Regrets

By TooOldForThis

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or the basic story. It was created by George and is now owned by Disney. But thanks for letting me play here for fun.

Author's Note: This story was inspired by the song 'Do you wish it was me?' by Jason Aldean. I'm not a believer in COPL and have never read it, but this story came to mind after hearing the song and thinking about COPL.

She saw him from across the ballroom. "What in all the worlds is he doing here?", she asked herself. After he'd taken off, she'd honestly thought she'd never see him again. She really couldn't blame him for leaving. After all, she had chosen her duty and Isolder over him. She'd tried to explain that it wasn't personal, that she'd really loved him, but that she couldn't put her personal feelings over those of the greater good. But he'd been hurt and mad and left without hardly a word. She'd cried for days, but pulled herself together and performed what was expected of her. After all, there was more to her life than just personal pleasure. She hadn't heard from him in at least a year. She'd pushed any feelings that she'd had for him down and focused on what she needed to. Her marriage hadn't been perfect or even good, but she was dealing with it, dealing with Isolder.

Now, there he was on the other side of the room. He looked good in his full dress uniform, damn good. She'd known that he hadn't given up his commission, but she'd chosen not to follow his every mission, because it was too hard. She'd had to make a break from that part of her life and keeping tabs on him would just tie her to it. But, just looking at him now, made all those feelings, long suppressed, rise up again.

He looked directly at her before she could look away. What was that look in his eyes trying to say? She couldn't tell if it was anger, longing, or something else. It definitely wasn't indifference though. Gods, she was feeling flushed just looking at him. She didn't hear a word of what the Fondor ambassador was saying to her. She couldn't break away from Han's gaze. Could he tell the effect he was having on her?

The band started playing an Alderanian waltz. Han excused himself from whoever he was talking to and walked directly over to her. His gaze never wavered. "May I have this dance, Your Highness?", he asked as he held his hand out. She was half tempted to say no. What sort of game was he playing? Despite her better judgment, she excused herself from the ambassador and took Han's hand and let him lead her to the dance floor.

He wrapped his arm around her placing his hand on the small of her back. She felt every centim of skin where he was touching her. He was being a perfect gentleman, keeping a respectable distance between them, but she could feel that same old electricity between them.

"How have you been?", he asked as he looked her straight in the eye. "Fine.", she replied, returning his look, "And you."

"I've been better, but I'm doing okay.", he answered. "You still look beautiful.", he said as he leaned his mouth in to her ear, pulling her slightly closer to him, There was a look of desire in his eyes. Then the mask was back. "How's your husband?"

"Fine.", she replied again, tensing a little. They moved around the dance floor in silence, moving perfectly in synch to each other. He pulled her closer still, pressing his cheek to her hair. She should have been resisting, but just having him hold her was making her thoughts muddled.

"Tell me," he whispered into her ear, "do you have any regrets, Princess? Was it worth it? " .

How could he ask that question? How could he come back here and ask her that question? She didn't respond. But she thought about the answer. Did she regret what she'd done? If the truth was known, there were nights when she couldn't sleep. There were nights when all she could think about was what might have been, when all she could think about was Han. And on those nights when she could sleep, she usually saw him in her dreams.

Did that mean that she regretted her decision? She wasn't sure. She had always just discounted it as nostalgia. Like how some people always remembered the sunshine of their childhood, but never the rain. But as he held her close, his hands on her, her face close to his chest, all she could think about was the way they had been, the passion they'd shared, the closeness, sharing her life with him. Could they have turned it into forever?

The waltz ended and the band started a new song. He held her close for a moment longer. Before he let her go, he whispered "Are you satisfied, sweetheart, or do you wish it was me?"

Then he stepped back, brought her hand to his lips and placed a lingering kiss on the back of her hand. "Thank you for the dance, Your Highness. Maybe we can do this again sometime." he said as he gave her a crooked smile.

Leia stood there, staring at his back as he walked away, a feeling of regret washing over her.