(steps up onto a podium) Hi my name is shithead I hate this story so much also I managed to somehow successfully eliminate like 1000 words from this fic

Yes It's Very Heavily Edited,, so, um, if you've read it before this version is Different(tm), since I got my shit together and did a thing I said I was going to do ages ago and like rewrote most of this godawful fdjhdfhdfkhskhd

(Also like deleted a whole useless scene because I got to the stage of "fuck this" and didn't want to fix it anymore HAHAHAHHA Merciless

OF LONG TALKS & KISSES

Hello. It's Me.

It's me, Rin, paging to you about how boring I am.

You see, I am The Most Boring Human You Could Ever Meet. I'm more boring than Mathematics and English, alone and combined, and I'm more boring than, collectively, the entire elevator-music genre. In fact, I'm just as boring as summer holidays when you have nothing to do but endlessly suffer in forty degree heat.

I'm also, unsurprisingly, painfully average.

My life is average, my clothes are average, my looks are average – heck, my grades, even. I'm so average I'm simultaneously the background character to my own life story. Not even I, the main character, can outshine the sub-main characters.

I don't even have a sob story; no dramatic upbringing, 'my family was eaten by wolves', that sort of stuff. And the thing is? I'm okay with being so boring and average.

Just kidding. I'm not.

When I think about being average too much, my right eye starts to do this thing where it twitches uncontrollably, and my head starts hurting as if an elephant is stomping on it. I imagine my future; graduating school with an average GPA, being employed in an average career, marrying an average man, having average children and just living an incredibly average life all the way until I die the Ultimate Average Death.

Look, I don't know what an average death would be like, but it sounds very anticlimactic to how I'd imagine death to be.

So, you know, I'm slightly terrified about my inevitable Average Demise. There's nothing about me that could save me from this fate; I'm literally anything but extraordinary.

Actually, speaking of which – probably the only extraordinary thing in my life is Len.

Long story short, he's my childhood best friend. (Wow! Yeah, I know – that level of friendship still exists? I can't believe it either.) Our families spent so much time together I used to think he was my cousin, until I found out much later that he wasn't (much to my delight – I mean, what).

But, to get straight to the point, Len is Super Genius and Talented Model Man, aka Definitely Not Ordinary Like Me. I don't know how we've managed to be friends for so long, despite being polar opposites, but we have. Somehow.

Amazing, right?

I'm guessing that average people probably shouldn't become besties with extraordinary people such as him, as –

a) He's so hard to keep up with

b) We're sometimes on totally different wavelengths, and

c) Someone extraordinary is very much in the I Want to Reproduce With category of an average person (due to natural selection), and it just happens that every cell in my body cries out to worship the ground around his feet whenever he's in my presence.

Alas, on an extraordinary person's side of things, the chances of wanting to copulate with an average person or below is somewhere in the negatives, because they'd probably rather choke on an eel before considering dating the Dreaded Ordinary Person.

Look. So. Do you see where I'm hitting at? Like, could it be anymore obvious?

Really, as an eyesore like me, I shouldn't be having these problems. Following the mathematical formula I've spent years perfecting, the chances of Len and I hitting it off as friends should've been ZILCH. But no, no, apparently my formula needs some work, because somehow he still doesn't hate me for the horrible human that I am.

I know full and well that Len just wants to maintain that happy, sappy, god-awfully platonic relationship between us – but me?

ME?

I WANT HIS GENES TO INTERMINGLE WITH MINE. YOU KNOW. THE SEX. REPRODUCTION. THE ONLY REASON WHY OUR SHITTY SPECIES IS STILL A THING.

Yes. So. There's that.

As I previously mentioned, I have no chance with him, unless we were fortunately the last two people on Earth. (But even then, I could imagine him still being mildly disgusted by having to do that thing with my bits.)

Plus, he's totally hitting it off with this other girl, Miku, who I'm sort of Friendly Acquaintances™ with. I swear I'm not talking shit, either. Every class I have to watch them interact, all giggly and touchy, completely unaware of my existence right next to them.

Look. It's gross.

I swear I'm not being salty, okay. I have a reason to be unnerved by this sudden plot development in my uninteresting life. Ever since Miku suddenly existed, it's been no longer Len and Rin – it's Miku, Len and Rin.

It's also pretty awful, because Miku is the same kind of Extraordinary as Len. She's pretty, well-endowed, intelligent, athletic, can probably play a flute with her nostril – you name it, she's freakishly good at it.

Of course Len would like her. She's the epitome of perfect. I'm the epitome of royal mistakes.

