Disclaimer: No DBZ is owned by me. *Tra-lala*

Warning:

This idea for a fic was brought on by a moment of insanity and a caffeine high. Even if the beginning may seem normal and un-caffeine induced, do not be fooled. If any part of this fic traumatizes you or sends you smacking your head against a wall screeching "THE JELLY BEANS! THEY CONQUER!", I am not going to pay for your medical bill.

Mission: To Be, or Not to Be...A Woman??

Piccolo's Bad Day

"Hello, Master Dende!"

Dende blinked, turning to face the plump genie that was speaking to him. Mr. Popo had a tray in hand and a smile on his face. On the tray rested a glass of hot cider, which was one of Dende's favorite drinks (known to no one but Popo himself). Dende smiled charismatically and bowed politely to his loyal friend. "Thank you, Mr. Popo! You always make the best cider."

Mr. Popo chuckled, handing the cup to his friend. Setting the tray on the nearest stand, Mr. Popo sighed in contentment as he crossed his hands. Dende glanced around the beautiful white room, elegantly ornate and clean. Mr. Popo did a good job of keeping things tidy, and he didn't mind doing so. Dende raised the cup to his lips and sipped some of the cider as he drifted into thought.

"So, Master Dende," Mr. Popo began. "Where is Piccolo? I haven't seen him this morning."

"Oh?" Dende shook his head slightly. "Off training. Or meditating. Same difference. He needs to give it a rest, he'll over-stress himself one day. But that's Piccolo for you."

Mr. Popo could only nod. "I see...oh! I almost forgot!" With that, the black-skinned man began digging in his pockets. "Oh, where did I put that..?"

Dende blinked curiously, setting his cider down. "What on Earth are you looking for, Mr. Popo?"

With a victorious gleam in his eye, Popo pulled out a small vial. It was a shade of gray, the top was closed with a simple cork wound with string. It just fit in Popo's plump hand as it was handed to Dende. "I found it when I was cleaning today. It must be one of Kami's old mechanisms. I think it's called a Shingle."

Dende blinked, holding the vial in front of his face. "A Shingle? What on Earth does that stand for?"

Mr. Popo shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think it was just called that to make little children wonder."

Dende sweatdropped and nodded. "And with that, I must agree. So what does it do?"

Mr. Popo rubbed his chin. "I think when you open it, the first two words the vial hears, it transforms into reality. Or something like that. So if you open the vial and you say 'break glass', some sort of glass thing around here will break."

Dende hummed in thought. "What if the words have no meaning?"

"Then I guess nothing happens."

"Interesting," Dende thought as he studied the vial. Mr. Popo wandered over to the table, where the crystal ball Babba had given them lay. Mr. Popo blinked into it's crystal depths, an image of the Kame House appearing. Master Roshi was sitting outside in a chair, reading some dirty magazine.

"I know who would think this is silly," Dende said. He opened the top of the vial. "Piccolo."

"Woman!" Master Roshi suddenly squealed, burying his nose deeper into the magazine. Mr. Popo sweatdropped and turned the crystal seeing ball off.

Briefly, the vial faded into a shade of orange. Dende blinked, nearly dropping it.

Mr. Popo saw it too and froze. "It must have been...activated."

Dende tried to remember what had been said. "I opened it...and said 'Piccolo'. And then..." Dende glanced to the crystal ball. "...I heard Roshi say 'Woman'...from the ball..."

Mr. Popo was growing nervous. "It probably doesn't work in the first place," he assured.

Dende laughed and stored the vial in his pocket. "You're right. Want to go play Poker?"

"Sure!" Mr. Popo agreed as he and Dende frolicked off to their poker room.

-_-_-_-

Piccolo was in deep thought. He had closed out the world around him.

The Namek was currently hovering in mid-air, above a still lake. He had his legs crossed and so was his arms. His eyes were closed, head bowed. He was in passive meditation, and this was one of his favorite spots. Away from all the distractions.

Pah-lunk.

Piccolo's eyes snapped open at the sudden, odd sound that had reached his sensitive ears. All was silent.

"..." Frowning, Piccolo closed his eyes again. Now he let his thoughts drift from the world around him to his own form along. This would help him reflect upon his ki.

He could feel his cape ruffling gently in the breeze. The small weight of his turban. The wrinkles in his pants. The ki that was keeping him afloat in mid-air.

Hnn...odd. he could have sworn he felt an odd, un-familiar weight on one side of his chest.

Pah-lunk.

Piccolo's eyes snapped open again. Okay, this was NOT Sleepy Hollow. No need to get paranoid.

But what WAS that confounded noise?

Gradually Piccolo pulled himself from his deep state of concentration. Gradually he became aware.

His...chest.

Something was pulling at him.

Curious, the Namek looked down.

And then, did something very un-Piccolo-ish.

"Holy..!"

There, on his chest, were two lumps. Lumps that most certainly had NOT been there before!

Now thoroughly freaked out, Piccolo tried batting at his chest to get rid of...of WHATEVER had placed itself there.

He was rewarded by pain.

"Gah!" Piccolo stopped, calming himself down. These...things...were attached to him.

Almost...like...those things involved in the human female anatomy.

Slowly, but not before looking around to check if anyone was nearby, Piccolo peeped down his shirt.

And boy, was he surprised at what he saw.

"HOLY..!"

Reassuring himself this was some after-affect of stress, Piccolo thought frantically. Was he ill? But then, his mind grew slightly fuzzy as an odd floating feeling overtook him. What was going on...?!

A sneaking suspicion grew in his mind. Grabbing his cape and firmly placing it around him, Piccolo gathered up ki and jetted off to Kami's Lookout. Dende! This was Dende, playing another one of his tricks! First it had been the itching powder incident, now it was growing these...THINGS...on his chest!

Piccolo swore mentally that when he got his hands on Dende, he was going to burn every one of those poker cards and dance on the ashes while laughing in triumph.

-_-_-_-

Mr. Popo was smirking haughtily.

"Go Fish!"

Dende groaned, reaching for the deck. They had switched from Poker to Go Fish. And Mr. Popo was whooping him. Bad.

Propping his feet up on the table, Mr. Popo examined his cards. "You know, Piccolo would be angry if he knew we played cards in our spare time."

Dende examined his cards and wondered how he could peep at Popo's cards without the genie knowing. "Yeah, he would. I still have to wonder if that vial actually, you know...DID anything."

Mr. Popo chuckled merrily. "I doubt it. Anyway, what would Piccolo do? Burn the cards and dance on the ashes? Hnn...got any twos?"

Dende smacked his head on the table in defeat as he handed over his twos.

A/N:

Well, what did I say? o_O Anyway. This might be it, I don't know. Depends on the response I get from this. *Prepares to get pummeled by Piccolo fans* Hey, don't get me wrong. Piccolo is one of my favorite characters. But hey, it's fun to pick on the green guy too. At least I didn't have him wear bunny ears anytime during this. Mahaa.

Cough. Anyway.