A/N #1: I kind of cheated and combined the first and second day, but oh well! Please read the author's note at the end as it may explain some of my choices made in the drabble below. God bless! Happy reading!
Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar or its characters.
She was three weeks late.
Katara stared at the calendar in front of her, hands shaking as she recounted the days since her last cycle. Maybe she had done the math wrong somewhere?
"It was before the last full moon," She muttered to herself, pinpointing the exact date in which she had started. "Have I really not had one since then?"
The fact that she had been completely oblivious to her cycle not making an appearance was shocking to her. As a healer herself, surely she would be more in tune with her body and aware of when it was going through changes and when it wasn't. She should have noticed that she hadn't had one in so long.
But with the wedding just three months prior and the construction still taking place on Air Temple Island, it had all but slipped her mind. Add on to that the hours she had been taking at the clinic in the city and the assistance she was giving Aang in court on certain dates, it was completely understandable that she wouldn't remember something so trivial. Her world was so big now, she barely had time to think about herself when there were so many other people who needed her help.
Placing the calendar back in its spot on the kitchen counter, Katara walked into the incomplete living room that was still cluttered with boxes full of little trinkets and bobbles from her's and Aang's travels. Sidestepping the mess on the floor and deciding that was another issue to tackle later on, the waterbender sat herself on the couch, breathing deeply and allowing herself time to think.
There were so many things this could mean – she could be overly stressed, exercising too much, losing weight too fast. The possibilities were endless.
As she ticked off all the conditions in her head, she could feel herself mentally shying away from one of the most common reasons for a missed cycle. It couldn't possibly be that. She could not be pregnant.
Glancing over at a box that had been placed on the end table they had purchased just recently, Katara could feel her heart clench at the articles inside of it.
"For whenever you decide to bring little airbenders into the world," Hakoda had joked as he and Sokka brought in boxes of clothes from her youth. "So they can be warm whenever they come to visit their ole' Gramps."
Katara had nearly cried then from how sweet the gesture was, but now –as she glanced at the coats of cerulean that's sleeves hung from the side of the box – she could only feel the bile in the back of her throat building up.
They hadn't been married for long and there were so many things that still needed to be taken care of. Although she knew that her husband wanted children at some point in his life, she wasn't sure if he was ready for one now. Besides, the world was still so dysfunctional and a large amount of his time was dedicated to making sure it wouldn't be like that for much longer. Could either of them handle this responsibility on top of all the others they already had stacking up?
She had to remind herself that she wasn't completely sure she was pregnant yet. In order to determine it for sure, she would have to get herself into water and she wasn't feeling too eager to do so at that point.
Leaning forward so that her elbows rested on her knees, Katara placed her head in her hands, a groan escaping her lips at the thought of her hunch being true. All her life, she had thought the idea of carrying a child would be one that would send chills of excitement up her spine and throw her heart into an excited flutter. She never expected to be so apprehensive and uncertain about it.
But still, the thought of Aang's child growing inside of her sent a warm thrill through her body. She had always wanted to have children with him, ever since she was a young teen. Maybe being pregnant wouldn't be such a bad possibility. They were both in their twenties and more than capable of taking care of themselves. Perhaps the world would sort itself out in the coming months and life would be all right.
She could feel a smile slowly forming on her features to replace the frown she had sported just moments before.
Suddenly the little box of winter coats wasn't so threatening.
"Are you okay?"
The question shook her from thoughts, causing her nerves to stand on end until she realized who had asked it.
"Aang!" She jumped from the couch, throwing herself into his already open arms.
"Well, hello there," The man chuckled, his arms tightening around her as he kissed the dark curls at her temple. "Mind telling me what's got you smiling? It sure isn't the state of this room."
"No," Katara answered honestly, nuzzling her face into his autumn robes and inhaling the scent of the sea that he had collected from his flight. "The room is definitely not why I'm smiling. We really need to do something with it."
"We'll get around to it eventually," The man rested his chin on top of the waterbender's head, closing his eyes and allowing his mind and body to relax after a long day. "So, if the room wasn't what brought on the smile - what did?"
Katara hesitated a moment, face still buried in his chest. She wanted to tell him about her missed cycle and the implications it included, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. She needed more proof before she burdened him with the idea of becoming a father. He had too much to worry about already.
"You," Though it wasn't what had initially caused her to smile, it wasn't exactly a lie. "I was just starting to wonder when you would be home."
The airbender gave her an affectionate kiss to the cheek before releasing her, launching into a full blown recount of the trial that had ended early and allowed everyone to head home an hour before usual. Katara listened, rolling her eyes at the many mentions of her brother's snarky comments, but ultimately remained in her own headspace.
As she watched Aang speak, she couldn't help but get caught up in how much he had grown. From a scrawny kid, came this man who could literally destroy mountains if he wanted to. The tattooed hands that held her own as he pulled her to the kitchen to help him with dinner preparations were the same pair that had ended a 100-year conflict nearly ten years before. It was awe-inspiring how much power this one man possessed.
When she looked at him, she saw strength. Her strength. No matter what situation they were thrown into, as long as she had him, she knew they could make it out of it.
"Uh, Aang – "
The Avatar looked up, putting his story on hold to allow her to say what she needed to say. The love and patience in his eyes had the words bubbling up in the back of her throat, but the exhaustion she could see him trying to veil behind that open look had her pushing them back down. She couldn't put this on him.
"I think we should go out for dinner. I didn't have a chance to run to the market on my way home from the clinic and I know for a fact that we barely have anything in our cupboards."
For a moment, her husband looked suspicious at her unsteady tone. But his tiredness from the day and the thought of the paper work he would have to do whenever he finished dinner had him dismissing her unusual behavior. If she wanted to tell him something, she would in her own time.
"Sounds like a plan," The man agreed after a beat, grabbing the bag of rice he had already taken from the shelf and setting it back in its place. "Besides, it's not often that I get home early enough to treat you to a nice dinner."
