Disclaimer - Last time I checked they still belong to FOX. I'm pretty sure that song is the property of one Brian Wilson who probably isn't planning on giving up the rights anytime soon.
A/N: I've been typing away madly all day trying to finish up papers, but I still need a break every once in a while and this is the result. Incidentally, I did manage to finish one paper today, I think writing fluff helped. Hope you get some enjoyment out of it!
Spoilers: "Aliens in a Spaceship"
It was 2:00 am and Booth was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He glanced over at the passenger seat where a sleeping Temperance Brennan was curled up with her head resting against the window. He had convinced her to accompany him on this excursion under the pretence of keeping him awake and alert on his long drive home after dropping Parker off at Rebecca and Captain Fantastic's new cottage. Rebecca had invited them to stay for the day and they had had a surprisingly good time. He had enjoyed seeing his partner so completely relaxed. It really hadn't been that long since she had been kidnapped and more than on person had noticed that she had been very quiet and introspective as of late.
His last coffee break had been an hour back, but Booth had reached that point where he could have inserted a caffeine I.V. drip and it would have had little to no effect. He needed conversation to keep him awake, but he just didn't have the heart or the inclination to rouse Sleeping Beauty.
Truth be told, he enjoyed these moments when he didn't have to hide his admiration behind a mask of friendly camaraderie. Not that they didn't have the whole friendship thing down, they did…..too well. But would it ever move beyond? He had always that assumed it would, but now he was experiencing some serous doubts on the subject. He wasn't a fool, he knew their partnership wouldn't last forever and if they didn't come to some understanding by that time he was worried he could lose her forever.
The caffeine having done nothing to keep his eyelids from drooping and receiving no aid from the woman sleeping next to him, Booth opted for flicking on the radio hoping to find something that would keep him from running his SUV into the guardrail. He flipped around the stations for a few minutes, trying to find something suitable.
Country? Nah, Booth wasn't one for twang.
Metal? Nope, might wake Bones.
Rap? Definitely not! He smiled to himself; if Bones were awake she'd probably force him to leave it. That, or ask him politely with a smile that guaranteed her whatever she wanted.
He hit the button again and the harmonies of the Beach Boys filled the SUV.
If you should ever leave me,
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me,
So what good would living do me?
God only knows what I'd be without you.
The song forced his mind once again to his sleeping partner; its favourite direction for the last few months since her kidnapping and burial courtesy of the Gravedigger. He had panicked like he had never panicked before and had refused, at the time, to allow his grief-stricken mind to pose the question: What would happen if she left him?
Booth wasn't overly emotional or sentimental, there was a reason he'd passed over that Emo station a few minutes ago. He was under no illusion that his life would have ended with her death, nor would he have been one to shut himself off from the world forever.. But one thing he knew equally as well was that if he had lost her, yes, his life would have gone on, but it never would have been the same.
In the three years he had known her she had inexplicably insinuated herself into every aspect of his life. She became the reason that work had become a joy rather than a duty. Well, as joyful as a career based around dead bodies and the event of murder could be. He felt his spirits lift when he woke in the morning contemplating the prospect of a day spent with her, even if it meant mountains of paperwork. He hated leaving her at night and frequently couldn't, which usually resulted in a midnight trip to Wong Foo's before heading to her apartment.
She had become part of almost all his routines and, like the song said; only God knew what he would be without her. God might know, but he himself was adamantly unwilling to contemplate the horror of it. The world would lose its spark and become an unbearably cold and lonely place.
He couldn't help but wonder if she ever thought about life without him, did it even cross her mind? Did it matter to her if he was in her life or not? These questions had plagued him for a while and at the rate that his feelings for her were intensifying he was going to have to ask them very soon.
He veered to miss a road sign and realized that his partner had become the wrong kind of distraction. Instead of distracting him from his fatigued state, she was making it very difficult for him to concentrate on getting them home in one piece.
"Eyes on the road Booth," he heard her mumble. She shifted slightly in her seat in order to face him, but her eyes were still shut tight against the light from the passing streetlamps.
"You're awake," he sad quietly.
"Your powers of observation are astounding," muttered Brennan sarcastically.
"Hey, I'm tired. If I recall correctly, someone was supposed to help me stay awake."
"What was the coffee for then?" she asked drowsily, finally opening her eyes. She yawned and began to nestle down into the seat again when he reached over and shook her softly by the shoulder. Now that she was awake he wasn't gong to let her bail on him again.
"Nope, you're up now, gotta keep me company," he said petulantly.
