Jane watched through her car window as Maura laughed joyously with Frankie, on their first date. She knew this was wrong, them being together and her being jealous of them. She wanted Maura to be happy and Frankie too, but not together.
Korsak piped up in the passenger seat. "Are we here to stake out the drugees or for you to spy on your ex-girlfriend?" Jane didn't reply. She knew that she should be over Maura by now, after all, they broke up a few weeks ago, but Jane still couldn't get her off of her mind, and seeing Maura over her and happy so soon wasn't helping. Korsak saw how he had upset Jane further and muttered, "Uh, sorry."
"No, no it's fine. I just.." Jane trailed of when she saw Maura give Frankie a peck on the cheek, dangerously close to his lips. It was almost like a form of torture; staking out in the exact spot of her bisexual ex-girlfriend's first date with her new boyfriend.
The rest of that case was like a blur. All Jane ever had on her mind (aside from the usual want beer and must eat burger) was Maura and how happy she looked with Frankie. She hardly even thought about the murder case and couldn't get any work done.
Jane sat at her desk, eating a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. It had been about a week since Maura and Frankie started dating, and they were still happy as ever. Things between Jane and Maura had been quite awkward since the breakup. The only thing they talked about, if they had to talk, was whatever poor soul ended up on Maura's autopsy table. They tried to stay friends, but that was almost impossible considering Jane's obvious, remaining feelings for Maura. Jane couldn't tell if Maura still felt the same way, but she figured it was best if they just never brought that up ever again.
It was morning and Jane was extremely tired from staying up late watching chick flicks and thinking about Maura, like she does every night. Jane got up and went to the break room to get some coffee. The coffee tasted like it was brewed sometime around last Christmas, but she didn't care. It was caffeine. She walked back to her desk to work on some paperwork and spotted a picture underneath the work papers and files which were thrown askew across the limitless black hole that was her desk. The picture was of her and Maura right after they started dating.
Ugh. They looked so happy in the picture. So care-free. Not even thinking about what might come in the future. That was part of the reason they broke up; Maura was constantly planning for the future, while Jane was too afraid to commit to trying a new restaurant. Anyway, there was a big fight and then Maura broke up with Jane for oddly vague reasons. It was all very confusing to Jane and it left her feeling so alone, with no one to talk to, since her usual confidante was Maura herself. So she drowned out her feelings with an excessive amount of chocolate and sappy heartfelt movies on the Hallmark Channel.
Jane came back to her senses when Korsak asked about some paperwork and whether it was finished or not. Jane responded with the usual indistinct answer about how it was almost finished because the truth was, she hadn't even started.
That got her thinking, once again, about this past month or so, after the break up. How she had been sitting around and moping about it and it has done her no good. She hasn't gotten any work done, and has actually gained some weight from neglecting her usual work outs and indulging on chocolate and Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Something had to happen because obviously this problem was not going to solve itself.
Then she was reminded of her fears. This wasn't the first time she had wanted something to change, but every time this had happened before, she was too afraid of Maura actually telling her, to her face, that she broke up with her because she didn't love her anymore, or something horrible like that which would crush Jane for good. She didn't think she could ever recover from something like that.
You see, when they broke up, Maura was acting weird, that is weirder than normal. She wouldn't give a clear explanation, and every time she tried to say something, it looked as if she was going to break out into hives. She kept changing the subject and the only clear thing she said was "I'm breaking up with you". Or maybe it was "I think we should break up". Jane had gone over the scenario so many times in her head that the words had gotten twisted around and she couldn't remember exactly what had happened, just that Maura said something along the lines of that and there were a lot of tears, from both Jane and Maura. And Jane especially remembered the feeling when she heard Maura speak those words. It was like her heart dropped through her stomach and tore her entire body in two. In fact, she still felt it now.
But Jane was tired of feeling sorry for herself and tired of dragging down everyone else around her as well. She had to get an answer, at least then she could attempt to move on. She put down her work that she was pretending to do and stood up, quite empowered. She headed for the door and directed herself to the autopsy room, took a deep breath, and walked into the doors.