Timeline: midway between Vol 7 and Like Like Love
My extreme thanks to Loki-the-Fraud for the information about La Guardia and to Brit_Columbia for the extensive beta work on this, even if I did ignore a few of her excellent suggestions. Luv you guys!
Characters belong to Sanami Matoh. Murdock and the perps are mine, as are all errors.
When Pigs Fly
Dee looked at Ryo with confusion. Ryo sat at his kitchen table looking positively uncomfortable, his left arm placed on the table, a cast covering from the palm of his hand to just above his left elbow.
"I just fell and broke my wrist. Can't we just leave it at that?" Ryo really looked chagrined. Belatedly, he realized that was exactly what he shouldn't have said.
One of Dee's eyebrows shot up. There was an interesting story here. One that he needed to know. Something that his gorgeous little Ryo had done that he wasn't supposed to do. Bending over to rest his elbow on the table, he propped his chin in his hand and leaned closer to Ryo's face. "Not after that comment. HOW did you fall and break your wrist?"
Ryo was looking everywhere but at Dee. He couldn't tell him, it was too embarrassing. But as luck would have it, Bikky had overheard the conversation and was headed toward the kitchen. And he was laughing. Could things get any worse?
"Be quiet Bikky. And stop laughing. Please?" He may as well have been talking to the walls for all the good that did. Bikky ignored him and continued into the room.
Dee's eyes went from Ryo to Bikky. Bikky would rat Ryo out - for a price. Dee turned gleefully toward the boy, "Bikky! You know, don't you? You must, or you wouldn't be laughing so hard."
When Dee finds out I'll never hear the end of it. Trying once more to keep his secret a bit longer, he turned to his adopted son. "Bikky, if you know what's good for you - you will NOT say a word."
Dee straightened, pulled out his wallet, and waved a $20 in the direction of said child. "Twenty bucks, Bik, no strings attached. What's the deal here?"
With one last futile hope to keep Bikky from exposing his stupidity, Ryo shouted, his voice tinged with exasperation, "BIKKY!"
Grabbing the $20, Bikky backed out of Ryo's reach. "Thanks Dee. He fell off the monkey bars at the playground." Bikky was still giggling as he left the apartment, announcing he was headed out to the movies.
Dee was surprised, not expecting such an answer, but it sure did explain Ryo's humiliation. He turned, focusing his attention on the reddening face of the man before him.
Ryo lowered his head to the tabletop - he could feel the redness spreading fast - trying desperately to hide that fact from Dee. He waited for the laughter to begin, but oddly it didn't. All he heard was a single chuckle.
He had known it would be hopeless to keep this from Dee, but he would have liked to have gotten at least 24 hours of peace before the torment started. And to have been able to tell Dee himself, in his own words, maybe making it sound a bit more adult - not that he actually thought he could. He slowly lifted his head to look toward Dee. Dee was standing over him, smiling of course, the amused laughter glittering in his eyes.
Dee hadn't seen Ryo this red since they first started dating. "What, pray tell, were you doing on the monkey bars? Aren't you a bit old for that? Thirty-something?" Turning the chair around to brace it against the table, Dee sat down next to Ryo and leaned sideways, as close to Ryo as he could get. Ryo had no other choice but to look at Dee. He still had that know-it-all smirk on his face, merriment dancing in his eyes, and Ryo knew that the taunting was about to begin.
Bracing his left hand on Ryo's thigh, he leaned forward to rest his right arm on the back of Ryo's chair. "You know, I can think of a few other ways to get some exercise, and a whole lot more enjoyable too. And if you want to hang from something I could cuff you to the shower rail and entertain you…."
"DEE!" Good Lord, the man has a one-track mind! "Th-that's not why I was on the monkey bars. I was trying to show Bikky how I used to exercise on them as a kid. I guess I lost my grip and, well, down I went. I tried to break the fall but broke my wrist instead. At least it's my left arm that's incapacitated; I'll still be able to do things, albeit one-handed."
"Hm," Dee tried looking serious by stroking his chin with his left hand, but Ryo knew it was just an act. The mischief was still glittering brightly in his eyes, and the hand had now returned to his thigh.
"Since you are incapacitated here, I guess I'll just have to offer my services to help you out. You're gonna have difficulties with even the littlest tasks. Guess I'll have to stop over early every day and help you dress. Pulling up those boxers won't be easy. All those shirt buttons are going to be near impossible. Fixing your tie - out of the question. Maybe I'll even have to stay overnight to assist you with any overnight 'problems' that arise? And you're not gonna be able to bathe properly, so I'll have to help keep you clean - can't have my partner known as a dirty cop." Dee's eyes just glowed with the last line.
