Scene 1
Narrator: It started off like any other week - a sweltering summer day, and Harry and Ron still continued in their awful jobs at the Magical Creatures Zoo.
Mr. Stevens: (screaming) Ron! Harry! I told you to clean the Clabbert cages an hour ago! Get to work!
Ron: Sorry, Mr. S.
Harry: It won't happen again, sir.
Mr. Stevens: Make sure that it doesn't, or you'll get another pay cut!
Narrator: Harry and Ron are Hogwarts dropouts. They work at the Magical Creatures Zoo only so they can pay the rent on their roach-infested bachelor pad.
Ron: I'm so tired of kissing up to that bald-headed loser.
(Harry and Ron move over to the Clabbert cage and begin to clean it).
Harry: So am I, Ron, but Mr. Stevens isn't bald, you know...
Ron: Oh... I knew that...
(Two girls and a boy walk over to Harry and Ron while they are cleaning the Clabbert cage).
Narrator: Blaise, Pansy, and Draco were the evil, nasty, bullying Slytherins from Hogwarts. They had made fun of Harry and Ron ever since first year, when Ron peed his pants.
Blaise: Awwwww, Clabberts are so cute!
Pansy: Hey, Ron, is that one of your brothers?
Draco: He has enough of them! But maybe it's his sister!
(Blaise, Pansy, and Draco walk away, laughing).
Harry: I can't stand those jerks! It was first year!
Ron: What was first year?
Harry: Never mind, Ron...
Narrator: A little girl walks over to Harry and Ron.
Happy Zoo Visitor: (Points to a sign on the Mackled Malaclaw cage) Hey, mister, what does this sign say?
Ron: It says m-ma-m-mackl-mackled... mal-mal-mala...malaclaw! This thing's name is Malcalaclaw!
Happy Zoo Visitor: Thanks, mister!
Happy Zoo Visitor's Mom: (buying lemonade and drops it) Janie, get away from that strange man! (Takes Janie away and lectures her).
Harry: Man, you are dumb! It doesn't say Malcalaclaw, it says Malalacla Maclaw. His name is two words.
Ron: Oh, yeah...
Narrator: Luna Lovegood walks by carrying two buckets of cheese to a new part of the Zoo.
Luna: (walking by with the buckets) Hey Ron! Hey Harry!
Harry and Ron: (Wave back to Luna) Hey, Luna!
Harry: (to Ron) Did you hear the news? They brought in a Crumple-Horned Snorkack today. Let's go check it out.
(Harry and Ron walk over to the tank and read the sign).
Ron: (disgusted) Skippy. What a dumb name... it reminds me of peanut butter...
Harry: Another dumb animal with another dumb name that we have to take care of...
Ron: (sarcastically) Fun...
Harry: I wish there were no such thing as animals.
Ron: Me too, they are such a pain in the neck to take care of. They should have never been invented.
(Blaise, Pansy and Draco, carrying a sack, begin to sneak up on Harry and Ron).
Harry: Dude, they weren't invented, they came off of Noah's Ark.
Ron: Wow, really? That's so cool!
Blaise: Think fast!
Narrator: Pansy and Draco throw sacks of fresh Clabbert poop at Harry and Ron, who fall backwards into Skippy's tank. Harry gets out and pulls Ron out of the water.
Ron: (screaming) I can't swim, I can't swim!
Harry: Ron, I pulled you out 30 seconds ago. Chill.
Ron: (embarrassed) Oh...
Draco: See ya later, losers.
Blaise and Pansy: (simultaneously) Loser!
(Blaise, Pansy and Draco walk off, laughing again).
Narrator: Blaise, Pansy and Draco leave their fun of tormenting Harry and Ron, to go train the Erumpents. Harry and Ron decide to finish cleaning the Clabbert cage and leave, too.
(Harry and Ron go back to the Clabbert cage).
Harry: (looking around the cage) Yo, Ron, look! The Clabberts want to play hide-and-go-seek.
Ron: (Looking around the zoo) All of the animals are playing hide-and-go- seek.
Harry: Woah! The only one that isn't is Skippy.
Ron: What about peanut butter?
Harry: Nevermind. Let's go back home. Let Mr. Stevens play hide-and-go- seek with the animals.