Even though I've been trying my best to distance myself from the two star-crossed lovers, or whatever, so I can truly become a background character and fade from existence, they're still determined to have me hold their hands the whole time.

But like, hold their hands from behind, because I'm a third wheel.

Yes, I said it – I said the dreaded phrase. THIRD WHEEL. I might as well put that down as my occupation on official documents.

I'm telling the truth. Like, last week they asked me to the cinemas to watch some tragic romance movie with them.

Why – why would they ask me to go along with them to a movie which will probably influence one's Sexual Tension towards a person? What did they expect me to do, get all cuddly with the chair? Start making out with a ghost?

(Thankfully, I managed to escape such an awkward situation with a legitimate excuse of needing to go to the doctor.)

That's not all, though – the week before that, they asked me to go shopping and on a study date with them. Do you know what I did? I walked behind them the whole time, while they snickered about injokes and poked each other's sides. I wanted to die.

I wouldn't be surprised if I went to karaoke with them to be the only one doing solos because they would be choosing all the shitty couple songs. Eugh. It makes me poop.

I just wish they'd kind of not be all inclusive and nice, you know? I understand they would feel bad for me being the ugly, single friend while they go off and engage in a Fulfilling and Loving Relationship. But is it necessary to invite me to like, everything they do together? How exactly do I tell them to not without sounding like a dick?

I'm too nice to do that. (Haha, we all know that's a lie, Rin.)

Now, they're trying to get me to go shopping with them again this afternoon.

I want to cry.

"We were planning to go to the bowling alley and shopping at Odaiba. Do you want to come?" Len asks. Miku's standing next to him, bopping up and down with anticipation.

We're in the middle of the train station, since we walk to the same train station together after school. School finished at 12, because it's a Saturday and we only have club practices.

"Um," I say. Just… say it. Say no. Say you don't want to. "Um, I…"

Len grins. "If you want, we were planning on going to the arcade as well, because we know you like it."

Yeah, no, please don't do that. You, care about me and my feelings, and where I want to go? No, no, you're not supposed to do that, my good friend.

"Uhhh, well, you know… I think I might just go home today," I answer. "I'm a little tired, and I think we have guests over tonight so Mum might want me to help clean the house."

Ha. Well. That was a lie. God damn it, Rin – why can't you just be honest? Why is it so hard to just be all, "Look, I'm only a third wheel to you two, so I think it's best I just become a cool cucumber and suffer on my lonesome. Godspeed, my dudes."

Len's smile falters. Noooo, don't do that. "Oh, alright. Are you sure?"

I am sure, sir. I am sure. Very sure. So sure it hurts.

I nod, avoiding his gaze by looking at my feet. "Sorry."

"It's okay. We'll do something next week instead, right, Miku?" Len says, poking Miku's side.

She seems distracted, but snaps out of her daze to join the conversation. "Right. Yeah. That sounds good."

Uh huh. Right.

We say our goodbyes, parting ways – Len and Miku to Odaiba, or wherever, and me back home to my Average Family and Average House.

When I get home, the first thing Mum asks is why I'm home so early and not doing something with Len (and Miku).

I suppose it's become ritual that we do things together on Saturday afternoons – we've been doing it since the beginning of middle school. I haven't really told her much about my problems, though, so I opt with the excuse that I'm feeling tired and want to rest.

She gives me this weird look, but allows me to go off to my bedroom and wrap myself in my duvet of gloom.

Of course, about half-an-hour later, she comes in and sits on the edge of my bed, looking as if someone had died.

Fortunately, no one has, it's just that Mum has this crazy intuition when she knows something isn't right.

Ugh.

Ughhhhhh.

"Rin, honey, is there something going on between you and Len?"

If she had said this in a different tone, it could've sounded like she was suspecting we were having steamy sex in the art rooms after school. (Which we aren't. Obviously.)

I sigh. I don't really feel like talking, but I know Mum will keep pursuing the topic until I crack.

Here we go.

"Well, I like Len," I tell her.

"That's obvious," Mum says. She raises an eyebrow. "But that surely mustn't be the main source of the problem."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. "And recently, this girl called Miku has started hanging out with us. And I'm just – I'm getting, you know, the vibes that something is going on between them. Of course, no one is admitting to it or saying anything—and it's not like I've seen them kissing or hugging or holding hands—but it's just really obvious, okay?"

Mum nods while she listens, this sympathetic look on her face.

Oh, please. You essentially met Dad when you were two and you were in love for forever – don't try sympathising with me.