Ryo knew all too well where this was going. Already Dee's fingers were tracing circles on the back of his neck, causing all the wrong, or was it all the right, reactions in Ryo's body. Dee's other hand was creeping up his thigh and inward. Ryo reached down with his one good arm and tightly grabbed Dee's hand, stopping it just short of it's intended goal.
"I'm pretty sure I will be able to manage without your questionable assistance. There will be a few inconveniences, but I do believe that I can muddle through for a few weeks. Bikky can help me with any dressing problems. If anything important comes up, I'll be sure to let you know."
Dee glanced down at Ryo's crotch and snickered. "Looks like something important has already come up. Shall I take care of it for you?" He then leaned forward and kissed Ryo, wrapping his free arm around his shoulders and holding him tight. Dee felt the hold on his wrist slacken, and immediately took advantage. He suddenly had Ryo in a position he could do nothing about, not that he thought Ryo really wanted to change things at this point. Not with the sounds issuing from his gorgeous mouth and the gyrations of his expressive body. And Bikky had gone out. Dee knew he had him, and was busy calculating the best way to get him out of his clothes and into the bed without hurting his arm. Hell, even the floor would do right now.
#=#=#=#=#
Ryo was in a sour mood. After having to deal with Dee about his broken arm -how did he seduce me so quickly - am I really that easy? - he now had to deal with the CI department and the rest of the precinct. He patiently smiled through all the jokes about, 'did you have to hit Dee that hard to get him to leave you alone?', 'getting a bit violent in your old age', 'who'd you hit, Dee or the Commish?', 'I guess she did mean no', 'Ryo - police brutality?', 'what's the other guy look like?', and all the other sad and bad clichés they could dredge up. It had been a long week.
About the only one who seemed seriously concerned about his condition was Commissioner Rose, and that did little to help Ryo's mood. The undercurrents of sexual harassment were strongly there, but thinly disguised as 'helping out'. Both Rose and Dee were so much alike when it came down to their personal dealings with him it wasn't funny. Except, for some reason, he didn't mind it at all when it was Dee.
The morning had been absolutely crazy: reports of odd things stolen, streakers in the park, toilet-papered trees, men in string bikinis buying feminine products in the grocery stores. All sorts of odd occurrences. It wasn't full moon but it seemed that the crazies were out in full force. But fall classes at the local colleges and universities just started; and sorority/fraternity pranks are legend on any college campus. Luckily, the new term only rarely coincided with a full moon.
Ted wandered into the Laytner-MacLean office holding a faxed report in his hands. "Yo guys, remember that report of stolen pigs we got this morning? Well, they've been found. And you ain't gonna like where. Seems that they're wandering around La Guardia as we speak. The Chief wants to see you guys in his office, pronto!"
Both Dee and Ryo groaned in unison. They both knew what that meant - they had to go to the airport. Since Ryo had broken his arm they had nothing but crap assignments when they were sent out together. This was a perfect example. Ryo had mostly been chained to his desk, a situation that Dee was taking advantage of to the max. Since he still had to go out on calls with the other CI detectives, the least Ryo could do was help keep the paperwork up to date, or at least Dee thought so. Even with the broken arm he could hand-write the reports. And Ryo's handwriting was MUCH more legible than his.
#=#=#=#=#
After a slight rap on the Chief's door, and without waiting to be acknowledged, Dee opened the door and bee-lined for a chair. Ryo politely greeted the Chief with a 'good afternoon', closed the door, and took the seat vacant to Dee's left.
Dee lounged back in the char and asked, "So what do you want us to do, Chief, go out and arrest the pigs? Isn't that a bit tacky? Pigs arresting pigs?"
The Chief clamped down on his unlit cigar butt. "Shut it, Laytner! As a special request from the Commissioner, you two are to arrest the perpetrators of this little stunt. Seems the mayor called him and asked that this be handled quickly, allowing no mistakes, with the best personnel available. That's you two, for some reason."
Dee just grunted something about, 'Fuck you, Rose', but Ryo nodded his acceptance. "What are the charges to be brought?"
"Since we have to charge them with something, we're starting with creating a public disturbance. The DA's office can fill in the other charges they want to make. The airport security has them in their holding area, waiting for you two to pick them up. There are only two of them so I think you can handle that. Remember, no talking with the press. They'll probably be waiting to get a look at the perps and will try to get any kind of info from you."
