A/N: A Sherlock and Skulduggery cross-over ^-^ This seemed like an amazing idea at the time… I fear for the result. Sorry in advance if updates are not regular :) Reviews would be majorly appreciated :D

Chapter One

If this man wasn't dead, Death wasn't dead.

The analogy seemed harsh, but it was true. Without a single drop of blood in his body, a single ounce of colour on his face, a single beat of the heart or a single degree of warmth, the man was definitely not alive. In fact, most people wouldn't need to analyse his alive-ness. They'd know he was dead. After one look, they'd turn away and vomit.

Sometimes, Valkyrie Cain wished she was normal, just so she had an excuse to look away. Sadly, she was not, and so she took in the gruesome details of the mangled corpse without batting an eyelash, and prayed for that night's sleep.

"I think he's dead." Valkyrie turned to a tall man next to her, voicing her thoughts.

The tall man glanced at her, tilting his head towards her instead of turning it. "What makes you think that?"

Nearly launching into her internal monologue out loud, she instead opted for, "He doesn't have any blood left."

"Maybe he donated." The man 'suggested'.

"He also has no heart."

"He's not that mean." Valkyrie ignored him.

"He's not breathing."

"He's breathless at the sight of us. Take it as a compliment."

"Skulduggery," the man turned to her at this, "he's dead."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. How many bloodless, breathless, heartless, alive people do you know?" At this, the man seemed to smile, although his face was shadowed by the hat on his head. The only hint to the reaction was the miniscule movement of his hat raising.

He replied immediately. "Me."

Valkyrie didn't reply. Apparently, Death might not be dead.

"But you're right!" The man - Skulduggery - continued, pulling a scarf that muffled his voice a little bit looser. "This man is dead, unlike me, sort of, and unlike me we need to investigate his death!"

Valkyrie pushed the random black hairs from her face, back into the collection of dark, silky strands. "How do you think he died?"

"Magic." Skulduggery replied, as though talking to a toddler asking difficult questions. Without another word, he reached into one of the many pockets of his thick, black trench coat, and pulled out a small pouch. He took a small handful of whatever was inside, and sprinkled it lightly onto the floor. Immediately, it changed to a vibrant blue colour. "Magic." Skulduggery repeated.

Opening her mouth, Valkyrie attempted to reply; however, words escaped her at the sudden sound of stirring outside the door.

Valkyrie looked around quickly for somewhere to hide, but the only other decoration in the room other than the door she was running from and a too-small window was an old, weathered closet. She looked again, but the only option was the closet.

Looking over to the man beside her, she saw her friend lifting his palm slowly, making the vibrant dust collect into a ball, and fly out of the window. Being able to control air looked really useful sometimes.

Stepping into the dusty closet, followed shortly by her friend, she wrinkled her nose. It smelt like dust and wet cats so powerfully, she could practically taste the bitter smell. Rubbing her clammy, sweaty hands together, she watched Skulduggery next to her create a small gust, blowing towards them, which shut the door.

A small slither of light illuminated the 'room,' allowing her to notice beside her. Taking a quick glance, she studied the dark sapphire eyes resting on the heart-shaped head Valkyrie owned. Her skin was slightly tan - not surprisingly considering how much time she spent outside - and she was wearing the same leather jacket and trousers she had been wearing since she was a child, albeit larger versions of the clothing. Much to her dismay, she hadn't grown as tall as she would have thought. Despite growing up short, she had sadly stopped growing a bit too early, and now was just a little too short for her convenience. To make it worse, the man next to her was taller than a mountain. This was the man she spent every day with.

She didn't need to study him to know what he looked like. You didn't forget, when you saw these things. Although his circumstance led to puns, (you have great bone structure,) teasing, (oh, don't get all skull-ky,) and revenge for the torment her height caused her, (you're pretty much Slenderman - just so you know,) it was still a strange one, and one Valkyrie could never quite comprehend or forget. Skulduggery was a skellington. A skellington in a suit and tie, with a nice hat on his head. And no face. Or skin.

You don't need to look at him to remember what it looks like. Just go to any primary school science classroom and search the posters on the walls. Right now, however, he was disguised, in a big, thick trenchcoat, a large scarf and a strange pair of sunglasses. His hat was pulled low.

A clear crash punctured the silence of the room as the door slammed open, and two tall figures walked into the 'empty' room. One, the shorter of the two, with graying hair and warm hazel eyes, looked to the other man as soon as he entered. The other man, on the other hand, with short, curly, black hair and light blue eyes, reacted to the scene by moving forward and studying the corpse. The first man looked at the body for a second and turned away, retching slightly. He was normal.

