Authors note: Hello, all. Reila here with a very, very late AkuRoku day two-shot. One that is moving very slowly and may very well turn into a three-shot depending on word count and time constraints. I don't own anything but the idea and my words, and the rating is subject to change. Read: It will. Also, I have actually never been to San Francisco, so I probably wrote everything wrong.
So without further ado, "I left my heart in San Francisco"
It was a windy morning—though from what Roxas had seen of San Francisco it was windy a lot of the time. Whether this was a normal weather phenomenon of not, it made the blonde shiver, fingers clenched around the soft sleeves of his sweater as if to trap the warmth radiating from his body. He paused a moment, staring out into the dense fog that was collecting over the bay. He had to admit, it was a beautiful sight; the moon was still in the sky, but the threat of dawn on the horizon had sent it cowering. Rolling hills invaded the fog in order to breathe some life into the desolate feeling of it all, as the little boats in the harbor bobbed in place, somehow retaining hope that they would one day be free despite the fact that they were tethered, and had been for quite some time due to the recent chill. The symbolism of all this wasn't lost to Roxas, but he didn't care. He'd come here for a reason, and he fully intended to act. With a shuddering sigh, the young man placed both hands on the railing and stepped onto the edge. It was now or never. He breathed in again—he was ready for this, he was positive, but somewhere inside of himself he was still scared. Hell, he was terrified. But then, who wasn't afraid of death?
He was too lost in thought to realize that at some point he wasn't alone anymore. Not until he was yanked out of his train of thought by the pleasant voice of a stranger—a stranger who had somehow ended up next to him on the Golden Gate Bridge at 3:30 in the morning.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Came an unexpected voice, warm and surprisingly soothing despite the fact that Roxas had no clue at all who was standing next to him. Naturally, he jumped a bit, spinning around in surprise to find himself face to face with the bony shoulder of a ridiculously tall, ridiculously good looking redhead. I should be afraid… He thought. Who would come out here at 3 in the morning by themselves unless they were up to no good? He was probably a rapist, he figured, or maybe a murderer. This man didn't look normal—that was for sure. His shoulder length red hair was styled into spikes, jutting from his scalp every which way.—that color couldn't possibly be natural. It was red, bright, bright, bright red. The hair seemed to be the least worrisome part of this newcomer, though. The most defining feature of this odd, albeit attractive man, was that he had two inverted teardrop tattoos just below each eyes, perched on the very tops of his cheekbones so he was sure that, were the redhead to smile, they would crinkle cutely. I can't be thinking this… I was busy and he… He interrupted… He probably wants to rape and kill me or something. For some reason, though, Roxas wasn't all that frightened. Not much scares you when you came out to die in the first place.
"Do what?" Roxas snapped defensively. Unfazed, the man just shrugged. "You're gonna jump, right?" The blonde watched him carefully as he turned toward the harbor, looking out into the fog. "It's a long way down, kid. You'll die, and it'll hurt—a lot. And if by some miracle you did survive, the water's fuckin' freezing," The man turned to look at Roxas now, and it was a look that made him shiver. Like he had X-Ray vision and was staring right into his soul. Like he knew. Roxas glared at the stranger.
"Who said I was going to jump? And what's it matter to you, anyway?" He barked, the amount of acidity in his voice surprising even him. The stranger only chuckled warmly, digging in his coat pocket to pull out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, taking one into his mouth and lighting it up before sending a small puff of smoke straight into the glaring boy's face.
"Believe me, kid. It was obvious. You were about to heave your little self over the railing and into the bay." The man took another puff on his cigarette, this time taking care to blow it away from Roxas. How considerate. "What, did ya' miss all the signs telling you to call a councilor?" That made the blonde absolutely livid.
"Why do you care anyway?" He spat, spinning himself so he was face to face with the lanky redhead. "Why can't you just leave me alone? You don't know me, what's it to you if I die?" The redheaded man frowned, lips pressed in a hard line.
"I'm here now, so I'm part of this whole mess. If you die, it'll be my fault." He said, voice smooth and even, showing no hint of his obvious frustration. Very matter of fact, like he did this every day—though it probably wasn't every day you came across someone just about to jump to their death off the Golden Gate Bridge. That only seemed to make the blonde angrier, craning his neck to look the redhead in the eye... Very green eyes—greener that the scenery that had so rudely impeded upon the fog. Every time the young man looked at this newcomer, the more he noticed about him, and the more his scathing comments died in his throat. It was still dark, but from the golden glow of the lamps illuminating the bridge, he could see that this man was even more breathtaking now that he was really, truly focused on him. His short eyebrows were as red as his hair, and raised in jovial curiosity as the boy stared at him blankly. He had high, prominent cheekbones and sharp chin and nose, facial features angular and exotic. This person had to be one of the most beautiful people Roxas had ever seen, and no doubt the most beautiful man he'd met in person.
