Two of a Kind
Spoilers: Season 2, through Silly Love Songs, AU for the end - only change is that Jeremiah says yes.
Characters, pairings: All of New Directions, with unrequited Klaine and Brittana, mentions of Blaine/Jeremiah and Artie/Brittany. Along with massive Kurttana friendship (Those two are more alike than they realize, aren't they?).
Author's Notes: I don't own anything in this fanfic that you recognize. Even the bowling alley is not mine. I don't even own the songs sung at the end. Both belong to Framing Hanley. The only thing I own is the idea behind it, which actually came from a conversation that I had with a few friends one day.
Author's Note 2: This one's for you, Sam. I'm sure you can figure out why.
The sounds of balls and pins clacking together mixed in with the sounds of various conversations floating around the room, blending together in Santana's ears as she sat by herself at one of the tables in the bowling alley, a frown prominent on her exotic features. Upon hearing laughter drifting from a couple tables over, she looked up, her frown deepening. The instigator of the laughter was a beautiful blonde girl, sitting a couple of tables away, with a geeky looking boy in a wheelchair, who's pale face was red with a blush, and an Asian girl who was giggling just as hard as the blonde.
Santana sighed and rested her forehead on the table in front of her, glad that her long black hair hid her depressed state. She truly wondered why she went to the New Directions get-togethers, when she knew she was only going to be spending the time by watching them play happy couple. It wasn't fair. She had her first, not him. And given the fact that this week was a girls versus boys at the bowling alley made it even worse. Strike-and-Spare was where they met. Added to the fact that it is a couple of days before Valentine's Day means that everyone is being extra cutesy doesn't help.
A gentle hand on her back caused her to jerk up, having not heard the owner approach. She looked up at Kurt, not even possessing the energy to glare at him for touching her, and he gave a wan smile as he sat across from her at the table. "So she still hasn't admitted it to herself, yet, has she?"
Santana followed his eyes to see him looking at Brittany as well, and sighed again. "Is it really that obvious?"
He chuckled quietly. "Only to everyone but her. But, then again, our Brittany has always been special. She sees what others don't, but cannot see what we do. How long?"
Her reply was quiet. "Since Sophomore year, but I didn't realize what it was until Junior year."
"Did you tell her?" His voice was gentle, caring.
"Yes. She was uncertain. She thinks she is happy with him. And that is really all I could hope for, but-." She cut herself off with a frustrated groan, dropping her head back to the table.
"You want her to be happy with you, not with him, don't you?" Kurt finished her statement as a question, causing her to look up in shock, a question on her lips. "Blaine," he answered simply before she could even form the first word. "I want the same thing with Blaine, even though he is happy with someone else."
Santana laughed darkly. "So your hobbit managed to find a guy? Does he go to your school?"
Kurt snorted. "Not bloody likely, unless he failed quite a few years. He's in college." He sneered the last part, as if he doubted a college student would be good enough for his Blaine. Even though he didn't even realize he was calling him that.
Santana looked over at Britt thoughtfully. "Well, have you told him how you feel yet?"
Kurt shook his head fervently. "And risk rejection, no thank you. I got enough of that from Finn and Sam. I'd really rather not risk it from the one guy in Lima that I actually stand a chance with, thank you very much." His voice went from adamant to sad, to snarky over the course of one sentence, and Santana was impressed at the tone change, even though he was so down in the dumps.
She got a sudden idea, and looked to see if there was an open lane on the other side of the room from where their friends were. Spotting one, she told him to go wait for her there while she went to pay for it. He shot her a questioning look, but did as she asked –well, ordered. As she approached him carrying their bowling balls, she shrugged. "It is easier to talk away from everyone we know."
He nodded in understanding. "Need to vent?" He asked as they filled their names in on the scoreboard.
"Yep. And a bowling alley is just the place to do so because one, no one will be able to hear you over the sounds of their own games, and two, you can pretend the pins are whoever you are mad at." She smirked, and stepped up to the lane, as her name appeared on the board first. She lined up her shot, and sent the ball straight down the lane, smirking as all the pins were knocked over.