Man number two - who Valkyrie noticed had very high cheekbones - examined the room for a few seconds, his gaze switching to random objects, stopping for a while, and then switching right to the next. And then, he spoke.

"To whoever's in the cupboard, you can come out now."

Valkyrie nearly fell over. Skulduggery, next to her, cursed, but did as suggested. She followed him wearily, blinking as the sudden bright light of the room hit her.

The two pairs stood, examining each other for a few moments. The skeleton spoke.

"How did you know?"

Cheekbone-man sighed. "Isn't it obvious?" He asked, looking like he already knew the answer. "No one's been here in a long time, as you can tell by the dust on the floor. The man obviously was, or else he wouldn't be here, but he's got one pair of footprints leading to where he is now, and there's two more pairs of footsteps, both more recent, and both leading to the cupboard. The prints are far away from each other, as though you were running, so you most likely heard something and bolted into the only place to hide. I would have thought it was someone else; but those footsteps do not lead outside. You couldn't be anywhere except in the room, and there was only one place to be." He explained lazily.

"Oh." Said Skulduggery.

Grey-haired-man, on Cheekbone-man's right, spoke next, seeming undisturbed by his friend's eagle-eyes. Valkyrie herself felt a little put out.

"I'm John Watson. This is Sherlock Holmes." Valkyrie decided she liked him - John - better. He was less annoying. "Who, exactly, are you?"

"Skulduggery Pleasant." Skulduggery chimed instantly. Sherlock raised his eyebrow at the name. "And this is my sidekick-"

"Valkyrie Cain. And I'm not his 'sidekick'." She smiled, nodding her head at them. John smiled politely back at her, but Sherlock tilted his head.

"You both have very odd names. They're not your birth names." John gave him a look, which Sherlock ignored.

"What makes you think that?" Skulduggery responded, sounding annoyed.

"You're-"

"Sherlock, don't you think we should get back to the case?" John interrupted quickly.

"Alright then. You two need to leave." He said, looking up at Valkyrie and Skulduggery.

"Why should we leave?" Valkyrie asked, feeling another twinge of irritation.

"I'm sorry, this is a closed-off area. It needs to be empty for investigations."

That was the worst thing he could have said, Valkyrie decided. It was only going to offend Skulduggery.

"We're investigators." Skulduggery said calmly.

"Nevertheless, this case already has a detective-"

"Yes, me." Interrupted Skulduggery, his voice still eerily calm.

"I doubt it." Sherlock said. "Detectives are almost always involved with the law, and judging by your attire, you'd like anything except the law to see you."

"We're that almost. There's always an off pair - that would be us."

"I don't care, you need to be off the perimeter!" Sherlock was raising his voice. John blinked. Sherlock never raised his voice this easily.

"No!" Skulduggery shouted back. "I'm investigating whether you like it or not! This has important elements you can't begin to understand. You need to leave." Valkyrie arched her eyebrow. Skulduggery seemed unnecessarily angry.

"A skeleton cannot lead an investigation, Mr Pleasant." Valkyrie swore she stopped breathing. If Skulduggery had eyes, they would have widened. John turned to Sherlock, shocked.

Skulduggery sighed, removing his scarf and glasses. John cried out in shock, stepping backwards a step or two. "You don't seem surprised." Skulduggery commented to Sherlock.

"You're not the first unexplained anomaly I've come across - only the first I've spoken to."

Skulduggery adjusted his hat on his head. "Great. Now leave."

"As the world's only consulting detective, I think I have authority over you. Get out."

"'Consulting Detective,' isn't a job. I'm older than you, I get to tell you what to do. Get out." Valkyrie sighed as the two continued to fight. Her eyes flashed to John's, just as his did the same to hers. He offered a sorry smile, as though apologising for Sherlock. Valkyrie did the same for Skulduggery. The skeleton could be great at times, but at others, he was unbearable. The two companions broke eye contact when the shouting started.

"Sherlock, calm down!" Hissed John.

Valkyrie just watched the angry Skulduggery. She never knew how to deal with him when he was mad. Usually, it ended with him leaving whatever made him cross; Skulduggery grabbed her wrist, beginning to drag her from the room. Sherlock was already storming out, with John trailing behind him.

Hopefully, the pairs wouldn't meet again. Unfortunately, Valkyrie doubted it. Skulduggery didn't give up on cases, and Sherlock was far too like Skulduggery to not.

Like it or not, the four were probably going to see each other again, and Valkyrie already dreaded it.