"Still in there, blondie?" He asked, taking another drag on his cigarette before blowing out the smoke with a questioning half-smile.
"Those will end up killing you, you know." Roxas said for lack of anything better to say, eyes darting to look pointedly at the cigarette propped between two of the man's long fingers before returning his eyes to him. The redhead let out a warm laugh, tapping away some of the ash at the end of the cigarette.
"Says the kid who almost flung himself into the bay." He grinned, making the blonde's heart skip a beat. "Tell ya' what, blondie; if you promise me you're not going to kill yourself, I'll never have another smoke again. Deal?" He cocked his head to the side, waiting for Roxas' answer. He blinked dumbly for a moment before nodding. "Step back from the ledge then." Roxas frowned in confusion, stepping down from the ledge and pushing back from the railing. This made the redhead smile brightly. "A deal's a deal then." He said, flicking his cigarette on the ground before stomping it with his black boot. Then he reached back into his coat pocket, removed the pack of Marlboros, and tossed them over the railing. Roxas watched in awe as the little box tumbled through the air before becoming nothing more than a speck, hitting the water with a small splash. Falling aimlessly just like he would have been mere moments ago had this man not come to intervene. He looked up at the redhead again, blue eyes wide with shock and something akin to fear. "What's your name, kid?" The man asked, easy smile still plain on his face.
"I'm… My… My name is Roxas." He finally said, still watching the man uneasily. The redhead nodded before offering his hand.
"Axel. So, Roxas, what brings you out here at…" He paused to look at his wristwatch. "4 o'clock in the morning to the Golden Gate Bridge set on killing yourself?" Roxas suddenly felt slightly ashamed.
"I just… Didn't want to live anymore." He said quietly. The redhead— Axel—nodded sympathetically, still keeping a hold of his hand. There was a long silence then, though for some reason it wasn't at all cold or uncomfortable. Then Axel spoke again, this time warm and gentle instead of joking.
"Wanna' go somewhere else? This place is givin' me the creeps considering you almost just died here." He smiled again, toothy and friendly and handsome as hell. "I know a diner that's opened 24/7. We could go there, if you want." He seemed to notice the shiver that ran up the blonde's spine, and attributed it to the cold. "It'll be a lot warmer there." He added. Roxas nodded numbly, not even stopping to consider that he was about to go somewhere alone with someone he met only a half hour ago.
~o~
There was no great tragedy that caused Roxas to wish for death—not at all. He just got tired of living. One completely normal day he woke up, and felt like he was a waste of space. At first, he did what anyone would do and tried to ignore it, but that feeling just didn't go away. After about a month or two of the feeling, he decided to make it stop once and for all—the only way he knew how. That was when he began working out the details. He started thinking of how he would do it. He decided against hanging himself—that resulted in brain death, which frequently causes bowel release, therefore leaving quite a mess behind. He didn't want to leave a mess. He thought briefly about slitting his wrists, but then who would find him? Who would be the one to find him dead in a pool of all the blood in his body? He didn't want anyone to see him like that. He really didn't like the idea of anyone finding him at all, actually. That was what led him to rule out a lot of things; overdose, suffocation, electrocution, even carbon monoxide and drowning would involve someone having to find him. He would have just given up and lived with the urge to give up— until he got an invitation to his cousin's engagement party in San Francisco. With that came an idea he hadn't thought of. It seemed like a sign; if he were to jump into a large body of water, he'd disappear completely and death would be nearly instantaneous. No one would find him, and if he waited until there were few people around, no one could stop him. It had seemed like the perfect plan—until it had been foiled by a certain handsome redheaded creep who went by the name of Axel. A creep who was now sitting across from him in the corner booth of a brightly lit 24-hour diner.
In all honesty, Roxas felt cheated out of his romantic escape from the world, but another, increasingly growing part of him, was beginning to wonder if there was some sort of cosmic reason as to why said escape had been interrupted. Or maybe he was overthinking all of this… Either way the man—Axel—had apparently noticed that he wasn't listening to his small talk.
"You still in there kid?" He asked, head tilted in question as long callused fingers drummed on the table. The blonde frowned.