Katara smiled, commenting that she would have to go put on some nicer robes before they left. Aang sat on the couch dutifully, waiting for his wife as she rushed down the hall to their room to change out of her work clothes and into a more appropriate outfit.
Entering the bathroom that attached to the master suite, the waterbender quickly shed the robes she had been wearing at the clinic that afternoon. The dark blue pooled around her feet before she picked them up and placed them in the hamper.
Sighing deeply, Katara turned to look at herself in the mirror. In just her bindings, she couldn't see much of a difference in her body. She wasn't bloated like one would be in early pregnancy and her chest still looked the same as it always had. Placing a hand on the tanned skin of her tummy, she did notice that it felt a bit firmer than it had before they'd moved on to the island. That could just be her toning up though from the extra hours she had been putting into her waterbending at the gym in the city.
Ignoring the nagging feeling she still had, the woman walked into her closet deciding to give the issue more time. If she missed her period again, she would tell her husband.
But until then, there was no need to worry him.
It wasn't until she missed her cycle again that she finally allowed herself to fully worry over the possibility.
Aang was out of town, meeting with Zuko in the Fire Nation capital to talk about plans of action against various rebellions that kept popping up in the Earth Kingdom. King Kuei had asked for both of their assistance in squashing the uprisings taking place right outside of the walls of the impenetrable city of Ba Sing Se, to which neither could say no to.
The Avatar had been hesitant to accept the offer, knowing Katara's duties in the city would keep her from accompanying him. He didn't enjoy the idea of the waterbender being home alone, although he knew she could handle herself if anything were to happen.
But the woman shooed him off, assuring the worried man she would be in the company of the Acolytes and wouldn't truly be all by her lonesome self. In truth, she was happy that he was leaving for a few days. With her missing her time of the month once again, she needed some space in order to get her thoughts straight.
After giving him a rather passionate kiss goodbye and watching Appa fly off into the dark, Katara decided it was time to check for sure whether her sinking suspicion was correct.
So that's how she found herself an hour later, submerged in the bath water from their well that she had collected after her husband had left.
Since she had missed her first cycle, the woman had taken careful precautions just in case she was, in fact, carrying a child. While she used to go to the gym after her shifts at the clinic, she had stopped in fear of overexertion. Although she had cut down on the physical activity, Katara couldn't ignore the fact that her belly kept on getting firmer and firmer. This growing development also had her taking on fewer hours at the clinic, cautious of catching an illness and hurting the little life that could, potentially, be growing inside of her.
After scrubbing her hair and cleaning her skin, Katara laid back against the cool marble of the tub. Though her hands were shaking, the woman calmly placed her palms over the skin of her belly; fingers working to detect any slightl change in the chi paths that ran beneath her skin.
Although all the signs had been there, nothing could prepare the woman for the moment she detected the little bundle of energy that was resting in her womb. Although it was faint and the paths weren't yet strong, she could feel the weak beating of a tiny heart, pounding in time with her own as it picked up speed at her discovery.
The fear she had felt so many weeks before returned in a near instant. Now that she knew for sure there was a baby within her, she couldn't help but worry about the state of the world she was bringing it into. Though there was no war, there were still conflicts that needed both her and her husband's attention. How could she help the Avatar and support him properly when she had another life to worry about?
They hadn't even talked about children yet, both silently agreeing that it would be a few years before they brought the possibility to the table for proper discussion.
Well, it looked like the discussion was going to be coming a lot sooner than either of them had thought.
Taking a few deep breaths to calm herself, Katara watched as the blue glow surrounding her hands dulled. With confirmation of the small life growing within her womb, Katara allowed her fingers the time to linger over the tough bump resting at the bottom of her stomach. Mistaken as muscle at first, the woman could feel herself tearing up at the idea of that small bump being the developing child inside her.
Not allowing herself to get too emotional, Katara pulled the plug of the tub, stepping over its marble side and bending the water left on her body back into the tub. Grabbing her night robes from the counter beside the sink, the woman changed quickly, wrapping her bindings around only the bottom half of her body.
Exiting the washroom, Katara padded through the master suite and down the hall to the kitchen where the calendar was resting on top of the table. Although, she no longer needed to count the dates since her last period, knowing now that she most definitely was not going to get another one for several more months, she counted off the days in her head to try and pinpoint the date in which she had conceived.
Looking back over the dates, she realized she had to at least be 8 weeks pregnant, if her mind wasn't failing her.
Just the knowledge that she had been carrying a child already for that long, caused Katara's head to spin. Returning to her bedroom, she blew out the lone candle on top of the wooden dresser, allowing the moonlight to be her only source of light. Lying back on the silken covers of the large bed that felt so lonely without her husband there, the waterbender stared up at the ceiling above her.
What was she going to tell Aang? Was he going to be upset that all of this had happened so soon? He was only twenty-one, and although men had become father's much earlier than that age before, they weren't the Avatar. Would this just be another responsibility to bog him down even more than he already was?
Rubbing her hands across her face, Katara realized she still didn't know how she felt about the matter. Though she was fearful, there was a part of her that ached to get more water so that she could feel that tiny bundle of energy again. The warmth that had spread through her being when she detected that little heartbeat was like none she had ever felt before.
She wanted this, she always had. It was just an awful time for it to happen.
Burrowing into Aang's pillow, the waterbender sighed deeply, running her hands lightly over the fabric covering her stomach. Something else was nagging at her brain as well.
Why wasn't she getting some of the more prominent signs of pregnancy if she was already 7 weeks into her first trimester?
Katara spent a large amount of time with pregnant women, being a midwife to some of them when the time came for their little bundles of joy to enter the world. They usually complained of morning sickness that had them doubling over and soreness in their chest. Aside from having a bit of a lack of an appetite, the waterbender couldn't remember feeling sick upon waking in the morning. Her breast were fine, the tight wrapping of her bindings not bothering her whenever she went in to work.
Shouldn't she be experiencing more of this? The healer knew that every pregnancy was different, but apart from the small bump resting at the bottom of her abdomen and the missing of her cycles, there was no other sign that she was carrying life.
