Chapter 1
In a dark cave, Carl the Edgehog was watching flintstones and eating fruity pebbles while smoking a winston cigarette full of cocoa pebbles. Carl deployed his pc and started to browse 22chan. Across the street, Carl's neighbor Jon was digging a shallow grave for his recently deceased pet Odie. Carl Snickered to himself when he saw Jon shed a tear of sadness for his dog. Carl hated Jon, he was too normal. He was the only thing between him and being a level 8 memelord. Carl hacked into Jon's email to see what he could do. He noticed a message from the hospital mentioning Jon's mother and her condition. He then stood up and went into his bedroom thinking of what he could do while he changed out of his Jimmy Neutron pajammies. An actual light bulb appeared over his head and smashed down onto the floor forcing Carl to get a broom. He then sweeped it up and knew that he had an idea.
Chapter 2: The launch codes
Carl being the elite hacker he was easily hacked into America's nuclear database. After mining for the launch codes for 20 minutes, he found them, he was flabbergasted at what they were: dank memes. How could he have not seen this, it was so obvious. He looked out his window to see Jon getting in his car. He left the cave and walked behind the car while Jon was in reverse so Jon would stop. Jon, adjusting his seat, didn't realize Carl who was behind the car and he ran him over. Carl, being such a high level in memery, easily latched on to the bottom of the car. Jon did not know or realize what was about to happen.
Chapter 3: A Nice Visit
When Jon made it to the hospital, he searched for a parking spot for 20 minutes. Within this time, Carl calculated the coordinates of the hospital. Jon walked to the hospital and asked the secretary, "which room is my mom in?" "Room B, hallway on the left." Said the Nurse. "Thank you." replied Jon. Jon went over to the hospital starbucks to buy a brownie for his mom. Meanwhile, Carl snuck past all of the cameras with his katana incase he got spotted. Jon walked into his mom's room. "Hello mom, how are you?" Jon said. His mom replied "Good, how about you?" "I'm good, i got you something" Jon passed his mom the brownie."oh thank you" Jon's mom said while opening the bag. "I've been very famished."
Chapter 4: Nuclear Holocaust
Carl called his friend Edgy the hegy on his yellow iphone 5C. "Edgy, you need to fire the nukes now, launch them at these coordinates." He said. Edgy punched in the nuclear codes and with a single tear in his eye,"I love my job" he entered them. Meanwhile at the Pentagon, everyone was panicking. "Sir, somebody off site is launching nukes" "Where are they set to hit private!" yelled the General. "Memetown USA, sir!" DAMN ITS CARL AGAIN, HOW'D HE GET INTO THE SYSTEM THIS TIME!" yelled the General. "He must've found that damn 4th chaos emerald!" "My god what are we gonna do." Said the General. "There is nothing we could do sir, he locked us out of the system." The General sat down unsure what to do. There was nothing that could be done. The hatch containing the nuke opened up revealing the ballistic missile. Within seconds it was hundreds of feet in the air, with only one target, Jon's Mom's hospital room.
Chapter 5: Carl Gets Hospitalized by and 80 Year Old Woman
The nuclear Missile tumbled through the air because it had rammed into a bird. The missile hit its target obliterating the hospital instantly, killing all the people that were inside. Except for our friend, Carl. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning" Carl said to himself. But then out of the corner of his eye he saw rubble fall and figure appeared. Who was this strange man? "My Kek!" said carl. It was Jon's mom! "But how?" Asked Carl. Jon's Mom laughed. "You expect me to go down so easily, i've been going through chemo!" Angry, Carl said "I should have known, all of the radiation from chemo made you invincible against radiation." Jon's mom stated "And the Radiation from the bomb gave me super mutant excellent powers from the bomb that made me strong!" Carl grinned "It made you illiterate too!" Jon's mom punched Carl in the face, He blacked out instantly. He woke up in a destroyed hospital bed and a mutant doctor said "you're lucky that you survived, if you had been hit any harder you would have died." from that day on, Carl never called any old people illiterate.
Chapter 6: Carl sez
"Kids, there is nothing more cool than doing stuff with your friends, but if your buddy says jumping into a washing machine is cool, that's no good. The big metal blades will break your bones. So what do you do. First you say no then, shove them in the washing machine and get out of there. Teach them how cool it is the break all of their bones."