Mayhem Tag, sort of!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its associated characters etc. If I did then Prentiss would have got to jump Hotch by now! No profit is being made yadda yadda! Basically, please don't sue me!
Summary: This is basically Hotch's thoughts on Mayhem, if he and Prentiss were in a secret relationship at the time. I know it's a bit weird, but so am I, so it's not really surprising!
I felt so helpless. I could hear him. He said to you . . . he said "I told you not to put me in this position!" And then he hit you, and you cried out, and I felt physically sick. All I wanted to do was come in there and get you. And then he hit you, no kicked you, I think. And you cried out again. I was determined then we were coming in. I even pulled off my headphones and said so, but Dave said no, he said "We'd be risking everyone in there" and I knew he was right. Even if we came in we had no guarantee of getting to you before he killed you. And it made me feel so powerless, that I couldn't even protect the woman I love from a monster like that. But I kept listening, I heard him tell you to get up. I heard the glass smash. I heard the sick bastard quoting the Bible at you. I knew immediately that you weren't talking to him. Dave had to point it out to Morgan, he thought you were antagonizing him. But I knew you were talking to me, telling me not to come in. I knew what you meant, I knew you didn't want us to risk everyone for you, but it didn't make it any easier to listen to him bouncing you off walls. To listen to you hurting and know that there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it! "Pride comes before a fall!" But you are the most self less and amazing person I know. You would never let your pride interfere in anything you do. You give yourself completely to everything, to everyone. That's why I knew you could take it. But it still hurt so much, to stand there and listen. Morgan and Dave took off their headphones, they didn't want to listen to you suffering, knowing there was nothing to be done. But I couldn't . . . I couldn't let you suffer alone like that. I had to listen. Just like I'd had to put Dave in charge of the negotiation, because I knew I was too involved. But I knew that he could be objective enough to do the job, but would never consider you and Reid to be acceptable losses in a minimal loss scenario. That's why I had to stay out; I knew I couldn't come in there. I knew I would never be able to keep my head. It took all my strength not to just gather you up in my arms when you walked out. But with everyone there, I knew you wouldn't thank me in the long run! But watching you hugging Reid, I really wished that I had that freedom. The freedom to show the world just how much I love you!
I looked down at the woman I held in my arms, the woman whose naked body was pressed up against mine, the woman who had fallen asleep during my gushing outburst. And I smiled, pressed a kiss to her head and whispered "I love you" into her hair. Before allowing myself to drift into sleep, knowing that, for the moment at least, she was alive and safe in my arms.