Resting her tanned fingers over her lower abdomen to assure herself the firm bump was still there; she closed her eyes - allowing the moment to sink in.
Despite the bad timing, she knew she was going to have to tell Aang when he arrived home from his trip. She trusted him with all her heart and knew that this development wouldn't be detrimental to their relationship; it would just put more weight on Aang's already heavy shoulders.
Opening her eyes one last time to gaze at the steadily rising moon, Katara pulled the covers up higher to protect herself from the autumn chill.
With one hand resting on her bump, the waterbender drifted into sleep, dreaming of a little girl with silver eyes, running away from her Avatar father and airbending herself out of his reach every time he came near her.
A week had gone by and Aang still wasn't home from his trip.
Katara had considered writing him a letter, telling him that something urgent had happened at home that he needed to take care of, but knowing Aang, he would assume the worse and worry himself sick the entire way back to the island. She also didn't want to interfere with his work, knowing that whenever he was able to slip away from the capital, he would take the opportunity.
The woman busied herself with non-strenuous activities around the island as she waited for her husband's return. She still took hours at the clinic, but was more hesitant of which wings she chose to work in, working now mostly in the area designated for newborns and expectant mothers.
Being around the women at work and getting to see their babies be born happy and healthy, eased some of the anxiety Katara had originally been feeling regarding her pregnancy. Getting to watch the parents' faces light up every time they laid eyes on their child had her heart all a flutter and her emotions jumbled.
She blamed it on the hormones.
Aside from that though, she hadn't been experiencing any of the other symptoms that usually accompanied pregnancy. Her belly was still firm, the bump a little more pronounced than when she had made the discovery of the small bundle of energy there, but other than that, nothing had really changed.
Had Katara not been a healer, she would have probably ignored the lack of symptoms and just accepted that she was having an easier pregnancy than most. But she knew all that could go wrong in the first trimester and this caused her to worry.
It wasn't until the 8th day of Aang's absence though, that she finally pinpointed what the problem was.
While she had been taking her bath that evening, she allowed her hands to glow and slide over the skin of her belly. It had become somewhat of a routine since the first time she had done it. With Aang gone, the tiny heartbeat that accompanied her's was the only source of company she had within her private quarters on the island.
But the bump felt different that day, the energy flowing in a weird direction as opposed to the way it usually did.
Dark brows furrowing, Katara moved her fingers slowly over her lower abdomen, feeling for what was disturbing the baby's energy. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply and tried to map out the outline of her growing child. She could feel where they were developing their hands and she detected the head, but there was something else there as well.
In the spot where the shoulders should meet the neck, there was a sack of fluid resting on the back of the skin. Though it wasn't very big, she assumed it was growing since this was the first time she had been able to detect it. Along with that, the baby seemed to be swelling due to the new development.
Trying to remain calm and rational, the woman allowed the glowing water to fall back into the tub and travel down the drain. She needed her medical journals.
Finished with her bath, Katara wrapped herself in a night robe and trekked down the hallway to the small office her husband had for his work at home. Sliding the door to the side and closing it softly behind her, she entered the room with her light eyes already scanning for the item she was looking for. Finding the candle that rested on the shelf next to the entrance, Katara quickly struck a match she had taken from her bedroom, lighting the wick of the candle and holding it away from her body.
Though she had spent a great amount of time in Aang's office, she had trouble navigating it in the dark. Because of their recent move, there were still a few lone boxes resting in the middle of the floor where her husband had left them to be dealt with on a later date. Sidestepping them carefully, the waterbender reached the built-in bookcase where she kept the mass majority of her medical journals.
After traveling the world for so many years, she had gained quite the collection of medical knowledge. Many of the pages were filled with her own observations, experiences she was glad to have learned from and wanted to remember at some point in the future. The others contained notes from seminars she had taken during their time in the poles and Ba Sing Se from women who had worked as healers for years and had seen just about everything.
Scanning the shelf, she rested her finger on the binding of a small blue notebook. Was this where she had put the notes from the baby seminar?
Taking the book from the shelf, she thumbed through the pages, her eyes detecting several familiar words that she could vaguely remember being the points of topic of the class. Satisfied that she had found the correct notebook, she exited the room, walking back to her bedroom to begin her reading.
She lighted several candles, the soft glow giving her just enough visibility to read the messy characters that had been scrawled across the pages. Cursing herself for being in such a hurry, she took a seat on the bed and laid the book in front of her, squinting her eyes to try and decipher what she had wrote.
After searching for a few minutes, she found what she had been looking for.
The waterbender remembered the instructor from that day going over a long list of complications that could happen within the first trimester of a pregnancy. Though Katara had been quite the experienced healer at that point in time, she had still taken the time to write out rather detailed notes on the issue in case she ran into problems with future patients. Never had she expected to need to read over the notes in regards to herself.
The list of complications went on forever, the words causing Katara's heart to race. Being a healer, she was aware of how cautious of a time the first trimester was, but she wasn't prepared to see everything listed out and graphically descripted.
One set of notes caught her eye, causing her to stop midline as she brought the journal closer to her face.
fluid at back of head and swelling – multiple possibilities – higher risk of miscarriage/stillbirth – if birthed, may have physical disablement (s) – heart defect usually present
Katara's heart dropped to her stomach, her eyes scanning over the page to see if she had written out any additional notes. There was a hyphen off to the side where she had written over the margin, her characters squeezed together from lack of space and haste.
reference : most end in miscarriage/stillbirth – fluid on back of neck swells and engulfs fetus – can affect both male and female
The words of her notes blurred as tears of remorse filled her eyes, the book falling back on to the covers of her bed.
This couldn't be happening.
She had been scared for her child to come into a world as crazy as the one she lived in to begin with, but she had never expected that the same child she feared would get to see the world, would never even make it out of the womb.
A hand flew to her stomach, her fingers needing to confirm that the bump was still there. It was.
