All You Did Was Save My Life
Pairing – Damon/Elena
Fandom – The Vampire Diaries
Rating – T
Summary – After Elena saves Damon's life, she finds herself facing the possibilities of something more.
Warnings – Some mild language. The outcome is a bit optimistic, but that's okay with me.
Spoilers – Through the latest episode. (2x21) Most likely, completely disregards episode 2x22.
Author's Note – Here we go - my latest work brought on by the week's wait until a new episode. AKA - the plot bunny that wouldn't go away. While I don't think anything like this will happen in the actual show, the idea still excites me. Enjoy!
She can't believe she actually did it. He's alive and she saved him. After everything that he had done, she had saved him. When no one else could, she saved him.
The cure was in front of their faces the whole time. Her blood. The blood of a human doppelganger. It was the only cure for a werewolf bite. Imagine if he had succeeded in trying to turn her into a vampire. Wouldn't he have felt stupid!
And Stefan told her not to. Practically begged her, but she had gone against him and done it anyway. She saved him. She saved him. She saved him. She said it over and over in her head, but there was a part of her that couldn't believe it.
(Worse still was the part of her that actually could.)
He was perfectly fine now. Back to normal, and yet... something was different. Something had changed. Not him. Not Damon. He hadn't changed much at all. He never changed.
(Or at least, she couldn't admit that he had.)
After hours spent thinking about the whole ordeal, Elena realized that it was her who had changed. She hadn't gotten around to accepting it yet, but it was true. She was different. It wasn't the sacrifice that had changed her... it was the fact that he had almost died. That she had almost lost him.
(That she had saved him.)
She could still hear the voices in her head.
"My blood, Stefan. It's the only thing that can save him. The only way. It's the only way." She had turned to go to him, to be at his side, but Stefan pulled her back. "No, Elena. You can't do it. It'll kill you!" She broke free from his grasp. "Maybe. We have no way of knowing how much he needs. Maybe he only needs a drop or maybe he needs all of it. But it doesn't really matter, does it? Because this is the only way." Stefan looked into her eyes, more hurt than ever before."Why is this so important to you? After all he's done – why do you have to save him?"
But she couldn't answer him. She wasn't even sure that she knew the answer. She wasn't sure of anything except what happened next.
She ran to his side. She had forced him to bite her, even though he tried to fight it. He had drank, more than she expected, less than Stefan did. And then he stopped. And the wound healed and he stood up and he hugged her. And she held onto him like she had nothing else in the world.
(And maybe she didn't.)
And he had let go far too soon and then they all went their separate ways, ignoring the hours that had preceded that one. And then... nothing.
It had been two days and according to Stefan, Damon had spent most of it sleeping. "A near-death experience takes a lot out of you, Stef," he had told his brother. Unlike Elena, of course, who hadn't slept since she saved him. She couldn't seem to turn her mind off, to stop thinking.
It was the worst at night, when she would lie under the covers, facing the ceiling. She would close her eyes and imagine what her world would be like without him. She wants to believe her life would be better. She really, truly wants to. (But maybe she doesn't.) She doesn't believe it, though, because she knows how she felt when all hope was lost. She was the one who sat by his side for two days. She was the one who read every piece of information on werewolves she could find. She was the one who suggested looking through the Lockwood's bookcases. She was the one who cured him. She put her very life on the line to save him.
She didn't know why. She couldn't explain it. (Or... she couldn't admit it.) Deep down, she knew why. Stefan knew why. Damon knew why. No one would say it out loud, for fear that the whole world would come crashing down on them. No one could admit it, but everyone knew. Isobel had figured it out, at least Damon's side of it.
"Because he's in love with you," she said out loud. But her eyes said, "And you love him too." Her mother who didn't even know her knew. Elena knew Damon's side of it too, but she never dared to figure out how she felt. "It's always gonna be Stefan," and she left it at that.
(Even though she knew it was a lie.)
She thought she knew how she felt. But now she knows – she has no idea. She feels herself turning into Katherine and she hates it. She has to figure out who she wants to be with – she can't keep playing both of them forever.
She knows the answer. She knows who she wants and it goes against her head. Her head knows that she should choose Stefan. But her heart... oh, her heart aches because of who she wants to choose. And she has no idea which part of her to side with. (Even though she does.)
She knows she should side with her brain, but her heart is who she wants to side with. It's a constant struggle, an inner battle. (And, if she's truly honest, it always has been.)
If this had never happened, if he had never been bitten, she might have continued to side with her brain, maybe even for forever. But now, she's considering her heart. What her heart wants. Because her brain only deals with logic. And her heart is telling her who she loves.
(And it's not the person she thought she loved.)
She knows one thing is absolutely sure... one of them will get hurt. If she chooses Stefan, again, Damon might lose control. He might go on a killing spree and it would be on her head. But is that a reason to choose someone? Purely because you're afraid of what they'll do if you don't? (She knows that isn't the only reason.) Or he'll keep holding everything under the surface until he implodes.
If she chooses Damon, though, Stefan won't be happy. He'd try to understand, but everything is always going to be a competition between the brothers. And who really knows how well he could keep his anger under control if that ever happened? (She knows. And she doesn't like the answer.)
She can't choose. She has to choose. She flipped a coin. Stefan. She picked the petals off a daisy. "Choose Stefan. Choose Damon. Choose Stefan. Choose Damon." Even the most childish of approaches turns into a tie. (Even though it's never truly been a tie.)
She finally falls asleep for the first time in days and she dreams out a scenario in which she chooses Stefan, for once and for all. And the next day, all that's left of Damon is a pile of ashes.