"Damn. Were you imagining Artie standing at the other end?" Kurt took his shot, knocking all but one down on the first ball. As he waited for it to return so he could take his other shot, he looked over his shoulder to see her shaking her head.
"I put myself down there."
Her quiet response, barely audible over the surrounding noise, was almost enough to make him flub his shot, but he smoothly recovered and made a spare. As they traded places, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping her where she stood, and looked deep into her eyes. "Do you really hate yourself that much?" She nodded and grabbed her ball, making another strike for her. Kurt remained in his seat after her turn, signaling that he wanted to talk. "Why?"
His simple, caring, soft-spoken question was all it took for the floodgates to break. The dam burst, spilling not only tears but words along with them. "She loves me, yes, but she loves him more. No matter what happens, I will always be second to him. I don't know if I can take that pain any longer, so I hate myself for falling in love with her the second I met her. I hate who I am for loving her, I hate the fact that he is with her instead of me, I hate him for getting to her before I did, but most of all I hate the fact that I can't hate her for it as well. No matter how much I try, how much I wish I could, and I wish it with all my heart, I can't even dislike her. Not even a little bit."
Kurt nodded, pulling a tissue from somewhere and handing it to her. "I know the feeling. I have tried to hate Blaine, in the hopes that I would stop falling for him, but it is too late. We, my friend, have hit rock bottom, and have nowhere left to fall. The sad thing is that there was no one here to catch us when we landed, was there?"
She looked up at him sadly. "Nope. They were long gone, having landed in the arms of someone else."
After a moment or two of silence, each lost in their own thoughts, it was Kurt's turn to get an idea. He shot to his feet, pulling Santana with him, and dragged her over to the karaoke machine in the corner that people had been drifting to and away from all night. All of the New Directions members with the exception of them had taken the mic at some point during the night. Now it was their turn.
Kurt selected his song, surprising everyone that knew him, as they never would have expected him to know this song, much less be able to sing it without even looking at the screen behind him. Santana smirked as she recognized the first chords of the song, knowing that it had been her that had gotten him to listen to this band in the first place. She blamed it on wanting him to see the dreamy lead singer, but he knew that she just didn't want to go to that concert by herself and everyone else was busy.
Kurt's eyes closed of their own accord as the song started. His voice was soft as he started singing, quietly hopeful, as if he was pleading with someone, but got louder and stronger as he grew more determined.
If you're still up for chasing dreams
I've got a bottle, two glasses and a backseat.
And a lot of things to resolve
If you've got the time at all
I'm not one to be much different
Than who I really am
I lived my life for way too long
Trying to please everyone else.
Sometimes I should probably
Just bite my goddamn tongue
Will I've said too much a few times
But how much is enough
When he hit the lines just before the chorus, his eyes snapped open, and he sang with the same about of passion that had flared up in his gaze, despite the fact that he stared off into space. Clearly, the person, or persons, he was singing to wasn't present.
For you
'Cause I don't want to lose you
I was thinking about telling you
I was in love
I was in love with you
Here, his glare hardened fiercely, as if he was absolutely certain he wasn't going to back down.
No palace of words will make this better
If there's deceit in every letter
You came to me with hope for a future
And I came to you with a waiting line
During the next couple of lines, his body lost the stiff-backed, head tall position he normally possessed, curling in on itself as if he was losing his confidence, and his volume dropped just a bit.
For you
'Cause I don't want to lose you
As the final chorus came, his voice dropped to barely above a whisper, as if he had finally accepted that he had been defeated, and was ready to fully surrender.
I was thinking about telling you
I was in love
I was in love with you
With you
With you
I'm in love with you
With the final strums of the guitar fading away, the completely silent bowling alley heard him whisper into the mic, "But you're with him," as he faced Santana, discretely wiping away the lone wet track that traced a path down his cheek. He handed the mic over to her with his usual confident smirk back in place, but she was the only one that could tell it was a fake this time.
