Strip Triple Triad
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Squaresoft.
The Scene: Selphie, Rinoa, Irvine, and Zell are sitting in the "secret area" behind the Balamb Garden training centre.
Selphie: Let's do something.
Rinoa: Like what?
Selphie: I don't know.
Zell: OH! Hide and go seek!!
Rinoa: No!
Irvine: Let's play cards.
Rinoa: Triple Triad? Boring!
Selphie: We could play Go Fish.
Zell: It's kinda dark to be going all the way down to the docks in Balamb Selphie.
Selphie: Duh! I meant the card game.
Zell: Card game?
Irvine: Hey let's play poker!
Rinoa: Wait a minute, we don't have REAL cards...
Irvine: We could use our Triple Triad cards.
Selphie: Don't you have to make bets or something in poker?
Irvine: Yeah...
Selphie: I don't have any money.
Rinoa: Me either.
Zell: All I have is the clothes on my back.
Irvine: Zell you're my best friend.
Zell: Huh?
Irvine: We'll wager our clothes. How 'bout it ladies?
Selphie: Strip Triple Triad?
Rinoa: OK!
Selphie: Hey! Rinoa you're supposed to be on my side!
Rinoa: Oh, I mean...Irvine! You pig! *Darn*
Zell: I'll try.
Irvine: (breaks out into a sweat) Uh...come on girls. It's no fun with just the two of us.
Selphie: I don't know...
Irvine: Hey look, I'll even start off a bit in the hole! (He takes off his boots and socks and places them on the ground)
Selphie: Well, okay then, but NO CHEATING! Rinoa do you want to play too?
Rinoa: I guess I HAVE TO since you're forcing me.
Selphie: But I'm not-
Rinoa: -Okay who goes first?
Irvine: (Grins wickedly and rubs his hands together) ME!
(They all take a turn to play a hand of cards, Irvine wins the first round)
Irvine: Woo hoo! Yeah! You guys have to remove a piece of clothing! I RULE! Who's the king! Who's the man? Who's the-OUCH! What the-Oof! Hey! (Selphie's boots hit him in the middle of the forehead, followed by Rinoa's then Zell's)
Selphie: (Smiling cheerfully) Okay, let's go again.
(After the cards are laid out again, lo and behold, the winner, once again is Irvine)
Irvine: Hmmm...no shoes, no socks, what could possibly be next? (He breaks into a huge grin)
Rinoa: Well, I could throw this in...(Rinoa removes her blue coat)
Zell: Now you guys can see my bulging muscles! (He takes off his shirt and throws it onto the pile of clothes and starts flexing)
Irvine: Selphie?
Selphie: (Looks down at herself) EEP!
Irvine: Looks like you don't have as much to bet as you thought.
Selphie: Shut up Irvine!
Irvine: Hey you wanted to play, it's only fair.
Rinoa: Come on Selphie, you'll still have your underwear.
Selphie: Uhh...(takes off her dress and throws it into the pile)
Irvine: I think I'll sit next to Selphie now.
Selphie: Get out you pig!
(The game continues, and after a third round, Irvine wins again)
Selphie: (slaps down her cards in frustration) That's it! You must be cheating!
Irvine: I am not!
Selphie: Then how come you keep winning?
Irvine: Ah you're just mad because you keep losing.
Selphie: Humph.
Zell: Okay I'm throwing in my pants. (They look up to see Zell standing in a pair of leather thong underwear, no one speaks) What? (Looks down at himself) Oh these. Do you think Squall and them are the only hot guys around here? Hey I can be sexy too ya know!
Rinoa: (shudders) I'm tossing my blue shorts.
Irvine: Selphie?
Selphie: I don't like this game. (Removes her pink frilly bra and throws it on top of the heap of clothes).
(Suddenly, Quistis walks through the door)
Quistis: (Looks down at them in total shock) What's going on out here?!!
Zell: Instructor Trepe!
Irvine: Quisty! Hey good timing. Wanna play?
Quistis: My God! What are you playing?!!
Rinoa: Strip Triple Triad. Irvine's winning.
Selphie: The cheating pig!
Quistis: Oh is he? (Grins mischievously) Strip Triple Triad you say? Sure, I'll play. One on one, with Irvine.
Irvine: ALL RIGHT! Could this night get any better? Two naked women and one more to-
Quistis: -Just deal!
