Inspired by a Doctor Who quote form the episode 'Dark Water' that made me think about Bellamy and Clarke when I was rewatching it the other day.
You betrayed me … betrayed my trust. You betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything ... You let me down! … Do you think I care for you so little, that betraying me would make a difference? – The Twelfth Doctor
Bellamy had tried his best to hate her for abandoning him, for leaving him to face the guilt and the responsibility of caring for their people alone. If Octavia had her way he would never spare Clarke another thought. His sister had of course filled him in on what had happened on the outside while he was undercover in Mount Weather in an attempt to prove that they were better off without his former co-leader. He had already been aware of most of it, but there were still a couple unexpected revelations.
He wanted to agree with his sister, to just write the blonde that haunted his dreams off and move on with his life. Yet the more he tried not to think about her, the angrier it made him and the more he found himself thinking about Clarke.
It wasn't the fact that she had let an entire village of people get blown up, or the fact that she had taken the time to get Lexa and Abby out but left his sister to die that hurt the most. He had made some horrible mistakes in the last year, he had been a main reason that three hundred people on the Ark had died. Although her logic had been deeply flawed, he could understand why she had made that call.
Having made the mistakes he had, he could understand better than almost anyone how much that guilt could way on a person's mind. He knew that she had to be hurting after the choice that they made in the control room three months ago.
What hurt, though, was that she had left him to deal with the consequences for a choice they made together, alone. When he had tried to leave after the Culling she had asked him to stay because she needed him. Even though he had been fairly certain that Jaha would execute him when he reached Earth, he had stayed because she needed him.
Yet as they had stood outside the gate, when he begged her to stay and face all of this together just like they had when they made the decision to irradiate the Mountain, she had walked away from him.
She hadn't been able to face her people after what she had done, and she couldn't live with the guilt of seeing their faces every day. He could understand that, but he couldn't understand why she assumed that he could.
He had given it a lot of thought over the past three months, and even though he knew he couldn't have abandoned Octavia and the other surviving delinquents, he still wished she would have asked him to come. Or at least seemed like she was considering staying when he asked her to.
Instead, she had left him to face the pain and anger he saw in Jasper's eyes every day. She had left him to worry about whether the grounders would come after them again now that peace was no longer mutually beneficial. She had left him to struggle to maintain control over the group, trying to keep the people that had driven their society to the brink of ruin up on the Ark from regaining control.
He should hate her, abandon her just like she had him; after all she had done he wanted to. Yet, when word reached him that she was in danger, it had only seemed natural to go after her. Even when it meant rebelling, going against his people, he couldn't stand by if there was any chance he could save her.
And then she was finally standing in front of him again. Those same eyes that had once been so full of hope and excitement, now held nothing but pain and sadness. All the pain that she has caused was still there, the resentment and anger still burning brightly in the back of his mind, but when his eyes meet hers he can't bring himself to care.
She had let him down, betrayed his trust and abandoned him, but she meant too much for him to give up on her. Even though he knew she would let him down again, just like he was sure he would let her down too in some way, she was his best friend.
His arms were around her as soon as she was close enough, his eyes burning with unshed tears of relief. He had no idea what they were going to do now, but he did know one thing.
"I missed you, Princess."