"Yes, I'm still here, and I'm not a kid." He griped, resisting the urge to cross his arms childishly. That wouldn't have helped his case at all. Axel laughed, putting up both hands in mock surrender. It's a nice laugh… Roxas thought before quickly expelling the thought. He didn't have time for that.
"Fine, how old are you then? You can't be any older than I am, that's for sure." He was still smiling slightly, the corner of his mouth quirked in a poorly hidden grin.
"I'm twenty." He corrected, causing the redhead to smile widely.
"Well I happen to be twenty four, so I guess I win this round." He chortled, turning to watch as a tired looking middle-aged waitress made her way over to them, looking none-too pleased about serving two rowdy young men at this hour in the morning. Or more precisely one rowdy young man and his unsure companion. "A coke and some pancakes would be great." Axel answered before the woman could open her lipstick coated mouth. She wrote it down before turning to Roxas and giving him a pointed look.
"Uh… I'll have the same…" He said, before quickly adding, "Make them blueberry." He was going to die an hour ago, he decided, why not swallow his apprehension and enjoy himself a little. The waitress jotted down their orders and stalked off to the next table. Axel examined him for a moment, absinthe eyes searching, before cracking a pleased grin. Roxas' stomach flip-flopped, something he attributed to just being hungry. In fact, saying he was hungry now was a severe understatement. Almost throwing yourself off of a bridge took a lot out of a person. Still, now that he was a little more lucid, he discovered he had a lot of questions for this guy. "Why did you save me?" He asked, blue eyes full of confusion. "You have no idea who I am, why did you stop and save me? What were you doing out so late, anyways? Do you always do things like this?" His brows were knit together—this stranger didn't know who he was at all, and not only did he stop in order to save his life, but now he'd taken him somewhere warm and reasonably comfortable for some food. Like this was some sort of post suicide-stopping date. Axel sighed, resting both elbows on the table and leaning forward to look Roxas in the eye.
"I didn't have to know you to save you, you know. I'm not about to sit around while someone jumps two-hundred and fifty feet to their death, Roxas..." Roxas started when he heard his name, momentarily forgetting that he'd introduced himself back when they were on the bridge… There was something about the way Axel said his name that sent another bout of shivers radiating through his body, skin covered with goose bumps. The redhead paused, brilliantly green eyes searching him again, before continuing. "I won't tell you the full story, it's boring anyway, but I work at a bar downtown and tonight I got saddled with the late shift. I like to take walks before I go home from work, and lo and behold I find you about to throw yourself over the railing." He chewed at the skin of his lower lip. "I figured there had to be something pretty bad going on to make someone that desperate." Roxas looked down at the table, struggling to escape the man's gaze. He was beginning to feel pretty ashamed of himself now, and he wasn't sure why. It wasn't like this was someone he knew. This person didn't know him at all, he wouldn't miss him at all if he were gone, and yet something about the way he said all this made it seem like maybe he would. Somehow, he would. "Roxas…" The blonde's head snapped up, finding Axel staring at him intensely. "After tonight… Are you going to try again?" Roxas took his hands from his lap and rested them in front of him on the table, fiddling with his fingers nervously.
"I'm not sure…" He answered honestly. Was he? He suddenly didn't feel so sure he wanted to anymore… How could he feel this way when just an hour earlier he'd wanted so badly to just end it all? Without any hesitation Axel put a large, warm hand over both of Roxas', using the other to dig in the pocket of his coat before finally pulling out a pen. He grabbed a napkin and jotted down what appeared to be a phone number, then pushed it toward him, placing it in his small shaking hands before clasping them in his own again.
"Well don't. If you feel like you want to, just call me. I didn't go through all this trouble saving you to never see you again and have you off yourself later." The redhead threw him a playful half-smile, trying to alleviate the feelings of guilt written all over his face. Roxas could only stare at the man, stomach flip-flopping again at his kind words and gentle touch and handsome face. They both stared at each other for a moment before they were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. The waitress watched them disapprovingly as Axel pulled his hands back, leaving Roxas clutching the now crumpled napkin and giving the woman room to put their food down. The redhead didn't even have the time to thank her before she marched off again. "Well that was rude." He commented with a chuckle, taking a sip of his drink. Roxas felt his face flush as he started picking at his food, taking a big bite of too-sweet blueberry pancake. Why do I want him to hold my hand again? I don't even know this guy! He couldn't deny he wanted to feel those comforting hands on his again. It just felt so natural.
