I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down.
The seventeen-year old paced her bedroom nervously, occasionally running her hand through her unruly curls. Her breathing was uneven and miniscule droplets of sweat had already begun to form on the nape of her neck. She halted the pacing randomly, feeling nauseous, and grabbed onto her desk for support as her knees betrayed her and threatened a collapse on the soft floor of her room.
"Why me?" Her voice was timid and small, barely above a whisper. It was hoarse too, from crying all afternoon. At the sound of her own voice, a new set of tears were at risk of falling. She slid down to the ground and told herself not to cry. Told herself that crying wasn't even worth it anymore.
"Gabriella!" The boy with the brilliant blue eyes called for her. She turned around, her eyes sparkling at the sound of his voice speaking her name. He enveloped her in a warm hug and kissed the top of her head gently. She beamed.
"I haven't seen you all day," he whispered in her ear, before kissing it tenderly.
"I know, my day has sucked without you." She pouted up at him while absentmindedly drawing invisible shapes with her finger on his chest. She loved looking into his eyes. They made her feel as if taking a chance was capable; they made her feel as if not knowing what tomorrow held was okay. They made here feel that even though the future was uncertain, some things would never change. She liked having that constant in her life.
"We're still on for tomorrow night, right?" She smiled coyly up at him while drawing little hearts on his chest.
He stopped smiling and a look of guilt crossed his face. "Babe, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. Dad scheduled an extra practice between just the two of us tomorrow. If I had remembered, I would have canceled it. God, I'm such an idiot…" He stepped away from her slightly and nervously scratched the back of his neck.
She didn't try to hide her disappointment. It pained her that practice would always come before her. That was just the way it was though, it was the way it would always be. Basketball wasn't just his hobby – it was his passion, his job, his future. So she gave him her signature smile of sympathy and soothingly patted his shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay. We'll hang out another time, right?"
He smiled down at her shyly. "Definitely Gabs." He leaned down and kissed her softly, and as she attempted to deepen the endearing action, he pulled away.
"I love you, you know that right?" He was looking at her face but it felt like his eyes were somewhere else. He was looking at her but not really seeing her.
"I know. I love you too Troy."
And it's taken me this long baby but I've figured you out.
To think, he had actually looked her in the eye and told her he loved her without even blinking. He had told a lie to her face without even breaking a sweat. If he could lie, anyone could. If he could tell her the three most important words anyone would ever hear in their life, any other person could lie about anything else.
She felt dizzy. Even though she was already resting on the soft carpet, she still felt like she was going to fall. She wanted to fall. She wanted to fall and fall into a deep hole and once she landed, she would curl up in the fetal position and just cry and cry and cry until she had no more tears left. And then maybe life could go on. Maybe.
But until then she didn't want this. She hated feeling alone. Even though she knew she had countless friends and a mother who would support her through anything, she still felt as if something had been yanked violently out of her gut.
The two teens sat silently in the truck as the rain poured outside on the pavement in the cool spring weather. A heavy, awkward feeling hung in the air inside the vehicle. The boy, his eyes cold and glazed over, had his hands gripped tightly on the wheel even though the car was set in neutral. The girl, whose exotic features were normally outlined by a cheery countenance, sat solemnly facing away from him, watching the tiny droplets of rain slide down the window. They sat like that for quite some time.
"It's not a big deal Gabriella. I don't know why you always exaggerate."
She didn't say a word. She knew if she spoke, her voice would tremble and quiver, betraying her true feelings.
"She's just a girl I had a fling with a long time ago. Before I even met you. I swear, we were just talking. Please don't make it a big deal when you and I both know its not."
He was convincing her with his smooth and gentle words and she didn't even realize it. His lies were woven flawlessly into his expressions and she couldn't even tell them from the truth anymore.
"You're mad now, I know. But don't make any rash decisions while you are mad Gabriella, please. I-I…I'd hate to lose you."
The two of them both knew that he couldn't lose her even if he tried. She loved him too damn much.
