by Venus
"So... why does Squall wear all of those belts anyway?!" Selphie asked, sipping her Jolt.
"Aren't they to hold his gunblade? Or to store his ammo in?" Irvine replied.
Quistis looked up from her cards and arched an eyebrow. "Have you even seen him use them for that?"
"Well... no..."
"I thought he was just really paranoid about his pants sliding down," Zell chuckled, gnawing on a bread stick. Dang cafeteria, you'd think they could bother to get some extra hot dogs for a SeeD who had helped save the world from total destruction and all that.
Selphie giggled. "He doesn't want us to see his cute undies!!!"
"... 'cept Rinoa," Irvine added very quietly... but not quietly enough. Selphie whaped him.
"But those belts put more weight on his pants. They're more likely to pull them down than to help hold them up!" Quistis pointed out practically. Then she reflected on what she had just said. "Um, not that I've thought about it.... that much..." She coughed slightly, her cheeks turning pink, then put a card down fiercely.
"Sure..." Irvine stirred his Diet Coke lazily with the straw and stretched out his long legs under the table. "Well, Squall wears weird stuff anyway. Maybe they're just a fashion statement."
"I know! He's in the belt-of-the-month club!" Zell snickered, and played his next card.
"Ha. He's gotta be the founder of the belt-of-the-month club." Quistis peered at the game spread out on the table.
"The president!" Selphie giggled. "I'm not just a member... I'm also the president!"
"Isn't that the other way around?" Irvine asked.
"Ohh... who cares!!" Selphie emptied one of her Pixy Stix into her mouth.
"...I bet he has a belt fetish..." Irvine mused.
"Well duh," Zell countered, scratching his tattoo.
"I know! Belt fairies!" Selphie bounced in her seat with enthusiasm.
"Belt fairies?!"
"Yeah!! Like, um, the tooth fairy! But not! Instead of taking away your teeth they give you belts! And Squall pissed off the Belt Fairy King so now he has to wear all the belts they give him or else they'll, like, come and hit him with their, um, miniature Belt Fairy wands!"
"Tch!" Zell chomped on another bread stick. Quistis just stared at Selphie, bewildered. Irvine chuckled and leaned back in his chair.
"Hmmm... they're a... wedgie protector...?" Zell offered.
"I bet he's thinking like a treasure map... X marks the spot!" Irvine grinned lopsidedly.
"Irrrrvvvyyyyy!" Selphie whined, warningly.
"Sheesh."
"I think Squall has a prosthetic leg," Selphie sipped her drink thoughtfully. "The leg straps and belts, like, help hold it on."
"Please," Quistis rolled her eyes. "Prosthetic leg... Hey play your card already!"
"Me! I thought it was your turn!" Zell exclaimed.
"It is?"
Zell groaned, "Geeze... um, I think so..."
"Ok, ok! Don't rush me!"
"Blonds..." Irvine commented softly, smirking. He was rewarded with two blue-eyed glares and a giggle from Selphie.
"Aww... Quistis was just distracted by this intelligent and fascinating conversation..." Selphie leaned over to examine Quistis' cards. "He even sleeps in them..." She pointed to a card.
Quistis frowned, at both the comment and card choice. "How would you know?!"
"Yeah right... like we don't all barge in on Squall all the time."
"Well..."
"He really needs to learn to lock his door."
"Ha. No kidding."
"I bet... they're like James Bond belts," Zell offered after a thoughtful pause. "Ya know, like full of explosives and spy equipment!"
"Interesting..." Quistis murmured, finally playing a card.
"Hi guys!" A familiar voice chimed in. The four looked up, startled, to see Rinoa standing over them and Squall trailing behind her. "Can we join you?"
The group exchanged a guilty glance, wondering how much Rinoa and Squall had overheard.
"Sure." Zell slid his chair over to make more room.
"So what's up guys?!" Rinoa asked, after she and Squall had sat down.
"Nothin..." Selphie replied, chewing on her straw. "Just watching boring Quisty and Zell play a boring game of cards..."
"Hmph. Boring?" Zell huffed.
"So..." Irvine adjusted his hat and cleared his throat. "Why don't we just ask him already?"
"Ask him?" Rinoa parroted. "Ask him-who-what?"
The others exchanged looks.
"I never thought of that..."
"Do you think it'd work?"
"Booyaka! I like it! The direct attack! Woohoo!"
"Go on, Selphie..."
"Huh?! No, you do it Irvy!"
"Not me... Quisty...?"
"Um... Zellie?"
"Zellie? Zellie!!? What the hell!"
Rinoa gave them all a confused look. "Hey... what's going on guys?!"
"Tch... ok fine, I'll do it," Zell volunteered. "Yo, Squall..."
Squall looked up from the table top.
"Why do you wear all of those belts, man?!"
"...?!" Squall asked/exclaimed.
"Oh... yeah... well actually , I've been wondering that too, Squall..." Rinoa told him, bashfully.
"We all have..." Quistis added, blushing slightly.
"Spill it!" Selphie demanded.
Squall suddenly looked trapped and apprehensive (although only those who knew him best could detect the minute differences between that and his usual bored pout). His eyes unfocused and he sat completely still, aside from occasionally cocking his head as if listening to something. Fifteen minutes later, after Squall finished arguing and debating and cajoling and tormenting and pleading and harassing and reasoning and fighting with himself, he had decided to tell them all his deep, dark secret.
"Ok..." he said softly, eyes focusing again. Everyone jumped, startled.
"Ok?!" Quistis asked.
"You'll tell us?!" Selphie squeaked.
"...yes..."
"It's about time!" Zell exclaimed.
"This better be good!" Irvine grinned.
"Oh Squall..." Rinoa gushed, "you're finally opening up!"
Squall took a deep breath. Then another. Then he fidgeted with his hair, popped his neck, pushed the salt shaker around on the table top, shined his Griever pendant on his shirt, cleared his throat, and took another deep breath. "It's all because of," he told them dramatically, "..."
There was a long silence.
"Because of what Squall?!" Rinoa prompted at length.
"..." he repeated. He noticed their bewildered faces and tried again. "... ...!"
Zell fell out of his chair. Quistis made a rude noise, somewhere between a sigh and a snort. Selphie choked on her Pixy Stick. Irvine slapped one palm down on the table. Rinoa just shook her head.
Squall frowned. He didn't think they'd take it like that! What kind of friends were they anyway?! He sighed deeply. "Forget it..."
And so they never spoke of it again.
Notes: this short and rather plotless fanfic is for Jeanne -the 100th visitor to my webpage- who requested something "cute" about Squall's straps. ^.^