And then she knows who she has to pick. And she doesn't know if it had anything to do with the dream, but somehow, she just knows. She can't explain it. (And she doesn't want to.)
So she goes to the house and she tells Stefan she has to talk to his brother. She opens the door to Damon's room, the room she spent two days in, and she sees him sleeping on the bed, looking peaceful for the first time in as long as she's known him. Maybe even longer, she muses sadly.
She sits down on the side of the bed. She puts her hand on his shoulder and whispers his name. "Damon, wake up." He slowly opens his eyes. "That had better not be you, Katherine," he says groggily. "Damon, it's me. Elena." He sits up. "Oh. I didn't know you were coming." She smiles. "Neither did I."
"You're in a good mood. What, no impending sacrifices or certain doom?" He rubs his eyes. She sees his arm, where the bite used to be, and she gently grabs hold of his arm. "Thanks for that, by the way. You know... saving my life, and all." She smiles again. "Any time."
He raises his eyebrows. "What's up with you? You seem... different." "So do you." He shrugs. "Yeah, well, almost dying can do that to you."
They're silent for a moment and she realizes that she's still holding onto his arm, rubbing her thumb up and down. She lets go and his arm falls to the bed.
"I've been meaning to ask you... why did you do it? Save me? After everything I've put you through... why would you save me?" She shakes her head. "I've been asking myself that question for days. And I never thought I'd have the answer until today."
He nods. "Care to enlighten me?" She's going to say it. She has the words in her head. She wants to say, "I saved you because I love you, Damon. Because I couldn't stand losing you. Because I want to be with you forever. Because you're my soulmate."
Of course, the words don't come out that way, because that would be too easy. And nothing about their relationship could ever be easy.
Instead, the words she hears herself say aren't the ones she expected at all. The answer is simple, concise, and not at all mushy. (Really, that's the way it should be.)
"Because you didn't deserve to die. That's why I saved you." She didn't want it to come out that way, but at least it wasn't a lie. "Do you really believe that? That I didn't deserve to die? Because I felt like I did. I finally got what I deserved. For everything I've done. All the guilt would have been gone. And then you saved me and all I got was more guilt." She lets his words sink in and they sting her. Her eyes start to water and she grits her teeth. "Well, I'm sorry for saving your life."
And then she stands up. And she doesn't think he'll come after her. And she doesn't want him to. (But she does.)
She makes it halfway to the door before he appears in front of her. She stops just short of bumping into him. She wants to hurt him now, and she hates it. But she can't stop now. Not after what he just said.
"You know, Stefan told me I shouldn't save you. He begged me not to. But I thought you deserved to be saved. I guess he was right." She moves in even closer to him. "I should have let you die."
But his reaction isn't what she expected. "You're right. You should have. But you didn't. You saved me, Elena. You saved me. And not because I deserved it. There's another reason. And I want to hear you say it." "I don't know why, Damon." "I think you do. You know why and you have to admit it. You have to admit the reason." She shakes her head. "No, I don't."
He throws up his hands. "Why did you come here? It wasn't to get a thank you. And it obviously wasn't to answer any of my questions. So, why did you come here, Elena?" She can't hold back the tears anymore.
Who was she to think she could fool him? He was the only person that had ever really, truly been able to see her. To see that she was still struggling with the loss of her parents. To see that she was just trying to make things the way they had been. He knew she hated cheerleading. He knew she was upset with her parents for not telling her she had been adopted. He knew her. He was the only one who told her to get over herself, even if he didn't say it to her face. He was the only one...
"Don't make me say it. Please, Damon." He touches her hand and the walls fall down. "Why did you come here?" She closes her eyes. She can't look at him, she can't know how he'll react, but she can't keep what she's feeling hidden anymore. "I came here... because I couldn't stay away. I came here because I've spent two days trying to figure out what I'm feeling. Because something happened when you almost died. When I almost lost you." She stops.
And then she feels his hand on her face, wiping away her tears. She opens her eyes. She can't stop now. (She doesn't want to stop now.)
"Something changed and I started to... feel something I never thought I could. And I know what I have to do now. I don't know how... but I just know." He has both of his hands on her now, and she can't think straight. "I've changed, Damon. And you've changed too. And I know that you make mistakes. And I know that sometimes I hate you. But most of the time..." She bites her lip. "Most of the time... I love you." He can't believe she just said it, she can see it in his eyes. And then his eyes turn cold.
"But you love him more. You will always love him more than me. If I've learned anything from knowing you, it's that." She shakes her head and she can't stop shaking. (And it's not because of what he just said.) "I love him differently. And I'm realizing that maybe I've never really loved him. Maybe I was just pretending so I didn't have to face up to you. All that I know is that... I love you. And I know that you love me too."
He lets go of her and she aches to be touched by him once again. "What if I haven't changed, Elena? What if I can never change? What if I don't have it... in me?"
"Are you saying you don't? Love me? Because that's a lie." "That's not what I'm saying. What if... you don't love me? What if I hurt you again and we lose everything we've tried so hard to have? It's taken a lot of work, Elena, to get to where I am. And that's not even good enough."
"You're right. This could all fall apart." He backs away from her. She moves closer to him, too afraid to let him go. Because if she lets him stop this now, it may never start again. (Or, worse... it could.) And then she kisses him. And she feels him touch her once again.
"But I don't care."
And know she knows she's made the right decision. And even if she regrets it later, it'll still be worth it. (And she knows she won't.)
fin.
A little short, I know... but I wanted a happy ending and the direction this took after this point... wasn't very happy. Maybe I'll expand it eventually, but for now... I like it just the way it is.
Please review and let me know what you thought! I can't wait for the new episode tonight! Thank you for reading!