Mr. Cellophane: A song fic about Canada
Matthew held Kumajirou tightly, fidgeting in his chair. He was at another Allies meeting, waiting for someone to ask him to speak.
"Maybe today will be the day…the day I'm noticed. Yes, today is the day! I can feel it!"
But the meeting went on and on and he was never asked to speak. No one even said hello. Before he knew it the meeting was over and everyone left. Only he and Kumajirou were left.
He sighed sadly. "Who was I kidding? They never notice me."
Kumajirou looked at him "Who are you?"
XxxxxxXxxxxX
Depressed, Matt decided to stop by the nearest bar for a drink. He sat down at the bar stool but the bar keep didn't seem to take any notice.
"One beer please."
He still didn't notice.
"Excuse, I asked for a beer please."
Minutes passed. No reaction.
"Hey! I'm over here!" He shouted.
The bartender turned to him. "No need to yell!"
"I've been here for nearly five minutes!" Matt whined. "I asked for a beer twice!"
"So-rry," the man said. "I didn't notice you." He handed Matt a glass filled to the brim.
Matt sighed. "Of course you didn't. Nobody ever notices ol' Matthew." He took a big gulp from the glass. "In fact, I think I know a song that describes me pretty well…."
He sang:
If
someone stood up in a crowd If
someone in the movie show And
even without clucking like a hen
And raised his voice up way out
loud
And waved his arm and shook his leg
You'd notice him
Yelled "Fire in the second row
This
whole place is a powder keg!"
You'd notice him
Everyone gets noticed, now and
then,
Unless, of course, that personage should be
Invisible,
inconsequential me!
He finished his beer. "Another please."
The bar tender handed him another glass. After a quick swig he started again:
Cellophane
Mister
Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you
can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm
there...
Matt chugged the second beer like a frat boy.
"Bartender, one more please."
The bar keep gave him a third glass which Matt drank greedily.
I
tell ya
Cellophane
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda been my
name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you can look right through
me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there...
Ivan and Francis walked into the bar.
"That was certainly a productive meeting." Ivan said.
"Oui, it was, surprisingly." Francis said. "With all the arguing sand craziness that usually happens I didn't think we'd ever get anything done."
Ivan laughed. "Da, but it is fun to see everyone act a little crazy once in a while."
They sat down next to Matt, who was unnoticed, again.
Matt, who was now working on his fourth beer, raised his voice:
Suppose you
was a woman, wed A human being's made of
more than air
Suppose
you was a little cat
Residin' in a person's flat
Who fed you
fish and scratched your ears?
You'd notice him
And sleepin' in a double bed
Beside one man,
for seven years
You'd notice him
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him
there
Unless that human bein' next to you
Is unimpressive,
undistinguished
You know who...
"I wonder why Matthew wasn't there today." Francis said as he swirled his martini.
"Who?" Ivan asked.
"You know; the guy who kind of looks like Alfred but with curly hair."
"Oh, him." Ivan took a drink from his bottle of vodka. "He doesn't show up to many meetings does he?"
Matthew slammed his fist on the table and started to cry. "I was there! I was there the whole time! I'm always there! BARTENDER! ANOTHER BEER PLEASE! "
Matt grabbed his fifth beer and sang louder:
Cellophane
Mister
Cellophane
Shoulda been my name
Mister Cellophane
'Cause you
can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm
there...
"Maybe he'll show up for the next meeting." Francis said.
"I hope so," Ivan said. "He misses so much fun."
Matt had had enough. He could feel that the alcohol was starting to get to him. He got off the bar stool unsteadily, stumbled to the nearest table, took off his trousers and leaped onto the table, flailing his arms and legs.
"HEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY! I'm ovah he-ah!" He slurred his words as he danced on the table. "DO YA CEE ME NOW?!"
"Well goodnight Ivan. See you at the next meeting." Francis put money on the table and walked out.
"Goodnight Francis." Ivan waved goodbye as he put money down as well and walked out behind him.
Matt stood on the table, both dumfounded and drunk.
"GET BACK HERE AND ACKNOWLEDGE ME!" he waved his arms frantically. This made him lose his balance and he fell off with a loud THUD!
He groaned. "That's gonna hurt tomorrow."
The bartender walked over to him. "I'm cutting you off, buddy. Put your pants back on and get out. Get a cab; don't even think about driving home."
"Yessir." Matt stood up on shaky legs. He hiccupped. "Come on Kumajirouuuu; *Hic* it's time to go home."
The bear looked at him. "Who are you?"
Matt hiccupped as he stumbled out of the bar and sang once more
I
tell ya
Cellophane *Hic*
Mister Cellophane
Shoulda*Hic*
been my name
Mister *Hic* Cellophane
'Cause you can look right
*Hic* through me
Walk right by me
*Hic* And never know I'm
there
Never even know
*Hic* I'm
there.
XxxxxxxxXxxxxxxX
I don't care what anybody else says; this song is PERFECT for Canada! It's his theme song! I do feel bad for him though. Come here Matt; let me give you a hug!
Matt-Yeah! ^_^ 3