hi! i'm raging about the lack of choni fanfic after that fight at the speakeasy so i kind of made one for myself. plus, i needed to get some things out. i'm not picking sides, and this is my take on what happened between them based on the last episode, added some things on there as well. enjoy my fellow angst monsters.

x

It was all making sense now. Everything. At first, Cheryl thought it was just a rough patch, so she tried everything in her power to fix things with her girlfriend, at least in the little ways that she knows. But when Toni made it clear that them moving in together was just "too soon" and "too fast", it all made sense.

They haven't been on the best terms lately. She thought of their first fight in the girls' bathroom. That's where it all started. And Cheryl will be damned to say she didn't try. She did try. She tried seeing everything in her girlfriend's perspective, especially after knowing about her previous situation with her uncle. She tried to make up for all of it. She knows she did.

And she totally sees it now. It's like patching up leaks of a sinking boat with cheap wood. Every time she tries to fix things with Toni, the more they sunk. She was willing to go impossible amount of measures to try again, and again, and again until it's fixed, until it works. She did love Toni, probably even more than she loved anyone else.

But if it's Toni that wants to do this, then there's absolutely nothing that she could possibly fucking do anymore. And god, to be absolutely fucking honest, she's tired.

It wasn't even the closeness her girlfriend and Veronica shared during that song number that sends her to tears every night after their fight. She wasn't jealous of the fact that Toni's arms were wrapped around Veronica's waist. It's not even that stupid song that they were singing in that stupid stage and that stupid speakeasy. No, not even close. It was the happiness and carefree in Toni's eyes while she was singing her heart out, just having fun with "their" friends, something that she hasn't seen in her girlfriend for a while now, at least not around her. It was the fact that she was more interested in going to her road trip with the Poisons instead of spending time with her.

She still loves her.

She still loves her so when Toni arrived that morning in Thistlehouse to get the rest of her stuff back, Cheryl has graciously collected all her stuff and put it in a bag so Toni wouldn't have to go around the house to pick up bits and pieces. She even made sure to put extra toiletries supplies like toothpaste, shampoo and conditioner, and soap so she would have something to use. Plus, she couldn't dare to see Toni if she had to move around the house to pick up her things. She locked herself in her room as soon as she heard the motorcycle rumble outside. She couldn't look at Toni then, because Cheryl knows. She knows that just seeing Toni would've made her beg for dear life, beg for her to stay and try to fix things again. And Cheryl Blossom isn't a beggar. She was raised to believe that.

And so, the moment she heard the door close for the second time, she buried herself in her blankets and broke down.

Mother was right.

These are the thoughts running in her head as she dries her hair. Getting out of bed today was incredibly harder today, almost impossible. Since, Toni wasn't there to wake her up. She's gone.

She carefully applied make up on her face so to cover up her swollen eyes. She dressed up, looked at herself in the mirror, and held her head high.

I'm Cheryl Blossom. Cheryl Blossom. HBIC Cheryl Blossom.

One last look and she was ready to go. She headed straight to where her car was, not even bothering with breakfast because Toni is, and will always be, everywhere in this god dammed house. She tries to shake the thoughts in her mind before they even formed. Not today. Not right now.

As soon as she stepped foot inside Riverdale High, she gets rid of absolutely everything and anything that might show off weakness.

This is easier, she thought. It's easier to put up a front as if she doesn't care instead of crying. What will that do? It hasn't gotten her anything for the past few days, did it? It certainly didn't bring Toni back.

"Out of my way, bottom feeders!" She was queen bee Cheryl Blossom again and it felt nice. It's not nearly enough for the emptiness that she has been filled for the past few days but at least it's something. She gave her most powerful walk and for once she felt like she's untouchable again.

And the she sees her.

She sees her at the corner of her eye. She's right there, standing in front of her locker with Veronica in tow.

Veronica Lodge. Ugh.

She stopped in front of her own locker just a few inches from Toni's, her face showed pride and power, determined not to pay them any attention. Toni wanted space, she's gonna give her some. Lots of it, in fact.

"Hey Cheryl." Veronica greeted.

Cheryl hummed in response, dismissing her friend. She can feel Toni's eyes burning the side of her face. She took what she needed, slammed her locker door shut as loud as she can and then left.

"Hey Veronica. I'm doing good this morning, how about you?" The raven haired girl said, doing her best impression of her friend. "What is her deal?"

Toni just sighed. "Things between us are…I don't even know, Ronnie."

Concern took over Veronica's face. "Toni, what happened?"

Toni shrugged, clearing her throat, not knowing exactly how she's going to go through this information to her friend and boss. But she figured she might as well tell her now instead of Veronica finding out from Reggie or anyone else. "I know you're probably going to be mad but…let's just say I've been staying at the speakeasy for the past couple of nights now. I moved out of Thistlehouse."

"What?!" The other brunette exclaimed. "Are you serious? Hashtag Choni is over?"

"No!" Toni answered. "No, of course not. We're just taking a small break I guess, we've been fighting nonstop for the past couple of weeks. I just want her to realize some things. But no, we're not broken up. I will never let that happen."

