I looked around the un-familair room.
"Where am I"
This wasn't something that usually happens to me. Do I party? Yes. Do I sometimes have a few too many to drink? Of course.
But not once did I wake up in a strange place and not remember how I got there. I glanced at the clock sitting on the nightstand next to me, it read 9:00. "Damn" I thought. "I'm late for work". I hurried for the door, and on my way saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I was still wearing my work clothes from last night, at last I figured I was wearing it last night, everything was still very hazy. As I left the bedroom and headed towards the exit, I noticed something. This house.
I've been here before. Lots of times come to think of it. This is Lily and Marshalls apartment! Just then Marshall came through the door. "Lily! I'm home!" But to his suprise he found me instead. He looked shocked at first, then annoyed, "Barney, what in the world are you doing here"
"I...I don't actually--" I began to stutter.
"You know what, its good your here, I need someone to talk to." He sounded pretty desperete. I was about to ask what was wrong but before I could he was already explaining. "Lily called me last night in tears, I was staying at work late because SOMEBODY bailed on the last minute. I asked her why she was so upset and all she managed to say was 'I'm sorry Marshall, I'm sorry"
Just then, Lily burst through the door. She didn't see me at first, and ran towards Marshall for a hug. "Lilypad, what happened last night? Is it because you didn't get the groceries? Cause I don't mind at all." She quickly replied, "No, no of course not.
I just--" She released herself from their embrace and saw me out of the corner of her eye. Here puppy dog eyes quickly turned to ice. I could tell in an instant that she wanted nothing to do with me but Marshall seemed oblivious "Lily, what happened? Aren't you going to tell me? All I want is--"
"Marshall hold on." She interupted then grabbed me by my collar and dragged me back to the bedroom.
"What the hell is wrong with you? This suit is 100% leather"
"Barney, I don't care about your damn suit right now! After what happened last night, I don't think you should be around here for a while. You know what, how bout you forget about all of yesterdays...events...for now. I wanna be the one to tell Marshall. You got that?"
"Lil? i have absolutly no clue what your talking about. I can't remember anything at all about last night"
"Good"
"No, Lil, not good. Tell me what happened last night"
"Nothing happened"
"Oh, come one! I exclaimed as Lily walked out with me following behind her as the phone rang. Lily ran to get it which left me and Marshall alone in the living rooom once again. "So...?" Marshall asked.
"What?" I replied "What were you and Lily talking about back there? Was it about why she was crying last night"
I told him no and his face dropped but he continued on, "So it was about your latest conquest then"
"Huh?" is all I managed to reply.
"You called me last night, a little after Lily did actually, and said you, quote unquote 'finally did that chick' "
"Man" I thought, "What seems like such a great night and I can't even remember it"
Just then another thought occured to me.
"I slept with Lily"
Was I wrong? I had to be...no, no I can't be wrong. I'm never wrong.
"How could Lily let this happen?" I thought, "I expect it from myself but not from her." Lilys right, no one can find out.
If Marshall ever knows he'll be crushed, then he'll crush me. And Ted will probably help him, he was mad enough when I slept with his ex-girlfriend, let alone his best friends wife. Well, second best friends wife. But they'll be mad--they'll get over it. Just like with me and Robin.
Robin.
Shes gonna hate me.
Marshall snapped me out of my thoughts, "So...tell me about her"
"I..Umm...yeah, last night was awesome, She was awesome"
"What did she look like"
"Not like Lily, thats for sure!" I laughed, then tried to cover up my horrible attempt at a lie, "She was blonde, a hairdresser, goes to community college, over 21 of course, spent the last summer in Mexico, and has a summer home in the Bahamas"
"I don't believe you" Marshall replied.
I could barley speak, "Why, why not?"
He laughed and said, "You never know that much about any girl you sleep with"
Then, Lily ran in from the other room. "Marshall, I REALLY need to talk to you now"
Marshall immediatly jumped out of his seat, "About last night or the phone call you just got"
"Both...Barney, I would like it if you left"
Without a word I left their apartment and headed over to McLarens. I figured I'd go over there, have some drinks, and think of all the possible ways that my friends would try to kill me. I couldn't believe that I had broken the bro code...again.
I walked into the bar and ordered a drink, the same as I always get. I was about to sit down in our usual booth when my phone rang. I hesitated to answer at first but when I saw who was calling I immediatly picked up. "Hey Robin"
"Hi Barney" She sounded unusually cheerful, guess she hadn't heard the news yet. She continued on, "Do you thing we could meet later? You know, just the two of us?" I was a little confused but would never pass up a chance to spend time with her. "Yeah, i mean, I'd ask to see you now but I'm busy"
I had to make her suffer for me a little, after all the suffering I do for her.
"Oh, well I didn't mean now. I know your at work"
Work? Damn, I forgot...Oh, well Robin went on, "So is tonight at like 8:00 good"
"Sure, Meet at McLarens"
"Alright, and Barney, thanks again"
"For what?" I asked but she had already hung up the phone. I sat down to have a few drinks and before I knew it, Marshall was sitting down beside me.
"Hey Barney"
"Marshall? Dude, what are you doing? I thought you and Lily needed to talk"
"Yeah, that was like three hours ago"
"Oh, right, I must've lost track of time...So Lily told you everything"
"Everything"
"What exactly did she say?" I questioned, deliberatly trying to find out what the hell hapened last night, "And aren't you mad at me?"
"Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you? I should be thanking you"
I searched for the words to say, was he being serious or sarcastic? Like Ted was the night he found out me and Robin--
"Anyway, Lily sat me down and explained everything that happened. She said"
FLASHBACK
"Now that Barneys finally gone I guess I can tell you.....You know how my credit is...sort of bad" Lily asked.
"Yeah, Lily, but we can work through it, we always work through it. And with both of us having steady jobs, we'll--"
"That's the thing"
"...What?"
"Marshall I, I got fired. From teaching"
Marshall just stood there, not knowing what to say. So Lily continued on, "It's not like I did anything wrong, they just had to lay some people off...and I was one of them. That's why I was crying on the phone, I felt--feel, so bad. Its MY credit, its ME who lost her job. Your doing all you can while I mess everything up. I really am sorry Marshall"
"Lily, listen to me. Don't ever feel that way, you and me are a team, and I've made plenty of mistakes too. Baby, its okay, we'll find a way to get through this"
"Marshall, wait, theres more. I was so upset last night after that phone call that I went down to McLarens to have some drinks.
I called up Robin and told her to meet me there and after a while Barney showed up too"
"Barney was at the bar?! He left work early because his uncle was having an operation"
END OF FLASHBACK
"I can't believe you lied about your uncle!" Marshall exclaimed.
I ignored him and asked, "Marshall, whats the rest of the story"
"You were there, you know the rest"
"Just...tell me"
"Okay, okay. So you told Lily you could get her a job and...it worked! They called this morning, Lily's so happy, thanks Barney!
Oh, hey Robin"
I turned around and there she was. Looking as beautiful as ever. She sat down across from me when Marshall said, "I'll leave you two alone. Thanks again Barney"
I'm guessing Lily didn't mention the part where we slept together...Then Robin spoke and interupted my thoughts, "Last night was...amazing"
"Why? What did you do last night?" I asked, wondering what it could of been that had been so exciting.
She laughed, thinking I was joking, and replied, "Come on Barney...Anyway, why I called you here was because, well, Now I know that your not much for relationships, and neither am I, really. But...I think we can make this work. You know, If you want to"
"Huh?" I culd barley speak.
"I understand if you don't want anything serious, but, before you decide, I want you to know that I...I love you." At first she seemed tense to say it but as the words escaped her lips she seemed at ease, "I love you Basrney Stinson.
Immediatly, all the events from the night before came rushing back to me.
-Me meeting Lily and Robin at the bar
-Seeing how upset SHE was that her best friend lost her job
-Me, trying--and succeding, mind you, in getting Lily a new teaching job.
...And then Lily fell asleep on the couch, which left me and Robin alone.
FLASHBACK
"Seems like your a pro at getting people jobs. First me, now Lily. How do you do it?" Robin asked sweetly
"Ah, please" was my reply.
"Really Barney, you are somethin'"
"I know, but when your as awesome as me, these sort of things come easy"
She smiled and I couldn't help but to smile back at her.
Then something strange happened. She walked up to me, grabbed my hand, and said, "You know, I never knew you were this sweet. With helping Lily, and last week seeing how good you were with your mom,
it...its, really nice to see this side of you, although, of course I love the awesome, legendary side of you as well"
"Love?" I thought to myself, hoping she meant it as it sounded to me.
Then I did something unorthodox, something I'v been wanting to do since I layed in that hospital bed after the bus hit me.
I pulled her close to me and kissed her.
But she pulled away. "Barney, no, I can't" she stuttered "I love you"
She looked at me in awe, not seeming scared but skeptical, "You say that to every girl"
I responded, "But I don't mean it with EVERY girl...I mean it with yo--"
The next thing I knew she kissed me.
We made out all over the apartment.
...But when I woke up in the morning she was gone.
END OF FLASHBACK
So I didn't sleep with Lily! I slept with Robin!!This is awesome! Wait, but why was Lily mad at me? Oooh, right, shes always mad at me when I sleep with a girl in her apartment.
Then, the girl of my dreams once again interupted my train of thought, "Barney, that wasn't easy for me to say, but it literally feels right saying it. So"
"Robin, I, I love you too"
We both smiled and I leaned in to kiss her when I heard someones voice behind me. "So you two love each other, huh"
I tured around and to both mine and Robins suprise, saw Ted standing there.
I looked at Teds face trying to figure out how he was feeling. I tried to read his expression but it was useless. Was he angry? Was he upset? I couldn't tell.
It took him a few seconds to reply, but it felt like hours to me. I couldn't lose my best friend, not again, if even for a few days.
Finally, he spoke, "Thats great! Although I hate to admit it, you two actually make a pretty cute couple. Robin, congrats!
Barney, your in a relationship? What the hell??" Ted laughed and although I didn't find anything funny, I breathed a sigh of relief and laughed along with him. "so your really not mad?" Robin asked questioningly.
"No, of course not. When my best friend and my ex had meaningless sex with each other I was mad. But if your in love, that changes everything"
Robin sighed and looked at me, "I'm so glad, aren't you"
"Totally! He called me his BEST friend! Take that Marshall"
Ted and Robin smiled and we all sat down for some drinks...