Trying to gain some level of control over her emotions, Katara reminded herself that sometimes medical references were wrong and the notes hadn't said that all pregnancies with the complication ended with miscarriage. She was a healthy, young woman who took all precautions necessary once she suspected she was pregnant. If anyone were able to fight the odds, it would be her.
Though she could tell herself that, she couldn't make herself fully believe it. She had seen too many strong women fall victim to a miscarriage in her lifetime to think that she was completely invincible and that - in turn - her baby was as well.
The condition though would explain why her bump was smaller than the norm and why the heartbeat coming from her womb was fainter than those she detected while helping at the clinic.
Mentally, she was beating herself up. Perhaps this issue was a consequence of something she had done. While she knew that a majority of complications involved in a pregnancy were a result of a blurb in the genetics of a child, she couldn't help but wonder if this was a result of her working out too much or from the stress she had been under at the clinic. How was she going to tell Aang that she might of caused their child suffering before it had even fully entered the world?
Aang. Katara's mind instantly began to race. What was she going to say to him? He didn't even know about her pregnancy to begin with and now there was a chance there may not be a pregnancy for much longer. Did she still need to tell him?
The waterbender scoffed at the idea. Of course she had to tell him, he had a right to know. That child was just as much his as it was her's.
The only thing that worried her was Aang's emotional capacity. Where as she could go on after tragedy, just as she had after her mother's death, the Avatar tended to take it a little more to heart. While he could go about his duties, Aang could'nt escape his thoughts like she could. He would stew in grief for months, declining trade agreements, travel offers, and peace talks just so he could be with her and be the rock he knew she needed whenever troubling times grabbed hold of them.
Aang would know she wasn't fully okay, no matter how much she acted like she was. She could go on and pretend like she was fine, but her husband was the only one who knew that was not the case. He would worry for her and battle grief all at the same time while turning his back on the world to ensure she was going to be alright. He would take on another burden on top of all the others, stretching himself thin until he couldn't anymore.
No, She thought, dragging a hand down her face in misery. I can't keep this from him. He's going to notice the bump sooner or later and sooner would probably be what he'd prefer.
She needed to tell him.
Glancing out the window, she noted that the moon had drifted to the center of the sky, signaling that it was of the midnight hour.
Worrying all night wasn't going to solve any of her problems. In fact, it would probably create more. She needed to remain calm during this whole ordeal and make sure she caused her baby as little amount of stress as she could.
Pulling the covers back, Katara readied herself to lie down for the night. She was just about to nestle into her pillows when the sound of a screen creaking had her jolting up in to a sitting position.
A rush of relief washed over her as she realized it was her husband, his blue arrows visible in the dark thanks to the moonlight streaming through the window.
"Oh," He jumped a bit in surprise, closing the screen behind him, "I thought you would be asleep."
"Aang!" The young woman exclaimed, jumping off the bed and running into his arms. Before he could say anything in return to her enthusiastic greeting, Katara's lips had already covered his own, kissing him long and hard to show him just how much he had been missed.
"Wow," He sighed as she pulled back for a moment before pecking him lightly on the lips once again. "It's not every day I get a greeting like that."
"How was your trip?" The waterbender inquired, pulling her husband over to the bed and forcing him to sit. The man chuckled at his wife's action, pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist.
"Lonely," He admitted, kissing the crown of her head and nuzzling his nose there. "I missed you far too much to enjoy myself."
"Did you and Zuko figure out what you're going to do?
"Yes, thankfully," A relieved sigh escaped Katara's lips at the news, happy that everything had been taken care of. "We have decided to bring in the United Forces. King Kuei was fine with the idea as well."
"Of course he was," The woman smirked, giving her husband an eye roll. "Now he won't have the responsibility of commanding a military. He's going to leave all the dirty work to the Republic and by extension – you, Zuko, and the Council."
"I don't mind," The man gave her a weak smile, determination clear in his stormy gaze but exhaustion evident on his features. "The Earth Kingdom is just as much a part of the Avatar as any other nation is. My job is to protect the people at all costs and if that means I have to take on a bit of extra work – so be it."
Katara shook her head, laying her chin on top of his shoulder. Holding him in a tight hug, the waterbender allowed one finger to trace the pale blue line of his arrow down the back of his neck to the edge of his collar.
"You are far too good of a man to be put through all this."
"I'm sure the rebels don't think so," He smiled into her hair, kissing the top of her earlobe. "I'm one of the reasons they're so up in arms."
"They don't know the half of it."
"No, they don't," Aang agreed pulling back so he could meet her cerulean stare. "We're all trying so hard to correct the injustices that were done to the Earth Kingdom during The Hundred Year War - it just seems like no matter what we do, people are angry about it."
"That's because they expect you to fix all their problems in the blink of an eye," Katara lamented, cupping her palm along the side of his jaw and allowing her thumb to stroke the skin above the line of his beard. "They think it should be easy to recover from war."
"Well, that's because they aren't the ones having to work out all the details," Aang commented dryly, giving her a sideways glance.
The waterbender smiled gently in return, "You're doing a good job, Aang. The war lasted a hundred years, all those problems can't be solved overnight."
"I know," He sighed, moving one of his hands from the side of her waist, to the small of her back. "I just wish I could solve them in a way that would benefit everyone, rather than anger the citizens even more."
"You know, as well as I do, that that is impossible. Not everyone is going to be happy with the way things are being handle, but that's their fault – not yours."
Aang nodded, knowing that she was right. He had missed her voice of reason when he had been away, Zuko's sad attempts at comfort falling flat when the two of them were both so discouraged.
"So," He started, clearing his throat as he glanced around the room shrouded in moonlight. "What have you been up to since I left?"
Katara froze at the inquiry, her body tensing when she realized she still hadn't told him about her discovery.
"Uh, - well I – " Her words came out in a stutter, her eyes dropping to the floor so she wouldn't have to meet his stormy gaze. Here he was returning from
a week of stressful meetings and agreements and she was about to dump the most devastating of news on him.
"I, uh - worked a little at the clinic," She started off, playing with a lose thread on the edge of his robes. He tensed slightly under her, causing her heart to pick up speed. Hopefully her hesitance hadn't caused him to grow suspicious.