"They keep hanging out with each other and inviting me along, but it's horrible, because I'm technically a third wheel the entire time. I don't know why they keep insisting I do things with them, especially since they ignore me most of the time and I'm clearly not enjoying it. I want to tell him—them—that I don't want to hang out with them anymore because of this… but I don't know how, without sounding rude, so I just keep lying about things.

"Like… I still want to be friends and all, but I don't want to be a third wheel, because it hurts."

I look up at Mum and she's sitting there, a thoughtful look on her face.

After a minute of silence passes, she says, "I'll call up his mum and have a chat to her."

Oh God no.

"Did he go out with Miku today, too? Is that why you're upset?"

I nod, and she purses her lips. "I'll call Lily and ask her if Len has had that girl over, and see if she knows whether they're dating."

"Wait – how exactly is that going to actually help the situation?" I ask.

If anything, it'll make it worse. What happens if Lily like blabs, and Len finds out, and I have to die to save myself from confrontation and embarrassment?

"Well, I'll explain that you're upset because you're third-wheeling a lot, and if Lily doesn't know about this girl, maybe she could ask what he thinks of you and that girl – Meku, is it?"

"Miku," I correct in monotone.

Mum nods and continues, "Lily already knows you like him. Your dad and his dad already know too. Actually, we were planning your wedding because we thought he liked you too but… hmm –"

I grimace. "Please stop."

Well, time to start writing my will. It was nice knowing you, Cruel World.

She grins, as if she knows she's humiliating me the more she speaks.

"Well, I'll ask her about it and see what she can do. But… maybe it's best to be honest about how you feel. You don't have to tell him you like him – but maybe, if you want to say you don't want to hang out with him anymore, you should just explain that you feel like a third wheel when you're around them, and that it's no fun for you because you're being ignored. He'll still probably feel hurt… but you're feeling hurt too, aren't you?"

"Um, well, I guess." I pause. "Yes."

"You could try calling him tonight. Then you won't have to say it to his face, at least."

Nonononono. That sounds horrible, even if I'd much prefer not seeing his face. (Of course, I'll hear the tone change in his voice, which is worse…)

I make a half-assed sound of agreement, which is more so a 'maybe' in my vocabulary.

She leaves to call Len's mum and I stay in my duvet of gloom, mulling over potentially having to say those things to him.

I don't really want to, but I want to. I like Len, and I want to hang out with him (and Miku, too, I guess), but I don't want to be Len and Miku's miserable third wheel.

Life sucks when you're average. But this is pretty much the most drama I've had in my life.

I'm still wrapped in the duvet when Mum comes back in after talking with Lily, which is a couple of hours later – give or take.

She sits on the edge of my bed with an exhale. "Unfortunately, Lily knows nothing about Miku, so she'll ask him when he gets home later. However, she does agree that calling him tonight to talk is the best thing to do. She said she'll message me about what Len says. I'll let you know what, okay?"

"Okay," I say into the sheets.

Mum gives me this long, hard look, before getting up to leave.

About five minutes later, my phone's ringtone sounds from somewhere in my bag and I reach over to pull it out.

It's a text message from Len. I frown. Maybe he has telekinetic powers and knows what's going on… and he's going to confront me about it.

Reluctantly, I open the text.

Hey, Rin, are you okay?

He sends another while I'm still reading.

Because you seemed kind of upset today and I feel really bad for not asking about it.

No, that's good you didn't ask about it.

I stare at the screen for a few minutes before sending one back.

Aren't you supposed to be with Miku?

Wait. That sounds bitter. I should send an emoji or something to cover it up.

Just as I'm about to do so, he sends his reply,

Oh, well there was no point in bowling without you there, so we just decided to go to lunch at Kamata. I'm on the train home now.

I matter that much? Maybe he's trying to make me feel bad, or something. I respond,

Okay.

He then replies,

Are you alright, though? Do you want to talk?

No. Talking sounds like a very bad idea.

I'm fine. Just tired. Thanks for asking though.

His response comes delayed, simply an, 'Okay.'

I wonder if he actually believes me or not. It was through a text, though – I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be able to tell whether I was lying or not.

I set my phone aside and lie down. I know he's trying to be nice, but I sort of wish he didn't care (but also don't, because I want him to care all the same). The reason why he probably invites me along with Miku is probably so I don't feel left out – but I feel left out even with them.

Although I always knew I'd have no chance with someone as amazing as Len, I still fell for him, and I still hurt over these stupid things. I want to crawl out of my skin; become someone else and forget all about this.

