A/N: Usual fan fic disclaimers apply. These characters do not belong to me.

Story begins two months after 8x02 and pictures a different turn of events following that episode. I couldn't find a reason or purpose for Hayley, so she doesn't appear in this story.

Giant thanks to my partners in crime, Annie & Kel, for always letting me bug you and keeping my grammar in check. Special shout out to Sandy too, for letting me pick your police brain with legal procedure questions.

Unafraid

"...there wasn't much difference between loving someone and being afraid of them. Loving someone meant needing them to stay: alive, around. But the shadow that love can't help but cast is fear: fear they won't stay alive or around- fear they'll be reckless , or doomed or just walk away and not consider you ever again. With love, you're scared it will disappear. With fear, you're scared it never will. The trick... was getting used to both of them at the same time. It was living in between."

-Michael Christie. "If I Fall, if I Die."

Chapter I

"It's your turn, Richard," his mother told him after downing a generous swig of white wine from a large, bulbous glass.

Castle glanced at the game board and the tiny medieval figurines that covered almost the entire coffee table they were seated around. Him and two of his three favourite women in the world.

His mother was seated across from him, wearing a multi-coloured wrap dress and a turquoise necklace with a pendant the size of his fist. Rick marvelled that her slender neck held it up with such ease. She sat on the rim of the sofa, hawk-like, watching him trying to figure out the game that she'd already stopped trying to understand. As if she might be able to absorb its rules through him via osmosis.

Alexis was sitting cross-legged on the floor to his right, wearing pyjama pants and munching on a bowl of popcorn. She was the only one who seemed vaguely invested in the outcome of the game. She was also the one who brought it home this morning. The one who decided that she'd rather spend Friday night at home with her father and grandmother than a catch a movie with her friends (Castle overheard her cancelling her plans last night).

"Richard?" his mother repeated, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He picked up his glass of scotch and swallowed the contents, letting the liquid burn its way down his throat until it gave him the courage he needed to stop this charade.

He knew exactly what his mother and daughter were doing, had been doing for the last eight weeks, and he loved them for it. More than he could express in words.

But it had to stop.

And he had to be the one to put a stop to it.

"Alexis," he turned to his daughter and her gorgeous blue eyes narrowed as they noticed the change of tone in his voice. "Mother."

"Dad?"

"It's Friday night."

"So?" Alexis questioned, puzzled.

"You shouldn't be here," he told them, pressing his palms against the table top and pushing himself off the floor. He'd been sitting on the floor too long and his legs were starting to fall asleep.

"Where exactly should we be?" His mother wanted to know.

"Anywhere but here, mothering me and trying to make me feel better."

"What are you talking about?" Alexis feigned indignation. "I've been wanting to play this game since it came out!"

Castle stopped just short of rolling his eyes at his daughter before turning towards his mother. Martha barely hid a grimace when she observed her granddaughter's lousy acting skills. "How is it possible that a child with our genes is such a god-awful liar?" he asked his mother.

"Hey!" More mock indignation from Alexis.

"Mother, Alexis-" Castle said softly. "You both need to stop this. Trying to be responsible for my happiness is only making me feel...guilty on top of everything else."

"Oh Richard-"

"Don't." He raised his hand, tired of it all. Tired of the way he felt. Of their kindness, their sympathy, their efforts. He was so damn tired of trying to play along in order not to hurt them too.

He was a big boy. It wasn't the first time a woman, or even the first time a wife had walked out on him. He could handle this.

"Change out of your pyjamas and go meet up with your friends for that movie and dinner," he ordered his daughter.

"No, Dad...that's not..."

He wouldn't let her finish. "I insist."

Alexis gave him an irritated look, but she got up off the floor and dusted a kernel of popcorn off her pyjama pants. Castle swore he caught a glimpse of joy on her face. Alexis wanted out of the loft as much as his mother did.

He didn't have to order Martha out; she was already waving her arms in the air with both relief and annoyance. "Oh alright, Richard. If you must drown your sorrows in video games and Scottish liquor all by yourself so be it, but you know you're welcome to come out with me. Marty's hosting a wine tasting in the party room of his apartment building. The more the merrier."

"Who says I'm going to drown my sorrows?" Castle leaned over to give his mother a kiss on the cheek. "I do have a book to write."

Alexis started putting the board game away, swiping the figurines off the coffee table in a few swift hand motions while his mother made a quick dash into the bathroom to freshen up.

That was when Castle heard his cell phone ring.

It was lying on the kitchen counter, halfway across the room.

Alexis grinned. "Maybe Beckett's lonely too and wants to hang out with you."

Castle walked toward the counter and picked up his phone. He didn't recognize the number on the screen.

He swiped it and answered the call, his heart beating faster at the sight of the unknown number.

Ever since Kate walked out the door of their loft and their marriage two months ago he had this heavy feeling in his gut that one day he'd get a phone call not from her but about her. His overactive imagination conjured up all sorts of possibilities and every one of those imaginary calls filled him with dread. Including this one now. Which was real and not a figment of his imagination.

"Is this Richard Castle?"

"Yes-" His throat constricted. "It is. Who is this?"

"Are you the husband of Captain Katherine Beckett?"

Castle noticed Alexis staring at him from the corner of his eye. "Who is this?"

"I'm calling from Harlem Hospital Center. Your wife was brought to our ER by ambulance."

ER?

Harlem?

His heart was thrashing wildly inside his rib cage now, his knees weak. He was certain that the ground beneath him had softened and tilted.

Speaking was difficult too because his throat threatened to close in on itself.

"What...what happened? What's wrong with my wife?"

"Drug overdose."