I can't really begin to tell everyone how crap i'm feeling right now, but, on the bright side it produces this. Short, crappy one shot. But writing is good to vent anger/upset and i do feel a little better for writing it, even if i feel mean to ziva :S Sorry, as you can probably tell you i'm not exactly in a happy mood :P But i hope you like the product of my angst life :L

Disclaimer: I own bothing :'(

Something to Fight for

She was strong, and she would get through this.

Just like she had got through every other thing in her life, she would get through this. A wave of nausea washed over her again, every bone in her body ached. She drew in a ragged breath, and braced herself for yet another blow to her bruised, tender body. A fist smashed into her stomach, pain searing through her, taking her breath away, she choked, and a coughing fit began, her throat was raspy and dry, she had forgotten what water tasted like. The coughing took hold and her body convulsed violently and uncontrollably, it was only when it eased a little than she opened her eyes, and felt the crimson liquid running in her mouth, tainting her lips that she realized she was coughing up blood. She wiped the back of a sweaty, grime covered wrist against her mouth, and tasted the remainder of the blood on her lips. Her eyes squeezed shut, she would not cry, she would not cry in front of him.

Like she said, she would get through this.

"Are you ready to tell me yet?" Her mind flashed back to America, to Washington, Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Tony, Jenny, dead and cold sprawled out across the floor. Her friends. Her family.

She shook her throbbing head, too tired to open her mouth and force out the words.

He went at her again, delivering another hard blow, she cried out in pain, and spat blood across the dirty, cold floor. "What about now?"

She shook her head again, a tear escaping her eye. She cursed herself, for this mess, for not being strong enough to save her tears till later. She tasted the salt in her mouth as the tear trailed down her cheek, leaving a trail in the mixture of dirt and sweat that was caked upon her face. It stung the cut in her lip, but it was nothing in comparison to the torment her heart was going through.

She wanted it to end; she wanted her body to go numb, for her to no longer feel pain. If living, breathing, felt like this, it wasn't really worth it. And her heart hurt, her heart ached so much. Because she had chosen to stay behind. Just thinking about the look on Tony's face after he boarded the plane and realized she was staying behind. It shredded her heart into pieces.

She had not even said goodbye.

Her face contorted in pain as she remembered the things she had said to him, before she left. The anger had taken control, she had been blinded by rage. He had killed Michael and he had asked her if she had loved him. That was what made her angry, no she had not, of course she had not. How could she? How the hell could she with Tony around? The salty tears that would not cease stung her cut again, but she no longer cared about the pain, she relished it. She immersed herself in her suffering, knowing that the blissful darkness would come soon. And when he hit her, the final blow that she knew would bring the darkness; she knew she needed to fight. She needed to fight to stay alive, so she could tell him, she needed to tell him, tell him something she should have told him three years ago. So when she found solace in the darkness, she didn't mind, because when she woke up, she knew she would fight all over again. When you have something to fight for, it makes the suffering seem that little bit more endurable.

She would make it through this, for him.

It really is quite pointless, andthe ending's a bit hmm... it's not very good - but i had a sudden urge to post. This is for Hayley (OutCold) and Rach (CheerChickx) and Hannah (hugs for the bedroom tidying, we miss you) (YouGottaSingAlong) and Al (FadeIntoTheBackground) it's nice to know who my real friends are *hugs*

Reviews would make me feel better about going to school tomorrow :)

xxxxxx