Authors Note: This is a one shot based around the episode Abandon All Hope. It gives a closer look into the night before Jo dies and the night after. Please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate comments! Thanks for reading.
Not Ever
Twenty-seven hours.
That is exactly how long it took Dean Winchester to understand what it meant to feel heartbreak. To understand what it meant to feel that dull ache, deep inside his chest. And to know that it would never stop. Not ever.
Twenty-seven hours, six pounds of rock salt, a dozen wires, two kisses, and one last breath. He wished it hadn't taken him that long…
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"Does your friend know that my daughter is about to cheat him outta his pants?" Ellen's voice startled Dean as she came to sit next to him. He had taken a seat, away from the ongoing poker game, to watch his makeshift family. In doing so he had found himself watching Jo in particular.
"Probably not. Cas can be kind of dumb for an all knowing being." He muttered with a smirk, his eyes were still trained on Jo. Ellen bit the inside of her cheek to keep the smile off of her face. She had spent years watching Dean and Jo dance around their feelings. It seemed as though they could never quite get things right. But that didn't stop them from holding a torch for one another.
"Yeah well, he aint the only idiot around here." She said shooting him a pointed look. Her sharp words caused him to look away from the poker game and glance questioningly at Ellen.
"Did you really think a few well practiced phrases about the end of the world would work on my daughter? You must be more cracked than Lucifer himself if you thought it would be that easy." She berated him teasingly. Dean could only shake his head and chuckle in response. Typical Ellen, always putting people in their place. Always right.
"It was worth a shot." He replied.
"You know, there was a time when I thought Jo might turn out to be that kind of girl. Wide eyed and naïve. She was always too trusting, you know?" Ellen spoke softly, with a far away look in her eyes. Dean nodded mutely.
"Hunters would pass through the Road House on a regular basis. And Jo would greet each and every one of them with that big old smile of hers. She'd be six years old, hair a mess, and just begging them to tell her stories. I always thought she was too much of a dreamer. Too hopeful." Ellen smiled fondly.
"Me too." Dean responded honestly.
"Up until not long ago I would worry about her constantly. If you let yourself hope too much, you end up hurt. I always thought that's were Jo was heading, for a road of hurt." Ellen continued.
"And now what do you think?" Dean questioned, urging her to continue.
"I think that my daughter is the bravest girl I ever met." She whispered proudly. "You know, it's easy to stick a shot gun in some evil bastards face. But wearin' your heart out on your sleeve, the way that Jo does, that takes real guts. She gets hurt, just like I always knew she would. But damned if she doesn't get back up and brush herself off. My daughter might be too trusting and too hopeful but… hell I think we could all use a little more hope." She finished sighing tiredly.
"Yeah, yeah I guess we could." Dean responded, soaking in the words.
"You remember something for me Dean, you remember that nothing hurts like regret. You wanna be scared of how you feel, fine. But don't go letting that fear hold you back. Not from a demon, and not from caring about people." And with out another word Ellen stood up and walked away. Her voice rang through Dean's ears long after her exit.
What would he regret when time had run out?
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"Do you wanna talk about it?" Sam's question hung in the air, unanswered. Or maybe his brother's silence was the answer.
It had been several hours since Sam and Dean had failed to defeat Lucifer. Several hours since Jo and Ellen had sacrificed their lives in a parade of fire and tears. Several hours since Dean had felt hope.
"I just want you to know… I'm sorry. I'm going to miss them too." Sam quietly told his brother. His voice held worry and urgency. He needed Dean to be okay, because if Dean wasn't okay then Sam wasn't okay.
"Don't." Dean uttered. Neither of them were okay.
"If you wanna talk…" Sam trailed off.
"Jo and Ellen are dead. What is there to talk about?" Dean turned to look at Sam, his eyes swirling with emotion.
"I know how you felt about Jo." Sam mentioned uncertainly, afraid that Dean could snap at any moment. But instead his brother only closed his eyes in exhaustion.
"No you don't. I didn't even know how I felt about her… not until it was too late. You want me to talk to you Sammy? Well I don't have anything to say, not anymore. Jo is gone and I never told her - I never told her what she meant to me. I wouldn't say it then and I can't say it now. So, there's just nothing left to say." Dean looked at Sam when he finished. A moment of silence passes between them and with a spin of the radio dial, the moment was over. Sam would let Dean have his time alone.
It took Dean twenty-seven hours to realize what Ellen had been talking about. To realize why Jo was so brave. It took him twenty-seven hours to understand what regret tasted like, and to understand that it never went away. Not ever.
END