I guess you can't not like Len at some point, though. He's charismatic, smart, friendly, tall and good-looking, and has a sense of humour – characteristics girls would kill for. I don't understand why we, when we're so different, would even be friends – but I guess we became friends before I became aware of how not fantastic I am.

To be frank, I wonder if he's just being my friend now out of pity. He knows he's great and everyone loves him; I'm pretty sure at one point he's looked at me and been like, "This girl's really not interesting. She's kind of bringing me down. But I feel sorry for her and don't want to see her by herself."

I really don't think he would still be friends with me right now because he wants to, you know.

Honestly, what's so great about me? I'm short, stumpy, and I look like my face has been run over by a truck. The only thing that's curvy is my butt and the love handles that have been developing as of late (probably because I've been eating too much chocolate – but chocolate!). I could use my chest as a drawing board. My personality is bland, I can be really blunt and annoying, and my humour is about as dead as Hitler. I have no talents, as far as I'm concerned, unless cleaning counts as one. I have no real goals and I'm kind of just exist.

Wow. Rin Kagamine. Absolute girlfriend material.

Not.

I must've fallen asleep.

Someone's poking my shoulder to wake me up, and somehow, I did not manage to see them coming into my room, because for some mysterious reason, my eyes are closed.

"Rin?" Mum asks.

I open my eyes. "Mm?"

"Lily just messaged me." Oh, yay. "Do you want me to tell you what she said?" No, not really. But please, do so.

I nod, closing my eyes again. "Go for it."

Mum clears her throat. "She said that she sat him down and asked him if he has been dating anyone at all. He said no, and then asked why, and she explained that she had heard from someone that they'd seen him with a girl—and she'd specified 'Not Rin,'—and she was only curious to know if he had someone he liked.

"Then apparently he turned red and said, 'Rin told you I was dating Miku?'"—my eyes fly open in panic, but Mum doesn't notice and continues—"Lily corrected, 'No, I meant you were hanging out with a girl other than Rin,' and he was all like, 'Oh. Well, yeah. I'm friends with Miku, but I'm not dating her. I don't like her in that way.'"

She pauses to look at me. I stare back, questioning.

"She said she asked him why he didn't tell her about Miku and he just stated that he didn't feel a need to, because they're only just friends. He said she's dating a guy called Kaito and she's been asking advice from him. Lily then asked if he had a girl he liked – apparently he got all flustered and tried to change the topic."

Len? Flustered? Blasphemy.

Mum purses her lips. "I have a feeling he likes you."

"Yeah," I say, unconvinced. "No."

She opens her mouth to argue, but is cut off by the phone ringing. Before I can even blink, she's disappeared in a hurry to answer it.

Mum comes back in two seconds later, this manic look on her face. She holds out the phone and mouths the word Len.

(Cue the Threnody to the Victims of Hiroshima here.)

Now even more confused than before, I take the phone and hold it up to my ear while she gallops off, chuckling behind her hand. She's possessed or something, I swear.

"...Hello?"

"Rin?" Len says. "Sorry to ring if you're busy, but I just think we should talk. We haven't really talked one-on-one in a while and I think maybe we should?"

I hesitate. "Uh, okay… Well, what do you want to talk about?" He's silent for a while. "Len?"

"…things?" he answers eventually.

"Well, what kind of things?"

"You… kind-of-things?" he says, his voice muffled.

I snort. "What's so interesting about me?"

I can imagine him shrugging to the question. "Well, I just want to know what's happening with you. You never really say much about you. It's always me or Miku, you know? But what about you?"

"Um, uh, I just don't have anything I need to say about myself."

"Well, how are you? What are you doing right now? What are you doing tomorrow? How are your grades? Are you okay?"

I sigh, frowning. "I already said I was fine, if that's what you're calling about –"

"I know," Len responds. "I know what you said. But are you okay?"

"Yes, I am okay," I answer.

He goes quiet. "You're not."

Oh my God. "Len, I –"

"Rin," he interrupts. "I can tell when you're lying because you suck at lying. Telling me you're fine, you're just tired, is the first excuse someone comes up with when they're not okay, because even I use those stupid excuses. Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Is it me? Have I done something wrong? Don't you trust me?"

I take the phone away from my ear to stare at it, frustrated, pretending it's Len I'm staring at instead. God, he could be so naggy sometimes. Why does he even care about me? I, like, suck.

Taking a steady breath, I put it back against my ear.

"Rin, are you still there?"

"Yes," I say. Unfortunately. He doesn't say anything, probably expecting an answer to his questions before. "Just… it's not that I don't trust you, Len. Of course I trust you. I've always trusted you. I – I… just…"

I stop speaking before it makes it anymore obvious that I'm about to cry. What the hell. I'm so pathetic. This is damaging to my pride – my fragile, fragile pride.

