Chapter 1: Chapter 1
"Tell me about it mama." My seventeen-year-old daughter, Libby, begged me. I looked at her and fought the urge to say no. For her whole life, she had asked me to tell her why she doesn't have two grandmas, and I just couldn't answer her.
From the age of eighteen, I hated my ma. She always treated me right, never hit me, never let no one touch me in the wrong way. Most people criticized mama. At first, I couldn't do it…but then I got older, and I realized, I couldn't turn my daughter out the way she did to me.
I remember the day it happened, just like it was yesterday…
"I looked in the mirror, but I couldn't smile. I had never looked like this before…a beautiful dress, a lovely locket around my neck, and gorgeous high heels…never in my 18 years of living, had I ever felt so beautiful…but there was something else there too…something else I had never felt.
Skanky. I felt Skanky. I knew this was wrong, but mama said it was the only way I could get away from this hellhole o' livin'. I didn't wanna end up like my ma, living in a one-room shack, on the outskirts of New Orleans.
I guess you could say we were squattin'. We didn't have no money for food or rent, but there was no one came to check on the shack, so we figured we could stay there for a while. A while turned into months, and months into years. Before I knew it, I'd spent sixteen years in that place…me, my mama, my pa, and my little sister.
But no matter how much money we had, mama always tried to get me the nicest things."
Haley smiled at the fond memory.
"The red dress in your closet?" Libby asked her mama, biting her lip as she spoke. She didn't want to interrupt and ask questions, god knows she'd waited long enough to hear this story, but she wanted to know.
"That's right." Haley smiled gently. "It's the last thing my mama ever gave me. Along with this." Haley felt around her neck.
"My friends used to call me fancy…'Cause I always wanted the nicest things, and I always said that I would be rich some day. My mama was talking to me about havin' that big fancy life the day she turned me out. She washed and combed and curled my hair, painted my eyes and lips…and then she got out the dress. I didn't know what to say…I loved it…but I knew something was wrong. I put on the dress, and mama started tellin' me what was happenin'.
I stood in front of the lookin' glass, and I remember exactly what mama said to me. She said 'Here's your one chance-"
"Your song." Libby said quietly. "You said you wrote it from a movie." Haley smiled sadly and shook her head.
"I thought you were too little to understand." She stroked the side of her daughters face. "I should have told you a long time ago about your grandma, and I'm sorry." She let a tear slide across her cheek, as she carried on with her story.
"So as I was saying, she just kept telling me, this was my one chance, and not to let her down. She thought she was makin' my life better." Haley looked down to her knees, and felt the greatest comfort when she felt her teenage daughters hand on her shoulder/
"I saw her crying. I remember…I remember the sound of the breath she took, and the way she said it to me. She said 'Your pa's runned off, and I'm real sick and the baby's gonna starve to death.' That's when she gave me the locket." Haley let her hand reach up and pulled the locket over her head. She turned it over and showed her daughter the inscription.
"I guess she thought having this would keep me from going off track. To thyne own self be true. I just remember asking mama what to do…and she said…she said just be nice to the gentlemen, fancy, and they'll be nice to you. I knew exactly what she meant. I was so scared, but I knew it got lots of money. I'd have a better life than my ma. I wouldn't have to do it long, just until I could get some money, a place to live and some nice clothes to get a job. I didn't realize I'd have to sleep on the streets unless I got a fine gentlemen customer every night.
I ain't seen mama since I left…I couldn't see no way out. I knew what I had to do, and I promised that I'd be a lady someday, but didn't have no plans of how to do it. I just knew I couldn't live like this…I walked around with my head lookin' down. I was ashamed of myself…and I didn't know how to change."
"You changed now though mama." Libby smiled. "You're not that lady anymore."
"I know baby girl." Haley kissed the top of her head. "I know." She whispered.
"I met a few high up people. More money than sense…then your daddy came. He took me in off the street. It was like straight out of the movies. He helped me to get straight. He let me live with him, and he gave me a job. We started to date, and I told him all about my mama. He's the only person I ever met who didn't criticize her.
I did. I hated what she did to me, and so did everyone who knew. They didn't think she should have done it, thought we could have made our lives better another way. I ain't had to worry about anything since I met your daddy. Not one thing, and I love him so much."
Haley smiled widely. "We got married, I got pregnant…and now here we are, seventeen years later."
"Didn't you ever wanna go see your mama?" Libby asked her, as Haley took her daughters hands and looked to the floor. By now, both ladies had tear stained cheeks, but she knew she had to answer all of Libby's questions.
"I did." Haley nodded. "I realized, after a while, that mama was just lookin' out for me." She sighed. "I looked for my family once too. I didn't tell anyone, not even your daddy."
"When?" Libby asked, her big brown eyes shining.
