1I don't know why I transfer all my aggression and anger at him, he's really the last person to deserve it. Somehow I always end up trying to pick a fight with him or saying the most terrible things I can think of to him. Of course I feel terrible afterwards but I never apologize, somehow I just can't say it. The reason, I think, is that to deal with even the slightest emotion would crack the damn I had so carefully put up.
None of it really has anything to do with him really. It's about me, it's always about me and I hate myself for it. Part of me was glad Grady died as selfish as that is, he had it all. He was 'the man', Mr. Popularity had the money, the looks, and most importantly the girl. Since I met her six years ago I knew I loved Grey and I knew I had to have her. At the same time though Grady was 'the man' and my best friend despite what Sammy says.
Back to Sammy, my best buddy now that Grady is gone, and yet I hate him. The way Grey mother hens him and laughs at all his stupid jokes, Sammy has her at his beck and call. See that's all the aggression and anger coming through. How does he get her attention so effortlessly while I have to bend over backwards just to get her to glance in my direction.
I couldn't believe it when I found Sammy like that at the kitchen table. The combo of pills and vodka, I'm pretty sure he had no idea of anything around him. Sure he was talking, well sort a, but I mean the whole responding thing was more like muscle memory he never stops talking. Of course I tried to get him to the car so I could take him to the hospital but it didn't work out so well. To be honest I'm surprised Sambo would even talk to me after he found out that I dropped him and hit his head on the counter. Poor guy, like I said he didn't deserve any of it.
Sam