"I hope you didn't work yourself too hard there," The man commented, using the hand that lay on her back to rub smooth circles over the fabric of her nightgown. "You look pale."
"No, I didn't," Katara assured him, pulling the thread from the fabric and flicking it to the floor. "I just spent a few hours there. I came home at lunch every day to teach a few of your classes."
"I hope the acolytes didn't give you any trouble."
The woman chuckled at the thought, "No, they're actually good company. They were willing to help me with a lot."
"Good," Aang smiled, kissing down the slope of her cheek before he found her mouth. His lips were gentle as they coaxed her own open, allowing his tongue the access he so desired. Though all of her senses were on fire after being away from her husband so long, she couldn't push down the ball of grief lodged in her throat.
Breaking away from the kiss, the waterbender panted for a moment, trying to regain her breath.
She had to tell him.
But when her gaze met his own, she saw how tired he was from his week in the Fire Nation. The bags beneath his eyes were more pronounced than they had been before, puffy due to lack of sleep and constant worry. He was exhausted.
She would let him rest and then she would tell him.
"I think it's time for bed," She sighed, patting his arm to signal she wanted to be released from his hold.
Instead of letting her go, the man's grip only tightened – a smirk appearing on his face at his wife's choice of words. That boyish grin, which he had carried into adulthood, had Katara rolling her eyes, her fingers tapping at his skin again.
"No, Aang," She could have laughed at the look of disappointment on his face, but the bags under his eyes had her upholding her stern gaze. "Not tonight. You need to sleep."
The man sighed, loosening his arms and allowing her to crawl out of them. As Katara snuggled back into her spot, Aang entered the bathroom to change out of his robes and prepare for bed.
The waterbender stared at the ceiling as she waited for her husband to turn in for the night. She could hear the soft patter of his feet against the stone floor, the rustle of his robes meeting her ears as he shed them for the night.
After a week alone, the noises coming from the washroom were a comfort to the woman, but his presence was causing the guilt she held within her heart to rise. The ball that had been stuck within her throat was growing larger the longer she withheld the news.
She would let him sleep tonight, but what happened when tomorrow came? Would he be upset that she had waited so long to tell him?
She scoffed under her breath, of course he would be mad at her. She would be livid if he kept something of this magnitude to himself for as much time as she had.
A hand came up to rest on her stomach, fingers smoothing over the small bump that lay there.
She knew he would be hopeful, regardless of whether he was ready for this responsibility or not. Ever the positive one, Aang would promise her that a happy ending would result from this. Their baby would live despite the odds being pitted against it.
But even if the child did live, they would have to face complications throughout their life as a result of what had happened in her womb.
Either way, their child was going to suffer.
It was that final thought that had tears streaming down the sides of her face. Aang exited the bathroom then, only wearing an old pair of sleep pants. When he saw his wife crying, he quickly walked over to her side of the bed.
"Sweetie," He murmured as he sat beside her, alarmed by her sudden show of emotions. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
Katara sniffled, shaking her head as she turned away from his touch. It was too much for her to handle. All of it – the rebellion, the clinic, Aang's duties, the baby – she just couldn't take much more.
"Katara," Her husband's voice was full of concern, his exhaustion temporarily replaced with fear as to what had his wife so upset. "What's going on?"
Shaking her head again, the woman turned to the side, mentally slapping herself for being so emotional in front of Aang. He had enough to worry about.
"I just missed you a lot," She sighed, a few tears falling as she screwed her eyes shut to avoid his gaze. "It was just a week but it felt like forever."
It wasn't a complete lie.
"Aw, Katara," He crawled into the space beside her, forgoing his usual side of the bed to cuddle up with her instead. His breath tickled the back of her neck as he nuzzled the skin there with his nose. "I know. I hope this will all be over soon so I don't have to leave you anymore. We've been married 4 months and I feel like I've barely gotten to see you. I'm sorry, Sweetie."
The airbender made a move to wrap his arms around her so he could spoon her more properly, but knowing that her husband would surely detect the slight change in her lower abdomen, Katara turned around quick, hands landing on his shoulders as she pressed herself into his chest.
"It's okay, Aang," The woman murmured, still avoiding his gaze as several lone tears made their way down her cheeks. "I knew what I was signing up for when I married you."
"That doesn't make it any better."
"I know," She moved her face up to his neck, placing a gentle kiss on the soft expanse of skin. "But it's worth it if it means I get to spend the rest of my life with you."
The Avatar chuckled quietly, placing a lazy kiss on her forehead, "You're going to get sick of me."
"Not on your life, airbender," Katara nuzzled her nose into his skin, all the worries and anxieties from the day still at the forefront of her mind. Exhaustion had begun to sink in for her, her breathing slowing as she listened to the steady beat of his heart.
"I love you."
The whispered words were so full of adoration that she could have cried again.
"I love you, too."
She would tell him tomorrow.
A week later and she was still telling herself the same thing.
When she had woken up the morning after his arrival, she was shocked to find that the other side of the bed was cold. Apparently, Aang had been called into the city for a discussion with the United Forces General regarding what their next move of action would be. Katara had waited at home all day, forgoing her hours at the clinic so that she could get her thoughts together, but the Avatar didn't stumble in until well into the next morning's hours.
Since then, it had been like that every day. With the United Forces about to be sent to the Earth Kingdom, the demand for her husband had been on the rise. If the General didn't need him, the Commander did, and if that wasn't enough – on top of it all, Aang was still attending court hearings and actively staying involved in the Council. It was all too much for him.
At nights, when he would crash on to the covers of their bed, not even bothering to change out of his robes, Katara would allow him to talk out his frustrations regarding his position until he was too exhausted to speak anymore.
The waterbender, in the mean time, researched a bit more into the condition she had been reading about the night her husband had returned home. Since she had attended the seminar in the North, many medical advances had been made. She learned that the odds of having a child encounter this problem were only about 1 in every 2000, with about 95% of them ending in miscarriage or still birth. The children born with the condition usually had trouble with growth, needing extensive healing care in order to fully mature, and had issues with their reproductive organs. What Katara had felt building up at the back of her baby's neck was a cystic hygroma, something very common for these babies to have while in the womb.
