join our team or renegade rebels on a ship fighting machines, evil agents and other scary entities while freeing people from the Matrix. Also it will make the third movie nonexistent since it sucked more than Catwomen, Garfield, What Women Want, Jar Jar, Celine Dionne and William Hung!

1man: WO WO WO slow down that movie had its moments and some decent fight scenes

MorphNass: ok ok I guess it wasn't that bad but anyway just take the white pill so we can get on with this shit

ONE-Unit: ok then (takes the pill and swallows it)

MorpheNess: O wait that pill was a suppository you weren't supposed to SWOLLOW IT!!

AfriadOne: O CRACKERS ARE YOU SURE? AM I GOING TO DIE?!? HELP ME GET THE PILL OUT!!!

MorpheusSan: Hold on ill save YOU!!! (grabs a pool cue and hits Neo in the shin..POW!!!)

NeoSan (in obvious pain): OUCH!!! THAT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING

Morpheus141: Sorry it's got a cork centre I'll try again (hits neo in the back of the head..ZIFFF!!!) stupid gullible twit . . .tisk tisk

/ In the Limbo between the Matrix and the real world, MATRIX
STANDARD TIME Infinite pm, Wednesday, MARCHTRIX the 7/2004.

Morpheon: NEooooooooo NEOOOOOOOOooo wake up... your snoring and it PISSING ME OFF... ummm (picks up Neo by his Van Halen t-shirt and smacks him up a litte)

SleepyOne: ARgggg wha where I'm I? Im I dead our did I just get really pasted and follow my power animal into an icy cave where we slid down a icy slope?

Explianeus: NO you dumbshit your in the limbo between the amusement park alter reality you call earth and the REAL underground world of Pieon where the rebel humans live

Stupidone: OOOOoo kind of like waterworld with a smaller budget

Annoyedeus: maybe I hit you to hard with that pool cue

TesUNO: what??

CoverUpeus : nothing ...... anyway I'm here to show you the REAL world (flicks on the TV show a dark apocalyptic hell with giant Covenant walkers, robots walking around selling cheap Spy ware updates, and 16 foot laser shooting furbys) a long long time in the future around 2007 humans mass produced robots to better there lives. But due to that Chaotic robot theory about them becoming smart and killing all humans everyone though was bullshit. WAS BULLSHIT the robots just became super smart, over through there master and harvested the humans for energy. They also created the matrix for the hell of it so they could have some fun.

AmazedOne: So the whole time robots created the earth so the people wouldn't see the real world and become like you Pieoian rebels

Morpheus/baldguy: something like that anyhow were now going to get out of this place and join the rested of the rebel crew as we fly to Pieon in the H.M.R.M.S ( HIS MAYORSHIPES ROYAL MICROSOFT SHIP) NebakaCHOOooerse

One chap: god bless you

M-unit: no that's the name you ahhh forget it (grabs a cellphone that just materialized out of thin air) Tankbot Jack us off this user

FUNNYone: HAHAHAHAahha you said jack of (ZONK!!)

UsermanTankBot: did you have to ZONK him with that pool cue again Morpheman?

Morpheman: yes .. yes I did

/Aboard the H.M.R.M.S NebakaCHOOooerse , PIEON STANDARD TIME::5:39 pm, Friday, MARCHTRIX the 7/2004.

UsermanTankBot: I told you Morman, we should have switched to Linux since that jack out took 2 days! 2 DAYS MORMAN! THAT'S TO LONG! THE War craft game I was downloading took 3 times as long to finish because of your GAY WINDOWS 95!!

Morpheus: DO NOT UNDER OR FOR ANY REASON DISS WINDOWS 95! DON'T MAKE ME PLAY THE MODEM DAIL UP SOUND IN AN IFINITE LOOP OVER THE SHIPS P.A SYSTEM AGAIN!

UsermanTankbot: O GOD NO I TAKE IT BACK !!!! I TAKE IT BACCCCKKKK!!!!

