Thomas the Tank Engine: UNCUT
Thomas the Tank Engine: UNCUT
Episode 2: Percy Gets Busted
Disclaimer: Ah dinnae own Thomas the wee Tank Engine, laddy!
It was going to be a big evening on the island of Sodor. The pop-rock band Busted was getting back together. They were going to play live at Knapford Stadium. The Fat Controller had gathered the engines at the shed for a meeting. He was stood in the centre of the turntable with the engines all around him.
The engines were excited. Especially Percy. Busted was his favourite band. The engines whistled with excitement. The Fat Controller had had enough of all the noise.
"SHUT THE F(bleep) UP!!" he shouted. The engines were silent.
"Thank you," added the Fat Controller. "Now, as you know, Busted are coming to Sodor."
"Yippee!" squeaked Percy. He started whistling loudly.
"SHUT UP, YOU GREEN FAG!" shouted the Fat Controller.
Percy went quiet. He looked startled.
"Jesus, that whistling gives me a headache," murmured the Fat Controller. "Now, as I was saying, Busted are coming to Sodor, and we need an engine to deliver them to Knapford Stadium. That engine will be…"
"Me!" shouted Thomas.
"Me!" shouted Edward.
"Me!" shouted Percy, hoping it would be him. He just HAD to have the privilege to serve his favourite band!
"…Gordon," finished the Fat Controller. "I decided on him because he pulled the royal train before, so he should be able pull the band's train too."
GORDON?! Percy was shocked and appalled. How could that womanising jerk Gordon possibly get to pull the band's train? Gordon deserved nothing! He was just a big, blue agonising git who thought he was the island's most important engine just because he could pull the express.
"But sir!" cried Percy. "Why couldn't you have chosen ME?"
"Sorry Percy," replied the Fat Controller. "You're too small."
TOO SMALL?! That was racist! Percy had had enough.
"I hate you, Gordon!" yelled Percy. "You're a bastard!"
"Well YOU'RE a green ELF!" replied Gordon.
"You're the one who crashed last week, so why do you get to pull an important train anyway?" asked Percy.
"Because I'm cool," explained Gordon, "And I don't hump trucks like you do."
"I DO NOT HUMP TRUCKS, GORDON!" shouted Percy.
Later that night, Gordon had delivered Busted to Knapford Stadium successfully. Busted were playing as loud as they could, in front of thousands of cheering fans and screaming girls. Percy had to deliver some trucks to Tidmouth.
"This is bullcrap!" thought Percy. That's when the trucks decided to bump him. Then something went wrong. Percy just kept going faster and faster.
"Your brakes are jammed!" called his driver. "You won't be able to stop!"
"OH NO." said Percy. "NOOOOOO!"
Percy roared down the hill. The signalman saw him coming, and switched the track. But the signalman forgot the track he had switched Percy over to lead right into the back of Knapford Stadium!
Percy saw the wall in front of him. "HOLY SON OF A BI—"
Inside the stadium, Busted were still playing.
"I've been to the Year 3000…" sang James Bourne.
Suddenly Percy came crashing through the wall. The crowd gasped. The music stopped.
"What the bloody hell!?" cried Matt Willis in surprise.
The crowd then booed and began throwing stuff at Percy.
"Hang on," said Charlie Simpson. "I think this engine wants to say something."
He held the microphone to Percy's mouth.
"It wasn't MY fault!" protested Percy. "It was the bloody trucks! It's really hard to keep control over those things!"
"We see your point." said James Bourne.
Charlie Simpson then took the microphone back and yelled into it "LET'S THROW STUFF AT THIS GREEN GIT WHO RUINED THE CONCERT!"
Everyone threw stuff at Percy.
"THIS DOES NOT ROCK" thought Percy.
THE END