"I can't believe you were staying at the speakeasy. That explains why you're always the first one there. You're sneaky, Topaz."

"I'm sorry, Ronnie. I just have nowhere to go. I'm not in the best terms with Sweet Pea and Fangs either considering, you know…"

"Oh, it's totally okay, T. You're welcome to stay there for as long as you want, with all the help that you and the Poisons are providing, it's cool…you can," Veronica paused. "You're even welcome to stay with us in the Pembrooke. B and I are having sleepovers every night. " She smiled.

"Um, I'm not sure Betty will be comfortable around me, Ronnie. With all the serpents and poisons drama…Plus, I don't know if Cheryl will be happy to know that it's slumber parties every night for me with her friends. It's just not appropriate, but thanks I appreciate it."

Veronica sighed. Toni has point. "Okay then, T. But you're still welcome to join us if you're up for it. I'm sure Betty won't mind."

The bell saved Toni before she could even say anything. Both girls rushed to first period.

x

The rest of the day went entirely slow for Cheryl. She managed to make it half of the day without having to see Toni. During lunch, she sat with the Vixens and Toni sat with the Poisons. She can literally feel Toni's eyes on her, as well as the wondering eyes around them. People are starting to wonder why President Blossom is without her first lady Topaz.

Cheryl thought she's doing a good job with hiding what she's going through, but when Archie Andrews sat beside her during Chemistry, she couldn't help but frown and sigh when he asked her how she was doing. In some weird way, she's comfortable around Archie because she looks a lot like Jason. Ever since that day on Sweet Water River where the redheaded boy saved her life, she feels as if they had formed some weird connection. This boy did nothing but defend her, with what happened with Nick St. Clair and all.

"I'm…I'm okay, Archie."

"Are you sure? You don't look okay at all, Cher." He placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I'm here if you wanna talk about it."

Tears started to form in her eyes. Archie Andrews is just so pure. Nobody could replace Jason in her heart but this boy, this boy is something else. "Oh Archie, as much as I appreciate it, Mr. Gibson's Chemistry class isn't the right place to have this discussion." She said wiping her eyes.

"Well, Josie and I are going to Pop's after school. You wanna come? I'm sure Josie misses you. She's worried about you too."

Josie. With all the craziness happening in Toniworld, she came to a point where she forgot that she has a best friend. She's sure Josie's dealing with a lot of things about herself either, and she's happy she's got Archie to help her now.

Cheryl paused, contemplating if she wants to intrude their date. But it's Archie who invited her and so perhaps this is what she needs. "Okay." She responded, third wheeling to her best friend. Okay.

"Okay."

x

"So, when did this…" Cheryl motioned to the two of them. "…happen?"

Archie chuckled while Josie's eyes widened. "What 'this'? There's no…" Josie pointed to the two of them.

"Oh please, I see you two doing heart eyes on the hallways at school. Plus, I can feel the sexual tension from across the table. You do not fool me, Josephine."

The two seemed flustered and just smiled at the teasing of the redhead.

"Well, I'm happy for you both, really." And she means that, genuinely. Even when her own love life is non-existent and floating on the void right now. "Josie, you deserve to be happy. You too, Arch. Cheryl Blossom approves."

There was silence between the three of them. A silence not even the music at Pop's could fill. She looks at where the people will be lining up to enter the speakeasy later. A few hours from now, Toni's going to be here. She works for Veronica. It's a bit risky, what she's doing. Toni might pop in anytime there.

She's worried about Toni. She knows the girl is not on speaking terms with Sweet Pea and Fangs, she can't go back to her tent, she has absolutely nowhere to go. But then again, maybe Toni was bold enough to move out because of the money that comes from her job at the speakeasy.

She's probably renting somewhere. Yeah, Cheryl's just gonna go with that. It doesn't help that she's envisioning worse for her…ex?

"Cheryl…we're here if you wanna talk." Josie prompted. "What happened between you and Toni?"

Cheryl looked at her neatly polished fingers. She doesn't know where to start. Everyone knows how madly in love they were. They were the power couple. It's going to be impossible talking about it without the tears, but she wants to do it. She's not gonna regress and deal things on her own again. At least, she's gonna try to let people in. She's gonna try.

"We just…we want different things." She finally said. "She moved out of Thistlehouse a couple of days ago. She said it was 'too soon' for her. We broke up."

"I'm so sorry, Cher." Archie said.

"Me too, Arch."

"I'm sure you two are going to be okay. You're going get past this. You're Cheryl and Toni." Josie offered. That last part made Cheryl sad. Yes they were, and now they're not. "We're here for you, okay?" Josie added. "I can sleepover at your house if you want."

Cheryl looked at the both of them and she knew exactly what they were thinking. Archie Andrews was the person to save her from it after all. "I appreciate that Josie. I really do. But it's fine. I'm going to be fine. I'm not thinking about it, I promise."

She meant that. She hasn't been thinking about it. She tries hard not to. She's going to be fine.

"Cheryl, please. We need to be sure. We're just worried about you."

"I know, but really, it's going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. I have Nana Rose. I just need to focus on taking care of her."

