The Long, Slow Art of Moving On
Title: The Long, Slow Art of Moving On
Author: BrokenTimeLord
Characters/Pairings: Ten/Rose, Donna
Rating: PG
Warnings: some character death
Genre: angst
Spoilers: Journeys End
Author's Notes: I swore I wouldn't do a Doctor "Moving On" fic but look what the bunnies gave me after being away for so long. Although, there really hasn't been enough Ten post-JE stuff
Summary: When you've lost everything in the blink of a eye, moving on can be very difficult. This is how the Doctor copes.
Disclaimer: If I had owned, JE would have a very different ending.
The Long, Slow Art of Moving On
Pretending
He likes to pretend sometimes. For a while he will shut down the rational controlled part of his mind and just let himself go. He will walk down a busy market street and think that Donna is there, gushing about the things around her, causing him to look at the things around him though her "rose-colored-glasses." Sometime, he asks the TARDIS to turn on some music, something they (he has yet to bring himself to think, much less say, Rose's name) listened to together. He will see her there, gather her into his arms, and dance with her around the control room like he did all those years ago. For those couple of golden minutes, everything is right in his world and then the music stops and she disappears. He is alone again, and the process of moving on begins again.
Souvenirs
One day he lands on Cep-Cere, a planet out in the farthest reaches of the Huftren galaxy thousands of light years away from Earth. There are lots of beaches, and boardwalks; the humans had colonized it so there traces of their culture all over. He steps out of the TARDIS into the warm (but not to hot) sunlight and glances at his surroundings. It is a small family beach, not to crowded, with what looked like a row of small tourist shops, manly full of souvenirs and the like. He walks over to them and idly looks around, not really noticing what he is looking at. Till, about three stalls down, he found a small golden trinket. His eyes focus on it like a mouse looking a snake, knowing that at any minute it could reach out and stab it with its fangs. Just a tiny piece of bezoolium, but it has the power to stop the Time Lord in his tracks. He hands the stall owner the amount of credits she asks for, deftly pockets the trinket, and all but runs back to TARDIS. He sends her into the vortex and settles himself on the jump seat, pulling the bezoolium out of his pocket. Rose had bought a piece to give to her mother, just before Torchwood had come crashing into their lives. He traces the object with the tip of one finger, remembering the day she had brought it. He sniffs and places it next to another item sitting on the console. He smiles sadly and walks away deeper into the TARDIS, leaving Donna's TARDIS key and the bezoolium setting next to the other. Sometimes, souvenirs help.
Alone
Years later, he is still traveling alone. He has meet people of course, plenty of people, tons of people; he just has not asked any of them to join him. He is alone, and that is how he likes it. There is no one for him to become attached to. No one to fall in love with. No one to replace Rose (yes he can say her name now) and Donna. He cannot handle some one else being there, some one who will ask questions, and will push for answers. He needs this time alone to put himself back together, to learn to live again, to trust in himself again. He needs to learn to believe that is light in a universe that has shown him none in a very long time. He is alone, and for the moment, that is how is how he needs it.
"Still, it'll pass. Everything does."
He still goes to see Wilf sometimes. He doesn't always say anything, just walks up quietly in the dark, and buys a paper then leaves. Then there are the times that he sits down and talks. Donna is doing well, she has a husband, three kids, and she got a job in politics. He thinks this is fitting. She's brilliant, and now the world knows. He comes by the stand one night, intending to by a paper, and it is not Wilf sitting there. It's a petit, redhead instead. He politely asks where the normal attendant is as he buys the paper. The redhead gets a sad look in her eyes and proceeds tells him that she is taking over for her great-grandfather who passed away a week ago. He nods and tells her to give her mother an old friend's condolences and walks away into the night, leaving the girl to wonder just who he is.
Breaking Down
It has been almost fifty years since he lost the love of his life and also his best friend and he still has not cried. He knows that this is not good for him, that he should have cried years ago, but he just has not been able to. So, now he is sat on the jump seat and fifty years worth of pain and hurt and loneliness, fifty years worth of trying to move on falls down on him in that one moment. The floodgates open and he cries. His body shakes with the force of his sobs as he falls onto the grated floor not even trying to catch himself, because the ones how where suppose to do that where taken away from him. He is finally breaking, The Oncoming Storm and The Destroyer of Worlds is falling apart, and he is going to have to learn to put himself back together. This one moment of tears is followed by many more for many days to come, till, slowly, he gets a little better, moment by moment, day by day, because now, now he is really moving on.
Brilliance
He gets a message from Jack (who he has not seen since he and Martha and Mickey walked away from him) asking him to come to Cardiff. He does not really want to but for old time's sake he does, and he is glad he does to. Jack tells him that Donna passed away, quietly in her sleep, at the age of eighty-four. He thanks Jack and goes to London. He goes to her grave because he needs to see, needs to have the evidence in front of him. She lived a good life, she was amazing, she was everything she was capable of, and that was brilliant. He wipes away a tear and walks away.
Letting Go
He does not know how he knows, but he knows. Years ago he called it The Curse of the Time Lords, and now its living itself out. Rose is gone. There is nothing he can do about it, no button to push, no lever to pull; she died a universe away. He wonders if his other self was there, or if he had already died. He wondered if they had any kids, any grandkids, any great-grandkids. He wondered what kind of life they lead, if they stayed put in one place or if they traveled around seeing the world. Either way, they had the life he could never have, and for the first time he was not jealous of his duplicate. He knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that they had a fantastic life just like he told Rose to. He cries but as his heart breaks he knows for the first time it can be pieced back together. It is here he learns that moving on is an art not quickly mastered.
Moving On
It is years later that he meets someone. Her name is Meagan and she to has something dark lurking in her past. She has been used, and cast aside, and she needs someone to believe in her. He runs in to her quite by accident, not knowing that fate was throwing him (and her) a curve ball. There are people chasing her, trying to catch her, and of course he does not take that well. So he takes her hand and they run.