That week, she watched her baby more closely than she had before. While she still worked a few hours at the clinic every day, she cut back - trying to decrease the amount of stress that came along with the responsibility of being a full time healer. The waterbender had been conflicted about asking one of the other women she worked with to check and make sure what she was feeling was, in fact, a cystic hygroma, but to tell one of them before she had even told her husband felt unfair and she couldn't bring herself to do it.
She read several medical journals from Republic City's library, trying to find a way to cure it or at least raise her baby's chances of survival, but her search was in vain. While nothing could really be done to cause a baby to develop what her's had, nothing could be done to get rid of it either. It was up to the child to fight and survive.
She checked her bump daily, twice in the morning and twice at night before Aang would return home from work. Not much had changed, but she could feel the sack on the back of the baby's neck growing while the fluid that surrounded its heart and lungs seemed to multiply as well.
At her 10-week mark, she stopped checking it all together.
She knew watching it wasn't going to get her anywhere, the growing bump of her stomach proof enough that the baby was continuing to develop without her constant supervision. She just needed to wait and see what was going to happen. While she hated to sit around and do nothing, she acknowledged that worrying herself over it was probably doing more harm than good.
It wasn't until the 11th week that Aang finally found out.
She had already fallen asleep, the exhaustion her pregnancy had plagued her with causing her to turn in earlier than usual. She assumed that at some point in the night, Aang had returned home and fell into bed, because he was there when she woke up around midnight.
That's when the cramping started.
At first, it was a dull pain in her lower abdomen, one that wasn't very painful but still very uncomfortable. After sitting for five minutes with her hands placed firmly on her bump, willing her child to be okay and for the pain to lessen, Katara began to feel a strange sensation wash over her lower half.
Taking a deep breath, the waterbender gulped down the lump forming in her throat.
It didn't take a healer to tell her what was going on.
Swinging her legs over to the side of the bed, the woman cringed at the increasing pain in her stomach, the ache stealing her breath from her as her feet hit the floor. She paused a moment, inhaling through her nose and biting down on her lip.
In the corner of her eye, she could see the sickening color of red on her usually pristine white sheets - the sight confirmation enough that her worst nightmare had become a reality.
Aang shifted in his sleep, automatically sensing that his wife was no longer beside him. Turning to face her, he rubbed a heavy hand over his eyes – trying to get them to focus in the dim light that the moon provided him with.
"Katara?" His voice was hoarse from sleep, a yawn escaping his lips as he sat up in bed. "Are you alright?"
The woman didn't answer, pain still radiating in the lower half of her body. A tanned hand rested over her stomach, willing the pain to stop but knowing from experience that this process was unavoidable.
The moment she heard the gasp coming from behind her, she knew Aang saw the blood staining the sheets. A dip in the bed was felt moments before the airbender was in front of her, on his knees with hands on her shoulders. The concern that shone in his silver eyes was enough to make tears well in her own.
"Sweetie," Aang's voice shook as he took her face in his hands, using his thumb to rub soothing circles over the line of her clenched jaw. "What's the matter? What's going on?"
Katara rolled her lips inward, closing her eyes tightly as another pain ripped through her abdomen. She didn't want to scare Aang, but the concerned look on his face made her want to curl up in a ball and scream. She didn't deserve his sympathy; especially after losing something that was one part her and another part him.
He wasn't even aware it had existed.
Interpreting Katara's silence as one brought on by pain, the Avatar quickly stood, bending at the knees to wrap an arm around her shoulders and get her standing.
"Come on," His words were quick, his voice shaking in fear. "I'm taking you to the clinic."
"No," She weakly protested, leaning heavily on him as he tried to walk them to their bedroom door. Stopping in the middle of the floor, Katara stood with one hand over her stomach, head shaking. "Please, just take me in there." She lifted a quivering finger and pointed at the washroom, her voice tense as another wave of pain washed over her.
The Avatar stood, conflicted as he watched his wife's face twist in pain. He knew she was a healer herself, but what if she needed extra assistance? What if she wasn't able to handle this on her own?
"Aang, please."
The man clenched his teeth, hating to play into his wife's pleas when he knew something serious was going on. She needed medical attention – fast. But the look of pain and determination on her face had him softening; his heart pounding as he swiftly lifted her off her feet and into the cradle of his arms.
"Okay," He gave in, expecting her to protest to being carried a few feet – but she didn't. Instead, she held tightly to his neck with both arms, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth as beads of sweat fell down her forehead.
Aang carried her to the washroom; setting her down the moment they crossed over the threshold. Allowing his wife to still lean on him, the Avatar sent little bursts of flames across the room to light the candles that lay around the tub and on the shelves. With the room illuminated, Katara reached out for the wall, walking with shaky knees towards the bath that sat at the far end of the room.
With her back turned towards him, Aang could see the fresh blood staining the lower half of her nightgown. He gulped heavily, fear resonating within his heart, his pale skin growing paler at the thought of something being disastrously wrong.
"Katara," His words were spoken softly in fear that if he were too forceful, he would break her. "What do you need me to do?"
The waterbender kept her back to him, her tanned fingers grasping at the marble edge of the tub. Tear-filled eyes gazed down as she realized that the same place she had discovered her child, was going to be the same place she rid herself of it.
"Just go get me some water from the well."
Aang opened his mouth to protest, refusing to leave her alone for even a second, but when her eyes met his own – he knew it's what she needed him to do.
After trekking out into the night and pumping the well a good number of times, Aang raised the buckets of water above the tub. When it had filled considerably, he pressed his hands into the bath, warming it with a touch of firebending in hope that it would make his wife more comfortable.
