Note-And another mostly fluffy oneshot before I write another angsty, depressing fic. This will be a long oneshot, not in chapters. Quick info: Lisa is one of JD's interns. Set during season 5. Sorry if my Spanish was crap, I used a translation site. Enjoy!
Disclaimer-I'm 1mm closer to buying it, but I don't own Scrubs yet :P
Dedication-Dedicated to HALLEIronical for being so nice yet truthful in her reviews and for putting me on her fave authors.
Lisa was annoyed. She had just spent a night on-call, her least favourite patient wasn't being released for another month at least, her favourite patient had just gone into cardiac arrest and died, Dr Dorian had tried to show her how to correctly use an IV drip (which she already knew, goddam it), and Dr Reid had given her booty-call Keith the most interesting case this hospital had to offer: a hitch-hiker who had managed to contract gangrene. Yep, she was irritated, and was going to let everybody know it!
"Good morning Mr…Santiago. My chart shows that you have nasal polyps, which are so simple to cure that my colleague Rex could do it, and he's less competent than a monkey. In fact, I'm not sure you even need to be in a hospital!" she snapped at the patient. She looked up at him. He was fairly small, was a slightly horsy face, and a mop of brown hair that curved down to his shoulders.
"Are you an intern?" he asked her.
"What's it to you" she retorted curtly.
"Can I speak to your attending? Eighty percent of minor infections that become terminal are caused by interns"
Lisa stared at the patient, stunned. Who the hell did he think he was?
"Yeah, and what do you know about medicine?"
"Well, I studied it at the College of William and Mary, until an unfortunate accident left me paralysed for a good five years, so quite a lot"
Lisa was rendered speechless. But then she remembered this was the last patient she has to treat before she got to go home, and after a long night on-call, she needed desperately to sleep.
"Fine. I'll get my attending" she grunted, and stormed out of the room. If it was Dr Dorian he wanted, then Dr Dorian he would get, and serve him right, the arrogant jackass! What a jerk…
I was leaning over the nurse's desk, talking to Carla and trying to steal one of the gorgeous triple-chocolate-fudge-brownie muffins that Laverne was guarding.
A dragon with Laverne's head is standing in front of a glowing gold basket, breathing fire. A knight rides up, and lifts up his visor to reveal JD inside the armour. He picks up a lance, and drives it through dragon-Laverne's belly. He picks up the golden muffin, and a heavenly choir sounds in the background. As he is about to bite into the cake, a blast of flame hits him, and he falls to the floor.
"Don't touch me with your scaly claws!" I yelled out, and was awarded a concerned, sceptical look from Laverne. I reached over and grabbed the muffin with a cry of "Nyoink!" I bit into the heavenly treat, and was immediately transported to chocolate heaven…
"Dr Dorian!" came a voice, snapping me out of my daydream. I turned around. It was Lisa, and boy did she look mad.
"What's up, Simpson?" I grinned. My intern rolled her eyes at the nickname.
"Mr Santiago wants to see you in room 102"
"Isn't he your patient?" I asked.
"Yeah, but he wants to see you!" she snapped.
"Do you need me to show you how to fix an IV drip again?" I said patronisingly. My intern growled, and shoved the chart into my chest.
"No! I'm going home!" she screeched, and took off towards the exit.
"Bye, Simpson!" I called after her. "Sorry, Carla, I'll chat to you later"
I chucked the half-eaten muffin in the bin. Laverne glared at me, with fire in her eyes.
"Keep away from me, Dragon-Lady!" I yelled, and scooted into the patient's room, slamming the door behind me.
"Good morning Mr Santiago! I'm Dr Dorian. My intern Lisa said you wanted to talk to me…?"
I trailed off when I saw his face. His expression was a mixture of happiness, confusion, wonder and anxiety.
"Mr Santiago, are you ok?"
"Dr Dorian? Dr John Dorian? JD?"
"That's me…" I laughed. How did he know my name? This guy was making me uncomfortable…
"Vanilla Bear?"
I stared at the man in the bed. I could hear the cogs whirring and clicking in my head.
"C-Caramel Bear?"
"Oh my god, JD, it's you!"
"Ricky Santiago! I haven't seen you since college!"
I bent down and gave him a hug and we both giggled.
"When were you planning on inviting me to your coming-out party, Newbie?"
I turned to the door, but Dr Cox had already vanished.
"Damn, he's getting good! So what happened to you, CB?" I sat down on his bed. "One day we were planning the infamous freshman prank and the next you'd vanished without a trace!"
