A short little one-shot fiction on how Courtney feels about losing Jason.
If you like Journey fan-fictions then read my story titled "A Lasting
Love."
Dedicated to my friend Danneka, Who has lost many things dear to her heart.
~Dawndrina~
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters!! And I will never say I do!! So you can't sue me!! I don't have any money anyways. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
If Tears Could Build a Bridge to Heaven
"If tears could build a bridge,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven,
And bring you home again."
It was dusk on a cold winter day, and Courtney was trudging along through the park, numb to the bone. She wasn't numbed by the extreme cold, but by the heavy hole she felt in her heart. Everything in her world had fallen away. She was dead inside, all because of love. Her love for Jason.
Jason, who was her soul mate, her lover, her husband, who was now dead. He had been dead only three months, yet it felt like years to Courtney. Years of darkness and pain, that didn't leave any room for hope or light. And Courtney didn't care. The darkness was how she escaped. She would embrace the pain and give in to it, trying to get away from the happiness she had felt when Jason was alive. The way she had felt when he held her, when he would talk, and the way he would kiss her.
Ah, yes. That was the one thing Courtney couldn't get out of her mind.
The last time Jason had kissed her.
She remembered it like it had happened yesterday. He had kissed her the night he died, right before he left the penthouse. It was the best kiss she had ever experienced. Yet even at the time, she could tell, somehow, that it was a kiss goodbye.
.She had looked back at that kiss so many times, and she had come to the conclusion that maybe he had known that he might not see her again. That he had a job to do. And that he was the Enforcer.
But what about being the Protector? Courtney's Protector?
It had never mattered how it had happened. Just that it had. Courtney had almost even forgotten. All she could remember was the pain. Unbearable pain.
And where had that pain gotten her? Nowhere. Even though it seemed to help, and she embraced it at times, it had made her family and friends seem like complete strangers. When they tried to help her with her "loss" as the called it, she would shrink away. No one understood the pain, the feeling of having half of your soul ripped away. How could anyone? Everyone thought Jason was a cold shell of a used-to-be man. Nobody knew him like her.
Courtney wiped her now tearing eyes and walked through the dark park to sit on one of the many benches. She wiped the tears from her face. Why was she doing this to herself? She closed her eyes and tried for the millionth time tried to wipe the memories from her mind, hoping that it would help ease her pain, but it hadn't helped so far. So instead she just let the tears fall, like she had so many times before.
She took out a tissue from her purse and blew her nose. She wiped her eyes again and looked up at the sky.
She stared at the stars, remembering how Jason used to tell her that the stars were the souls of those who had died and gone to heaven. She smiled a bit. Was one of the stars up there Jason's soul?
Just as she asked herself that, one star caught her eye. It wasn't the biggest or the brightest, but something about it held her attention. It was near the North Star, but didn't have any other stars clustered very near to it, like many of the other stars in the sky.
She laughed a little and looked down at her hands for a second, then looked back up at the stars in the sky.
"Jason?" she said, searching the stars, as if she thought she could find him there, "Listen, Jason, if you can hear me. I miss you."
Courtney stopped to wipe her eyes again, and then continued, "I would tell you that I wish I had been taken instead of you, but I know what you would say. But the truth is, without you here, I already feel dead. There's a hole in my heart where you were, Jason, and it won't go away."
She stopped again, and this time a gentle breeze that wasn't there before brushed past her, and if was as if she could feel Jason.
"Jason, I love you," she said, "And I always will. But the pain. how am I supposed to make it go away? I'm afraid that if the pain stops, my love for you will too. And I don't want that to stop. I want to love you forever."
As she said that, she flashed back to one of the many memories of her and Jason. It was their wedding, when they had promised to love each other forever.
"Nothing is forever," she said to herself, "Not even love."
Why not? She thought to herself. If nothing lasts forever, then why should I even care?
"Because I love you, even though I can't be with you," a voice said. Courtney jerked her head up. It had sounded like Jason.
"Jason? Jason can you hear me?" she said, even more tears welling up in her eyes.
She though about the voice she had just heard. Jason had told her that even after he was gone, he would still love her, and why would Jason lie to her?
He wouldn't.
Just at that point, Courtney went through a revelation.
"He was right," she said, looking back up at the stars, "You do love me still, don't you?"
Again, a soft breeze brushed past her cheek.
"And even though I can't see you right now, you're still there," she said, "I can feel you."
Courtney wiped her eyes, a feeling of peace settling over her.
It was as if a huge door had opened up into her world of pain and darkness, and she could see the light again.
She smiled, really smiled, for the first time since Jason had died, and got up from the park bench and left to go home.
"If tears could build a bridge,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven,
And bring you home again."
*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Ok, so what do you guys thing?? I don't know if anybody will like it.. But I was feeling rather glum and writing helped! If you like my writing, though, and want to read a continuous Journey story, check out "A Lasting Love," unless you already have.
