Once upon a time there was a narrator who took it upon herself to screw up every story she could get her hands on. With complete and utter disregard for the opinions of others, authors and fans alike, she made it her mission to corrupt any good plot line or character development she had the means to. With the help of her tech-savvy computer and her skills of destroying anything she put her mind to, she quickly set to work on annoying the crap out of everybody. These are her stories.

The stage was dark, partially because the electricity was out and partially because it was 2 am.

Carly had been on vacation for the past week, but Freddy and Sam hadn't told their parents because they still went over to the house together. Alone.

The two had told their parents that they were at a sleepover, but not the same one. In reality, they were both in Carly's room, on the set of iCarly.

"I don't know why you insisted on bringing the camera," Sam said to Freddy.

"Video evidence, baby," Freddy wiggled his eyebrows ludely.

Sam giggled. "Oh, Freddy Weddy Diddy Doody kins. You's so sweetie-weetie."

"Oh, talk dirty to me, baby," Freddy smiled.

"Your shoes. Your hair. Your breath. Your humor," Sam began listing ditzily.

"Baby, you are so hot when you are stupid." Freddy threw Sam onto the hood of the car. Suddenly, the car alarm went off.

Sam and Freddy jumped off in shock. "What did we do? It never did that before."

"I had it installed a few hours ago," a dark voice said from the shadows. Spencer cantered out of the corner, smiling evilly at the teens.

"Busted," Freddy groaned. "You weren't s'posta be back till Tuesday."

"I know," Spencer said, pointing at the ceiling.

"Then why are you back so soon?" Freddy asked.

Spencer opened his mouth to speak, then stopped and put his finger to his chin, rolling his eyes up. "I don't know. The narrator wasn't creative enough to give me a reason."

"Not true!" the narrator protested, "I just didn't want to give Carly cancer."

Spencer picked up an ax that randomly appeared in his hand. "Any last words?"

"Kiss me. K-k-kiss me," Freddy said, stepping in front of Sam to protect her.

Sam sat on the floor and began to cry. "I knew you were cheating on me!"

Freddy and Spencer began to make out. Carly burst into the room, pieces of tape on her wrists and ankles. "Spencer, no!" She stopped dead when she saw them kissing. Her face contorted in that way it did when she was thoroughly confused. "Huh?"

Sam ran to the window. "I can't live without you, Freddy! Goodbye cruel world!" And she threw herself out the window, farting the whole way down.

"What the mess?" Carly cried, unable to look away from her brother and her best friend.

"Carly, go play in the street with your dead friend. We men have some business to take care of." Spencer ordered, engulfing Freddy's face with his lips.

Carly stared in horror, then ran from the room, clawing at her eyes.

"I'll never leave you again." Freddy swore, "I love you, Spencer."

"I love you, Freddy."

And the kissing couple floated away, through the ceiling, through the clouds, never to be judged by hateful eyes again.

Let this be a lesson to you all.

The End