Morpheus: Good, now where is Neo I need to see if I gave him any brain damage after smacking him up with the pool cue

DazedOne: Heyyey Morman whats up or rather whats down. Why is everything inverted and spinning?

Morepheus: o hold on a sec (walks into the control room) DAMIT TRINITY FLY THE SHIP RIGHT AND STOP PLAYING TETRIS!!

Morpheus: there that sloves that problem. Now Neo let me introduce you to the crew. (grabs a phone and presses the intercom button) "YO!! ALL YOU LOWLY MINIUM WAGE PAID SCABS I CALL A CREW REPORT TO THE BRIDGE/LUNCHROOM SO I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO THE NEW GUY!"

/ Minutes later

Morpheus: okay everyone say hi to The guy ummm Neo

SCABCrew: hi neo

ONENEO: hey

Morpheus: ok I'll start the introducing (clears his throat using a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels) as you may know by now Neo I'm Morpheus the crazy captain of this tin foil vessel. I strongly believe in the ONE who can save Pieon from the machines and free the trapped minds of the people in the matrix. The rest of the crew is;

UsermanTankbot is the main computer wiz since he stayed the longest time Pieon University. A record 7 semesters before dropping out with a B.A in Computer Nerdology 101.Version2. He will upload all sorts of fighting crap into your brain via this long, sharp needle that goes through your left foot.

Interrupting One: wouldn't be more or less logical to but it into the back of ones head?

Morpheus: Not true. The Brightest of Pieons scientist discovered that the smartest part of the human body next to the ass is indeed the left foot.

Now back to establishing you with the crew.

Judas is the creepy guy with the bad soul patch who will be betraying us in the near future. He will also try to kill us by order of Agent. Smity in exchange to get put into the Matrix. But were all Oblivious to it.

Mouse is the skinny white guy who servers no real purpose but is a good half decent cook.

Finally there's Trinity who has a freak Leather fetish and is a boy crazy jealous type who can kick like a drunken kangaroo in a night fight. And well that sums up her and the crew

LeatherGirl: yes I do like men and hurting people.. but I like leather more NO I like casing pain more ahahah! (slugs Mouse in the arm PIFF!!). Also rebellious crazy people who know how to neglect a woman. Wait respect? No Dam it!! O well you get it right?

NeoSan: like me (Fonzey cool look) EHHHHH!!!!

LeatherGirl: no more like White Chocolate over there. Yeah that's right I do you on the spot right now if Judas wasn't here

JudaKiss: Hey I'm all for orgies and BETRAIL!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Morpheus: Hey you're supposed to like Neo not me get it straight I've already been with you 12 times already and married three times! You crazy Female

Mouse: Hey lunch is ready Come and Digest it Y'ALL!!

Crew/Neo: All right food! Sweet nourishing Substance!

/ an hour later

Mormanius: Hey where's neo? He left half way trough lunch to go to the can and hasn't come back yet? Is he dead?

Mouse: OOO he wishes he had 3 plates full of my 5 Dorito Pot Pie, I guess I should have told him what would happen he ate it all

UsermanTankbot: YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR INFAMOUS HOLY ST THAT'S SPICY COLON BUSTER POT PIE god you could have killed him!

Morman: He's going to feel a whole lot lighter after he's done with that load

LeatherGirl: I remember when had it I spent 5 hours on the can it felt like I was pushing out hundreds of triangle shaped peppers coated in Tabasco and sent on fire!

the bathroom door opens and the Fiery demonic smell of SpicyHot gas blasts out ward threw the ship, killing several lab raccoons and melting a ten gallon foam Dallas Cowboys hat

MalodorousOne: (looking pasty, white, perspiring and in pain that cant be described) O MY GOD WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME!! I FEEL LIKE I JUST PASSED A BLAZING MONSTER THAT ATE ONLY HIGHLY SPICED MEXICAN AND THAI FOOD AND SPONTAINIESLY COMBUSTED INSIDE MY COLON!

END OF CHAPTER ONE FOOL!!

CHATPER 2 COMING SOON AS I START WRITING IT !!