After Aang had helped her shed her soiled nightgown and bindings, Katara lowered herself in to the water, sighing heavily as she rested her spine against the marble back of the tub. The ache in her lower abdomen persisted, radiating to her lower back as well as she continued to bleed. Wrapping the water around her hands and focusing her energy to make it glow, the waterbender allowed her fingers to glance over the skin of her stomach, hoping to gain some relief.
The undeniable silence where a heartbeat had once been caused her hands to drop, her heart picking up speed as she remembered why she was in so much pain in the first place.
She had lost her baby.
It was all her fault. She hadn't been able to save it. The tears wouldn't come though; the woman was far too numb from shock to cry.
Aang sat beside the marble tub, up on his knees with elbows resting atop the edges. Katara could see that he was his holding his breath, waiting for her to say something. But when she didn't show signs of speaking, the man took charge and asked the question himself.
"Katara, what's going on?"
She didn't answer, fearful of what his response might be.
"Katara," He asked once again, firmly as he forced her eyes to meet his own by cupping her jaw in his hand. "Please tell me what is going on."
The waterbender could feel the tears finally filling her eyes, Aang's open stare too much for her to handle after what she had just gone through. Pulling back slightly, his touch like fire, Katara fixed her eyes pointedly on the drain of the tub. The water running down it was tinged pink, a cruel reminder of the circumstance the woman had gotten herself into. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes tightly before exhaling.
"I lost it."
Aang's brows furrowed at her quiet words, his voice full of concern. "What do you mean?"
When the woman turned back to him, her blue eyes were full of tears. A few trickled down the slope of her cheeks, falling into the water surrounding her. Her expression was one of defeat, something that shook Aang to his very core. It occurred to him then that maybe the situation was a little more serious than what he had anticipated before.
Unable to stop the tears now, Katara wiped furiously at her cheeks. She didn't deserve to cry.
"I – I lost the b-baby."
Though her words were choked, Aang understood them perfectly.
As though the wind had been knocked out of him, the Avatar stared with mouth wide at his wife's confession, one hand clutched to his chest in genuine surprise. He didn't speak for a few moments, in complete shock from what he had just been told.
"W-what?" Aang stuttered, leaning heavily against the side of the tub for support. He had never felt so lightheaded in his life.
Ashamed, the waterbender shut her eyes tightly; avoiding the gaze she knew was searching for her own. If she were to look at him now, she would break down completely. She may be crying, but at least she had the sense to hold herself up.
"I was pregnant," She quietly confessed, her voice soft and full of remorse.
The airbender sat silently for a moment, fully absorbing the news. There was a dull pain in his chest, growing as he looked down at the drain of the tub. There were rivulets of blood mingling with the water, staining it pink before it entered the pipe that would lead it away from the house. He had never been queasy when it came to blood, but knowing it was his child changed things. His own eyes welled with tears, too many emotions assaulting him all at once.
"H-How long?" The man asked, his tone unsteady as he brought his gaze back up to meet her's. But Katara's head was lowered, eyes still shut as she tried to will the guilt away.
"Katara?"
No answer.
Aang sat, holding his breath as he looked at his wife – waiting for a reply. He didn't know how long he sat there, his chest tight and eyes stinging from tears, but finally he got his answer.
"A few weeks," She murmured guiltily, tears trickling down her cheek as she placed a palm to her forehead in regret. "I still hadn't gotten to tell you."
The Avatar's brows raised, "Why not?"
"Aang, you were so busy," Her voice cracked, breaking as she tried to remember the reasons she had kept it from him. "I – I just couldn't put this on you. After I realized something was w – wrong, I just didn't – "
"Wait," Aang stopped her, his expression growing incredulous at her words. "You knew something was wrong?"
The waterbender could only nod.
The Avatar stood, conflicted over how he should feel. He was upset with the situation, but also aggravated at the fact she hadn't told him about the issue when it had arose weeks ago. His knees began to shake under the weight of the news, causing him to reach out to the sink for support.
He had been close to being a father and he hadn't even known it.
While Aang battled his own inner turmoil, the last bits of water in the tub washed down the drain. Though Katara was still bleeding, it wasn't nearly as heavy as it had been before. Her stomach continued to ache, as was expected, but the pains were no longer like the stabs she had felt while she was in bed. Temporary relief washed over her, though she couldn't ignore the empty feeling dwelling in her lower abdomen that hurt worse than any cramp ever could.
"What was it?" Aang finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.
"A heart condition," Katara answered in a heartbeat, her voice void of any emotion despite the tears that continued to escape her eyes. "There was fluid. I knew there was a slim chance the baby would survive. That's why I didn't tell you."
"Katara," Aang's voice was stern, so unlike the unsteady tone he had used with her earlier. "Why would you do that? You know I would want – "
"You had other stuff to worry about, Aang!" She hadn't meant to be so loud, but her voice bounced off the walls of the room. "I didn't want to bog you down with something else!"
The airbender gave her another incredulous look, "You really thought I wouldn't want to know about this? Katara, this is kind of important! You can't keep stuff like this to yourself!"
"Well, it doesn't matter now," She muttered, drawing her knees close to her chest – suddenly aware she was extremely exposed. It made her feel vulnerable. "There is no baby anymore."
Silence.
Katara sat, staring at the porcelain bottom of the tub – waiting for some response from her husband. She expected him to yell, though he had never been much for angry outburst. He had every reason to be frustrated with what she had done.
But, as he always did, Aang surprised her.
With her gaze down, she hadn't noticed that the man had grabbed one of the fluffy towels off the rack beside the sink. Walking back over to the side of the tub, he reached a hand out to assist her up.
Katara stared at the hand, apprehensive of the gesture. But when she looked at Aang's face – she didn't see the aggravation that she expected.
There was sadness and grief, but not anger.
Accepting his pale hand, the waterbender allowed him to pull her up. Her knees shook as he helped her step over the edge of the tub, the persistent cramps in her stomach causing her a bit more pain when she was standing on her feet.
Once she was out of the bath, Aang took the large towel and wrapped it around her. She held on to the front of it as he searched their closet for another nightgown she could wear along with another set of bindings. When he had found them, he handed the articles over and allowed her to lean on him as she put them on. He remained eerily silent the entire time, his eyes never meeting her own as he tried to keep his emotions in check.
