Return to sender
Ingo D
Lee Crane was whistling to himself as he did his nightly walkabout, only 4 more days to go and they would be back in Santa Barbara hopefully for some well earned R & R. Having spent the last 3 months at sea he was extremely tired and looking forward to some blue skies and fresh air not to mention plenty of uninterrupted sleep in a proper bed. At least Chip and the Admiral had had a break from this current cruise when they had ferried the scientists and their specimens back to the Institute but Lee had remained on board throughout. He really was looking forward to getting back, he had some important things he wanted to do and a certain special lady he was looking forward to spending some time with.
Unbeknown to Lee his whistling had not gone entirely unnoticed
"It would appear our captain is keen to get off this boat if his whistling is anything to go by" the admiral remarked as he and Chip left the ward room and started to head towards their cabins and their racks.
"Ah well he has a lady waiting to see him when he gets back, a very persistent one it would seem as he hasn't managed to lose her yet" Chip was smiling to himself, he was really pleased for his friend that he had finally found himself a girlfriend who appeared to be able to accept Lee's absences and frequent cancelled dates and was still prepared to wait for him. She must be serious. Chip was looking forward to finally meeting the mystery woman in his best friend's life.
"Anyone we know"
"He's being very coy about her I'm afraid Sir, she hasn't even been allowed the sample the infamous Morton wit and charm yet" the admiral snorted at that "but I do have the honour of being allowed to meet her this time round".
"Keeping her close to his chest is he? Surprised you haven't found a way to sneak a preview"
By now they had reached the Admiral's cabin and had come to a halt in the corridor
"Can't say I haven't been tempted but it's so nice to see him having some fun and relaxing a bit at last that I have resisted the temptation. Though I did say if I hadn't met her after this leave I would not be responsible for my actions, there is only so much patience I can have and 6 months is it's limit!" The Admiral laughed, his two senior officers pranks were legendary. The admiral knew that while Chip was keen to play the field and was not particularly anxious to commit, Lee on the other hand was looking to settle down and start a family despite everyone thinking he was married to his boat, and maybe just maybe he had finally found the lady to do it with provided nothing went wrong to spoil things.
Lee was up bright and early and already at the Conn when the admiral and Chip arrived at a more civilised time having had a leisurely breakfast minus their CO.
"Couldn't you sleep Lee, even you need more than 4hrs a night if you are to keep functioning properly, I don't want my submarine put at risk by a captain who needs match sticks to keep his eyes open" the admiral teased
Lee looked a bit sheepish "Sorry Sir just keen to get home, the men deserve some R & R and some time with their families"
"Oh is that what it is" the admiral left it at that as Lee started to redden at the suggestive tone in his voice, Chip was about to continue the gentle ribbing of his friend when Sharkey appeared with a large packet under his arm.
"Morning Skipper, I was just having a bit of the tidy up in the post room and found this on the floor must have come in that last delivery Mr Morton brought back with him and it must have fallen on the floor as we were sorting things out, sorry it's taken so long to get to you", Sharkey handed over the large brown envelop.
"No problem Sharkey, it doesn't look very exciting whatever it is, I'll open it later" and placed it on the plotting table without giving it a second glance
"Now seeing as you're here we might as well go and check on those repairs and sort out what parts we need to replace when we get to port, no time like the present" and with that Lee and Sharkey left the admiral and Chip at the Conn.
The admiral smiled "He really is a man on a mission to get off this boat as quickly as possible if he is going to sort out requisitions before we've even reached port!" Chip nodded agreement as he watched his friend disappear and both men settled to their tasks, the brown package completely forgotten.
It was mid afternoon before Lee found himself with a few spare minutes in the front porch and a cup of coffee; his eyes fell on the brown envelope. He decided now was as good a time as any to open it.
"Earth to Lee are you receiving me? Lee, LEE" the next thing Chip knew he was picking himself up of the deck as Lee disappeared at speed out of the porch almost taking the Admiral out as he went.
"You alright Chip, what happened?"
