A/N: This came from a meme on LiveJournal where you put your iPod on shuffle, and write a ficlet for the first ten songs that popped up. It can be any fandom, any pairing, whatever you want, but you only have the length of the song to write it. This drabble was done using the song "Outside" by Staind.
None of it made any sense, in the long run.
Why Allen cared so much as to save him, back then, to embrace him in gentle arms and whisper kindness into his ear. All the while Lavi beating him like a misbehaved dog, that purple tattoo under his eye a symbol of his loss of control.
Lavi still has nightmares about it. Being trapped on the outside of himself, watching this misinterpretation of Deke beating down on Allen and watching Allen take every hit for fear of hurting him.
Looks at himself in the mirror in the mornings and wonders, "Am I really worth saving?"
Bookman. Alone, neutral, isolated from the world to observe. Not even just the Bookmen in general bothered him; it was Lavi himself. When he looks at his reflection he sees not something worth rescuing, not someone that deserves Allen's love and affection. He sees into himself and thinks, "I'm ugly. I'm ugly and I don't deserve it. My soul is damaged beyond repair."
Still. Allen followed him to the ends of the earth, to the end of time, to save him from his own tortured soul.
Lavi, Deke, Bookman… whatever he may be, Allen loved him. Allen loved him for his smile and his laugh and not for that demented, twisted darker personality that resides within.
Lavi realizes that it's because Allen is, in reality, as ugly as himself.