A/N: So, this is my entry for xXKissingSinXx's "What if?" challenge. The scenario is what if Remus had never gone back to Tonks after his fight with Harry? This idea came to me easily enough, but I had the hardest time actually writing this scene. This is partly because there is very little dialogue. The main reason, though, is that I feel bad for being mean to one of my favorite characters in the books…

"I'd never have believed this. The man who taught me to fight dementors – a coward."

Former Hogwarts professor and werewolf Remus John Lupin did not know where he was going, but he knew he needed to get as far away from Number 12 Grimmauld Place as possible. He also knew that he wouldn't be going back to the Tonks household for the time being. The last part of his conversation with his three former students ran through his head as if on repeat. He just couldn't face his wife, knowing what he was dooming her to.

In the end, he apparated into an empty alley and started to walk without a clear destination in mind, knowing he couldn't outdistance his thoughts but trying to anyways. Lupin had denied his feelings for the younger metamorphagus for as long as he could, but in the end his logical side had been defeated. He could still list off all of the reasons why they're being together had been a mistake from the start. The biggest reason, other than the obvious one of his affliction, was that they were in a war and who knew how long they'd even still be alive.

Even after he had finally agreed to a relationship with Tonks, he wanted to take things slow. Every night before he went to sleep and every morning right after he woke up, he went through the reasons a relationship at this point in time was a bad idea. Knowing that Tonks was more impulsive and headstrong, Remus should have realized that she had a very different plan in mind. Unfortunately, he had been so surprised when she had asked him to marry her that the word yes was out of his mouth before he could even contemplate the consequences. Their wedding had been a very small affair and finished so quickly, that it almost didn't feel real.

And now to find out that they were having a child! It was just too much for the werewolf to bear, so he ended up searching out Harry to see if he could find an escape. That turned out to be a bad idea and showed Lupin that he wasn't thinking all that clearly. All thoughts of his child seemed to be tainted by his curse.

He knew now why his kind was seen as outcasts. He had doomed his greatest love to a life of being looked down upon and treated as inferior. Even her own parents had tried talking Tonks out of marrying him, knowing what she would be put through if she stayed with him. And soon, his child would be suffering the same fate as its mother, or worse, its father. At this point, he felt as if he was as bad as Fenrir, feeling sure that his child would face the same tortured life he lived.

As Lupin continued to walk the streets, his pace began to slow and his thoughts turned in an altogether new direction. He was going to have a child with Tonks! A child who would need all the guidance and love that could be given, especially if the child did indeed turn out to be a werewolf.

Everything Harry had spoken before he had left the Black house had been true. He was being a coward and running away wouldn't solve anything at all. Remus could just imagine the reactions that his old friends would have if they had still been alive. James would have been yelling at him, probably saying even worse things than Harry. Lily would just shake her head with that extremely disappointed look on her face. Sirius, too, would probably compare him to Peter and would have been disgusted to even think about running off on a suicide mission.

Having sorted through his thoughts, Lupin knew exactly what he needed to do. The first thing that he was going to do was to go back to Tonks and apologize for being such a cowardly git. Then, they'd have a serious talk about his concerns and the precautions they would have to take. Now, instead of just fighting to keep Voldemort from winning, he was going to fight to make the world a better place for his son or daughter.

All of his thoughts cut off as he heard a sound from somewhere behind him. Pausing in mid-step, he listened for any sign of the presence of another human. Straining to hear, the werewolf looked around and finally noticed that the neighborhood he was in wasn't a particularly good one. There wasn't anyone at all on the street and even if there had been, he wasn't sure that they would care enough to aid a stranger.

Turning around, he found himself staring at someone who he had hoped never to see again. The man before him had matted gray hair and stubble on his cheeks, along with having long yellowish nails and dirty hands. Lupin's childhood attacker was smirking at him, showing off his pointed teeth, "Well, this is a pleasant surprise. One of my little pets off on his own. It's such a shame that you're too foolish to be able to understand what a gift you've been given. With the proper teacher, you could have been quite the savage."

Feeling foolish for having been caught off guard, Lupin knew that he would have a hard time getting to his wand before Fenrir attacked him. Frowning, he eyed the older man with distaste, "You sicken me! You are a foul plague on this earth who should have been destroyed years ago."

Fenrir's smirk turned into a grin as he quirked an eyebrow at the younger werewolf, "Too bad you won't live to see what I'm going to do to your little wifey once we find her. I'll tell her that you said hi, though."

As he grabbed his wand to point it at the other, Lupin knew that he wouldn't be fast enough. Before he could so much as blink, Fenrir had his wand pointed at Lupin and growled out, "Avada Kedavra!"

In the few seconds before he was struck by the spell, Lupin's could only think about the people he was letting down. Only three people really mattered to him at the moment; Harry, Tonks, and the nameless child he would never get to meet. Then, everything went black.

A/N: I just wanted to finish by saying that this is going to have two more chapters to it. I know where I want to go with those chapters so it should be slightly easier than some of the other stories. All I can say is that this is going to be one angst-filled story.