Dee smirked, "You know we can avoid them - that's why we're the best, right Ryo?"
Ryo, in normal Ryo fashion, was more worried about the pigs. They had to be frightened. So many people, the traffic, the noise of incoming and outgoing planes. Not to mention the mess they would be leaving behind them. "What's being done to remove the animals? I don't think we're equipped to handle emergencies like this."
The chief nodded. "It's being handled by professionals. The local SPCA units and Park Rangers are already there, as are representative units from several local university Animal Husbandry Departments, including the group from the university where the pigs were supposed to have been delivered. They have the expertise and equipment to corral them and get them back to the farm they were taken from, though the state wants them quarantined for a week or so. They are pigs…."
It suddenly hit Ryo like a brick, and he burst into hysterical laughter. Both the Chief and Dee looked at him like he was a madman. All he could gasp out was, "pigs - airport - swine flu ..", and then he was lost in laughter again, this time with tears running from his eyes.
The Chief turned to Dee with a quizzical look on his face. "What kind of meds do they have him on?"
Dee just shrugged his shoulders. "Beats me, but at least he's not violent. Come on, Ryo, we got some pigs to grill. Especially if we can catch a little one.…"
"Laytner!"
"Yeah, yeah, Chief. I know. Let's go Ryo, duty calls."
#=#=#=#=#
The scene at the airport was straight from a Keystone Kops movie. After navigating through a maze of police squad cars, various livestock vehicles, local newspaper and television vans, Animal Rights cars, and official vehicles from various branches of the local political scene, they were able to park in the Airport Security Area. From what they had ascertain on the drive through, most of the pigs had gotten in only one of the terminals, American Airlines. A few were still loose outside the building and they could hear squeals every now and then. Everything had been cordoned off and official airline business was trying to continue. Both men could imagine the news reports tonight. This was even better than the time a flock of ducks closed down 8 lanes of superhighway at rush hour.
Once inside the Airport Security Area they had to pass by a group of reporters to get to the gentleman waiting to escort them to the main office. A few of the reporters recognized Dee and Ryo and were calling out to catch their attention, hoping to get a bit of extra information. Both ignored them and kept walking. Thankfully, Airport Security was keeping them at a safe distance; this area was for collecting and transporting suspicious persons, and the press wasn't welcome.
The Airport Security Chief, Frank Murdock, greeted them as they entered the security office. He introduced himself, shook their hands, and took their business cards for later reference. He gave a quick glance at Ryo's left arm, partially hidden under the jacket he had thrown over his shirt, and led them down the hallway.
Even here the jokes didn't stop. The security chief asked Ryo if he'd been a victim of police brutality. Being polite, he smiled weakly and said, "No, just police stupidity." Dee just snickered. The gentleman looked at them oddly, but didn't take it any further, sensing a private joke was involved.
The Security Chief took Dee and Ryo into the surveillance area, where almost all the monitors were focused on the main level of the American Airlines Terminal. If they had thought the outside area was a mess, the inside was sheer pandemonium. Besides all the patrons waiting to buy tickets, get boarding passes, and all the other routine things that go with flights, they now had to side-step piglets and animal handlers chasing said piglets. And the housekeeping crews were now adding to the mayhem by trying to clean up some of the messes that had already occurred.
Murdock pointed to the second monitor, focused on the entrance. "They backed the van up in front of the terminal entrance, blocking the traffic flow and hampering our ability to get into the area. They threw the van keys into the parking area outside the terminal.
"This here is the result of their little prank. It will take days to clean the area up. From the pigs scaring people, to them running into things and spilling lord-knows-what on the floor, to leaving their droppings everywhere - well, the cleaning crew will be on overtime this week. We'll have to do floors, walls, glass, everything."
As Dee and Ryo scanned the bank of monitors it became evident that the 'fun' didn't end at the airline counter. Once the piglets had entered the terminal there were many directions to run to find hiding places. Quite a few had found their way to the food court area; either by luck or being guided by their noses to the food. Two of them had somehow made their way to the x-ray machine, bowling things over left and right in that area.
On the multitude of monitors in the room, almost every one of them had a different scene, each containing a piglet and a hopeful human with a net or loop. Dee started to laugh, nudging Ryo and pointing to one specific monitor - there was a piglet in Dunkin Donuts! Ryo looked up and couldn't help but chuckle.
