The boss had asked for combustible lemons. So it was time to get to work.

A short one-shot based on the scene from the second Portal musical 2017 production by Geekenders.

It had been about 2 months ago when Wheatley first came to work at Aperture Science. He was just an intern and he got saddled up with all the stupid little chores, like making coffee and cleaning. He was officially placed in the archives where his common job was to order the files. But the scientists liked to get him to do some little side quests every now and then.

His job wasn't important and though he was verily sure he could handle something that asked a bit more responsibility from him then making sure the papers with the letter A came before the B, but his co-workers thought he was in his rightful place. Because he somehow managed to screw up all of his tasks. He couldn't get the files done just right and always ended up putting the N's before the M's and forgetting the W's didn't come before, but after the V's. Or he would accidentally drop all his organized paperwork and had to work overtime to get them all back in order.

And even the things where he hadn't been hired for to begin with, he couldn't do them right. He managed to break the copy machine, breaking the coffee machine and even breaking his who farted?-cup multiple times. Every time he had to get his superiors a drink, there always was a long trail of brown, spilled coffee in the hallways where he'd run back to the office, holding onto the cup for dear life as not to spill too much. Though his coffee refills always ended up half empty once he'd made it to his destination, even though he had filled it to the rim.

And today the same things had happened again. Wheatley was sure he'd pushed the right buttons for once, but still the copy machine had started to make this buzzing noise and started to smoke. He had lost two files on his way to the office, spilled coffee, forgot to hand in his reports, spilled more coffee and to top it all off he sat on top of his glasses. They now had one big crack on the left side and it cut his vision in two, dizzying, unequal halves.

He was now sitting inside his slightly claustrophobically small office, with his elbows prompt on top of his desk and his chin resting on his arms. Wheatley stared at the brownish, paper cup that had been for one of his co-workers, but he decided to let it be since there was nothing more than a little bottom left in it to drink.

He rubbed his tired eyes with the palm of his hands and sighted. Maybe this office-like work was nothing for him. He wasn't a scientist, he wasn't a doctor, he wasn't even a full-time employee! What was he even doing here anyways? His job didn't pay that good for him to want to stay. He was just a waste of everybody's time here.

Wheatley glanced up at the sound of the intercom switching on.

''Cave Johnson here. It's been a while since our last announcement, so I figured a good old update on our work so far would be a great way to bring everybody back in their working spirits.'' There fell an awkward, long silence. ''um... l-llamas. They're proud, majestic, cheap on the black market. And Aperture just bought twenty thousand of them due to an accounting error. Oh god.''

The announcement was cut short as the intercom abruptly fell into silence once again. Wheatley, who had only be listening to it with semi-attention, leant back in his office chair. The wheels peeped in protest as he slightly rolled backwards. He picked up the paper cup, tapped on it with his fingers in a repetitive drum of boredom before tossing it towards the trashcan in the corner of the room. Of course he missed and the cup bounced off the edge of the plastic basket and then fell on the floor. Groaning tiredly, he pushed himself out of his chair to pick it up and throw it away normally.

''Alright, I've been thinking.'' Cave's voice spoke up again after a little while. ''When life gives you lemons. Don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house DOWN!''

Wheatley stood frozen in place, feeling like he was in the same room as the man who just had his rant about lemons. That was a moment of pure rage if he'd ever heard one. He was aware that Aperture wasn't in its highest glory these days, but it couldn't be that bad, could it? Wheatley sighed and went to sit in his chair again. It wasn't like there was anything he could do about it. It wasn't his problem.

''Having said that... I'd like you to test that as fast as possible. Thank you.'' And with that the announcement ended. The intern looked up. Hold on a second. Did he just give instructions for a new project? Or was this still part of his lemon rant? Either way, it was a command.

Wheatley pressed his fingers to his temples, thinking hard. He just had an idea there, a big moment of a brain wave just in that short second. He had to hold onto it carefully before it slipped away. The boss wanted combustible lemons. It shouldn't be too hard. Yeah... yeah he could manage that. Just a lemon that exploded. They'd made much more complex things at Aperture. It should be possible, he could do that!

And imagine. Him, as just a simple not-even-full-time-employee that worked at the archives, suddenly having such a brilliant idea. Just got it out of thin air, a real talent, honestly, if you asked him. And he would be the one to do it! The one who found a way to fulfil one of the very boss' own commands. He would get a real promotion for that, he was sure of it. Then he didn't have to make coffee anymore. No, then the ones who were now his superiors, they would be the ones to bring him his coffee. He couldn't wait to see the look on their faces. Let's see who got the last laugh. It would be him, obviously.