"You're not actually busy at the moment, are you? Can I see you?" he asks, his voice going soft.

No, you may not. But yes, you may.

"Yeah."

He pauses a moment, then says, "Alright. I'll be there in 10 minutes." Then he hangs up.

I stare at the phone in my hand, before unravelling myself from the duvet.

Okay. So. I have 10 minutes to make myself not look like I've been huddling in a blanket of depression all afternoon.

When I come out of my bedroom to go to the bathroom, Mum exclaims, "Wow, you're on the move. What happened?" I know she's trying to imply something lewd, so I just shoot a glare over my shoulder.

"Len's coming over," I tell her, putting the phone back on the holder.

"Oh?" is her response. "Why?"

I shrug and duck into the bathroom to brush my hair down. I strip off my school uniform and throw it in the wash basket, before setting back off to my bedroom, half-naked and anxious, to find a fresh set of clothes. After I find something half-decent to wear, I try to make my room look less like a cave and more… liveable.

What I mean is, I shove all my shit under my bed or into my cupboard. As long as Len doesn't go in either of those places, it should be fine.

While I'm in the middle of shoving the mess on my desk in a drawer, Mum calls out, "Len's here!"

I force it shut with my hip and exhale. I must not cry. That's the game plan.

When I walk out, Len's standing in the kitchen with my mum, who's showing him my art homework. "Isn't she magnificent?" she's asking, and Len is nodding slowly, but I can tell he'd probably rather die than look at my sketches of le shitty still life.

I clear my throat and they both start. "I already showed him that yesterday," I say.

It isn't that good, really. I would go on about it, but…

"Oh, I see," Mum says with a huff. Len laughs. "Well, make yourself at home, Len. Rin's been dying to have you over."

Thanks. That just made things 100% not awkward.

For some reason, I can't make eye contact with Len. The thought of meeting his eyes makes my palms go sweaty and my stomach go sort of diarrhoea-y, so I jerk my head in the direction of my room. He seems to get the signal.

We walk into my bedroom, and totally unsuspiciously—I swear it's not for dirty reasons, okay—I shut the door behind me.

Len seems ignore this and perches on my desk chair. "I hope you don't mind I sit here?" he asks, plonking his bag onto the floor.

Well, you're already sitting there, so do I have a choice?

"Sit anywhere you like," I say, sitting on my bed across from him.

Sit on the fan. Sit outside the front door. Maybe sit on the train back to your house.

Len scratches the back of his neck. "So…" he says. "I bought some food. And other things. But mainly food." He gestures to the plastic bag at his feet, before pulling out a packet of daifuku. "You want some?"

I nod. He opens it up and hands one over.

"Thanks."

Perhaps he's here to drown me in food. That would be nice.

"So… yeah." Len sighs. "Talk to me, Rin. Please."

I say nothing at first, and he furrows his eyebrows. "Just… please tell me what's wrong. You can tell me anything, I promise. I just want to talk to you."

"Why?" I ask.

Len frowns. "Because I'm here for you – I'm your best friend and I'm here for you."

"I don't know what you want me to say."

He rubs his face and stands, walking over to me. He then sits on the bed and places an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his chest, like an extremely awkward half-hug.

"You've been different. You've been distancing yourself around me and it's weird. Have I done something wrong? Be honest."

Len smells nice. Really nice. I think he's completely unaware of what he's just done to me. "No, you've done nothing wrong," I say into his shirt, inhaling as much as I can without making it obvious I'm sniffing him.

"Then why have you been lying to me?"

"I-I just…" I sigh. "I feel like a third wheel."

Len leans away to look at me, his eyebrows raised. "What?"

My cheeks burn and I look down at my hands. "I feel like a third wheel. You keep asking me to go out with you and Miku, and every time I'm completely ignored. Do you not realise that? Or are you too busy being infatuated with her?"

Wow, okay. This is coming out wrong.

Hey, Rin, you sound like a bitch, my mind points out.

He bites his lip. "What do you mean by 'infatuated'? Do you think we're an item or something?" He shakes his head. "What is with everyone thinking I'm dating Miku today?"

"Well you seem to act like you're dating. Minus the public shows of affection," I answer.

Len's silent, an angry kind-of-silent. "Well, Miku has a boyfriend. I'm not interested in her, either. We're just friends, and – I like someone else."

"Well it's weird –" I pause mid-sentence. "You like someone else?"

He nods, looking away. His face is turning a pretty shade of pink.

