I Have Made Mistakes
A Bonnie One-Shot

A/N - Hullo guys! Uh, I guess I should re-introduce myself, after such an extended time away! I know I normally write CarLee or stuff like that, but… well, Bonnie is by far my favourite 400 Days/Season 2 character. And there's still so much we don't know about her. So I personally wanted to… write a fic that showed her before 400 days. What she used to be; Before Leland and Dee found her. Anyway, I hope y'all enjoy! Also, Happy Bonnie Day!

"I have made mistakes, I continue to make them

the promises I've made, I continue to break them

and all the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them

but nothing is a waste if you learn from it"

Looking back at how she was, Bonnie would always blame her time in college for what she did. That one guy who used her, broke her heart. Or that one girl who made a snide comment about her 'hick' accent. Or even—

…

What was the point? She knew it wasn't any of them to blame for who she was; what she was. The way she saw it, she was a monster. A useless junkie.

Her mother had always taught her the dangers of narcotics. She'd told her the horror stories of people who had taken just a little too much, and suffered the worst consequence they could for their sins.

Oh how proud her mother must be of her; her baby girl. The little girl who had always sworn that she'd never even so much as touch a cigarette or alcohol. Oh how proud she'd be to see her injecting her next hit of whatever she could find, and laying back as the effects overtook her.

Heroin was like her lifeline. After the plague had hit, she'd fallen back onto the problem that had developed towards the end of her time in college. And had just stuck. Back then though, it wasn't a dependency. She could go about her day-to-day life and only do it on the weekend…

But now? It was as if a switch had been flipped. She had to have it. As much as she hated it, and as much as she hated the warm feeling she got, leading her to throw up the measly amount of food she'd managed to gather, she couldn't go without it. It was part of her routine now. Get up, get dressed or changed, wash herself with a flannel, do what she had to do, then take another hit. That was how it had been since the start; how it had been for the last year and a bit.

"and the sun, it does not cause us to grow

it is the rain that will strengthen your soul

and it will make you whole

we have lived in fear, and our fear has betrayed us

but we will overcome the apathy that has made us

because we are not alone in the dark with our demons

and we have made mistakes

but we've learned from them"

She was high when they found her: Leland and Dee. And to be honest, they had been their saving grace.

She'd been at the gas station for over a month; doing the same old thing, only leaving to gather food or go to the bathroom. And for the entirety of that month, she'd hated her own guts. And to be honest, the only reason she kept on getting up every day was the thought that this all might end… That the walkers might get wiped out.

But it didn't.

To be honest her first meeting with Leland wasn't the best. Does throwing up over a man as he tries to help you up count as a good first meeting? Nah. She didn't think so either. 'Specially since he seemed to be… almost cool. His wife, Dee, however? She wasn't too happy at all. And looking back at that moment, in the dark and damp corner of that gas station, she cringed.

God, how attractive she must have looked, with her hair standing everywhere, bags under her blood-shot eyes, used needles scattered around her, and dressed in clothes that were so filthy she wasn't even sure what colour they originally were. And somehow, these amazing people found it in their hearts to take her in, knowing full-well what kind of responsibility she was giving them, on top of survival.

"and the sun, it does not cause us to grow

it is the rain that will strengthen your soul

and it will make you whole

and oh my heart, how can I face you now?

when we both know how badly I have let you down

and I am afraid of all that I've built

fading away"

On one of the lonelier days in Carver's community, she'd think back to that day when she was found. She'd think about who she was. And she would cry. Because she knew that who she was, was someone she didn't want to be. The 'Old-Bonnie' as she'd lovingly named her, was now just a distant memory. But god… if there weren't times she thought of relapsing… of just taking one more hit…

Being with Wyatt in camp was the worst. Having him smoke weed right there, just feet away from her. It was almost torture.

But, of course, she didn't. Because she didn't want to go back down that road. She had to stay strong. She had to stay resilient. Because if she didn't… God, she knew she wouldn't come back from it.

And she refused to let that happen.

She was a strong woman. And she still is.

Because after all, everyone's made mistakes, right? But she had the chance to come back from hers.