Tali gets her gear off.
Tali removed her mask
Shepard leaned in closer
He sneezed
It sprayed on her face
She died.
Joker sings karaoke
And I will break 500 bones
And I will break 500 more
Just to be the man who broke a thousand bones
And fell down on the floor.
Jack does a photo shoot.
The photographer asked Jack to pose for a headshot.
And got her.
Miranda works out.
Miranda was bench pressing in the gym. The bar slipped and fell on her chest.
It bounced up again but fell on her neck and broke it!
Garrus uncovered.
Garrus wanted to use his sniper rifle without the safety on. Shepard (a female one) crushed his dreams (and other parts.)
Kasumi removes the hood.
Shepard never wanted to be circumcised, but Kasumi preferred a tactical cloak to a real one.
Jacob shows off his guns.
Jacob was sitting in front of the mirror in his quarters, admiring his guns.
One went off.
He died.
Zaeed goes off.
Zaeed had a habit of wearing an inferno grenade on his belt. Jacob flicked him with a towel on his way back from the showers. Unfortunately for Zaeed, his unique talent was fully upgraded.
It was, however, a glorious fireworks display in his pants.
Grunt grows up.
Grunt reached puberty and had his heart set on mating with Samara.
Unfortunately, this was a renegade game.
Morinth was disguised as Samara.
Grunt would never know such pleasure again.
Samara's seafood surprise.
Samara had a bit too much to drink and ended up naked and asleep on a bench in the kitchen.
Gardner also had too much to drink and mistook her for a giant squid.
On the positive side, the crew really enjoyed the fresh calamari.
Legion's Legions.
Legion liked the idea of having a bunch of little Legions running around. He decided EDI was the appropriate vessel to accommodate him.
EDI disagreed.
50,000 volts sure fries a lot of circuits.
Mordin expands his repertoire.
Mordin took on the role of The Phantom in the Salarian Opera's latest performance of The Phantom of the Opera. Unfortunately, he rode the falling chandelier.
He crashed and burned.
Thane's vision quest.
Thane's photographic memory is sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse. He walked in on Garrus and Jacob getting it on.
That memory will haunt him forever.
Chakwas' medical insights.
Chakwas thought it would be fun to watch her Serrice Ice Brandy go through her intestinal tract on the medical scanner. Unfortunately, when reaching for a second bottle, she grabbed the bottle of Hydrochloric Acid.
She got quite an insight into how human tissue dissolves.
Gardner's Gumbo.
Mess Sergeant Gardner knew his cooking had not been up to scratch, admitting he'd just been going through the motions.
Shepard wasn't happy Gardner had been confusing the mixing bowl and the toilet bowl.
Engineers keep on running.
Ken and Gabby liked to keep the Normandy in Tip Top shape. Cleaning the Antiproton Thruster's Exhaust Chambers seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe they should have checked flight plans with Joker first.
Kelly speaks out.
Kelly loved her role as a counselor. Unfortunately, everyone brings their relationship problems to her.
That means fourteen people complaining about Shepard's lack of sincerity and morality.
Red sky in the morning, Shepard's warning. (female)
Shepard made the mistake of getting it on with Kelly.
Joker took pictures.
All the guys were watching EDI's live broadcast.
No one saw the Reaper coming.
The Normandy was obliterated.
Shepard's 3.141592653579(Male)
Shepard made the mistake of getting it on with Miranda and Jack.
They used his testicles for a biotic pom pom display.