Hey, so i know I have that other absolutely forgotten detective conan fic I need to do from years ago but here have this one. It's dark and deals with psychological manipulation and stuff like that. so please be careful? dont read shit you know will be triggering for you. There's no main couple, closest to it is Shinichi crushing on Ran but its mostly one sided and. well. he has other problems to deal with. POINT IS, its not the main focal point of this story. anyways, ill try to update as much as i can. no promises.

Conan was frankly sick of his situation.

He was sick of this body, sick of kiddy school, sick of lying, sick of hiding, he was just sick of being Conan Edogawa and not Shinichi Kudo.

He was 12 already, god, he couldn't fathom thinking a day were he'd be 20 and still 'Conan' – he didn't want to imagine going up towards 30, 40 or 50 even. This whole charade of being a kid started 4 years ago, and he was just… so tired. So god damn tired.

He wanted this to be over already – he was a patient person but this is something that no one couldn't soldier through without a bit of off days.

Though, Conan's "off days" have been a lot more frequent than normal… it has a lot to do with the fact that he's started a new school year, 6th grade – only one year away from junior high. It gave him a harsh reality check of his current situation.

He's tried not to let it show too much but he isn't very good at hiding it, he's constantly moody and grumpy, especial when Ran isn't around. And Haibara's annoyed with him, the detective boys have a hard time uttering a word around him, and he can't even tolerate pretending to be a child half of the time.

He sighed, playing with a cheap white eraser in his hand as the teacher continued on with their lecture. The subject was currently grammar, his tuned out brain supplied him.

The teacher this year was… weird. Though the kids liked him, something about him sent Conan's detective instincts on full haywire, though he tried not to let it show too much… it wouldn't be the first time he mistakenly judged someone without any evidence and just pure instinct. That's a mistake he wouldn't wish to repeat.

It had nothing to do with look, however, Irie-sensei looks like a friendly grandpa who gives you too much money and makes you too much food. He looks around eighty with a bony thin build with a slightly slouched back. His hair is a frazzled gray mess that seems impossible to tame.

He looks anything but threatening – it was just the way the man carried himself, the way the man eye's look, and sometimes the undertone of his words made Conan squint at the man.

Nevertheless, as a person of education the man did well – he seemed like a perfect lecturer for children due to his cheesy jokes and his genuine care for kids… which is primarily why Conan is sure he's just too paranoid.

"Hey, Conan."

Conan blinked, looking towards Ayumi who sat beside him, tilting his head to indicate her to go on.

"Want to go to the bookstore afterschool," she whispered quietly, smiling brightly, "Everyone else is coming, what about you?"

He looked at the other kids which stared at him with wide eyes, exception being Hiabara, "I think I'm going to skip this one out today, sorry guys."

"Oh come on!" Even whispering Genta found a way to be obnoxious. He lowered his voice when Ayumi glared at him, "You rarely go out with us anymore…"

Conan cringed, "Sorry guys, just not feeling up for it lately," He tried to muster up a good smile for them, "School's just been so tiring lately."

The kid's ate it up, "If you say so…," Ayumi whispered in slight solemn, putting her attention back to the teacher – the subject dropped.

Conan tried not to let the guilt over take him too much.

Recently he had increased his workload when it came to cases, it's what he primarily worked on in his free time, he stopped trying to focus on the useless cases Kogoro stumbled upon and decided to nitpick whichever one's he felt are more necessary to his situation.

He just didn't have enough time to worry about extra luggage. It was a little morally challenging, but he had to be selfish in this regard – or else he'd probably go insane.

He opened the door of the Kudo Mansion, feeling already comfortable and relieved in the confines of the house. He used to feel lonely and isolated when he lived here, but now he welcomed it – it helped him feel like himself again and he was desperate for that familiarity.

Conan made his way up to his old room, flopping onto his bed with a big sigh – he was away from everything, from the world, in his own space – he wished he had that again.

He rubbed at his face, he probably should get to work…

But was it really worth it at this point? His main motivation to go back to his old life was slipping from his fingers… he didn't have much drive or care at this point.

He cringed at himself, sighing as he got back up. Of course it was worth it, images of Ran flashed – her smile, anger, her childish fears – it made him smile. More than anything… she was still his precious friend and the love of his life, despite the circumstances.

He forced himself up and got out the files he'd hidden away, tucked away in a secret compartment (specially made by Agasa), and sat on his floor – spreading paper across the shining wood.

He clicked his pen as he retraced the information he had so far, the organization was a tricky snake to catch but if you squinted at unsolved cases you can find what you're looking for.

Recently, however, Conan noticed that they've been rather inactive.

An inkling of familiar dread trickled down his spine, he's been through this thought process… but what if they'd become suspicious someone was tracing their tracks. That someone being him.

He hoped it was just coincidence, but as he looked at the last case possibly linked to the Black Organization, it only fueled his suspicion. They slowed down right when Conan was actively being specific in his search.