"Will I get to see you again after this?" He blurted out, instantly regretting it. He hadn't meant to say it—he'd only meant to think it—but there he was letting it tumble out seemingly of its own volition. The redhead looked at him for a moment, eyes wide with surprises, before his lips curled into a charming smile. It was really… Breathtaking.
"I'd like that." Axel reached over the table again, that big warm hand encompassing Roxas' in a reassuring squeeze. Exactly how Roxas had wanted it to. "I was hoping you wouldn't just disappear on me after this, anyway." He gave the blonde's hand another squeeze before quickly adding, "Not that I don't trust you or anything." This made Roxas genuinely laugh, mouth curling into a toothy smile. The man was almost acting like a nervous teenager on a first date right now, and for some reason Roxas liked that. A bit too much, he thought, for someone who would have been crumpled like a dead spider and floating in the harbor. Did bodies float? Roxas didn't actually know. He had planned on sinking and disappearing, but if in fact he would have floated, then perhaps his family would have found him after all… Maybe I didn't think this through as well as I thought… Axel, however, seemed to take this silence as a sign that he'd offended the blonde. "I do trust you enough to not pull that stunt again…" He continued. "Or at least I hope you won't… I just meant that since I went through all the trouble of talking you off that ledge that maybe we should give friendship a shot or something… Not that saving you was any trouble, I wanted to do it, I was just saying…" He continued his babbling until he noticed that Roxas was at that point slouched over in a fit of giggles. Axel gave the blonde a questioning look.
"You're overthinking things…" Roxas explained between gasps of air. And it's really cute. Not that he would say that out loud of course. "It's fine, I'm not going to take offence to anything, Axel. I was the one that… Interrupted your evening. Er- morning, I guess." He smiled sheepishly, still amused by Axel's awed expression. "So… We're friends then?" The redhead nodded, warm smile gradually making its way back onto his face, causing Roxas' stomach to do its acrobatics again.
"I'd like to think so. I mean, you don't really forget someone you saved. This isn't exactly the sort of development a guy can just write off." He took a bite of his food, chewing thoughtfully. "Though you never did tell me what went so wrong that you'd pitch yourself off the nearest bridge." Roxas sighed, scratching the back of his neck as he stared at the familiar spot on the table where his eyes had been pinning themselves all night. Or more specifically, morning. Why was this stranger making him feel so guilty?
"I told you… I just didn't want to live anymore. Nothing happened… Nothing made me want to die… I just stopped wanting to live." He hesitantly looked up at Axel, blue eyes full of apprehension and… Fear. Fear that Axel would judge him. That he would think he was being stupid. That he was being weak. That he didn't have a good enough reason. He was met with a sympathetic gaze, soft viridian looking on him warmly, sadly listening to what had driven the blonde to seek out the end. "And it… Wasn't the nearest bridge. I live in Encino…" The redhead raised his eyebrows in mild surprise. "I came for my cousin's engagement party… Most of my family lives here, including him." Roxas let out a broken laugh, almost a half sob. "Pretty cold, huh?" Axel shrugged.
"You don't really think of that when you wanna kill yourself, right? 'S not really your fault." He gave an understanding nod. "Though there are other ways of handling all those icky feelings rather than killing yourself. Like talking to someone about it."
"Like a therapist?" Roxas could feel himself getting irritable again. He had just about had it with people and their halfhearted suggestions of how to properly help himself. As if he hadn't heard it all before.
"Well, I guess." Axel shrugged again. "I was thinking more along the lines of a friend or something. So you don't have to go it alone, you know? Being alone sucks." Roxas' fingers tightened reflexively around the napkin, set on not letting go until the number on it was remembered thoroughly—Or at least in his cell phone contacts. This guy was special, that much he could tell. After a few more moments of badly hidden meaningful staring, Axel resumed their conversation, this time choosing more lighthearted topics. The man babbled about his job, his apartment, and how his best friend had recently moved to Sacramento, leaving him without a roommate. He laughed at a few of his own jokes, drummed his spidery fingers on the table, and smiled at Roxas from around the rim of his glass. By the end of their extra early breakfast, the blonde actually found himself feeling comfortable, and actually okay for the first time in a very long time. Standing in front of the café, he bid Axel farewell, insisting that he'd be okay to walk home by himself. The redhead conceded and made sure to remind Roxas that they were friends now and that he could call him any time at all. If this were a date, this is where a goodbye kiss would come in. He thought to himself as he walked back to his current place of residence—His sister's apartment. If he were to have looked back he would have noticed that Axel hadn't started walking yet, and that he was far too busy staring at Roxas to do so.