The relative quiet of the room was suddenly broken by a warning siren - one of the metal detectors had gone off. A separate bank of monitors immediately switched to the detector area. A look at one monitor showed a piglet racing toward the tarmac. The chief shook his head. "Good lord no, a pig just set off the metal detector. How the hell did it get down there?"
Being research animals, each was tagged with a metal ID on its ear.
He pulled out his communicator and beeped the guard in charge of that area. "Who's near that area with a net? Get them over there pronto and stop that pig before it makes it to a runway. And find out who can authorize the use of tranquilizer guns." After getting an "I'm on it" reply, he beeped another guard. "Have them close off the area around the American Airlines terminal. Shut down all traffic in that area NOW. There's a pig headed that way." Hearing the laughter and comments in the background he added, "No, the four legged kind."
Dee and Ryo didn't know whether to laugh or take offense, but in this situation, who could help but laugh? At least this wasn't their mess to control.
After deciding that everything was under as much control as possible, Chief Murdock took Dee and Ryo to the holding area. The security chief asked the guard for all the items taken from the two alleged perpetrators.
Two manila envelopes were brought in and given to Dee and Ryo. They needed to verify that items listed as being in the envelopes were in fact there, and to officially sign forms stating that all was in order. There were also numerous other forms that required signatures to legally relinquish custody of the two suspects to the NYPD.
While checking that all the appropriate paperwork was signed, Murdock described the two. "The dumb asses are drugged to the gills. They're probably still sitting and giggling over this. You know, they even greased the damned pigs, poured vegetable oil all over them? They're harder than hell to catch right now. The animal rights groups really don't want to stun them since they were bred for research, but somebody's gotta get out the tranq guns soon. Only eight have been caught so far, and I think 20 were reported stolen."
Murdock shifted to look at the detectives. "They gotta corner the pigs to catch them. And the little buggers are damned fast! And now with one heading for the runway area …. This will be funny in a few months, but right now it's the biggest nightmare we've ever seen here."
Dee smiled at the thought of the evening news. "Had to be a dare by a college group. The worst part is that whomever egged these two into this probably won't see a day of time. Unless they can come up with a miracle lawyer, those two would've gotten a lighter sentence if they stood on an airplane with target pistols and yelled, 'this is a hijacking'. It probably seemed like a fun idea at the time, but they sure as hell didn't think it through. The charges they will have thrown at them...."
Ryo nodded in agreement. "Yes, Detective Laytner and I were discussing this on the way over. There are so many charges to be filed against them it's not funny; just start with the theft of the piglets and go from there. We only need one charge to get them out of here and back to the precinct for booking though. Right now we have them for creating a public disturbance, but I can guarantee that the list will get much longer once the DA's office gets all the fine details of this fiasco."
Dee nodded in agreement. "That private cache of drugs in the envelopes won't help their case any either. If an official gets angry enough, terrorism might even be added to this. Wouldn't want to be in their shoes right now. They really need a good lawyer, and I don't think that's how mommy and daddy envisioned spending the education funds. That's the wrong kind of education."
Murdock nodded at the last comment. "Well, I'll let you two fine officers take charge of our wayward youngsters. I don't think the FBI will be getting too involved with this, but they will do a preliminary investigation since this airport is for interstate travel. When they do I'll have them give you a buzz. And it wouldn't hurt to give them the routine reports as we get them. Best to keep them in our good graces; it's not wise to get on their bad side."
Dee rolled his eyes and muttered, "Tell me about it. And that's great, I didn't think about the Feds. All we need is the Sea Hag on our backs." Ryo glared back at him, the look warning Dee to keep quiet.
Two security guards brought in the two culprits, and after Dee and Ryo read them their rights, Murdock and the guards helped escort the detainees to the police cruiser and safely locked them in the back. It still didn't look like the severity of what they had done had taken hold in their feeble drug-fried brains.
They both thanked Murdock and the other officers for their assistance and prepared to leave. Dee started the car as Ryo got in. "Looks like the afternoon will be filled with reams of paperwork. Glad you didn't break the right arm, or I'd be stuck doing it."
Ryo shot Dee a look that would melt steel. "If you think I'm doing all this by myself then you'd better think again. You get one of these jokers and I get the other. You are NOT wheedling your way out of this. Remember, we were BOTH chosen for this assignment. For once, thank you Rose!"
The bickering continued all the way back to the precinct, with Ryo maintaining the upper hand. Dee just didn't want to concede to defeat, although he knew there was no way he was getting out of it.
Meanwhile, the two perps in the back finally fell into a drugged sleep, oblivious to the furor they had created that day.
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TBC in the new year.