A Different Start

Plot: When he was a child, Barney was brought by Loretta to visit someone he doesn't know in a foreign country. There, he meets the neighbor, a beautiful brown-haired girl who unknowingly pinned herself to Barney's mind. After leaving, Barney would give anything to forget her or ever meeting her. Little did he know, he would see her again for more than twenty years later. Pilot Au. Future!Barney's POV. (used to be Future!Ted's POV, but whatever)

Genre: Romance . Comedy

Rating: T

Pairing: Barney x Robin

AN: Just using the show for the backbone and stuff... or something like that. I don't want to watch the Pilot because it's full of Mobatsky and it makes me gag... especially after the finale. The narration is like that of Ted's, but somewhat more Barney-ish... But also honest, I guess? So yeah. DISCLAIMER! I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS etc...

CHAPTER ONE: PILOT

**Summer 2040

Barney: Ellie, I think you know why I called you here to sit down with me.

Ellie: [thinking] Is this because of the suit?

Barney: [confused] Wait. What suit?

Ellie: [laughs] Nothing, nothing.

Barney: . . . .

Ellie: So, what did I do?

Barney: I just got a call from your principal telling me that you were banging a teacher from the same school.

Ellie: Wait, what?! It was just a simple kiss. I wasn't "banging" him...

Barney: Well, Ellie, as you might know, it starts with a kiss, then hand stuff, and before you know it, you're banging each other's brains out.

Ellie: Um dad, why are we having this conversation again?

Barney: Because you need to watch out for men like them, Ellie. They are bimbo-chasing people, and by the end of the night after you shagged him, he would leave you, brokenhearted and alone. You are my only daughter and my only child–I think–and I want you to hear and learn this from me because I too was once a bimbo-chasing man.

Ellie: Dad, where are you going with this?

Barney: In my twenties, every night I would go to a bar–

Ellie: Please, no. Don't tell me this is one of your stories.

Barney: –then wake up every morning with a bimbo by my side–

Ellie: Is this the way you're punishing me?

Barney: –but then all of that changed. Ellie, this is the legendary story of how I changed.

**Fall 2005

It was fall of the year 2005. I was twenty eight years old and living every man's dream: rich, handsome, and with a closet full of suits. Of course I was a lady's man. They would always go home with me if I say the right words. I never planned to changed, until I got a call from your uncle Ted while I was getting shaved. He told me that he wanted to hang out, so I told him to meet me at the our favorite bar, MacLaren's–which is off limits to you, by the way–in fifteen minutes, and instructing him to suit up.

Of course, being a classic Ted, he came in twenty minutes later with no suit! Every time I tell him to suit up, he still arrives in the bar with no suit. One time he wore a blazer, debating with me that it qualifies as a suit! It frustrated me again to see him in his plain green shirt and unattractive brown jacket. The only thing he cares about is his untidy brown hair.

What's worse is the news of your uncle Marshall proposing to your aunt Lily gave Ted ideas that provoked me at that time. He wanted to get married.

So, as his best friend, I needed to remind him of what a despicable idea that is. "Ted, do you remember what I told you the day we met?" I asked him.

"Barney, we met at a urinal." He muttered.

I roll my eyes, "Well, after that."

Ellie, I know that your uncle Ted repeated the story about how we met for about twenty times. But here's the thing, before we met, he had a goatee on and the same sense of fashion: plain shirt with an unattractive color and a faded sweater. So when I saw him in the urinal, I knew by then that he is a lame student that I am willing to teach on how to be awesome.

For our first lesson, I gave him three simple rules to follow.

Rule no. 1: Lose the goatee.

Rule no. 2: Get a suit.

Rule no. 3: Don't even think about getting married until you're thirty.

The only rule he managed to do is the first rule. Because by now, he was talking to me about it coming into his head. Telling me that he is ready to get married. And he's still not wearing a suit. I can't seem to get over the suit. So as his best friend, I knew I had to get him back in his game.

I pat his shoulder and look at the pitiful creature. "That's one tough problem." I assure him. "But you know a great way to solve this? A game called, haaave you met Ted."

"Barney, no." He uttered.

But too late, I already tapped the shoulder of the nearest chick around. "Hey," I say as she turned to me, confirming that she is one hot chick–at least an eight–with a pretty face. I point to Ted, "Have you met Ted?"