"Well, after Mr Deppitt was finished with me I got taken to hospital and was paralysed for five years. Then I went back to W&M to redo my medicine degree. I came to see a friend, but then I came to the hospital because I was worried that the mucus in my throat was going to be a paralysis relapse…And here you are!"
Oh my god, my life is wonderful compared to his, quick, say something meaningful. No, wait, silence is golden! Oh god, he's waiting for you to speak! Quick, what's between silence and speaking?"
"Blurgh…" I muttered. Ricky gave me a confused look.
"Sorry, I do that a lot…"
CB burst into peals of horsy laughter.
"God, I missed you man! Hey, what happened to Chris?"
"Chris…?" I asked, the name unfamiliar.
"Chris Turk? Chocolate Bear?"
"Oh, right, Turk! You'll never guess it, CB, but he actually works here too!"
"You're kidding!" Ricky beamed.
"No, I'm not, I'll call him!"
I raised my watchie-talkie to my mouth and said. "Come in, Brown Bear"
"Hey, White Shadow!"
"It's Gizmo, dammit! Are you busy?"
"Come again?"
"Repeat, are you busy? I need you in room 102, stat!"
"Alright, I'll be there in a sec. Over and out"
I let my hand drop, and grinned at Ricky. In less than a minute, my best friend danced into the room, singing Poison at the top of his voice.
"That girl is poison! Hey, VB!"
"Hey, Turk!"
"So what do you need me for?"
I motioned towards the bed. Ricky grinned and waved.
"Hey, Chocolate-Bear!" he said. Turk gave me and weird look, and looked back at CB.
"Caramel…Bear…?"
"That's me, buddy!"
Turk squealed, and laid his hand out flat. Me and Ricky did the same.
"Bears for life!" we yelled in unison, and collapsed in fits of laughter.
"So what happened to you, Caramel-Bear?" said Turk. "We thought you'd died!"
"No. But I was paralysed for five years after the Mr Deppitt incident"
"Oh…" muttered Turk. I could see the guilt plastered over his face. "'Coz Jimmy Sanders got straight A's and he didn't go to any classes"
"Yeah…crazy days…"
Carla was pissed. Where the hell was Turk? He'd gone to room 102 an hour ago, and he wasn't answering any of her pages, and he had surgery in ten minutes! She was going to have to deal with him and his other wife herself!
"Turk!" she yelled, as she stormed into room 102. "Turk!"
She was astounded by what she saw. Turk and JD were sitting on a patient's bed, in fits of laughter. Turk turned around, and the smile fell off his face as soon as he saw her angry, arms-folded expression.
"B-Baby!" he stuttered. "Er, we were just…"
"Turk! You have surgery in five minutes! You can't spend time chatting with JD in a patient's room!"
"Baby, Ricky is the guy I'm performing surgery on! I'm…preparing him…mentally"
Carla growled.
"You call this preparing? We're having a baby! You have to take more responsibility!"
" ¿El fallo Espinosa, le puedo asegurar yo que su marido solamente me ayudaba fuera con mis temores de la cirugía? Yo me siento en el más seguro de manos con él como mi cirujano. ¿Y puedo felicitar lo yo a casar a una mujer tan hermosa?" said the patient, grinning. Carla blushed, and smiled, suddenly embarrassed.
"Alright…but Turk, take Mr Santiago through before you get into trouble" she mumbled, and kissed her husband on his shiny bald head before leaving.
JD stifled a giggle.
"Oh my God, C-Bear, that was amazing! I have no idea what you said, but if it calmed down Carla in Carla-from-the-block mode then it must have been good!"
Ricky smiled, and coughed. Turk snapped back into reality.
"Right, let's get you down to surgery!"
JD stood at the exit to the hospital with Turk. Presently, a fairly small man with a slightly horsy face, and a mop of brown hair that curved down to his shoulders came through the doorway, and stood by them.
"Hands in" Turk commanded. "Chocolate Bear!"
"Vanilla Bear!" said JD.
"Caramel Bear!" added Ricky.
"Bears for life!" they chorused. For a moment, they all imagined that they were back on campus; the dorky idiots that had made the pact that they were really too old for.
"I'll see you guys soon" said Ricky. He hugged JD and Turk in turn, and then walked out the door.
Translation-When Ricky speaks Spanish he says: Miss Espinosa, may I assure you that your husband was merely helping me out with my fears of surgery? I feel in the safest of hands with him as my surgeon. And may I congratulate him on marrying such a beautiful woman?