When Katara had finished dressing, Aang left the room momentarily to fetch a different set of sheets for their bed. After the bed had been stripped and remade, the Avatar returned and scooped her up just as he had nearly an hour and a half before. Sending a breeze with just a flick of his wrist, the Avatar extinguished the candles still lit around the room, bathing it in complete darkness once he had shut the door.
He sat his wife gently on the bed, careful not to jostle her too much as she was still experiencing pain. With hands hovering over her shoulders, Aang hesitated a moment not sure exactly what he was supposed to do in the given situation.
Sitting on the bed beside her, the Avatar leaned his elbows on his knees, his face pensive as he stared at the wall where their dresser stood.
"Katara," His voice was hoarse, the remorse evident in his tone. "I'm sorry."
An apology was definitely not what Katara was expecting to leave his lips.
"What?" She asked, her brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you sorry?"
The man sighed heavily, closing his eyes tightly as he bowed his head. "I'm sorry that I made you feel like you couldn't tell me what was going on. I've been so busy lately; I haven't gotten to spend much time with you. I've been complaining about work and all – "
"No, Aang," She stopped him, her hand coming up to grasp his shoulder- willing him to look up at her. "This isn't about you not being here or making me feel like I couldn't tell you stuff. I was scared. I didn't even know how I felt about the situation yet. I didn't want to drag you into with me."
"But that's what a marriage is. Were supposed to tell each other stuff like this."
Katara swallowed, knowing he was right. "It's a little different for us, Sweetie. You have so much already on your plate; I didn't want to add something else for you to worry about. When I realized something was wrong and that there was a slim chance our baby would make it, I wanted to tell you – believe me I did. I needed someone there with me that would tell me it was going to be all right, but I saw how tired you were and how stressed and I just couldn't bring myself to use you as a rock when that's what you needed me to be."
The Avatar turned to face her fully, shaking his head as he took her face in his hands. Katara could see the tears in his eyes reappearing as he gazed at her steadily.
"I would have been your rock if that's what you needed," His voice was soft, breaking slightly at the end as he rolled his lips inward before continuing. "I would have wanted to know. I would have worried with you."
"You couldn't have," She spoke, her voice quivering. "You have a duty to the world, Aang. You're already worried about everything else enough as it is."
"As I said," He reached up with a tattooed hand, brushing away a stray tear that had fallen down the slope of her cheek. "Shared worry is a part of marriage. Being a husband to you is just as much of a duty to me as the being the Avatar is. Besides, you couldn't have kept it from me forever. There were only two ways it could end."
Katara nodded, eyes darting down to her lap where her hands laid. "I'm sorry I kept it from you."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The woman shook her head, fearing if she allowed herself to dwell on it – she would completely lose it.
Accepting her answer, Aang stood and walked around to the other side of the bed. Crawling in himself, he reached out a hand and placed it on Katara's forearm. Understanding the gesture, she settled herself into her pillow and rolled over so that she could be held within the circle of his arms.
"I know you don't want to talk about," He murmured into her hair, voice soft as rubbed a hand along her arm in comfort. "But I just want you to know that if anything is to ever happen again, I don't care how much you think it may affect me, I want you to tell me. No more secret keeping for the sake of the other person. We are in this together."
The waterbender nodded, scooting closer so she could nuzzle her face into the crook of his neck.
"Okay," She exhaled against his skin, her breath warm. "No more secrets."
The room was silent for a few moments, both benders lost deep within their thoughts.
"I'm going to have to go to the clinic in the morning and make sure everything has been cleaned out," Katara whispered the words, knowing that the rest of the world finding out about the tragedy was almost inevitable at this point.
"I'll go with you," Though the waterbender wanted to protest, knowing that the man would be missing several meetings if he attended the clinic with her, she kept her mouth shut. She had denied him the right to hold her hand when she had been worrying, the least she could do now is left him hold it while they were grieving.
A few beats passed before the woman spoke again.
"Aang?"
"Yeah?" Shifting slightly, Katara pulled away so she could look at his face. The tears that lay on his cheeks had her tearing up as well.
"Do you think we would have made good parents?"
Aang smiled softly, regret evident on his features.
"I think we would have been just fine."
A/N #2:
So I kind of cheated and combined two days, but since this one was so long I figured it would be alright to kind of bend the rules.
Anyway, I do want to talk about this oneshot a bit and what went into it because this is something completely new for me. Never before have I researched a topic more intensely than I did this one. But this isn't just a story of miscarriage.
What the baby was diagnosed with is Noonan/Turner's Syndrome. If you look it up, it's a pretty crazy condition that's considerably rare but also on the rise. A week before I wrote this, I started watching videos on youtube of a young woman who has a little girl that's living with Turner's Syndrome. The videos date all the way back to her first five weeks of pregnancy, documenting all the hope and fear that goes into discovering your child is diagnosed with this. I didn't realize how risky this condition was until I stumbled upon another video a few days later of a girl talking about how her baby had been stillborn because of Turner's Syndrome.
Now, I have been criticized for this before, but I am going to say something again. Though people find it extremely cliche to have Katara experience miscarriage, I think it's important to show how disasters such as this can strike even the strongest of people. There's something so heartbreaking about it that exposes the most raw sides of characters and that's why I chose to write it.
Now, this didn't end up as well as I hoped it would. I'm not used to writing such long oneshots and I'm also not used to carrying my work over day to day. It was hard to feel the same when I approached this story on a different day than the one before and I think my writing suffered for it. But, it's all a learning process.
As for Katara keeping the pregnancy a secret, I have always interpreted her as someone who would withhold her emotions/problems from someone if she knew it was going to actively disrupt their duty. She did it with Aang at the end of the series with her true feelings for him, so I could also see her doing it again if the time called for it.
Anyway, regardless of the poor writing quality, I do encourage you to look more into the subject matter at hand. It's amazing how so many people experience this but most of us don't even know about it.