Was it really that quickly noticeable? He had called a few times in Shinichi's voice at the police station, and had called witnesses of the cases… was that enough to send the Organizations alarm blaring?

He bit his lip, he should have been more careful… especially using a voice that is considered dead in the Orgs eyes.

Sighing he rubbed his face, already feeling a headache coming on. The organization is so careful and well hidden – it's frustrating. At this point, Conan is tired and impatient. He's not sure how much more he can last in this body.

He's just so tired.

Blearily he stuffed the papers and folders back into the hidden compartment, ending his work early. No one said he didn't try; he's way too irritated and depressed to continue on with his usual work routine… might as well just stop before he spiraled down further.

It's so unlike him, giving up so early like this.

Shaking his head he leaves the manor, making sure the place was securely locked before walking in a leisure pace towards the Mouri Agency. His eyes squinting at the rays of the setting sun, which casted a glare over his fake oversized glasses.

Ran was used to him being out most of the day; at this point she just assumes he's out with the detective boys. But he hadn't, in a long time, done anything with them.

How long has it been? Possibly since they started the school year... he wasn't too sure.

He cringed, mainly at himself and his behavior. Conan was being a cold jerk to the kids, he knew that. He'll make it up to them tomorrow, take the kids out for ice cream.

Conans thoughts abruptly ended when he felt the shiver of eyes watching him.

Conan tensed; he slowed down his breathing and took in his surroundings with sharp blue eyes. He looked at the people who surrounded him. It's not too crowded, but there was enough people for him to feel uncertain if someone was watching him or not.

Nonetheless, he decided it was best to play it safe. With the possible threat of the Black Org looming over him – he couldn't afford chances.

He continued walking, but not towards the agency any longer.

If someone was following him, he definitely didn't want to lead them to the agency. He decided instead to go to a nearby store, somewhat less populated, but not empty where he'd be vulnerable to being ambushed.

He spotted a bookstore, which met the requirements of his needs, and casually strode towards it. The door ringed when he opened it and he was met with the familiar scent of books.

It would have been comforting, if his senses weren't on high alert, taking in every single detail surrounding him – calculating his next move, his next step.

Conan made his way to the kids section, which was practically displayed in one of the first rows (It was a marketing practice, he side-noted.) He made a show of browsing the section of books, but side eyed the front door in reality.

He made a bet that whoever was following him, would either wait for him outside or follow him in – which could work both in his favor.

If they waited outside for him? He'll leave from the back. He's familiar with this bookstore (Fortunately) and he remembered plenty of times walking past the back exit – he was sure it was more for employees or emergencies, but he should be able to sneak out without notice.

If on the other hand they followed him inside, he could use the same trick. He'd just have to be quicker about it. But he'll have an added bonus of seeing the face of whoever was following him. Even if there's a possibility they have a disguise on – it was better than nothing.

The ringing of the door opening made him whip his head towards the door and he did a double take at who it was.

There, greeting the store clerk with a friendly wide smile and easy wave, was his teacher.

"Irie-sensei!"

The teacher blinked at him, his eyes registering before he slowly smiled, "Conan-kun!" He limped towards the other (Conan isn't sure how he's still standing sometimes), "What a pleasure to see you."

Conan smiled, a little awkwardly, taking a glance behind the teacher – perhaps whoever followed him backed off for now due to his sudden acquaintance.

"You too," he started, forcing himself to sound chipper, "I came here to grab a quick book!"

Irie-sensei smiled, seemingly pleased his student is enjoying his free time reading, "Excellent, do you need help getting one? I have a few I could recommend."

Conan nodded with enthusiasm, but felt himself already feel worn by this predicament, "That would be great!"

The teacher nodded and motioned for Conan to follow him, which he obediently did, towards the children books section, "I heard you like detectives," he stated, grabbing a couple of books off the shelf and handing a total of 3 to Conan, "I'm sure you'll love these."

Conan blinked at Irie-sensei and at the books, "How do you know that?" He's never mentioned it much in class – mostly because he hasn't discussed anything detective related with the kids.

Irie-sensei smiled, wide and sincere, "I asked your past teacher."

"Kobayashi-sensei?"

He nodded, "I wanted to make sure I knew more about my students."

Its… not everyday you meet a teacher this serious with their work. In a way it was refreshing, like the world isn't so bad after all.

Conan looked down at the books in his hands, his heart warming further at the sight of two detective mice on the cover with stereotypical Sherlock Holmes attire. The title Basil of Bakers Field automatically came to his head – when he was a kid he's read these series religiously before he moved to the more adult stuff.

It held a nostalgia he could never forget and he appreciated Irie-sensei for this. Because he had felt down, and just knowing there's still good people and good things is just nice with his line of work.

"Thank you, Irie-sensei," he smiled at the teacher, a full sincere smile.

Irie-sensei smiled back, wide, causing his wrinkles to become more prominent. His eyes twinkled with happiness, "Anytime, Conan-kun."

Conan thinks he can handle another year if a man like this existed.