"You're asking me? I have no idea I just came in to grab a coffee. All I did was try and ask him how he and Sharkey got on and he just upped and went, flattening me in the process. The look on his face, I'm not sure he even saw me" Chip brushed himself down as the admiral poured him a coffee; he then noticed the piece of brown paper on the floor.
"Seems Lee has opened his mail and judging by his reaction it wasn't good news"
"Well bad news or not that doesn't give him the right to knock down a fellow officer I shall have words with him about his conduct when I next see him, sets a bad example to the men" and with that the admiral sat down and started checking over some figures leaving Chip to try and work out what could possible have upset Lee to such an extent.
Lee's mind was in a blur, he went straight to his cabin, not seeing where he was going, not noticing how many of his crew he passed on the way. He just had to go somewhere and be alone. He locked the door behind him. Something he never did ordinarily but this was certainly not an ordinary situation. His knees gave way and sank onto his bunk, it was only then as he looked down at the floor that he realised he was shaking, no matter how hard he tried he just could not bring himself under control. He had no idea how long he sat there just staring at the floor and shaking before he heard the loud knocking on his cabin door and a voice calling him, Chip's voice, calling him through his daze.
"Lee are you in there, are you alright, open the door please" Lee continued to stare at the offending package in his hand unable to make himself move
"Lee come on open up"
"Skipper, it's Jamie are you OK"
There were two of them outside his cabin now, his friends, how could he face them after this.
The longer he sat the harder it seemed to be to move, then he heard a voice that jolted him back to reality, the admiral
"Captain Crane open this door at once"
Slowly Lee forced himself to move, he dropped the package onto his bunk and made his way somewhat unsteadily towards the door and opened it, his three friends were standing in the corridor looking at him, concern written over all their faces.
"I'm sorry Sir, I came over a bit funny I think it must be something I ate" Lee's trembling voice little more than a whisper, his body still shaking.
"In that case good job Jamie's here he can check you out" The medic needed no further introduction and was in the cabin before Lee could stop him.
"It's OK admiral I'll just give the Skipper the once over and let you know my findings" and with that Jamie closed the cabin door leaving the two concerned senior officers outside in the corridor. Whatever had got to the Skipper it was highly unlikely he would say anything in front of the others, the more privacy he could be afforded the more chance there was of him possibly explaining what it was that was so clearly disturbing him.
"Jamie it's OK, I'm fine" Lee's voice was still trembling
Jamie gently placed a hand on his CO's shoulder and guided him back to the bunk
"Skipper you most certainly are not fine and I am going to make sure there is no medical reason for it. Care tell me what happened" the CMO sat on the bed next to his skipper
"I told you it must have been something I ate, I'll be fine in a bit" Lee pulled away from the medic and sat as far away from him as he could, pulled his knees up and hugged them close to his chest in an attempt to get his body under control.
Lee felt Jamie's hand on his forehead and his pulse being checked and offered no resistance; a sure sign if ever there was one that the Seaview's skipper was anything but fine.
"Well?"
Jamie had barely closed the cabin door before the admiral had jumped on him for an explanation as to Lee's behaviour.
"From what I can tell from a very limited examination there is nothing medically wrong with him although he is clearly very distressed about something"
"It's that package"
"We don't know that Chip"
"It has to be, he was fine until he opened that, now he looks a complete wreck, I just can't for the life of me think what it could be to have affected him so badly"
"Maybe his new mystery woman has got fed up of waiting around on the sidelines"
"It hardly looked like a Dear John letter, Jamie didn't he say anything that might give us a clue"
"Chip he didn't say anything at all except the obligatory I'm fine which he most clearly is not. You know what a private person he is, the more we try and push him the more he will pull away. I can only suggest we try and keep a discrete eye on him until we reach port and hope that this lady he is so crazy about is able to get him to open up, then once we know what the problem is we can see about trying to help him through it".