Really? My hopes today are dying like suffocating flies.

"Who?"

"Uh – um," he stutters, once again doing his infamous nervous habit: scratching the back of his neck. "Let's not talk about this right now."

"Are they a girl?" I ask.

"Rin –" He looks uncomfortable.

I lean forward. "They're a guy?"

"No!" he exclaims, flushing and leaning further away. "At least, as far as I'm concerned, she's a female."

"Is she in our grade?"

"Oh my God, Rin, I –" He looks at me. Then he looks down.

It's only then I realise that I'd moved closer to him and had conveniently placed my hand on his upper thigh, completely unawares.

Why he had that reaction—considering he was already in my room, on my bed, with the door closed—is a mystery. I'm not even close to his crotch or anything.

Tch. Boys.

I remove my hand. "Well, is she?"

"Why do you want to know?" he cries.

"Well, why do you want to know so badly about my problems?" I shoot back.

Len opens and closes his mouth, speechless. "I'm your friend. I care about you."

"Right back at you."

He pulls a face. "I don't really understand how wanting to know the girl I like is you caring about me – more so you just being nosey."

Ahh yes, thank you Len, for once again reminding me about how horrible of a human I am.

I'm silent, holding his gaze for a moment.

"I think you should leave."

Len blinks. "What?"

"Get out of my room. Preferably, also this house. Please and thank you."

Look. I am a bitch, alongside a large list of other things (i.e. nosey).

"You can't – this is stupid, Rin. You're kicking me out of your house because of – what? I won't tell you who I like? How about you tell me who you like?" he snaps.

I stand and he follows my movements with his gaze, lips pressed into a line of frustration. I've never really tried pissing Len off before, and I do have some regrets because he probably hates me now, but he's pissing me off as well, so I'll care about this sticky situation later.

"You want to know who I like?" I say. My voice has gone all high, kind of like how Ezma sounds in Kuzko's New Groove.

His gaze doesn't falter.

I step up to him and take a breath, preparing for The Greatest Mistake In My Life I'm About To Make.

And…

I punch him in the face. Accidentally. I don't know how my brain processed a confession of love as hitting someone, but it did, and now we're here.

Len's eyes roll back into his head and he falls off the bed with a thud. After a few seconds of staring at his unconscious body in utter amazement and shock (I just knocked out my best friend, okay? My male best friend. Me, a two-centimetre high female with zero power. It's a miracle) I start freaking out.

"MUM!" I scream. "MUM! MUUUUUM!"

Mum comes running into the room. "What?!"

"I just killed Len! Accidentally!" I cry, pointing at his body on the floor, which is now twitching slightly.

She gives me this horrified look, and asks, "What did you do?"

I move away from him when he opens his eyes. "I punched him in the face. It wasn't intentional. I was angry and my body had otherwise objectives," I explain. Len groans. "I'm going to go drown myself in the bathtub."

Mum crouches down beside Len, ignoring my last comment. "Go get an ice-pack. I sure hope you didn't break something. It would be awkward to tell Lily that you broke her son's nose after what happened today."

I laugh nervously and obey her demand, leaving the room. My hand is starting to hurt, now. A lot. I think Len's face is made out of bricks or something.

When I return with an icepack, Len is sitting up, looking sort of dazed. Mum is asking him if he's okay; if he can remember what just happened, how many fingers she's holding up, et cetera, et cetera. He's answering all the questions correct, which is good… I guess.

I'm still confused though. I just knocked him out with my fist. My measly baby hand just made Len unconscious.

? ?

I keep a metres distance from Len and bend as far as I can to hand him the icepack, just in case my hand somehow gains self-control and starts hitting him again. He takes it and places it against his cheek.

"Am I grounded?" I ask Mum when she stands. "Because if I am, can my punishment be me thrown off Tokyo Sky Tree?"

Mum rolls her eyes. "I'm still deciding. I didn't bring you up to punch house guests to your liking. You better apologise to Len, though. He seems a bit shocked."

I would be too, frankly.

She leaves the room and I stand there, staring at Len. He's trying his best to avoid my gaze.

That's it. He hates me. Mission accomplished. Congrats, Rin. You suck.

Nevertheless, I push away some of my (fragile) pride to move closer to him.

"I didn't actually intend on punching you in the face, and in fact, I completely understand if you hate me, because I hate me too," I say. "I'm sorry."

He blinks. "No… I don't hate you. That just caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting you to knock me unconscious, of all things."

"Well, the more you know," I say. "I mean, you should probably hate me, though, like a normal human being would."

