Greenhouse Gases Greenhouse Grasses
DISCLAIMER: I intend to never, ever, receive any type of payment for writing this. I don't own How to Train Your Dragon, Rise of the Guardians, a kindergarten class, any kindergarten students, the idea of kindergarten, and not even this little plotty-thing. This is a contribution to the HiJack Revolution (that somehow isn't receiving the proper attention it deserves) and a big shout-out to Paoshirou Hozomi for being the awesome awesomer she is (and she's also not receiving the proper attention she deserves, would'ya look at that.)
The young boy of six waddled his way to the colorful woman who was his teacher, grabbing onto the folds of her skirt and tugging hard.
"Toofy! Toofy, I don' get it!" The poor thing looked absolutely horrified that he couldn't understand what the young caretaker had just said. Toothiana smiled reassuringly and knelt down to the child's eye level, patting his brown locks comfortingly. "It's okay if you don't understand, Jack. Would you like me to explain again?"
The boy nodded, his brown eyes wide with childish trust. "I haf to get it right, Toofy! Hiccup needs me to know everything about everything so I can tell him everything about everything because he told me he wants to know everything about everything!" Toothiana ticked her head to the side at that, then smiled. "Oh, so you want me to–"
"Miss Toofy! Miss Toofy!" This student of hers was also six, his brown hair messy like Jack's, but not as wild. The kindergarten teacher turned with another smile to Hiccup. She always smiled for her students, but these two were just too cute for her sometimes.
"Miss Toofy, I don't get it. How are green glasses making the world hot?"
Jack made a sound of disagreement and shook his head. "No, Hiccup, she said green grasses make the world hot, not glasses. Glasses don't make anythin' hot."
Hiccup jumped a little, as if just realizing Jack was there, but quickly turned and started arguing his point. "Yes they do! I saw it on TV. The sun hits the glasses and then fire burns the ground!"
"TV's lie. Mammi told me so. The world is getting hot because there are so many grasses! Toofy just said it."
"No, you heard w'ong. Miss Toofy said the world is burning because of glasses! I heard her say so!"
"You don't know that! You only know a little everything about everything! It's my job, as your best friend, to know everything about everything to tell you everything. So go away and let me do my job!"
Hiccup made a frustrated sound and rubbed his head with both hands, making his hair even messier and causing it to stick up a little at the edges. "You never listen, Jack!"
Toothiana laughed, and gave them both a quick hug. She'd never get over how adorable these two could be. Smiling, she took both of their hands and stood up, walking over to the classroom's Circle Center. "I don't want to sound mean, but you're both wrong. I said greenhouse gases." The teacher took a marker from a pocket in her skirt and wrote 'GREENHOUSE GASES' in capitals across her portable whiteboard. Then she sat down on the alphabet rug and handed it to Hiccup.
The child's eyes widened to almost the size of dinner plates, staring at the letters he barely recognized. He sat down slowly, as if he'd just learned a dangerous secret. Toothiana stifled a giggle and covered her smile with a hand, passing it off as if she was leaning her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. Hiccup had always been a bit more dramatic then any of her other students.
Jack sat next to his best friend, leaning over his shoulder to see, before sitting back on his thighs and giving his teacher a confused look. "So wait… the world is going to become a giant fireball because people fart too much?"
Hiccup gasped and covered his mouth. "Oh no! I need to tell Gobber to stop farting!"
Toothiana just started laughing. She laughed so hard that her even her coworker gave her a worried look. At first, she'd thought that maybe explaining global warming to kindergarteners had been a bad idea. But now, seeing the results, she felt like giving herself a pat on the back.
Kids just really were too funny sometimes.
Writing like a kid is hard. Writing a kid's vocabulary, local language/communication, and mentality is also hard. Writing a kindergarten AU of HiJack somehow makes it all worth it.