The door opened slowly. Quinn turned her eyes towards it and saw Mercedes and Rachel were the first New Directions to come. Rachel cried a lot and Mercedes held her hand tightly. With her free hand, Quinn petted Rachel's head gently. "Come on, stop crying. It's not your fault" she whispered and Rachel cried even more. Eventually, Rachel left -getting some tissues and needing to call Finn- and Quinn could tighten her grip on Mercedes' hand. She felt her eyes watering and her throat closing up. Mercedes brought her other hand to their already linked ones and started to pray in a soft voice. Quinn closed her eyes and thanked her mentally.
ooo
The door opened slowly and Finn entered. He had brought flowers. He held her hand for a few minutes, babbling awkwardly, no coherent words getting through his lips. He left when Puck arrived. Puck held her and kissed her on the forehead. They didn't talk much more than she had with Finn.
ooo
The door opened slowly and Quinn saw the bear with the Dalton tie around his neck before she saw Blaine. It put a smile on her face and she opened her non-broken arm to him and he hugged her. Blaine knew hospitals very well, and his brother was working here, so he joked with her about the disgusting food, the gentleness of Karin the chief nurse, and the very nice ass the only male nurse in the service had. They talked and talked and talked, jumping smoothly from silly topics to more serious ones, never staying too long on them, never running too much away from them.
Their friendship was kind of a secret. Not so much a secret that nobody in New Directions had ever noticed it. It came about mostly because Blaine and Quinn talked together after church on Sundays, Blaine waiting for his parents with a book outside. Blaine was the only atheist Quinn ever met who was able to talk about religion without a fight. He never tried to prove her wrong and just laughed a bit and sweetly dismissed her when she tried to convert him.
"I'm sorry Quinn, it's just impossible. I didn't fall out of faith. I never believed in God. But I believe in other things. Don't worry for me Quinn, I'm not alone."
Strangely, Blaine was the one who helped her the most to enforce her faith. She doesn't really get how he could feel without God in his heart, but she realized that there was "something else" and Blaine was happy with it. And in the end, that was the most important thing.
And there he was, brushing her hair for her, carefully scratching her skull, humming a song and Quinn just leaned her head on his shoulder.
ooo
The door opened slowly and a big bouquet was filling it. Quinn tensed when she saw Kurt's eyes above the beautiful flowers. Her night had been awful, full of nightmares, of pain, of the wavering voice of her mother and the big lakc of her father's. Seeing Kurt and his big, hurt blue eyes was no comfort at all.
He was wearing the same face he had when he went to the God Squad meeting. Quinn couldn't help the ice in her voice.
"So the rich white girl is enough of a minority for you to care now?"
It felt good to see the shock on Kurt's face. Good and painful at the same time. His mouth opened and closed, opened and closed, searching for words. He put the flowers next to another bouquet, brought by Mister Schue earlier. He glanced at her, fidgeting with a rose, hesitating between taken aback and pitiful eyes.
" Sit down Kurt. I think I need to say some things while I'm on very effective painkillers and you are too afraid to react."
He's changed so much, she thought. Before she would have seen anger flaming in him and he would have spouted some bitchy comeback. But there was nothing of it inside him now. She was really pitiful enough for him to let her walk on him as much as she wanted. And she was going to take full advantage of it to have some closure.
"You remember what we said when Karofsky tried to commit suicide?"
Kurt nodded, big watery blue eyes on her.
"Do you remember when you told to Finn to sing to my parents that I was pregnant?"
It took him a moment but he remembered. His face was painted with pure shock.
"So you remember how my father kicked me out of my house. I had thirty minutes to pack Kurt. "
She saw the hurt and hesitation and it felt good. She felt powerful. She wasn't nice and she didn't want to be.
"I've been kicked out, went to Finn's house until Rachel told everyone that the baby wasn't his, went into the hell hole that is Puck's family and, in the end, someone finally noticed that I was close to jumping from a bridge and it was Mercedes."
Her voice was like a dirty sword, stabbing into Kurt and she was frustrated and felt victorious at the same time when he ran out the door.
ooo
It took all of Blaine's charm and kindness to convince Kurt and Quinn to try again. Like a bridge, he was holding one of their hands in his, a fierce grip so neither of them would ran away again. Quinn couldn't move her legs and Artie's visit had been really helpful the day before. Maybe she won't be a Cheerio, but he told her that she was going to Yale and all of her dreams would be coming true. She was clutching to this thought with all her will.
And now she was a little less angry with Kurt. He simply didn't understand what he had said to her. And they had never been very close so that was understandable.
So she started.
" Kurt."
His damned porcelain face turned toward her.
"I won't apologize for what I said. I was angry but I don't regret anything I said. "
It was harder than she thought it would be. It had been so much easier to tell Blaine.
"When I found out I was pregnant. I wanted to die. "
Kurt's mouth gaped but she didn't allow him any time to interrupt.
"I really wanted to. But I couldn't, and I know it's stupid for you because you don't believe in God but I couldn't for the same reason I couldn't have an... abortion."
The word was hard on her throat.
" I couldn't because I wasn't alone anymore. Even if I hated it in the beginning, there was someone else inside of me. If I killed myself, I would have killed someone else. I would have been the epitome of selfishness."
Kurt had closed his mouth, his jaws tensed. He was fully focused on her words. Kurt was a smart guy, and he seemed to start to understand.
" Then time passed and as much as I hated everything in my situation, as much as I still wanted to die, I couldn't because it wasn't just about me. I knew I wasn't going to keep her but... for nine months, I was fully responsible, even against my will, for someone else's life. Maybe Mercedes told you but before, I was anorexic. Beth helped me with it, because I had to eat for her. It wasn't about me, it was about her. If I starved myself I would have killed her. And I realized that if I could eat for her, then I could eat for me too. And if I could stay alive for her, I could stay alive for me.
Kurt put his free hand on hers, partly covering Blaine's. He was starting to understand.
"When they... when I gave her to Shelby Corcoran... I was doing the right thing. I knew I was. But it was still hard. Now that she wasn't there anymore, I had no reason to keep the lessons she taught me. And when Shelby came back... it was worse. My whole life had fallen apart when I learned I was pregnant, I adjusted it to go through the pregnancy, and then it was over. I couldn't have gone back to my previous life. Maybe the world hadn't stopped loving me as you said. But my world had stopped loving me. Everything I thought was sure was wrong. My dad hates me, my mom still has a problem with alcohol even if she's trying. I still receive some nasty looks and blame at church. And when I started to get better...
She looked at her legs. Her throat was sore and the tightness caused by her emotion was hurting it. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks. She sniffled and closed her eyes for a second before she opened them again and looked Kurt in the eyes.
" I went where Dave Karofsky went. And I still think it's selfish. I'm sorry if it shocked you; I'm sorry if we don't agree. But that's what I think. And I don't care if you think my hurt had to reach your standard for you to actually care about me."
Kurt nodded. He was still tense, but he nodded. His voice was tight when he spoke up.
" I apologize for dismissing your hurt. I don't think it's selfish, but now... I understand where you're coming from. We may never agree about it but..."
His hand held hers stronger, his voice got warmer.
"Quinn I care about you. And I want to be here for you. Even if I'm late, and even if you don't want to. I will watch your back and I will be the happiest man if I will never have to catch you if you fall, because I know you are the strongest woman I've ever met. "
Quinn couldn't help but smile. It was nice to see Kurt "Fierce" Hummel back. And she laughed when Blaine couldn't handle it anymore and brought the three of them in for a big group hug. Kurt wasn't her friend, no. But it was nice to have his respect.
That's all Quinn ever wanted. To be respected.