"A few years after you were born. Pa died a long time ago." She looked to her knees. "I don't remember much of him, but I wish I could have been at his funeral. I wish I could have said goodbye one last time." She sobbed. "Welfare took my sister. Katie, her name was. My little sister Katie. I want to find her." She looked to Libby. "I want to find her, and tell her all about what happened. That no matter what, our mama loved us." She looked right in Libby's eyes. "If you ever, ever need anything, promise me you won't end up like that." She looked to her daughter. "Promise me that you will come to me, or your pa, no matter what it is." She could see the tears in Libby's eyes, but she couldn't help but do this. She needed to know that her daughter wouldn't turn out the way she almost did – the way her mother did.
"I promise Mom." Libby nodded. "I come to you 'bout everything." She promised. "That's why I came to you today." The young lady stood up. "I couldn't go to school before I talked to you." She sighed.
"I thought you were sick?" Haley looked skeptically at her daughter. "Come on tell me what's going on." She patted the couch. "You know I don't bite."
Libby took a deep breath. "I…You know I've been seein' Duke…" She looked to Haley, who simply nodded. "Well we've been…well…you know…" Libby turned her hand in circles as a motion to describe her words.
"You have?" Haley's eyes widened. Libby bit her lip and nodded. "And have you…wow…have you been using some form of protection?" She asked quickly, before Libby bit her lip once more, a trait inherited from her mother.
"See here's the thing…we were using condoms-"
"Were? What do you mean were, Libby? Did I not educate you enough about-"
"Mom!" Libby groaned. "You always interrupt me! Will you please hear me out?" She asked, shocking Haley completely. "Thank you." She replied, when her mother nodded. "Well, see a couple of weeks ago, remember you guys went to dinner, but I had too much homework?" She questioned.
"I do…" Haley squinted, wondering if her daughter had lied about schoolwork, just so she could see her boyfriend.
"Well…I finished early, and went on facebook, anyway, Duke ended up coming over…but we didn't have anything…" She bit her lip. "So we went looking…and we found some condoms." She explained. "But they weren't…I mean…they weren't the having sex ones." She blushed. Haley's eyes widened.
"And where in this house did you find those?" She asked immediately, knowing she and Nathan had never used flavoured condoms.
"Um..." Libby looked around. "I don't wanna get-"
"Where?" Haley asked more firmly. She moved her hand to her head, when she heard her daughter say that they were in her fifteen year old son's room. "Alright…" She sighed. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"
"No." Libby bit her lip. "I mean, yeah, but no. I…well they're thinner…" She blushed. "And…and it broke."
Haley stood up and turned away from her daughter. "Are you pregnant?" She asked immediately.
"Mom…"
"I asked you a question." Haley repeated, turning around. "Are you pregnant?"
"I.." Libby was now streaming with tears, unable to stop them. "I don't know." She swallowed. "I'm scared mama. I'm real scared."
"Shit." Haley cursed. "Why did you let me talk all about my mama?" She asked her daughter. "Why didn't you just stop me and tell me then?"
"I…I wanted to know." Libby said quietly. "You never talk about her…I wanted to know." She said honestly, before standing up. "Are you gonna turn me out like she did?" Haley didn't even have a chance to think about what she was doing as her hand flew across her daughter's cheek.
"Don't you dare." She said angrily. "Don't you ever think that I would do that to any of my children!" Libby held her cheek and was now hysterical, as she turned away from Haley.
"I…" Haley took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry; I never should have done that." She told Libby. "I just…I have no excuse."
"It's okay." Libby managed to squeak out. "I know you didn't mean it."
"Oh I meant it." Haley told her. "But I shouldn't have done it."
"Oh." Libby looked down. "Mama…will you…I mean…I got some stuff…but I'm afraid. I don't wanna do it alone." She looked down, as she breathed quietly.
"I will." Haley nodded. "I'll stay with you." She sighed, remembering how scary it was the first time she took one. Of course, she was married and a lot older than seventeen.
"Thank you mama." Libby enveloped her arms around the older blonde. "I love you."
"I love you too baby. " Haley kissed her daughters temple. "And I'm gonna be here for you, no matter what, like I know my mama would have been for me, had we been a little better off."
"She should have been there anyway." Libby said, still holding her mother. "Money doesn't matter, just that your mama loved you." Haley's heart stung at those words. She knew her mama loved her, but times were different then. She wouldn't have had a life at all if it wasn't for her ma…she knew that now.
"It's her birthday today." Haley whispered. "That's why I was thinkin' 'bout her." Libby pulled away and looked at her ma.
"Maybe…maybe once we find out about…about me then…then we can talk to daddy about findin' her again?" She suggested. "I know you miss her."
"I do baby." Haley stroked her daughter's hair. "I do."