A/N - Okay, this is my first ever comedy type thing. So read review and enjoy!
Mayu Kitsune
I Need a Shrink
Brotherly Love
Doctor Phil theme music plays as the show begins. Currently on the set is the host, Dr. Phil, and a very, as usual, stoic looking Sesshomaru sitting on the couch somewhat across from him.
DR. PHIL: (with a smile and talking with his hands as usual) Hello folks, and thank you for watching the show. Today's show is going to focus on sibling rivalries. Now here today, I have for you, one of the worst brother relationships I have ever seen. And that's saying a lot. (Gestures toward Sesshomaru) Here is the older brother, Sesshomaru.
AUDIENCE: (Applause)
DR. PHIL: (Turns his attention to Sesshomaru, who still shows no emotion.) So, um, Sesshomaru, what is it that makes you and your brother hate each other so much?
SESSHOMARU: (Seems a bit annoyed and gives his signature glare.) He is my half-brother.
DR. PHIL: (sweat drop) Okay then . . . what makes you hate him so much that you try to kill him?
SESSHOMARU: If you must know, he is annoying.
DR. PHIL: Oh really? How is he annoying to you?
SESSHOMARU: (In a dark tone) He is immature, wields his sword like a neaderthal and he simply refuses to die.
Awkward silence.
DR. PHIL: . . . . (Clears his throat) well then let's, uh, meet your brother-
SESSHOMARU: (Glares)
DR. PHIL: (Pauses then corrects himself) Er. . . half-brother, shall we?
The audience applauses as a very disgrutled Inuyasha makes his appearance.
INUYASHA: (He marches over to Sesshomaru, pointing an accusing finger at him before Dr. Phil can even begin.) What do you mean annoying! I'll show you who's annoying you sissified cross-dresser!
SESSHOMARU: (He stands, giving Inuyasha a thouroughly annoyed glare.) You should learn your place half-breed. (He reaches for his sword.)
DR. PHIL: (Looks a bit nervous though forces himself to keep on a pleasant smile) Now boys, settle down and, uh, let's talk this out.
INUYASHA AND SESSHOMARU: (Both send him tempermental glares) Never.
DR. PHIL: (Addressing the camera and the audience. The camera focuses on him but from the sounds in the background it is quite obvious that a battle is raging) Well folks, this is where we take our commercial break. Stay tuned, we'll be back in a moment.
SESSHOMARU: (to Inuyasha off-screen) Surrender to your fate and die half- breed.
INUYASHA: (Flies into camera view, stopping himself and lunging out of view agian.) NEVER!
DR. PHIL: I hope. . . NO! NOT IN THE BUILDING! STOP! (He manages to say this before a loud "Kaze no Kizu!" could be heard and the camera goes dead.)
Five minutes later. The commercial break ends and things seem to have calmed down though the front rows of the audience are now empty and the paramedics are busy wheeling off the unfortunate camera man along with his destroyed camera which he refuses to let it go. The rest of the stage looks as though it's been through hell and back.
DR. PHIL: (with uneasy and mock enthusiasm, now not looking as though he thought this whole show to be a good idea anymore) Well, now that things have settled down, it's time to ask Inuyasha a few questions. (he turns his attention back to the couch that seemed to have miraculously survived. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru are seated on seperate ends of it, seperated by a very unnerved security guard.)
INUYASHA: (Impatiently) So get on with it already. (Mumbling) The sooner I leave the better.
DR. PHIL: Alright then. Inuyasha, why do you hate you bro-
Inuyasha and Sesshomaru both send him dirty looks.
DR. PHIL: Uh, Half-brother
INUYASHA: Because, he's the annoying one! He's just jealous because I got the Tetsusaiga and he didn't! That's all it is!
SESSHOMARU: (Shooting Inuyasha a look) Jealous is hardly the word for it.
INUYASHA: See! He's in denial!
DR. PHIL: (Laughing nervously) Okay, calm down. I'm the one making the diagnosises here. (Pauses) Sesshomaru, you're in denial.