Josie paused for a second. It must have been a discussion for the two of them. Archie must've talked to Josie about it. She's grateful, though, to have the two of them right now.

The couple sighed simultaneously, convinced that Cheryl won't do anything…for now. "Okay, but you need to have your phone on you at all times, girl. Or you'll see me barging in the doors of Thistlehouse with all the stuffed animals that I need to sleep."

Cheryl laughed. "Okay, relax Josie. You're not my mom."

She mentally kicked herself. Her mom doesn't even worry about her. And Josie and Archie sensed that that's causing her anxiety so they tried to change the topic.

"Well, we're also going to the Bijou to see a movie called Five Feet Apart after this. It's about two sick kids who fell in love. I understand if you're not up for that right now, you know but still. Come with us." Archie offered a smile.

And who can say no to that smile. She needs this distraction.

x

Toni sighed. It was her turn to tend the bar tonight. And tonight has been the slowest. She knows better than to get drunk herself. It doesn't feel nice, the thought of her and Cheryl being separated. But she's convinced this is going to help them. Everybody needs a healthy amount of space. But fuck, that doesn't mean she can't miss her girl.

She understands why Cheryl doesn't want to talk to her. In all honesty, Toni just wants Cheryl to realize that she is half of their relationship too. She just wants to start doing things for herself again. Not that she hates it when they do things together, it's just…she's starting to feel like she's somehow lost herself in her relationship with Cheryl.

"You okay there, boss?" She heard Peaches from the opposite side of the bar.

"Yeah, just…Yeah." She said because what's the point?

"Okay then. But you must know, that someone's been eyeing you all night. He's looking at you like you're a full course meal, boss."

She looked at where Peaches was pointing and saw a tall, muscular man looking in her direction. He had a dirty smirk in his face and a bottle of beer on one hand. He pointed the beer in her direction and motioned to cheers.

"Ugh, gross. Get back to your post."

The rest of the night went by smoothly, hardly any fights. The creepy dude kept on eyeing her all night. Toni doesn't bother with him because she knows if he so does make a move on her, his face will be planted onto the nearest flat surface around.

Toni looked around. She couldn't believe the last time she and her girlfriend were both here. They definitely debauched each and every flat surface in here. On the counter…over the stage…the tables…Cheryl on a blindfold sitting on chair while she goes down of her…the sweet, sweet noises that come out of her girlfriend's mouth with every touch…

What the fuck, Topaz? Stop.

She couldn't help but miss her even more.

Toni can admit that she was a little hard on her girlfriend. Cheryl just wanted to spend some time with her and she shut her down. Cheryl walking in on her and Veronica singing didn't make it better. Come to think of it, she is kind of an asshole on that bit. She should definitely talk to Cheryl and apologize for that. They were on a break but she's still her girlfriend after all.

It was closing time when someone placed a hand over her shoulder. The people were clearing up and it's time to lock up.

"What do you want?!" Toni asked hastily.

"Woah, relax I just want to tell you how I much I enjoyed staying at your speakeasy. I just moved here. I thought you were the manager."

Having a closer look, Toni can't say the boy was not good-looking. He had curly blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. "I'm not the manager. Veronica, that girl over there, talking to the bouncer, Reggie, she is the owner of this place. If you want to give compliments to the place, you should talk to her." Toni said turning around, dismissing the efforts of the boy.

"Wait, I just want to…" The boy grabbed her arm and Toni looked at him sharply, contemplating if the faceplanting should be done now or a deep breath is necessary. "I just want to introduce myself." He let go of her arm, (thankfully) and said, "I'm…"

"Leaving. You're leaving. I'm not interested. Reggie!" She called the attention of the bulldog.

"It's Tom, actually. But yeah, I'm gonna go. I'll see you at school, Toni!" He said, leaving before Reggie could even get there.

Toni's eyebrows furrowed. How could he possibly know her name? And see you at school? Who the fuck was that? But he's the least of her worries right now. She needs to talk to Cheryl.

x

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay the night?" Josie offered a warm smile from the passenger side of Archie's truck.

"I'm sure. Thank you both for that. I enjoyed my time. Who knew thirdwheeling was so fun, right?"

The couple laughed. "Okay, we're gonna go now."

"See you at school, Cher." Archie waved. "Call if you need anything, okay?"

The redhead nodded. They drove away and Cheryl watched with a small smile on her face as it disappeared from the distance. She is alone again.

It was nice spending time with her friends, but nothing compares to the time she spent with Toni. So as she lay in bed that night, opening her phone and scrolling through a bunch of voice messages. Out of the bunch, there is one that she couldn't absolutely get rid of. Hugging Toni's pillow, she clicked on the screen of her phone, a tear slowly falling down the side of her face….

"Cheryl, this is like, the tenth message I've left. Wherever you are, I hope you're hearing this. My voice telling you that I'm right there, right by your side. You're not alone, Cheryl. Not ever again."

Where are you now Toni?

yikes.

okay, if u want to say hi or give me a virtual punch i'm on twitter and tumblr under inyourbeanie.