Brennan raised her head and looked out the window. "Booth, we're almost home, you don't need me to keep you awake for ten minutes! Just let me go back to sleep," she whined.
"You don't need ten more minutes of sleep; you've been out for two hours!"
"Yes I do, I've had a very busy day. That long drive, then you and Parker forcing me to go swimming..." Booth didn't hear anything after that as his mind conjured up images of how unbelievably sexy she had looked laid out on a towel in her modest two piece bathing suit.
"Do you even listen when I talk to you Booth? And what's with the dopey smile. It should be illegal to be so alert at 3:00 am."
Oh he was alert.
"I hear you talking Bones, I'm just waiting for you to say something," he grinned as she gave him a half hearted slap on the shoulder.
"Why do I put up with you?"
"You couldn't live without me and you know it. I'm the light of your life," he said dramatically.
"Then you're too bright; you're giving me a headache, and don't flatter yourself, I dream about a life without you." she groaned.
"Then they can't be very pleasant dreams," his words were teasing, but his voice sounded hopeful and Brennan had to glance over at him.
"I'm just kidding Booth. This isn't something I think about."
"Really?" he asked disappointedly.
"Why," she asked, "do you think about it?"
Might as well be honest…somewhat. "It's crossed my mind on occasion."
"What do you mean? You imagine a life without me?"
"No…I mean….it's just, after the Gravedigger I couldn't help but think about how much it would have sucked not to have you around," he tried to pass it off nonchalantly, but she wasn't having it.
"It's not something you should be worrying about Booth, Hodgins and I are fine. It's irrational to consider the what ifs." She explained as she would to a child.
"I know it's not logical, but can't you let me off this time. I mean…..I almost lost you," he finished quietly.
"Would that have really mattered to you?" She said, looking genuinely bewildered.
Booth couldn't believe that she sounded so surprised.
"Hell yes!" He began. Her eyebrows shot up and he caught himself before his enthusiasm completely freaked her out. "I mean...well... do you know what you mean to me Bones? For the last couple years you've become the only constant in my life. I never know if one day Rebecca will up and move Parker away from me or if I'll bend the rules a little too much and lose my job. I know that one day I won't have my job; I'll have to make room for young talent. You're part of my life now Bones, whether you like it or not and when you were missing I thought I was going to lose the one person I'd come to depend on. Things keep changing Bones, but you….you're always there."
What a lame ending! He felt like hitting his head against the steering wheel.
He turned onto her street and pulled up slowly in front of her building. He got out and ran around the front of his vehicle to get her door. He opened it and waited for her to hop out and when she didn't he glanced up at her and his eyes were met with two bright blue pools of awe and wonder.
"Did you mean that Booth?" She asked quietly. "Were you really that scared when I was gone?"
"You have no idea," he said shaking his head.
She just sat there for a second, searching his gaze, attempting to ascertain the veracity of his statement. She seemed to have found what she was looking for because before Booth knew it she had launched herself into his arms and was holding onto him for dear life.
"I was so scared I would never see you again, that I would die down there and never again watch you walk into my office with a new case or see you at my door with Thai food at an ungodly hour of the night. I mean, I knew you would come, but I couldn't help but think about how much I'd miss you if we really ended up dying down there."
"Bones…" he couldn't finish, he just held onto her tightly. "I could never imagine my life without you in it anymore."
She pulled back and looked at him, joy written all over her face. "No one's ever said that to me before," she said, smiling softly. Slowly, she leaned in and shyly pressed her lips to his in a sweet kiss before burying her face in his shoulder.
"I sure hope you meant that," he said shakily, still a bit shell shocked from her unexpected kiss.
"Why would I do it if I didn't mean it?" she looked up and answered him in a tone of voice that made him feel like he had asked her why the earth was round or why water was wet.
Booth just chuckled. "True, I guess you don't really do anything you don't mean do you?"
"What would be the logic in that?"
"Never mind Bones," he sighed. "I'm glad you did." It had felt so right and natural that he wondered if they'd ever actually have to discuss this new shift in their relationship. He threw an arm around her shoulders as they walked toward her front door.
"So you did think about me when you were down there," he said cheekily.
"I did, I was so scared, so worried. I fretted and really had no idea what to do," she began solemnly. "I just didn't know how you were going to go on without me," she finished, breaking into a smile.
He pulled her even closer and kissed her hair.
"God only knows Bones, God only knows…."
So, thoughts? Please review and lift my spirits after the 'Snow Day that wasn't' yesterday.