Dear Diary,
Today Liam's coming home with the boys! He's been off touring and promoting Up All Night. I'm so proud to see how far he's come but it's getting difficult, With school, Not seeing Liam and it just being me and Mum. I'm honestly so glad he's coming back, I don't know how long for, And i don't know when he's just going to get up and go again, He can't help it, If the management said "jump" he'd have to do it. And then there's the fan side to all of this, As soon as he became famous he's had to watch what he says, What he does, How he acts. But that comes with the fame. The only thing that really annoys me is all the fake people at school, All the people that bullied me for being different acted like they were my friends. At first i started to believe it, Then i soon realised they were just doing it to meet the boys.I only had 4 really close friends that i could count on:
Rachel, Aka Raay, She had long ginger hair but it wasn't a ginger that was disgusting but so pretty and the light reflected off it making it shine, all the time, She had brown eyes and a few freckles sprinkled across her perfectly shaped face. She had a perfect body shape as well, She was skinny but had curves too. She hardly worse any makeup but she worse just enough which made her look stunning, She's quite a loud person too and she can always make me laugh, I've known her the longest out of all my friends and she's probably the person i am closest too.
Amy, She had long black, straight hair, It was just past the middle of her back. Her eyes were green. She was shy but is always fun to be around, I've known her since year 4 when she moved.
Emily, She had short blonde hair, She too had brown eyes like Rachel but hers were more of a chocolate colour. She was loud too and probably has the dirtiest mind.
Laura had black sleek hair too. But hers was cut short. She was one of the shortest, But still taller than me, And she was really pale, She was a year older than us but because she came from the U.S they put her in our year when she moved in year 7. She had gray eyes.
And then there's me. Zara Payne. Brown hair, Just below my back, Curly but i mostly straighten it, I'm the youngest and the shortest out of the group. I have ocean blue eyes. That's all i can really say about myself.
From Zara Payne.
I sighed closing my diary. "Wonder if this will actually work?" i muttered under my breath. I heard somewhere that writing a diary is suppose to help with things. My name is Zara Payne, Liam Payne's little sister. And one thing no one knows about me, Is i've been cutting for a year now. Sad i know but i just can't help it, I'm just not happy anymore. I miss Liam would be one of the reasons, He's been taken away from me, And the fact i was bullied for years, I've been called Ugly, Fat ECT, No, no one at home knew about this. And then the fake friends is another reason. I didn't write it in my diary because it just felt weird. I mean you wouldn't just randomly write a letter to someone without saying your life first. But it has distracted me from cutting for now. This has to work. I need to stop now. If anyone found out, Liam's career would probably be ruined because of me. Mum, Liam and my friends will all be upset. This is why i'm stopping. It took me a year to realise but i think the thing that finally got me to realise what i was doing were 2 people. Demi, from watching her stay strong documentary, And also watching loads of her interviews that day. Then i was scrolling through my twitter timeline and i noticed a tweet from a girl to Justin that he replied to, And above it saying how he is always with us and doesn't want us to hurt ourselves. That's when i realised what i was doing was more wrong before. I read before about using a diary to write down thoughts that you have or whatever and it helps. Well all i can do is hope for the best and hope it does work.
I heard the doorbell ring and ran down the stairs smiling, I opened the front door and attacked Liam with a hug. "Liam i have missed you so much it's unreal!" I tried not to cry but a few tears started spilling out of eyes. "I've missed you too sweetheart!" He pulled me back and wiped the few tears from my eyes. You wouldn't guess i was only 2 years younger than him, He does treat me like a 7 year old, But at the moment i don't bother to react because i have genuinely missed him! Liam grabbed his suitcase and walked into our house, Then Harry gave me a hug and walked passed me. Louis gave me a wink "So how's the beautiful Zara then?" I burst out laughing, "The 'beautiful Zara" is good, Now hurry your ass up inside!" He laughed and walked into the house too. Zayn stubbed out his cigarette and nodded at me. I didn't like the smell of smoke much, as he knew, So he just walk in. Niall was the last person to come out from the car dragging his bag. "NIALLER!" He just got the bag out of the car when he dropped it . I burst out laughing at him. "Zar! You're so mean" He pouted and picked up his bag again. He dragged it to the front door struggling with it. I waited till he was right infront of me till i spoke, "You do know you were dragging it the wrong way? The wheels are meant to be on the bottom not the top!"We both turned into fits of giggles. "I've missed you Nialler fair play!" I jumped up onto him and wrapped my legs around his waist. He spun me round and i jumped off him. "I've missed you too!" I helped him carry his bag into the house and put it next to the guys.
I jumped on Liam's lap and gave him another hug. "How was Spain, France and Germany then?" He pushed me off onto the seat next to us so i was no longer sat on him. I put my legs up and put them across his lap, He rolled his eyes at me and laughed. "Well Lil' sis it was actually amazing! I have a few things for you that i picked up!" He grabbed the bag next to him and handed it to me. It was quite a big bag too. In the bag was, Ray-ban's, 6 tops, 1 was a long sleeved, white laced top. Another was a blue top, The sleeves were ¾ length and it said "Street memories " on it. Another was a black short sleeved top that said "I'm with the band" on it. I started giggling at this. Then the other 3 had " I 3 Paris" It was purple with white writing. "I 3 Spain" it was white with pink writing and "I 3 Germany" which was black with blue writing. Then some shorts which the pockets were hanging out. They had american stripes on the pockets and stars on the back. They were a plain denim colour. Then some black skinny jeans, Pink skinnies with zips and a rusty colour red. I had some black flats and then some vans. "OH MY GOSH I LOVE THEM! Thankyou so much! How did you even pick out clothes like this for me?" I stared in awe at my new clothes. "Louis helped me pick them out, And Niall picked the white laced top and the 'i'm with the band top" Everything else was me and Louis, Wait that's awkward, We're suppose to be guys?" I burst out laughing and just ran up to Louis and gave him a hug while repeatedly screaming thankyou. Then gave Niall a massive hug too.
As soon as i stopped jumping up and down a started getting tired. "Uhh sorry guys but i'm going up to be for a bit, I feel really tired. Wake me up when it's tea time." I ran upstairs . I noticed my diary was left on my bed. Well i need to find somewhere to hide it then.
Dear Diary,
It was so good to see everyone again, I've missed seeing Niall and Liam the most. Don't get me wrong they're all like brothers to me, But Niall, I don't see him as a brother, I kinda, sorta like him, A lot, And i have done for 2 years maybe? Nothing would ever come of it, Only Raay knew, Mostly because she told me she liked my brother, Slightly creeped out but i'll get over them only made me realise how i need to stop the cutting more than i thought before. They would all be ashamed of me, This is why i'm writing this now, It's suppose to help. I love all the boys so much and my Mum and Friends, I shouldn't have started in the first place, I just let everything catch up with me, That day Megan and her group shoved me against the lockers, Shouted constant abuse at me like "You're fat, Ugly, No one likes you, not even your stupid brother Liam likes you, Why do you think he's never home anymore? He's left just like your stupid Dad!" And that's when i cracked, I've been doing it since that day. It numbed the pain, but it made me paranoid, I can't wear those shorts Liam brought me till the scars go either. It could take anything from 2 weeks to 2 months? Oh gosh. Regretting this more and more now. And the fact little things affected me. Like Liam forgetting to ring me somedays, I kept thinking back to what Megan said. And that's part of the story.
From,
Zara Payne,
I closed my diary and hid it under my mattress and lay my head against the pillow, I think this is going to work, I hope. I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of the boys talking while watching the football, Typical boys-