Hello, class. I am Professor Jonathan Crane, and I shall be your substitute while Mr. Foster has taken ill.
No, Mr., uh, Jones, is it? No, you may not call me Professor Ichabod. How in the hell has that managed to stick for so long?
Stop laughing. Stop it.
You may open your books to page fifty-three. When properly mixed, these colorless chemicals will take on a slight pinkish hue, as demonstrated here in the specimen I have taken the effort to prepare ahead of time. As you can see, a flocculent suspension has also been formed which-
Oh fu-dge.
All right then. I'll just, uh, cover that up with some paper towels and see to getting Mr. Foster a replacement tube later. You are all wearing shoes, yes? Good.
Get to work, get to work. I have papers to grade, but if you feel you are incapable of following a simple set of instructions you may ask for assistance.
Yes, Miss... Millington?
No, I do not believe the fume hoods are an absolute necessity. Never used such a silly contraption myself. Carry on, carry on.
Damn noisy place to grade papers. Why doesn't Foster assign them new lab partners if they insist on jabbering so much while they work?
Focus, focus.
Ah, Mr. Ellsworth, how I look forward to seeing what new drivel you will come up with.
"How Attention Seeking Patterns Drive the Social Development of Children"
Amusing, to think that attention is the primary motivation for a child. Did I not explain very clearly how they are driven by the fear of abandonment, of the unknown, of failure?
What is it now, Mr., um, whatever your name is?
Good heavens! How did you manage that?
Yes, those are some cough impressively noxious fumes. cough Does Mr. Foster happen to keep a fan somewhere?
Never mind. Out the door!
Yes, I am aware that this is a very narrow hallway. We needn't stay long, just give it a little time to diffuse into the air and then we can-
Oh. Good morning, Dr. Long. The students and I were just, uh, stretching our legs in the hallway. No no no don't open that-
cough cough cough
Of course not. cough It was cough, it was cough, well, I don't remember cough which one it was. cough You really think that I cough would create something so foul?
Author's Notes: Just something silly that came to me in the style of one-way dialog/monolog. Inspired by his clumsiness on the Animated Series which keeps getting him gassed with his own toxin.