Apartment 4A
By: sugarhype
Summary: Jack, Wonka, Sweeney, Ichabod, Edward, Morton, and myself all share the fourth floor of the building on Cherry Street. Chaos, romance, drunken crying, fistfights, parties, barbequing of personal effects, and making fun of bad movies ensue!
Author's note: I swore to myself I wouldn't post anything else until my pirates fanfic was complete, but hey, writer's block and all. Now, on with the show!
Jack was unsure of what to make of the building on the corner. It was a nondescript stone building with seven stories. He looked at the piece of paper that had appeared in his pocket when he woke up in the alley. It matched the address on the mailbox, and told him to go to 'Apartment 4A'. "What the bloody hell is an 'Apartment 4A'??" he wondered aloud, eliciting stares from the people on the street.
"Well, gosh-darnit!" An over-eager voice approached the sullen pirate from behind. Jack whirled around, drawing his pistol.
"Now, now, Jack, there's no need for guns." A new voice, female, said. Jack spun around to face a short girl about 16 or so with bright blue hair that was about shoulder-length. "Put it away or I'll sic Eddie and Todd on you." She showed no fear for the gun that was now pointed in the general direction of her head.
"Who're you? How'd you know my name?" Jack asked as the owner of the over-eager voice stepped around him.
"Why, Hello little girl! Would you like some chocolate?" The over-eager voice belonged to a man about Jack's height, with a funny haircut and a purple overcoat.
"Hello, Wonka. I'll have some chocolate later, but until then, would you help me get our new acquaintance inside? He's creating a not-my-problem field and I don't want to let all this wonderful new manic panic on my head go to waste." The girl gestured to the apartment building on the corner.
Wonka gave an over-cheerful nod, and they each grabbed one of Jack's arms and dragged him inside the building.
Sweeney Todd was asleep when Edward picked his lock. The blue-haired girl snuck in around the scissor-handed man and snatched the silver razors from the table they had been sat upon.
"Thanks, Ed. Now go help me get Jack's room open." She whispered as she re-locked the door and shut it. The duo snuck to the other end of the hallway, and Edward quickly picked the lock. The girl snuck around the sleeping pirate, and quickly took his sword from it's sheath and the pistol from it's holster. She carried the weapons back to her office downstairs with Ed trailing behind.
"Now, Ed, I trust you to never listen to anyone but me if they tell you to break in here, right?" she asked as she locked the weapons in a drawer.
Edward nodded. He had been awoken from a happy dream (where his father was still alive and he had hands) by the girl. She said she would give him some candy if he helped her out.
"You and I are the only two in the whole building that know where all this stuff is, I want you to never ever tell anyone where these things are, not even Wonka. Okay?" She locked the drawer and the two began the climb up the stairs to the fourth floor.
The next morning, Wonka was awoken by two distinct male voices on either side of his apartment shrieking in fury. The blue haired-girl had introduced herself as Jessica, and given him this place to stay as part of (as she put it) a 'social experiment'.
Almost simultaneously, two doors were flung open with loud CRACKs and two sets of feet stomped from one end of the long hallway to the other. Wonka tried to go back to sleep (he was having a particularly good dream about new candy ideas) but found that he couldn't.
"Well, gosh darnit!" he exclaimed to himself. He got up and went to see what the commotion was.
The noise was Jack and Sweeney. They were shouting and pounding on Miss Jessica's door shouting over each other about theft and such. After a few more moments of fruitless banging, they both resigned themselves to sitting slumped on the floor muttering incomprehensibly.
A few minutes later, Miss Jessica came from the stairwell; her hair now dyed a blinding shade of red and carrying two cardboard cup holders with drinks in them.
"Lessee, Jack gets tea, Wonka gets hot chocolate, Todd gets tea, Eddie gets decaf, I get three cans of AMP." She muttered to herself. Then she realized who was standing in front of her. "Oh, hello, boys. Today we get some more guests is and I thought you all needed something to wake you up, but seeing as three out of the four of you are already awake, here you go anyways." She passed out the drinks and unlocked her door, then Jack grabbed her arm.
"Where did ye put me bloody weapons?" He asked threateningly.
"I'm not telling. Drink your tea. It might do you some good." She pulled her arm out of Jack's grasp with more force than was expected from a sixteen-year-old girl and entered her apartment, locking the door behind her.
"Damn." Then Jack got an idea. "Todd, I gots me an idea on how to get our effects back."
"Well, what is it?" Todd stared at the grungy pirate.
Jack leaned in and whispered his idea to the demonic barber. All the while, Wonka just stared at the two, mostly confused. Then it seemed that Jack realized that his and Todd's deliberations were being watched. The two men stared at Wonka murderously, which sent the candy maker running for his rooms before either the pirate or the barber could do anything.
At 12 noon on the dot, two new men were ushered up the stairs and thrown into respective rooms somewhat unceremoniously. One was wearing a ratty bathrobe and had messy hair, while the other Jack decided to avoid at all costs, he looked like a constable or something else that could try to get him into trouble.
At 12:30, Jack put his plan into effect.
At 1:00 everyone was standing on the roof of the building. Jack was opposite of Jessica, who had now dyed her pair pink and was dressed up like a Lolita.
"Do you honestly expect to beat me wearing that? It's no practicality at all."
"I wanted to go for a humiliating defeat. If you can be beaten by an anthromorphobic cupcake like myself, it's going to be effing hilarious. Either way, this is so going on YouTube." She assumed a stance and continued "If you can beat me in a hand-to-hand fight, I'll give back any weapons I may or may not have taken away from anyone. If I win, guess who has to undergo the ultimate torture? You get to be my bag-carrier at the mall!" She laughed evilly and motioned to Wonka to begin filming. "Ready?"
Jack didn't respond, he just ran at the girl. She side stepped him and delivered a forceful kick to his back, which sent the pirate reeling. Girls her size shouldn't be that strong! He thought Alright, I'm done fighting fair.
~to be continued~
(A/N: Who will win? Even I don't know. And FYI: Lolita is a manner of dress that makes the wearer look like a cupcake with legs. For a more detailed description, go to wikipedia and look up 'Lolita' or 'Elegant Gothic Lolita'. Peace!)