Irvine: Hey the rest of you guys aren't going to put the rest of your clothes back on are you?
(After all the cards are laid out, Irvine loses for the first time in the whole evening)
Selphie: (smirks with satisfaction) Looks like someone's lucky streak is running out.
Irvine: Hey, no big deal. I can make a comeback.
Zell: Did you guys ever notice how leather makes you sweat?
Rinoa: (looks at Zell with disgust) Eww! I don't even want to think about it.
Irvine: I'll give up my coat.
(In the next round, Irvine loses again)
Quistis: Well well cowboy. Now that you're not wearing your coat anymore, I guess you can't shove anymore cards up your sleeve!
Irvine: What? I wasn't cheating!
Selphie: (wearing Irvine's jacket) Hey, what's this little pocket thing...(she pulls out a bunch of GF and Player cards)
Irvine: Uuh...hey! Where'd those come from? Ow!! (Selphie kicks him in the leg)
Quistis: Toss that vest!
(Irvine tosses the vest and another hand is played, he loses again)
Quistis: Well, well, well, looks like all you've got is your pants now cowboy.
Irvine: Aww, come on. I could toss my hat?
Quistis: No way! The pants - NOW!
Rinoa: I wanna see if cowboys wear underwear.
Selphie: (Jealously) Rinoa! You're breaking Irvine's concentration!
Irvine: All right then but I'm going around the corner. (He gets up and disappears around the corner)
Quistis: He doesn't know does he?
Selphie: Nope he doesn't have a clue.
Zell: About what? (No one speaks, in the distance is the sound of crickets chirping, moments later Irvine reappears carrying his pants and wearing only his hat and a skimpy leather loincloth)
Irvine: (Drops his pants onto the pile) Happy now?
Quistis: (slowly) I'm... not... sure....
(Zell gives a low whistle)
Rinoa: (Eyes wide) Wow! I didn't know that cowboys were so well hu-
Selphie: RINOA!! (Selphies face flushes red)
Irvine: Just deal again, you're going down Quisty!!
Quistis: Uh...yeah.
(They play another game and Irvine loses once again)
Quistis: Well I guess that's that.
Irvine: No way. I can still beat you I still have my hat.
Rinoa: And you've got that little loincloth too. Lose it! (Selphie shoots Rinoa a dirty look)
Irvine: (sighs) All right, but I'm going around the corner again.
(After a few moments Irvine returns using his hat to cover himself he flings his loincloth onto his pile of clothes)
Zell: Gross! I'm getting the hell away from those.
Quistis: Okay this is getting a little sad now I think we should quit.
Irvine: What?! Come on, I can beat you. You're just a girl. Girls can't play cards. I just got a couple of bad hands.
Quistis: (Her face flushes with anger) Okay, one last hand, if I win, you streak through the Training Centre. If you win I'll streak through the Training Centre.
Irvine: YOU?
Quistis: Yes.
Irvine: All right!! I'll make sure I win.
Quistis: Shake on it.
Irvine: Ok. (They shake hands)
(After much sweating and straining on Irvine's part, he loses the last hand)
Irvine: DAMMIT!!
Quistis: Well, I guess girls CAN play cards. Ha Ha Ha!!
Irvine: You've gotta show me your cheating strategy.
Quistis: Okay, a bets a bet. Lose the hat. Selphie bring your camera.
(Irvine hands the hat to Selphie and stands in front of the Training Centre door)
Irvine: I'm not the welching type. On the count of three....
Zell: One.
Rinoa: Two.
Quistis: THREE!!
(Irvine thrusts open the doors only to find Cid & Edea standing directly in front of him holding hands)
Edea: AAAHHH!! My God! What are you children doing out here?!
Quistis: RUN!!
(Everyone scatters, leaving Irvine darting around buck naked looking for his clothes)
Irvine: Hey you guys only left my hat!
Edea: I think you have some explaining to do young man.
(She grabs a hold of his ear and begins to lead him towards the door)
Irvine: Quistis and I were playing strip Triple Triad and she was cheating and-
Cid: She's the King of Card you idiot!!
Irvine: What! Oh man...
(The three of them continue down the hallway in silence for a few moments)
Edea: Hey, I didn't know cowboys were so well hu-
Cid: Edea!!
(Giggles erupt from behind the bushes)
The End.