A.N. Ok this story just sort of popped up in my head. :) So tell me what you think I'm not sure if I'll continue but if you guys like it I will. Now beta'ed.
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I sat at my computer staring at the screen. The slowly changing screen saver reminded me of him… of us. Of the times where it was just us… of the times where there was no war and there was no fighting and there was just… us.
The screensaver flickered through memories; photos of the past.
Photos of us hugging, kissing, on my couch, at a park, at a restaurant.
So many memories…
And I guess I should be thankful for the time I got with you, for the… memories we shared. But then again so many of them were full of jealousy and heartbreak; makes me wonder why I miss you.
Your beauty?
You certainly were beautiful. Everyone wanted you; you were famous in your own way. I remember it used to hurt looking at you, knowing that one day you would leave me. You use to tell me you wouldn't, but you did.
And now I hate thinking about it. But I can't help it.
Maybe it was my fault.
I wasn't good enough, wasn't experienced enough. You were. Before me I remember hearing all those rumors about you; that you were a womanizer, slept with anything that walked on two legs.
I was so young when we started dating, so foolish. I had just turned 15, and really, what does a 15-year-old know about relationships?
Nothing.
But you did. You were a senior, and to me because of that you were a god. Something new and exciting. I was just a freshman; I was still getting used to high school. I didn't understand how things ran yet.
I didn't understand that in order to survive you have to be somebody.
When we started dating at first, I remember how much everyone hated me. Just because I was yours. Everyone told me it wasn't going to last; I was just another accomplishment for the great Axel Asher. But after 4 months passed, that hate slowly turned into admiration. They said I had tamed you. And so they all tried getting close to me, to get close to you. To break us up.
That's all they wanted.
But now when I think back on it, the reason we lasted so long is because I wasn't with Axel; the sexiest, most popular womanizer. I was with Axel Asher; the sweetest, most devoted boyfriend anyone could wish for. And yes we had our bad times, our fights. But with me you weren't that guy that everyone thought you were. You were someone else, someone I loved… love.
No one ever got that. They all thought I let you run around and cheat. Because of the way you would always flirt with people in front of me, or the way you would always touch them inappropriately. And god, how that pissed me off. It never left me short of seething mad.
You knew that.
You liked it, said it kept things interesting.
You never pushed me though, you were patient with me. Even when I kicked you out after we had sex the first time. Remember? How I didn't answer your calls for a week, how I skipped school. I was so terrified.
Because you had forgotten a condom; because we were stupid and in the heat of the moment. I had never been so scared before. Because I knew you had slept around so much, and 'cause I knew there was a chance that I could have caught something from you.
And I think you knew why I was scared. You had to have known. Because why else did you show up to my house with an STD exam. You took it for me, and I think I fell in love with you that day.
Now that I think back on it, you always told me you loved me. I don't think there was a day when you didn't say it to me. And I remember how I always use to think why. Why does he love me? Why me when he could have anyone?
I rarely said the words I love you. So why?
I was nothing special; far from it. I was blonde, short, with blue eyes. I'm not anymore, Axel. I wonder, if you could see me now, would you still love me?
Would you love me now that I grew my hair out, it's past my shoulders. And its midnight black. And my eyes Axel; I wear contacts now. I hide the blue, behind a dark blood-red curtain. So no one can see the real me.
Do you think you can still love me? Now that I hide myself behind dark hair and black kohl-rimmed red eyes?
I don't think so. I mean wasn't it you that always said you loved me because of my innocence? I'm not innocent anymore, Axel.
Maybe you'd like that I grew a little bit. Remember how you always towered over me? I'm 5'7 now, Axel. You're still taller than me, but now you won't have to bend down so far.
Do you even care about that, Axel? Probably not .
You were like a sin Axel, so wrong but yet so right. Your body says yes but your heart screams no.
Addictive, like a drug.
Except when you don't have that drug anymore, you're left with nothing. Left with…
Loneliness.
When Axel left it hurt, but when Axel Asher left it killed me. I screamed at you so much that day, do you remember? How I screamed and yelled. And how you didn't even care. How you regarded me with disregard. How you told me to stop being a baby. How you made me feel like I was nothing more than one of your one night stands.
I'd never felt such a deep hate than I did for you at that moment. After 2 years you were leaving, and who did I have to pick up the pieces. All those friends of mine who were most likely going to say 'I told you so'.
And they did, Axel.
And you know, sometimes I wish I wouldn't have shut the door in your face, and I sometimes wish I would have said a proper goodbye… but I can't change the past.
Can't change the fact that I met you. Can't change the fact I cried for months after you left.
I can't…