As soon as the two started conversing, I left the two to talk things out.

I ordered another bottle of beer. Then, at the corner of the bar, my eye falls on a blonde girl, who is at least a seven judging by the size of her boobs. I walked towards her nervously as if I know her but too afraid to start a conversation. She notices. "Hey, it's great to see you again!" I breathed enthusiastically. Then pause, as if trying to remember something. "Sorry, I feel silly, I forgot your name."

She looked confused, but still smiles. Target locked, I think to myself. "I'm sorry, who are you again?" She asks with trust and innocence in her empty gaze.

Ah, my favorite victims. I smirk. "We met at some party." I tell her. "I'm Brian's friend."

Her face fell. "Brain!" She shrieked. Tears threatened to fall from her eyes. "That...That jerk cheated on me!"

I fake a gasp. "That bastard!" I tell her. I held her hand between both of mine as to 'comfort' her.

She looked at me, touched that I actually care. Then she gives me a sad smile.

I lean in closer and whisper into her ear, "Do you want to get back at him with my penis?"

That did not come out right. But she got it. A sinister grin has taken over her face. She nods her head, thrilled to get back at Brian.

We were already about to leave the bar to 'get back at Brian', when your meddlesome uncle Ted pulls my arm, separating me from that blonde girl whose name I still don't know. I frown. He knows better than to pull me away from the opportunity to bang a chick.

"The girl's a Lebanese." He informs me about the girl I introduced to him earlier once we're at the counter.

This information turned my frown into a smirk. "Nice." Lebanese girls are my new favorites at that time. Half-Asian girls used to be my favorite. But then I discovered just how hot the Lebanese girls are. So by that time, Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians.

"And she's dating Carl the bartender." He adds.

"What?" I rhetorically questioned him. Puzzled, I look at Carl the bartender, asking to my self how a five could get an eight and, more important, a Lebanese. "How on Earth did he manage to land on that one?"

"I don't know." Ted answers. "I just want to find the perfect girl for me already." He groans. I shake my head in disappointment. He's going to talk about marriage again.

While he keeps on whining and asking about 'The One', I see the blonde girl from earlier coming my way. I hold my hand up as if to say, "Stop." Then wink at her to assure her that we'd still 'get back at Brian' later. She smiles and orders another drink.

"Hey Barney," I hear Ted say my name, effectively switching my attention to him. "see that girl?" He asked me.

My eyes follow the trail to where Ted has his eyes on, then notice the brunette chick wearing a revolting green turtleneck. But even though she wears that unattractive piece of clothing that repulses every man in the world, you would still look at her for a second time because it is visible enough that that girl's a perfect ten.

Then a realization came to my mind. "Oh yeah," I smirk, checking her out. "you know she likes it dirty."

I notice that Ted had his eyes for this girl for a long time, so I tell him to go talk to her. But then he started to freak out, telling me that he has to plan things to get this girl to go out with him. I listen to his ridiculous plan–which involved her going to the bathroom–then notice the girl walking this way to buy herself a drink, so I had to do what every wing man should do.

I tapped the girl's shoulder, planning on playing the game 'have you met Ted' on her, but when she turns around and smiles, something hit me. I know this girl. Could it be because I slept with her? No. Could it be because she was one of the chicks in my classes when I was still at school? No. Is she a relative of mine? Hopefully not.

The three things I always ask myself when I see a familiar babe have been crossed out. So I think harder on who the girl is. Co-worker? No. Same building? No. Same childhood neighborhood? No.

It has come to my realization that I have been quiet for a long period of time by now. Or maybe it's because of the fact that she turned to Ted and asked, "What's wrong with him?" with a hint of Canadian accent in her voice.

Suddenly, flashbacks come back to my mind from my childhood. I remember her. So I did the only thing every man would do when they're in my situation.

I ran.

After watching me run out of the bar, your uncle Ted have come to a conclusion about my odd behavior. "You've slept with him!" He said with a gasp.

Her eyebrows creased. "What – no!" She exclaims, obviously offended. "I just got here. I'm from Canada."

With that information, he sighed. "Oh, good."

She raised an eyebrow. "And why is that good?"

He breathed, trying to 'keep his cool'. "Nothing." He laughs, shrugging the topic off. "Hi, I'm Ted."

"Robin." She smiles.