Ciao For Now!
~Dawndrina~
Dedicated to my friend Danneka, Who has lost many things dear to her heart.
~Dawndrina~
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters!! And I will never say I do!! So you can't sue me!! I don't have any money anyways. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
If Tears Could Build a Bridge to Heaven
"If tears could build a bridge,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven,
And bring you home again."
It was dusk on a cold winter day, and Courtney was trudging along through the park, numb to the bone. She wasn't numbed by the extreme cold, but by the heavy hole she felt in her heart. Everything in her world had fallen away. She was dead inside, all because of love. Her love for Jason.
Jason, who was her soul mate, her lover, her husband, who was now dead. He had been dead only three months, yet it felt like years to Courtney. Years of darkness and pain, that didn't leave any room for hope or light. And Courtney didn't care. The darkness was how she escaped. She would embrace the pain and give in to it, trying to get away from the happiness she had felt when Jason was alive. The way she had felt when he held her, when he would talk, and the way he would kiss her.
Ah, yes. That was the one thing Courtney couldn't get out of her mind.
The last time Jason had kissed her.
She remembered it like it had happened yesterday. He had kissed her the night he died, right before he left the penthouse. It was the best kiss she had ever experienced. Yet even at the time, she could tell, somehow, that it was a kiss goodbye.
.She had looked back at that kiss so many times, and she had come to the conclusion that maybe he had known that he might not see her again. That he had a job to do. And that he was the Enforcer.
But what about being the Protector? Courtney's Protector?
It had never mattered how it had happened. Just that it had. Courtney had almost even forgotten. All she could remember was the pain. Unbearable pain.
And where had that pain gotten her? Nowhere. Even though it seemed to help, and she embraced it at times, it had made her family and friends seem like complete strangers. When they tried to help her with her "loss" as the called it, she would shrink away. No one understood the pain, the feeling of having half of your soul ripped away. How could anyone? Everyone thought Jason was a cold shell of a used-to-be man. Nobody knew him like her.
Courtney wiped her now tearing eyes and walked through the dark park to sit on one of the many benches. She wiped the tears from her face. Why was she doing this to herself? She closed her eyes and tried for the millionth time tried to wipe the memories from her mind, hoping that it would help ease her pain, but it hadn't helped so far. So instead she just let the tears fall, like she had so many times before.
She took out a tissue from her purse and blew her nose. She wiped her eyes again and looked up at the sky.
She stared at the stars, remembering how Jason used to tell her that the stars were the souls of those who had died and gone to heaven. She smiled a bit. Was one of the stars up there Jason's soul?
Just as she asked herself that, one star caught her eye. It wasn't the biggest or the brightest, but something about it held her attention. It was near the North Star, but didn't have any other stars clustered very near to it, like many of the other stars in the sky.
She laughed a little and looked down at her hands for a second, then looked back up at the stars in the sky.
"Jason?" she said, searching the stars, as if she thought she could find him there, "Listen, Jason, if you can hear me. I miss you."
Courtney stopped to wipe her eyes again, and then continued, "I would tell you that I wish I had been taken instead of you, but I know what you would say. But the truth is, without you here, I already feel dead. There's a hole in my heart where you were, Jason, and it won't go away."
She stopped again, and this time a gentle breeze that wasn't there before brushed past her, and if was as if she could feel Jason.
"Jason, I love you," she said, "And I always will. But the pain. how am I supposed to make it go away? I'm afraid that if the pain stops, my love for you will too. And I don't want that to stop. I want to love you forever."
As she said that, she flashed back to one of the many memories of her and Jason. It was their wedding, when they had promised to love each other forever.
"Nothing is forever," she said to herself, "Not even love."
Why not? She thought to herself. If nothing lasts forever, then why should I even care?
"Because I love you, even though I can't be with you," a voice said. Courtney jerked her head up. It had sounded like Jason.
"Jason? Jason can you hear me?" she said, even more tears welling up in her eyes.
She though about the voice she had just heard. Jason had told her that even after he was gone, he would still love her, and why would Jason lie to her?
He wouldn't.
Just at that point, Courtney went through a revelation.
"He was right," she said, looking back up at the stars, "You do love me still, don't you?"
Again, a soft breeze brushed past her cheek.
"And even though I can't see you right now, you're still there," she said, "I can feel you."
Courtney wiped her eyes, a feeling of peace settling over her.
It was as if a huge door had opened up into her world of pain and darkness, and she could see the light again.
She smiled, really smiled, for the first time since Jason had died, and got up from the park bench and left to go home.
"If tears could build a bridge,
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven,
And bring you home again."
*^*^*^*^*^*^**^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Ok, so what do you guys thing?? I don't know if anybody will like it.. But I was feeling rather glum and writing helped! If you like my writing, though, and want to read a continuous Journey story, check out "A Lasting Love," unless you already have.
Ciao For Now!
~Dawndrina~