SESSHOMARU: (Gives Dr. Phil a glare.) Do you have a death wish?
DR. PHIL: (Laughs nervously) And an anger management problem.
INUYASHA: (pointing a finger at Sesshomaru.) Hah! See I was right.
SESSHOMARU: (Rolls his eyes before getting up.) Immature fool, don't waste your breath. (Turns to leave.) I don't need to be here, it's ridiculous.
DR. PHIL: No, wait, don't leave yet! The show ain't over! We still have one more person to bring out!
INUYASHA: (looks to Dr. Phil in question.) Like who?
DR. PHIL: Coming out now is a person who thinks that you two should learn to get along.
INUYASHA: (Shocked) WHAT!
SESSHOMARU: They shouldn't bother.
INUYASHA: Who the hell is it?
DR. PHIL: (motioning off stage) Come on out Kagome.
INUYASHA: Kagome?
SESSHOMARU: I shoul've known. Foolish mortal girl.
Kagome makes her entrance, walking briskly onto the stage. She grabs a somewhat shocked looking Sesshomaru by the arm and drags him back to the couch. He only sends her a glare once he gets over the little bit of shock.
KAGOME: (hands on hips) You can't leave yet, the show isn't over! You and Inuyasha are supposed to be working things out.
INUYASHA: (Turns his nose up.) Forget about it Kagome.
KAGOME: I will not! You two've been at this for so long already! Don't you think it's about time you got on good terms with him?
INUYASHA: (glares at her, shouting indignantly) Hey! Who's side are you on?
kagome takes a seat on the couch allowing the scared security guard to leave and dragging Sesshomaru down with her. He looks thuroughly annoyed at having someone make him stay, but he seems to tolerate it.
SESSHOMARU: (darkly) You had better be grateful that you are not on bad terms with me, mortal.
DR. PHIL: So, Kagome, I say you're completely right by saying that it would benefit the both of them if they got along, but let me ask you this: Why did you take it on yourself to get them both here?
KAGOME: Oh! They're just so annoying sometimes! They don't do anything but fight and insult each other! Am I the only mature one? (Sighs) We'll be working on the show and they can't help but to be cruel to each other even behind the scenes!
DR. PHIL: Well, it looks as though we've got some footage of this cruelty. (To no one in particular) Roll the tape!
Everyone's attention turns to the big screen behind the couch as images begin to show.
-VIDEO-
On the screen, Sesshomaru can be seen non-chalantly mixing something into Inuyasha's coffee cup while Inuyasha has apparently gotten up for the moment. Inuyasha returns after a moment, picking up the cup and drinking from it. Sesshomaru gives a smirk, but it vanishes as quickly as it came.
INUYASHA: (in the video) (he pauses and gives Sesshomaru a skeptical look) What was that? I saw that!
SESSHOMARU: (Raises an eyebrow) I do not know what you speak of.
INUYASHA: (Looks to his now empty coffee cup)
SESSHOMARU: (Stands, taking his leave wordlessly)
INUYASHA: Hey! Come back here! What'd you do to my coffee?
The scene changes and Inuyasha can be seen running extremely fast into the bathroom a bathroom.
INUYASHA: (to himself) I knew that bastard put something in my coffee! (There is a moment's pause before he can be heard shouting) DAMMIT SESSHOMARU! YOU'RE REEEEALLY FUNNY! HAR! HAR! NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN TOILET PAPER! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE!
-END VIDEO-
The footage ends and Dr. Phil seems to be stiffling a laugh. Inuyasha seems humiliated and Sesshomaru seems pretty smug.
KAGOME: (She sends a glare to Dr. Phil) You're not supposed to be laughing! You're supposed to be helping!
DR. PHIL: (Clearing his throat.) Right. So, Sesshomaru, what exactly did you put in his coffee.
INUYASHA: (answering for him and not giving him time to speak.) He put Exlax in my coffee! That's what he did!
DR. PHIL: (Stiffling a laugh. He quickly regains himself before looking to Sesshomaru) Can you tell me why you did that Sesshomaru?