"But that's another 3 days away, are you really expecting us to just sit back and watch him suffer for the next 3 days"
"I don't like it any more than you do Chip, but right now we have no choice. There is nothing medically wrong with him to enable me to admit him to sickbay and even if I did the chances of him confiding in me in there are negligible. We will just have to be patient and wait for him to come us".
And so the three officers spent the next 36hrs watching their CO and friend slowly come apart at the seams unable to do anything to help ease his obvious distress. All attempts to try and encourage him to look after himself were met with a rebuff and it soon reached the point where he started to actively avoid all three men. The admiral was on the verge of hauling Lee into his cabin and ordering the distressed man to explain himself but was totally taken aback when Lee finally came to his cabin of his own accord.
"Come"
Lee poked his head round the door
"Have you got a minute sir"?
"You know I always have time for your Lee come in sit down"
Lee looked nervous as he entered the admiral's cabin; he kept his eyes to the floor and seemed unable to hold the admiral's eye. He looked gaunt and tired, there were dark rings round his eyes, he looked like a man who hadn't slept for 36hrs and if the scuttlebutt were true he probably hadn't. He fidgeted having declined the offer of a seat and handed the admiral a letter.
"Lee what's this"
"It's my resignation Sir, I'm also resigning from the Navy, I have my letter here for admiral Starke I would appreciate it if you could see that he gets it for me on our return" Lee handed over a second envelop, the admiral was dumbstruck this was the last thing he had expected and was lost for words.
"Lee please sit, let's discuss this, you have given your whole life to the Navy, you have an excellent career ahead of you. Whatever is bothering you we can sort it out? Please sit let's talk"
"I'm afraid this is something you can't sort sir, I've broken the rules and have to go. If that's all I must sort everything out to make sure Chip's taking over is as smooth as possible"
Lee moved to the door, the admiral was stunned, he felt out of his depth, he didn't know what to say or do to help his obviously distressed officer and dear friend. He gave Lee a nod and the officer left.
The admiral sat and played with the two envelops in his hand thinking back to when Sharkey produced the brown packet that had fallen on the post room floor and given it to Lee and wished it were still on the post room floor.
What on earth did Lee mean he'd broken the rules? The admiral was still pondering this statement when he heard a knock
"Come" Chip and Jamie entered, having seen Lee enter the admiral's cabin they had been holed up in Chip's awaiting the outcome
The admiral waved the letters "He's resigned both from Seaview and the Navy, says he's broken the rules" both men looked confused by the admiral's statement.
"How can an Annapolis first have broken the rules such that he has to resign his commission, I don't understand"
"Any ideas what he's referring to Chip you two have known each other longer than anyone here"
"I'm sorry sir it's got me beat, what I do know is that this whole business started with that wretched letter and I wish I could take it back to return it to the sender"
"So do I Chip so do I but I'm afraid whoever sent it for whatever reason the damage has already been done and without knowing who it's from it's very difficult to try and put things back to as they were. Are you sure there is nothing you can do Jamie, the man looks dead on his feet which isn't going to be helping him to think clearly; and I'm out of my depth here, the man is clearly hurting and I just let him walk out of here without a word to try and stop him because I just didn't know what to say. Can't you slip him something to get him to sleep for a bit and give us some breathing space to try and figure a way to sort this out. To try and work out what he means by breaking the rules and hopefully stop him following through with his resignation."
"I'll talk to him and if he wants something to help him sleep I will give it to him but I am not going to do it without his knowledge. If he doesn't feel able to confide in us over this, slipping him a Mickey Finn is not going to help build up his trust"
Jamie knocked three times, on getting no response he entered, the Skipper was sitting at his desk head in hands staring at papers on his desk clearly in a world of his own, he hadn't heard the CMO knocking.
There were what appeared to be letters spread across the Skipper's desk, and what looked like a couple of black and white photos of a baby, the Skippers? Is that what all this is about, he has a child and now the mother has come after him. Jamie couldn't believe Lee would knowingly run out on a pregnant woman, not if he were the father, he wasn't programmed that way his conscience wouldn't have let him. As Jamie moved closer, still unnoticed by his CO, he was sure he could see the edge of what looked like a birth certificate. This whole business definitely had something to do with a baby, but whose?
