They Don't Know Me

by greenchopstix

Very short drabble type musing to fill the hiatus. I'm trying something different which is a short musing from Sheldon's point of view. It's easy to pass judgement and say, 'Sheldon doesn't feel this', 'Sheldon doesn't do that', etc. But what is it like to see Sheldon's relationship through his own eyes, the struggles he goes through.

They feel sorry for her, you know?

Out of all the people to fall in love with it had to be me? An egotistical emotionless robot incapable of feeling.

They don't know me, they think they do but they don't. Not my closest friend, my mother or the battery of tests I undergone as a child could ever fully understand who I really am.

I do feel…

I may not express myself the same way as others but I do feel.

It hurts…

It hurts, the way they look at her with pity in their eyes. It hurts, when I hear the whisper behind my back that 'she can do better' and it really hurts when my so-called friends dismiss our relationship as nothing more than a drawn out joke.

I feel sad…

I feel sad on the days where I find myself taking two steps backwards instead of forwards. I feel sad every time I let her down to the point where she can't barely stand to look at me. And I feel sad, especially on those days when I look into her eyes and see they're filled with doubt and maybe even regret.

I feel angry…

I feel angry that I was born this way, intelligent and incapable, riddled with phobias and fears. I feel angry at the fact that no matter how hard I try to catch up, I'll always be behind. And I feel angry because even though I love her, she still doesn't know.

Most of all I hate…

I hate knowing that the only person standing in my way is myself.