SESSHOMARU: He made a crude remark about my markings.
DR. PHIL: (Blinks) You mean that's not makeup?
SESSHOMARU: (Glares straight ahead.)
KAGOME: (Breaking in before things have a chance to get too bad.) That's not all that happens either, it goes both ways.
DR. PHIL: (Blinks again) Oh yes, Inuyasha isn't the only victim, and I believe that we have video of this too.
-VIDEO-
Once again, everyone's attention turns to the large screen as another video starts to play. In this one Sesshomaru seems to be in a wash room of some type. he loads his large fluffly pelt into the machine along with the detergent, being careful not to mix anything that might fade on it. He leaves once he feels content. Not much time passes before Inuyasha can be seen sneaking in. He looks around before throwing his plainly red haori in with a big smirk on his face. The scenes change and Inuyasha seems to be snickering while telling the rest of the cast about something when suddenly, a door to the room he is in comes open, a very disgruntled Sesshomaru standing on the other side. His fluffy pelt is now . . . pink.
INUYASHA: (Bursting out laughing) Oh, Sesshomaru, I've never seen this side of you before.
SESSHOMARU: (He Holds the haori Inuyasha had thrown into the washing machine in one hand. His fist clenches around it.) (In a dark tone) Laugh it up, little brother.
INUYASHA: (He looks to Sesshomaru warily as he approaches) What are you doing?
SESSHOMARU: (Doesn't waste any time in beginning to strangle Inuyasha with the haori, his eyes glowing a hellish red) You little brat! This will be the last time you ever cross me! I'll see you in hell for this!
INUYASHA: (His eyes wide and his arms flailing, sounding stragled) AHHHH!
KAGOME: (From off-screen) Hey! Stop fighting you two! Break it up!
Sango and Miroku both run in to help Kagome pry Sesshomaru off his younger brother as the video ends. The attention turns back to the people on the couches.
-END VIDEO-
DR. PHIL: (His eyebrows raised) Wow. . . I can't tell who got the worst end of that one.
KAGOME: (She sighs heavily) They're both out of control.
DR. PHIL: I'd say so.
SESSHOMARU: (To Inuyasha) I would have killed you then had your friends not gotten in my way.
INUYASHA: (Scoffing) Yeah right, I coulda gotten out of it if I wanted to.
KAGOME: (Glaring at them) THAT'S ENOUGH!
Inuyasha and Sesshomaru both wince at the volume of her voice.
INUYASHA: Shaddup!
KAGOME: (Letting out a frustrated noise) That's it! Inuyasha, SIT!
INUYASHA: (Cries out as he is pulled down to the floor.) OW!
SESSHOMARU: (Stiffles a laugh)
JAKEN: (From somewhere off stage) Ah! He's LAUGHING! Lord Sesshomaru is laughing! Quick, run for your lives!
KAGOME: (begings to march off.) I can't believe you Inuyasha! I've had enough of this!
SESSHOMARU: (Smirking) I am done here as well. I must thank you for the entertainment, little brother.
INUYASHA: (Gets up, drawing Tetsusaiga and beginning another fight.) I'll show you what's funny!
The camera again focuses on Dr. Phil as he tries to draw the show to an end. A battle can obviously be heard raging in the background.
DR. PHIL: (Nervously) Well, that's all the time we have folks. Be sure to tune in next week for when we actually solve this prob- (His sentence is cut short Inuyasha flying into the camera, causing it to go dead.)
A/N - So what do you think about this? Funny? At all? I'm not really much of a comedian, but I thought that this would be kind of a change from the serious stuff I'm used to writing all the time now. I hope you liked it, and please! REVEIW!
PREVIEW!
Chapter 2: Girls Gone MAD!
Can Dr. Phil solve Inuyasha's love triangle problem with Kikyou and Kagome? Sesshomaru doubts it. . . he told me so. (Not really) Anyway, this one promises to be fun.
REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!
Mayu Kitsune