Len just shakes his head. "I could never hate you, even if you probably stabbed me in the stomach." He pauses. "Actually, yeah, I probably would hate you if you stabbed me in the stomach."

While trying my best not to laugh at his statement, I crouch next to him and study his face. A purplish bruise is taking form on his cheekbone.

I take a breath.

Okay. Take two.

"You'll probably hate me after this," I tell him.

I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know what I'm doing. But this is going to be incredibly cliché. Like, Cosmopolitan advice-column cliché.

He raises his eyebrows and opens his mouth to speak, right as I lean towards his face.

This is awful timing, of course, because first of all, my mouth goes kind of… into his mouth? And he kind of sits there with his mouth hanging open, and my lips stroking his tongue in an awkward motion.

So I pull away faster than I went in, being like, um, yeah, no, this is gross, with his saliva all over my mouth and my face turning the unhealthy shade of cherry-tomato.

That was, undeniably, the biggest fail in the history of fails. Just a heads-up: kissing his tongue wasn't magical. It was awkward as heck. And slimy.

Len looks confused, and I mirror his expression, because what? Then he opens his mouth again and closes it. A moment later, he opens it one more time to say my exact thoughts: "Mnflfkskewjfj."

Ah yes, mnflfkskewjfj. I agree.

My very stupid brain informs me that now is best to probably to escape, before he gains his language abilities back and further plunges me into a coma of humiliation by calling me out. So, I start to slide across the floor on my backside in the direction for my bedroom door.

He opens his mouth again. "You kissed my tongue."

I throw myself onto the floor and cover my ears. "NO!" I cry. Please don't remind me of my social suicide. I resume making my way to the door via a worm-motion with my body, avoiding his gaze as best as I can.

However, Len realises my plan and grabs hold of my ankle. He starts dragging me back towards him. No. No. No. "You kissed my tongue?" he repeats, but it sounds like he's asking me a question.

I wail and curl up into a ball. "I don't knowwwwww," is my response, muffled by my hands. "That wasn't the game plan."

I hear movement, which I consider to be Len's, and I hope it's him escaping, thinking, 'This girl is a nutjob, God help me.' But two warm hands peel my hands from my face, and there's a face—Len's face—hovering above mine.

He starts laughing.

He starts laughing.

Laughing. In my face.

I attempt to push him away, but he slaps at my hands and manages to hold my wrists captive—oh God, this is starting to sound like 50 Shades of Grey, I swear it's not going to be that way—so I can't use them to obstruct him.

Then I start to laugh from embarrassment. And so, now we're both laughing (at me).

It's not funny though. I don't know why I'm laughing. I think I'm going hysterical and losing my mind.

Eventually, he stops laughing and looks at me.

Now, let me just get something straight: there's just looking. And then there's… the look.

Well, Len's giving me the look. I stop laughing, because the atmosphere around us grows Very Tense. Oh boy.

Oh boy. I'm sweating.

As I mentioned before, Len's a very attractive person. I swear I'm not biased.

Like, his eyes? If it wasn't weird, I'd probably marry them or wear them as my own. He has these… eyes—oh, really? He has eyes? Oh-em-gee. Rin, you're a genius—and they pierce right through your soul. They're blue; deep azure mixed with aqua shards, like Atlantic caverns. My description sounds stupid as fuck, but I'm being serious. Like, I want to make babies with his eyes.

Anyway.

So.

Uh.

Why does he keep making eye contact? Eye contact is weird. It's too… deep. I'm not that deep. I can't handle the suspense of looking into another person's eyes while they gaze into mine. That's so like, cliche romance movie, and this is not a cliche romance movie. It's far from it.

Even though I'm feeling greatly uncomfortable at this stage, my heart is all like, it's the look, Rin. It's the look. He's giving you THE LOOK. He wants to copulate with you. And my brain is all like, he's probably just realised how big the pores are on your nose. You should probably punch him before he notices anything else.

After this incredibly long and painfully awkward silence, God himself speaks.

(Not really.)

"Why did you kiss me?" Len asks.

I blink, because I don't know.

Well, actually, I do know—because I like him—but like, what was I expecting from the kiss? Marriage? Fairy wings? For him to discover I'm just garbage and he made a huge mistake on deciding to ever come here?

Instead of answering, I continue staring at him as though he just took a dump on my bed.

By the way, I'm seriously wondering where Mum is at. I don't know why she left – or why she hasn't checked on Len within the last ten minutes. He could've fallen into an eternal coma of death from a concussion. He could've cut out my heart and started feasting on it. Oh, the possibilities.