She picked her song, and took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she was about to admit. She just wondered how many people would understand the message. As her song started, Kurt silently picked up the other mic, ready to jump in on the backing vocals as needed. However, since she had taken the stage, she didn't see him do it.
Feels like the walls are closing in on me
I'm suffocating, I can barely breathe
And you've got me right where you want me
Just like Kurt, she started out soft, only her voice was depressed, not hopeful. However, there was the same hint of determination in her voice that had been in Kurt's during his song.
This is the side of you I've never seen
You're not the girl that you used to be
And you've got me right where you want me
You always know, how to bring me down
Let's just face it now, I'm never changin'
Santana thought back to all of her times with Brittany, right down to the very day they had met. She had never seen the side of Britt that wasn't afraid to hurt someone she loved, if it meant that she herself would be happy. Brittany was, however, one of the few people that knew exactly what buttons to push to drop Santana down to her worst. But no matter what, Santana would not let herself be beaten. She would rise. On the last lines, the depression left, her voice strengthened so that she was singing her at her normal volume by the end of the verse.
You are my world, my everything
You stupid girl, you're gonna be the death of me
So let me go, just let me be
You stupid girl, I love the way you're killing me
(killing me)
You stupid girl
She looked over Brittany's head at the chorus, wondering how many people would realize that she was singing to her. When she reached the last line of the chorus, Kurt's voice gave the echo, causing her to spin to look at him. His soft smile told her that she was not alone, that he was there and was not leaving her. She smiled back and dove into the next verse, dropping her voice slightly, alternating between soft and determined.
You're like an angel but with broken wings
A heart so cold can never show mercy
And you've got me right where you want me
You are my world, my everything
You stupid girl, you're gonna be the death of me
So let me go, just let me be
You stupid girl, I love the way you're killing me
(killing me)
You stupid girl (killing me)
You stupid girl
She once again looked over Brittany's head for the chorus, making it seem like she was looking around the entire room, but always managing to return to that one spot at the same time. It was a good thing she couldn't shoot lasers out of her eyes, thought. Otherwise there would have been a hole in the wall from how had she was glaring at it.
I know I'm a bastard, I'm not a coward
Why can't you see what you're doin' to me?
I'm falling faster, more every hour
Why can't you see what you're doin' to me?
Open your eyes, open your eyes
This is killing me
The determination grew in her voice at the end of the chorus repeat, so that she was practically growling out the first couple of lines in the next verse, but lowered down to quietly resigned as she progressed.
You are my world, my everything
You stupid girl, you're gonna be the death of me
So let me go, just let me be
You stupid girl, I love the way you're killing me
(killing me)
You stupid girl (killing me)
You stupid girl
The last chorus was sung directly to Brittany, as she dropped all pretense of looking over her. Once again, the final sounds faded away into the silence of the bowling alley. But it was not to stay silent for long. As Kurt moved to embrace Santana, gently wiping the tear tracks from her cheeks with his thumbs, everyone in the place burst into applause.
However, the applause was halted in shock as Kurt bestowed a quick kiss to Santana's lips before wrapping an arm around her waist and dragging her back to their table long enough for them to grab their bags before they walked out into the night, both feeling lighter than they had when they arrived.
Author's Note (End): Well, I hope you like it. Don't ask where it came from, I was having a bad day and made the comment to a friend of mine that I knew how Santana felt during season two. Then I went off by myself for a while, and those were the two songs I sang. By the time I had repeated them about five times each, I was feeling a lot better. If anyone is interested, they are (in order of appearance) You, and You Stupid Girl, both by Framing Hanley.
For those of you who have alerted and fave this, I have news. There will be a sequel (two, actually), and a prequel as well. They will each be posted as their own story, though, so keep checking back.
Thanks for all the faves and alerts. I love you all.