"Skipper?, Lee?"
Lee looked up; his face radiating exhaustion, confusion and pain "Hi Jamie, sorry I didn't hear you."
"You OK?"
"Not really, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in a week's time and this would all have just been a dream, but somehow I don't think that's going to happen".
"You wanna talk about it"
"Not sure, will it help?" Suddenly the commander of the world's most powerful submarine looked more like little boy lost.
"I find it usually helps to talk things through. If it will make it any easier, as my patient I can assure you that nothing you say with leave his room without your permission"
Lee gave a weak smile, "So I'm your patient now am I, whose idea was that the admiral's?"
"He cares about you Skipper, we all do"
"I know that's what makes this whole thing so hard, I just don't know where to start or what to do next"
"The baby, is it yours?"
"No not guilty, although I almost wish it were, I think that would be easier to handle than this" he paused, Jamie waited, he had a feeling Lee was on the verge of letting go, he just had to wait for him to find the courage to say whatever it was that had been bottled up so tightly for the last couple of days.
"According to all these letters, and this birth certificate, this baby is me" Lee picked up one the photos and handed it to Jamie.
Jamie was speechless, he knew from Lee's medical records that he was an orphan and had spent most of is early years in various children's homes as well as in a couple of foster placements before entering Annapolis, and that at some point he had been christened Lee Crane, but they never spoke of it. A couple of times Jamie had tried hoping it might give him an insight into Lee's hatred of doctors and hospitals but had only ended up alienating his Skipper and since then had left well alone.
The small black and white photo showed an obviously newborn baby with a shock of black hair, eyes shut and fists clenched. Jamie could almost imagine himself seeing Lee at his most stubborn in the photo.
His head was reeling, he picked up one of the letters expecting the Skipper to object but he didn't, it was over 20 years old. Where had they been all this time, who had been storing them and why had they suddenly been sent to Lee. He picked up a second letter it too was over 20 years old. He skimmed through it, not wanting to intrude where not wanted, but on meeting no resistance from the Skipper he carried on. It was clear from the tone of the letter that Lee's parents were trying to get through to their son. It was also clear that someone over the years had been preventing it. There were several addresses on the letters, it looked as if as Lee had been moved from one home to another the letters had been forwarded on, but never given to him. If Lee's parent's had known where he was in the beginning why hadn't they gone back for him; come to that if they were so keen to get him back why had they let him go in the first place, unless of course they had been forced to do it.
"Was there nothing in the envelop to give you any idea where all this has come from, who sent it?"
Lee shook his head, "There's a scruffy faded slip of paper somewhere, compliments slip, the address on it is the last home where I was before being fostered to the Bell's prior to Annapolis. But is closed down, that's why I was put into foster because it closed. Something to do with irregularities. I remember seeing a while back that the building had been sold and was to be pulled down and thinking 'bout time. Maybe someone found this stuff going through the building before demolishing it, but to go to the trouble of finding out where I am and forwarding it on, I don't know, it seems like someone went to a awful lot of bother for a kid they never knew, seems strange"
"Maybe they had a conscience, it's pretty obvious that somewhere along the line someone decided not to pass this stuff on to you for whatever reason and reunite you with your parents. Maybe the person who found it decided to make amends somehow".
"Well I wish they hadn't, I was perfectly happy as I was before and now I don't know who or what I am anymore. I may not have liked being an orphan but it's all I've ever known, you can't miss what you never had but now I …." Lee left the sentence unfinished
Jamie picked up the birth certificate, it was a copy, but the parent's names were listed as were the baby's details and date of birth. 17th September 1932, the week after next, some birthday that was going to be. As he continued looking at the certificate Jamie realised that it made the Skipper a couple of year's younger than the age on his medical files, according to those he had turned 35 last May.