Len then reaches out to touch my face. I know, that sounds weird. But he touches it – or, more so strokes it like I'm a puppy.

The whole time this is happening, I'm just sitting there being like, wait, what? Even though it feels nice, I also feel incredibly awkward. Let's just establish I'm always awkward. It's state I'm in permanently. I'm the Queen of Awkward.

Wait.

Something strange is happening.

Len's face is getting larger. Or more so, getting closer. His hand has somehow moved to my hair – or lack thereof, considering I accidentally had it cut too short and now it's borderline funky hipster lesbian length (and there's nothing wrong with that, it's just, I'm not a Funky Hipster Lesbian, you feel?).

About now, everything starts to fall into place, and my only thoughts are: but? I'm not? I'm so ugly? What are you doing? Seriously? You're going to regret this? Did I even brush my teeth this morning? Oh my God?

It happens like so:

At first, I feel his breath on my face. I can tell you it's totally strange to have someone breathing on your face, but yeah, it's not like you can (politely) ask them to stop breathing.

Then his lips touch mine, and they're warm and gentle like I'd always imagined them to be (I mean – what? I've never imagined kissing Len. I'm pure). As soon as it happens, there's this bubbling feeling inside my chest, as if my heart is having a party and drinking a lot of champagne, and my head is kind of light, and reality melts away into the fringes of consciousness.

(By now, it finally starts to feel magical. Perhaps you could start playing the Disney intro in your head to add extra emotion.)

We stay that way for a while – just kissing. And, well, I'm fine with that because Len is really good at kissing. (Me, though? Well. I probably suck. But still. Len and I are kissing. We're kissing! Oh my God!)

Eventually he has to pull away to breathe, his cheeks flushed. He stares down at me like he's expecting me to say something, and so I blurt out, "I really, really like you. Maybe love you. Maybe that's a bit much. But whatever."

Len's lips curl up into a smile.

For a moment he gazes at me, eyes full of affection, before he whispers, "I love you too."

Hearing those words is like someone has sent fireworks into my brain, brilliant, fluffy fireworks – wait, no, sorry, I'm blacking out because I forgot to breathe.

Ahem.

Anyway.

My heart does this triple flip in my chest and it feels like the heaviest weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

"You're not serious," I say, grinning.

"Would I kiss you if I wasn't?" he asks back. He leans in again, pecking the tip of my nose and –

A camera shutter goes off.

Len and I whip our heads towards the source of sound like deer in headlights. Mum is standing in the doorway, this look of some crazy fangirl on her face, her phone held up in her hands.

"Yes! I got it! I can't wait to show this to Lily. She's going to cry."

Then she just walks out, as if she hadn't just invaded our privacy at all.

Len turns his head back to me, an eyebrow raised. "Care to explain?"

I close my eyes, wincing in my mind. Well, this is going to be fun.

"It's – it's a long story."

END

So yeah, I did delete the entire ending if you noticed (note: no one noticed bc no one cares actually) and rewrote some random extra bit instead, and now it's just even worse than it was before, but you know what, I don't care anymore, I'M DONE, I'M DOOONE, RIN/LEN IS EXTINCT ANYWAY SO WHAT MATTERS /TOSSES FANFICS INTO THE WIND WHILE GIGANTIC OTN NIGHTCORE VERSION PLAYS ON SHITTY IPHONE SPEAKERS

(does otn even have a nightcore? lol I don't listen to that stuff)

Anyway so I hate me from the past bc she writes Really Long Stuff and it's just. not cool. I don't have the stamina anymore. also not enough experience bc I spend like 70% of my life in my room feeling sad and eating.

Actually does anyone with Hardcore Party Experience(tm) want to give feedback grenade's Events(tm) bc I have no experience with that. I've only ever gotten tipsy like twice and it wasn't even that fun (I had an anxiety attack the first time and it was on new years eve and no one cared so lol whoops). looking for someone who snorts the drug and shoots up alcohols. Also has sex a lot. (And can put up with my terrible personality that consists 80% of self-depreciating memes and 20% of mos burger.) (I'm being half-serious, but if you're legitimately serious, my PMs are open, which is rare and weird for me I KNOW but they are and have been for quite a while. I also have a tumblr you can send anonymous hate mail to, if you feel so inclined! yay :) Indeed I continue spread my horrible existence all over the internet to make everyone feel uncomfortable and unsafe!)

anyway what The Fuck. I'll stop shitposting.

thank u 4 reading this fanfic and see u next time whenever I update/upload some more disasters from the past oxoxoxo peri peri chicken