So... Not sure how well this story will do. It's a diary sort of thing. It will start to get better as it goes along.
I've had this irritating writer's block forever it seems, so this may not be my best but I hope you all like it anywayz.
Life in the depths of a shadow
a Yu-Gi-Oh fic by Vanilla
Chapter One:
(Saturday, October 9)
Dear diary,
Writing in a diary is a girl thing, right?
So why am I doing it?
Oh, yeah...
Because Dr. J told me it would be good for me...
Well, let's see...
I'm in about the same mood as I am every day.
Dark.
Depressed.
The usual.
Another black and white day.
I can't seem to feel anything anymore.
I've lost myself, it seems.
If that's even possible...
I can't remember the last time I smiled.
Not since I lost everything I held dear to me.
The company fell out...
My brother and I have been living on what's left of our fortune.
Which, don't get me wrong, is plenty to last us for a good while.
Things have changed between me and Mokuba.
He's hardly ever home anymore, and when he is we rarely speak.
I've tried to get to the bottom of this sudden change, but he's shut me out.
It hurts me to know we've drifted apart.
I just wonder if it's me or if he's going through some unknown trials in his life as well.
Hell, not like I've told him much either.
Like how losing the company has me so down.
Or why I even have to go to therapy...
Honestly, I was on the brink of killing myself.
I still want to at times...
Everything is so jumbled up in my head and I don't know what to do.
I couldn't stand to leave Mokuba behind though.
It's even scary to think about leaving behind people like Joey and Yugi, even though I don't particularly care for them...
Well...
I care for Joey a little more than I'd like to admit...
But I don't much feel like getting into that matter today.
Or should I write it anyway, since I'll eventually have to write it in this diary so Dr.J can read about it?
Alright.
This is hard for me to admit to myself, let alone to write it down...
But I might as well get it off my chest before it takes me even further down.
I'm...
Why is this so hard to write?
...
I'm in love with Joey...
There...
...
My heart beats for a straight guy.
Well, I thought I was straight, too...
This confusing matter gets to me so much...
I don't know who in the hell I am...
I can't write anymore.
This is it for now...
(Seto Kaiba)
Seto slammed the leather bound diary shut and tucked it under his pillow. He growled in frustration, tears stinging his deep blue eyes.
"What's wrong with me...?" he whispered, covering his face with his hands as he began to cry, his strong facade crumbling down in the privacy of his bedroom. "What's wrong with me...?" he repeated.
'I'm so sick of feeling this way…'
(Sunday, October 10)
….
I almost lost it last night…
Everything was racing through my head so fast I couldn't concentrate on a damn thing…
Why?
Why does everything have to be this way?
Why?
Why?
Why…..?
Mokuba saw me crying last night…
He came into my room without even knocking…. And saw…
And I felt so ashamed, so stupid.
So low…
He disassembled his walls, if only for that moment, and sat by me, telling me everything was going to be okay and things would work out…
"I'm sorry…" I said, mostly out of habit.
He shook his head.
"It's not your fault Kaiba Corp. didn't work out. You did all you could."
"I know… But still…"
He never asked if anything else burdened my mind, but something deep down told me he understood in some sense.
We sat in silence for the longest time, until I calmed down.
And I'm really happy that he came along then, because I honestly didn't know how well that episode would have ended if I had been alone.
Alone…
This word seems to define me…
I'm always alone.
And I fucking hate it!
I only have Mokuba, and even now I only have remnants of Mokuba.
Today I'm feeling a little better.
Not much, and I know it will fade.
I never feel good for too long…
I've thought a lot about Joey today…
It's a little easier to write now…
I guess the first time is always the hardest…
I always push my puppy away…
He's tried to be a friend to me, but for some reason whenever he's around my first impulse is to push him away.
I don't know why I say such mean things to him.
I don't know why I bully him and put him down.
Maybe I'm just jealous…
Joey is everything I want to be…
He's always smiling.
He has so many friends.
He knows what's important and what's worth standing for…
It's as if he has no worries…
I wonder if he harbors any dark secrets.
Sometimes I wish I could just walk up to him and hold him close to me.
But I could never do that.
He would never see me any differently than the image I've presented him with.
It's my fault he hates me, I suppose.
At least…
I would assume, after all I've done to him, he hates me…
And I really wish I could get this matter off my mind.
It's going to be the death of me.
(Seto Kaiba)
I hope the first part was decent lol thank you all for reading.
:D