Wheatley rushed out of his office. He immediately made his way to the cafeteria, getting lost a little bit here and there but he made it in almost a record time of twenty minutes. It was in the afternoon so there was no one there aside from a few half empty mugs left behind on the tables. He knew he wasn't allowed there, especially not after his last incident as assistant cook, but he went behind the countertop and opened the fridge.

There wasn't a whole lot in it. There were some plates which had foil wrapped over the food. There was a little container with the letters repulsion gel written on the side and it held a strange looking blue goo. He decided not to touch it, despite his curiosity. And hold on... Was that a cake at the bottom there? It looked quite delicious actually, it was probably for someone's birthday-party or something. But the one thing he had been looking for was quite lacking in this fridge, there were no lemons. There were apples and banana's which were partly frozen and had started to rot. But no lemons.

He sighed in the defeat. Where did he have to look next? There weren't a whole lot of other places for lemons to be hiding from him. Sure he could go to the stores and buy some but they were all closed already at this hour and he didn't have the time to wait until tomorrow. Otherwise someone else might steal his ideas and run of with all the glory! He wouldn't allow that to happen!

Deep in thought he started to make his way back to his office to come up with a new plan when he spotted a yellow object on the countertop from the corner of his eyes. Wheatley picked up the with chocolate-frosting covered lemon. He didn't know why it had chocolate over it, it seemed like a rather disgusting combination. But that didn't matter. This was perfect for his project.

Holding the lemon in his hands like it was the most precious thing in the world, he ran back to his office. He proudly put the lemon on his desk and stared at it for a moment. Alright he had a lemon... now how to make it combustible?

He suddenly got another brain wave and went to the office of one of his co-workers named Rick. He knew he took some smoke breaks outside sometimes, so he must have a lighter. After searching for a bit he found one in the drawers of his desk.

Wheatley quickly went back to his project. Though to his disappointment he couldn't get the lemon lit. It only managed to create some brown spots on the lemons skin and melt the chocolate frosting which had now caused him to get very sticky fingers.

He groaned. Alright so that obviously didn't work. He didn't know a whole lot about chemistry so he wasn't sure of a mixture with a substance of some sort combined with the juice of the lemon would be able to cause an explosion. So that wasn't really an option either. Maybe he could put something already explosive inside the lemon. It would have the same effect at least, so it would count until he had to make it more useful in some way. But that would be passed onto the others, they would have to handle that. Now his best shot was to just putting something inside the yellow fruit.

Alright, now he only needed something explosive and he would be done. So what would be strong enough to create an explosion and small enough to fit inside the lemon. A grenade? Maybe. But he didn't where to get that. And he would probably need a slightly bigger lemon. Hmmm... what else was there? Fireworks? Firecrackers? That sounded like a great idea!

Wheatley went towards the storage rooms. He only came back with a few of those sticks that gave that starry glow. Not exactly what he'd been looking for, but it was would have to do. He stuck the end of the stick into the lemon. A bit of the juice jumped out and somehow jumped from under his glasses into his eye. Wheatley yelped a bit in pain and rubbed in his eye with his knuckles. It was red and puffy from the tears against the stinging liquid. After a little bit he put his glasses back on his nose. That little incident had been very unpleasant, but his project was finished.

He held up the lemon with pride. He did this, tiny little Wheatley did this. This was marvellous. Now he only had to show this to Cave Johnson. He looked at his watch, it wasn't too late yet. He should be able to make it to his office in time.

So he went back into the hallways for his quest of getting lost and having to go on a journey through almost all of the facility before he found his way to his boss' office. He politely knocked on the door. ''Hello? Is anybody in here?''

No answer.

He knocked again. When he was again met with silence he carefully pushed open the fortuitously unlocked door and peeked inside. The office was empty. He walked inside, looking around curiously. It was a very nice place, especially compared to his workspace. There was a big desk that stood towards the door, there were quite some empty bottles of liquor standing on there. Wheatley stared at his lemon. His boss should come back here sometime soon. It was probably best if he waited here for a bit.

Though it took longer than he expected. After a minute or ten he decided that he should maybe lit his combustible lemon to see for himself if it even worked at all. Maybe he should've tested it before he came here, oh well, no going back now. He picked up the lighter he had put inside his pocket and lit the little firework.

It sparkled beautifully in the dimly lighted room. Wheatley started at in wonder. It worked! He knew it would, of course. But it was still a relief to see that it actually worked.

He was so fascinated by his own project he didn't notice Cave walking in. ''Who the hell are you?''

Wheatley tried desperately to explain, pointing at his lemon. ''I-I-I... the.. I-I-''

''Never mind. Beat it!''

He looked at his combustible lemon. The little fire sparks on the stick was near the end of the lemon. It was going to explode! He looked around him in a moment of blind panic and quickly left the office, holding the dangerous yellow fruit in front of him as he ran off. Cave followed his gaze after him until he was out of the room.

What kind of morons had they hired here at Aperture?