Meanwhile, after running what I think is more than ten miles, I bump into a short woman with flaming red hair, also known as your aunt Lily, and we both fall to the ground.

"Barney, what are you doing?!" She asks in frustration.

I get back on my feet. "No time to talk, Lil, I got to run." I said breathlessly.

"What? Wait. What's wrong?" She asks.

Before I could answer her–well, I didn't really plan on answering her–I did what I had to do, I ran. Again.

I thought I already lost her, but the excruciating tackle that she did to me proved me wrong. We both slam to the ground, again, but I got most of the impact this time. It gave me most of the cuts and bruises. And it ruined a perfectly made suit.

I was just about to get up, but then she pinned me on the ground. And it wasn't the good kind. It was where the side of my face was in contact with the cold cement and dirt of New York City. "Ow!" I yelp.

She puts her face close to mine, then whispers to my ear. "I'm only going to release you if you tell me everything." I squirm beneath her, trying to escape her clutches. "Are we clear?"

I was about to answer her, but then I saw a small hand print made of paint on her shirt, which was on top of one of her breasts. A giggle escaped my mouth. "You've been honked by your preschool student." I point out.

She tightens her grip, causing me to yelp again. "Are we clear?!" She roared into my ear.

Ellie, I'm not gonna lie. You're aunt Lily is one tough woman. So when I was given a chance to be free of her claws, I do the only thing I had to do. I nod hysterically.

"Good." She says with satisfaction in her voice.

After she released me, we both sat on the ground. I looked far away, as if to recall the past. "Lily, in my lifetime I only have a few stories that I still keep from my friends. And this story is what I need for you to keep a secret the most. Breaking this secret would ruin our friendship. Are you willing to keep this secret? You should be. Because, Lily, this is the story of the girl from Canada."

She rolled her eyes. I took that as an agreement.

"There was this one time in my childhood when, for an unknown reason, my mother brought me to the worst country in the world, Canada. Was it punishment? I do not know. But there we were, living in a smelly old house that belonged to an old woman. And next to that is another smelly old house. And then next to that is another smelly old house. And then next to that is another smelly old house…" I went on, remembering the worst experience in my almost perfect childhood.

"Okay, okay! I get it. Just get to the point." Lily commanded.

"But there is this one house on the neighborhood that wasn't as smelly as the others." I continued. "Me and my brother, James, were just passing around a football to show to this low-minded people just how awesome we are. When the ball went straight to that not-so-smelly house and hit a little brunette girl."

"Wait!" Lily exclaimed. "You hit a little girl with your football!"

I roll my eyes. "That's not the important part."

"Then what is the important part?" She asks.

"No idea." I say. "I can't remember."

She groans. "Then why are you running?"

"Because if there is one thing I remember from that encounter, it's that it's not something I liked. And I remember not wanting to see her again. So I ran." I explain.

Lily sighed then stood up. She held out her hand to help me stand up. After dusting her clothes, she held my shoulders and looked me in the eye, forcing me to actually listen to her. "Barney, you're going to have to face her, eventually. You can't just keep on running away from your past. You have to stand up, and face it. No matter how hard it might get."

I hate it when she does that. But still, I thought about what she said. Do I really want to face my past? For the third time today, I ran.

I kept on running, but then something stopped me. I was in front of MacLaren's.

Defeated, tired, and in need of a beer, I walked into the bar and saw Ted sitting alone in our usual booth. I sat opposite him and asked, "Hey, where's the brunette chick?"

"Oh, she already left a few minutes ago." He muttered. Then he gave me the information about her. At the card he handed out, it said here that her name is Robin Scherbatsky. And true enough, she's from Canada. "And we're going out tomorrow." He smiled.

Seeing the fact that he desperately needs to start having sex again, I kept quiet about this girl.

Later on, I feel someone tap my shoulder and saw that it was the blonde girl from earlier. "Ready to get back at Brian?" She asks seductively.

I grin. "Stinson out!"

And that, Ellie, is how the blonde girl made it into my list of great one-night stands.

**Year 2040

Ellie: What? I thought this was about how you changed your bimbo-chasing phase!

Barney: It is.

Ellie: Then why did you go home with that blonde?

Barney: Oh Ellie, people don't just change in three days. It takes the right amount of time and the right person to enter your life to make you evolve without even realizing it. And that day was just the start of it. Heat up some popcorn in the oven, Ellie, because the story's just beginning!

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