It was then that it hit him like a sledgehammer, Lee's reason for resigning. It was well known that he had been given special clearance to enter Annapolis under age at just 17, but he hadn't been 17 at all, he'd been just 15, 15 a child. Jamie found he couldn't take his eyes off the offending piece of paper. He heard movement and looked up to see the Skipper clearing up all the letters and putting them back in the brown envelope they had arrived in. He seemed to be preparing to toss everything in the bin.
"Skipper, I don't know what to say. I'm not going to say I know how you feel because I haven't the first idea how you must be feeling right now, but I do know you have done nothing wrong here. You are the victim in all this, you have obviously never seen these letters before through no fault of your own and you did not knowingly break any rules by entering Annapolis at 15. There will be a way round this. You are too good an officer and too good a person for there not to be. You mustn't do anything hasty and you certainly mustn't resign from Seaview or the Navy because of it.
What I do know as a physician as well as hopefully your friend, is that you must be exhausted both physically and emotionally and you mustn't make any decisions until you have had a good rest and the chance to think things through clearly".
Lee stopped his clearing up and looked up, tiredness evident in his whole body
"Can't sleep Jamie, every time I try my mind just wont let up, it keeps going round and round in my head. I wish I were one of Tracey's computers and I could just unplug myself and go to sleep; though I doubt she'll want anything more to do with me now. First I try and kill her thanks to Chandler and now this" he tossed everything to one side.
"So Tracey is your mystery woman, the one that's Chip's so anxious to meet"
Lee gave a small smile "Yeh threatened to do something nasty to me if I didn't introduce him to my girlfriend this time round. Not sure what he'll do when he realises she's been under his nose all along at the Institute helping with this experiment. Right now whatever he did would be nothing compared to this" without warning he stood, spun round and punched the bulkhead with all his force before Jamie could stop him, doubling over in pain clutching his arm to his chest afterwards.
"Now that wasn't one of the brightest things you have ever done, you must know by now the bulkhead will always win"
Lee's response was a groan.
It took another two hours for Jamie to get Lee to go to sickbay, get his arm x-rayed and plastered and into the rack in which he was now sleeping with a little help from a not so friendly needle. As he finished filling out the charts he was trying to decide how much he should tell the admiral and Chip. He had promised Lee he would not tell them anything that he did not want them to know, but he had to say something to ease their concern and to get them to give their friend some space. He was going to need time to adjust and privacy. He was also going to need someone he felt able to talk to and Jamie was hoping Tracey would fit that role; as Lee had pointed out he had tried to kill her but she was still prepared to forge a relationship with him, so hopefully she would be able to help him get through this.
He would contact the Institute and see if he could get her to meet them dockside, maybe he'd talk to Angie about it, she'd be discrete, know what to say. Knowing Angie she was probably already aware that the Skipper and the computer specialist were an item even if they hadn't told anyone officially yet! For whatever reason the young couple had so far decided to keep their relationship out of the public domain, but it was time for things to be brought out into the open, too many things had been hidden from view in the past and it hadn't done any of those involved any good.
He checked the Skipper was comfortable sleeping before heading to the radio shack to place his call prior to seeing the admiral.
Epilogue
17th September 1965. An unremarkable dark sedan pulled up against the curb, the clock showed 03.45, it was a bright night with a full moon. The driver looked out at the large expensive looking house on the other side of this very well to do street. The houses were all large and fancy; the people who lived in them were all no doubt important. He just sat and looked.
After a while, he wasn't sure how long, he noticed a light go on in one the upstairs rooms, presumably a bedroom, a curtain moved and a lady appeared on the balcony. She peered out across the street and down towards the parked car. He couldn't really see her that well but their eyes met for a second.
He started up the car, he would be back here some day he knew that, he needed answers but not yet, he wasn't ready to face it yet. He swung the car round in the empty street and headed back down the way he had come, towards the airport, towards Tracey and towards home.
The woman watched the car until it disappeared out of sight. She drew the curtains and climbed back into bed next to her sleeping husband. The tears started to flow as she lay there and wondered whether their eldest would ever be able to come back to them and what she would say to him if he did.