"I'm so sorry that it looks like this. You have to trust me though. I love you Gabriella."
She finally looked at him. This was the ideal moment to end things. This was her chance to stop the pain. But then she saw those eyes. Those eyes could make her do anything in the world. They begged and pleaded with her. She was already a goner.
"I love you too Troy. I believe you."
This is the last straw, don't wanna hurt anymore.
It was her fault. As she lay on the ground quietly, staring up at the ceiling, she realized it. She was always so naïve; always so innocent. He took advantage of her. He used her youthful behavior to his benefit. She had innumerable opportunities to end it before things got worse but she couldn't bring herself to do it. He was her first love and she thought love was supposed to be about trust and loyalty. She had always stayed loyal to him. Even during those lonely nights, when she would get a call inviting her to a party that would no doubt end up in her hooking up with some random guy. She always declined. She stayed home and watched romantic comedies. She studied for quizzes. She caught up on reading. She did anything that would keep her mind off of temptation. Because everyone was tempted at one time or another. But did Gabriella Montez ever become unfaithful? No. Gabriella was the good little girl who got good grades and never did anything wrong.
And yet somehow, it was decided that she deserved this.
She ran out of the house, literally running with everything she had in her. Her lungs burned for air but she refused to stop.
"Gabriella, wait!"
He was running behind her, much faster than her obviously, tugging his previously discarded shirt onto his toned body.
She didn't stop but he caught up to her anyways and held her arm to prevent her from further movement. She didn't try to escape his hold. She just turned around and faced him, a bitter look in her eyes.
"What?"
"Please, you don't understand. She and I-I…we were just—"
She slapped him hard across the cheek. His lies wouldn't work anymore. His fake stories and his excuses had long ago stopped having their effect on her.
She spun around on her heel, leaving him behind.
Could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold.
Now she was in her bedroom and the daylight was fading quickly. She wanted to sleep. Sleep would bring the pain to an end, she knew. But there was a knock at her door. Her mother was out for the evening so she would be required to answer.
The teenager sulked down stairs. She slowly opened the mahogany door, already knowing who it was.
There he stood, in all his glory. His hair was tousled and his lips were swollen. He made her sick.
He didn't offer a greeting and he didn't ask to come inside. He just begged her and begged her to take him back.
"Please Gabi, you have no idea how much you mean to me. I need you. I can't live without you." The bullshit spilled out of his mouth like water out of a broken glass.
She stared at him, tuning his words out. He was her first love and somewhere along the way, her foolishness had hoped he would be her last love as well. She had jumped over hurtles for him, she had made sacrifices for him. And in return, all she got was the image of him in bed with some random girl she didn't even know.
She could take him back. Maybe this time around things would be different, now that he knew she wasn't a force to be reckoned with.
But somewhere deep inside her, she knew that love wasn't worth the trouble unless you had someone to love you back. And she knew he didn't love her.
"I'm so sorry." He ended his plea and looked back at her with tears in his eyes. She was brought back to earth with his conclusion and it was clear he was waiting for a response.
"Let's pretend for a second that I'm not a gullible idiot, shall we? And let's look at the facts. You lied to me, cheated on me, and did God knows what else behind my back. You had the chance to tell me the truth multiple times, but you didn't and you continued to sneak around with my knowing. You made promises to me and somehow," she began to chuckle bitterly. "Somehow, you thought it would be okay to tell me you loved me even if you didn't mean it. I think it's very safe to say that you aren't sorry. You can say it over and over again and it isn't going to change anything. And the sad thing is, I'm going to move on and someday, I'm gonna find someone who's gonna love me and stay loyal to me. But you? All you will have left is empty promises and a handful of sorrys."
She didn't look up at him once she was finished. She didn't want to see his eyes or his expression. She wanted to forget about him the moment she had first seen him today. So Gabriella Montez closed the door, locked it, went up to her room, and fell asleep.
You're not sorry anymore.